How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Jonah Hill poster]

My Wi-Fi is connected but the Internet is not working. Currently, I'm posting this on my smartphone, as it reminds me of the days when KF was DDoS'd and I couldn't use a computer or tablet to connect.

The web providers I have said that the Internet for me won't be up and running until Monday.

 

[Motherf*cker]

Edit: the fact that a person with the username @Motherf*cker reacted with "feels" made me laugh out loud. Thank you

Thread tax: I've had an exhausting day but Easter dinner with my husband's family went fairly well. Jl

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Really lean into it. If you can do all this not only will you have shown yourself that you can walk a path with discipline, a very valuable and attractive trait, you're that much farther towards being the man you want to be

Thing is I've seen a wide range of women from across all walks of life and it's not worth altering your entire life for. Your health should always be the goal of life and I better mine purely for selfish reasons, but to then witness what self-destructive and sloppy people get their way in life nonetheless makes you wonder why.

Take online socializing for instance. I don't need it, I don't expect it, yet I have to suffer a 3-4 day response time from friends when I do send them a message. What good is living an independent Chad if you wade through a sloppy world full of wasteful people all the same?

I recognize romance stems from finding a community and partnership being happenstance, but you can't even meet people these days. There was a brief surge in younger people joining clubs, events or even ye olde pubs, but that died down quickly. Join any purposeful Discord and it'll lose identity within a month.

I'm not mad at him for doing so, Im upset he didn't even give me a hint of warning he was looking for a new job instead of just leaving when he knows I struggle with sudden change

This reads like "I understand he's as tortured as me but why didn't he also think of me?". As someone who just quit on good terms, there's no good way about it. Almost no way to quit properly and the faster the better.

 

[singlele]

I know people are gonna call me a young, inexperienced faggot for saying this but I'm 26 and feel as though I have had enough of living. There's so much I want to do but the fucked up job market, combined with unstable employment (thanks jeets, jews, and billionaires), will forever keep me stuck in my current lot in life. I've already finalized my decision to end my shit I'm just waiting for the right opportunity. The future is also so bleak that I simply do not want to be a part of it

 

[Zeb Macahan]

That is a lot of hardship to go through, both emotionally, mentally and professionally. I'm so sorry to hear that.
I highly relate to your introvertedness and your dream of solitude.
It's not easy, but I do think you could bounce back. It'd take a lot of grit and effort, but you're already being actively beaten down by the family member you live with. Far from an ideal situation.
Do you have any friends or a non-abusive family member you could live with instead? Couch surfing an option? Alternatively, have you been in contact with your local government, surely they have some kind of program to get you housed.

Once again, thank you for your kind and thoughtful responses
I have one dear friend who sadly lives a days drive away... I do occasionally stay at the one family member whom I love and who truly loves and cares for me as well. But she only has a tiny apartment and I can't bring my pets there. Plus it's a two hour commute to the temp work I have now, sometimes I get a call and need to be there within 30 minutes, and I really need the money so it's easier to stay at abusive family members house because it's closer to work (he has never been abusive to my pets, thank god)
But everything is just... so shitty and bleak now. Things happened during easter as well, which made me reconsider my timeline. I honestly want to die even earlier now. I want to spend quality time with the few loved ones, and right now I'm just a mean, rude mess who snaps at everyone. If I know it will be over soon it's easier to be more composed, calm and nice. I still need to get things in order for my pets, and if I die I don't have any assets, only massive student debt. I want the whole process to be as easy as possible for my family. Try to sell what little I have of worth and hide the money so they can use it for a funeral or whatever.

I know people are gonna call me a young, inexperienced faggot for saying this but I'm 26 and feel as though I have had enough of living. There's so much I want to do but the fucked up job market, combined with unstable employment (thanks jeets, jews, and billionaires), will forever keep me stuck in my current lot in life. I've already finalized my decision to end my shit I'm just waiting for the right opportunity. The future is also so bleak that I simply do not want to be a part of it

I can relate to this, life does not feel worth living. I have so many dreams but none of them will ever be possible in this society.
I'm not the right person to answer you, saying "hang in there, it will get better" would make me a hypocrite.
I can only say I truly hope something really good happens to you, that changes your life for the better and gives you the will to live

 

[Total Norman Death]

Have had it with my job. Senior Healthcare Sales, goddam miserable, and I'm bad at networking and probably sales as a whole. Have had to listen to people I work with talking about juicing octogenarians of all their wealth before they die. I have children with more on the way and want to make a radical switch, looking at electrician which will at least secure healthcare in the beginning. Starting late at 31, but I have to find something I can tolerate and be good at. Any electrician/trade kiwis in here? Nothing set in stone but I'd be taking the exam and applying to my local union in late summer/early fall.

I know people are gonna call me a young, inexperienced faggot for saying this but I'm 26 and feel as though I have had enough of living. There's so much I want to do but the fucked up job market, combined with unstable employment (thanks jeets, jews, and billionaires), will forever keep me stuck in my current lot in life. I've already finalized my decision to end my shit I'm just waiting for the right opportunity. The future is also so bleak that I simply do not want to be a part of it

25/26 is when it starts to feel like time is running out and the direness of the situation sets in. Its worth living, and if shit is really as done as you think it is, why not do something radical? If I didn't have a family (and I'm very grateful that I do), I'd get some crazy job travelling far off making jack shit but experiencing something and building myself. If nothing matters and the world is burning down, act like it. You've got nothing but time bud, use it before you don't and then kill yourself if you've got to.

 

[Me•cha•ni•cal]

Things happened during easter as well, which made me reconsider my timeline. I honestly want to die even earlier now

No. This is somewhere to be. This is all you have, but it's still something. Streets and sodium lights. The sky, the world. You're still alive.

Life is full of uncertainty, but one thing is promised - you will die. Your suffering will end, you just have to wait. In the meantime, make the best of your time. Apply for jobs and apartments closer to your loved ones. Go to the doctor and boost your brain chemistry.

Most importantly, please tell your friend and relative what you’re going through and how you plan on ending it. Carrying this alone is too burdensome. Do everything before giving up. Protect yourself at all costs. Don’t let it get you.

 

[Zeb Macahan]

Go to the doctor and boost your brain chemistry.

Most importantly, please tell your friend and relative what you’re going through and how you plan on ending it.

No, that is the last thing I want do to.

Spoiler: retarded powerlevel

All those years ago when I was last suicidal a friend at university noticed the change in my behaviour (that I seemed calmer and less depressed) and realised what was going on. It ended with police escort from my apartment and several days locked in psychiatric emergency ward. I don't use this word lightly but that was traumatizing. Sure, I did get better in the end. They put me on SSRIs and diazepam short term. I got a really, really good therapist and bounced back. I thanked my friend for it. But the SSRIs also gave me the lovely side effect of epilepsy. It's extremely rare when you don't have underlying conditions but I now have temporal lobe seizures, mostly focal but occasionally they generalize into full tonic clonic seizures. I had to taper the SSRI by myself by the way, no help from psych and the neurologists where furious.

Jag vet inte hur mycket erfarenhet du har av svensk psykiatri men det är rysk roulette. Jag tar inte den chansen/risken igen. Innan jag hamnade på akutpsyk hade jag en KBT-terapeut som ordagrant sa att jag inte förtjänar någon hjälp och att han blir provocerad av att ha mig där när det finns så många andra, äldre patienter i kö som haft det värre... det var knappast vad jag behövde höra i ett så skört läge.

I keep powerlevelling way too much, goddammit haha. But I still appreciate every one of you who have taken the time to answer

 

[Ghostface Killah]

Found out I need a double hip replacement. Cool and all except I'm in my early 30s.

 

[Betonhaus]

Going to have to wait for one tax slip before I can file my taxes, and this one is annoying because without it I would get an over $2,000 refund but this one will knock the refund down quite a lot, possibly into a taxes owing. Looking at prior slips looks like last year they submitted it mid april so I'll have to wait two weeks.

 

[Harry Dresden]

I'm doing pretty decent. I was going to have a BPD meltdown today, but going to church and talking to people has made me feel better. Happy Easter, Chat!

 

[Me•cha•ni•cal]

No, that is the last thing I want do to. All those years ago when I was last suicidal a friend at university noticed the change in my behaviour (that I seemed calmer and less depressed) and realised what was going on. It ended with police escort from my apartment and several days locked in psychiatric emergency ward. I don't use this word lightly but that was traumatizing.

This sounds horrible and I’m sorry you went through this. Treating this disorder is an uphill battle and it fucking sucks, especially if it’s against your will. Although…

Sure, I did get better in the end.

It did help you.

Telling someone how you’re really feeling or sharing your plans is a way to sabotage the ultimate goal of your depression. It’s the best way to protect yourself from the illness.

It’s easier if someone is with you. Maybe don’t tell loved ones anything that would get a SWAT team to knock down your door, but tell them you’re struggling. I know you might not want to feel like you’re burdening them, but it is nothing compared to the despair they would feel thinking they could have done something to keep you here.

They put me on SSRIs and diazepam short term. I got a really, really good therapist and bounced back. I thanked my friend for it. But the SSRIs also gave me the lovely side effect of epilepsy. It's extremely rare when you don't have underlying conditions but I now have temporal lobe seizures, mostly focal but occasionally they generalize into full tonic clonic seizures. I had to taper the SSRI by myself by the way, no help from psych and the neurologists where furious.

Definitely don’t get SSRI’s then!!! Im sure you’ve explored other options but in case you haven’t there are non-SSRI anti-depressants.

The most urgent thing you should do is make life changes that remove you from what’s causing you stress and making you miserable. Dare to dream of a better life for yourself.

Jag vet inte hur mycket erfarenhet du har av svensk psykiatri men det är rysk roulette. Jag tar inte den chansen/risken igen. Innan jag hamnade på akutpsyk hade jag en KBT-terapeut som ordagrant sa att jag inte förtjänar någon hjälp och att han blir provocerad av att ha mig där när det finns så många andra, äldre patienter i kö som haft det värre... det var knappast vad jag behövde höra i ett så skört läge.

Spoiler: 🇸🇪

Gå definitivt inte till psykakuten. Det sämsta man kan höra när man mår så dåligt som du gör är att man inte är tillräckligt dålig för att få behandling.
Bäst vore det att boka tid hos VC, skaffa samtalskontakt där. Det är säkert lång väntetid så gör det ASAP.

Det bästa vore att bli remitterad till psykiatrimottagning. Har du psykiatrimottagning där du bor? Typ affektiv mottagning? Be om remiss från Vc eller se om du kan skicka in en egenremiss. Din historik med tidigare inläggning borde vara tillräckligt skäl för att bli inskriven där.

Allt detta förutsätter att det fortfarande finns någon del inom dig som vill må bättre och har hopp om ett liv där du mår bra. När du nämner dina husdjur, nära och kära så låter det som att du fortfarande har noder som knyter dig till livet. Om du inte längre orka försöka för din egen skull, gör det för deras.

Och om du försvinner, vem ska jag snacka skit om Rejbrand med?

 

[Dean Pentel]

Thing is I've seen a wide range of women from across all walks of life and it's not worth altering your entire life for. Your health should always be the goal of life and I better mine purely for selfish reasons, but to then witness what self-destructive and sloppy people get their way in life nonetheless makes you wonder why.

You're somewhat understanding what I meant but not quite.

One shouldn't evolve themselves to get women. A scumbag con artist like Andrew Tate can sell that idea to naive young men but it's a waste of time.

One should engage in personal evolution without any concern for getting women. By letting go of that, not only does it free one's attention such it can better be directed towards what is truly valuable, it's far more attractive to women. They love a man that's on top of his shit, dedicated, disciplined, and not at all worried about them.

Fuck if I know why they're like that.

So dude, take the finite resources of your time, effort, and attention and invest those in yourself. The payout is worth it and it's essentially a bonus that you'll do much better with the ladies.

Finally, let me emphasize this: none of this works without you being selfish. It's a fucking requirement! Anyone who tells you not to put yourself first always is either retarded or lying. If you're not 100% or damn close to it, how good can you be for anyone else?

 

[long waters]

One should engage in personal evolution without any concern for getting women. By letting go of that, not only does it free one's attention such it can better be directed towards what is truly valuable, it's far more attractive to women. They love a man that's on top of his shit, dedicated, disciplined, and not at all worried about them.

Judging from my own personal experience with this, I'd say this is not a solution anymore than the whole repillbro grift is. I've been "working on myself" for a decade and it hasn't really gotten me anywhere. Of course, my own problem is that I'm retarded and I haven't been directing my efforts properly. Nor have I been grinding hard enough to really better myself. Just going around in circles fighting depression.
I think what I'm saying is, work on yourself but do so in a way that's conducive to more social interactions. Don't go becoming a monk and then wandering "yo where the women at?"

I know people are gonna call me a young, inexperienced faggot for saying this but I'm 26 and feel as though I have had enough of living. There's so much I want to do but the fucked up job market, combined with unstable employment (thanks jeets, jews, and billionaires), will forever keep me stuck in my current lot in life. I've already finalized my decision to end my shit I'm just waiting for the right opportunity. The future is also so bleak that I simply do not want to be a part of it

I honestly want to die even earlier now. I want to spend quality time with the few loved ones, and right now I'm just a mean, rude mess who snaps at everyone. If I know it will be over soon it's easier to be more composed, calm and nice. I still need to get things in order for my pets, and if I die I don't have any assets, only massive student debt. I want the whole process to be as easy as possible for my family. Try to sell what little I have of worth and hide the money so they can use it for a funeral or whatever.

Idk what words of wisdom to offer, I'm just a retarded incel in my mid 30s shitposting on kf. As the zoomer say, life is lifegem, so don't do it. Idk man. I haven't really ever faced overwhelming physical hardships myself, but I've seen crazed homeless people clinging to life and struggling to survive. If they can find a reason to live, I believe anyone can.

 

[PetiteFeet]

Found out I need a double hip replacement. Cool and all except I'm in my early 30s.

Man, I'm sorry.
Please do your best to help yourself both before and after surgery. It's vital you keep as healthy as you can, and as fit as you can. Recovery will only be more difficult if you don't try to stay fit.
Trust me. My mother is currently suffering between surgeries, her first hip replacement went fine but because of her health her recovery is difficult, making the time between now and the second replacement that much longer.

-
I am Easter'ed out. Spent time all day yesterday with my parents, and spent time all evening with my parents + older brother.
I need a day in total silence with the exception of my dog snoring next to me.

 

[Catman from cat town]

So I hiked or walked about 15 miles today. I did it because I eat a pizza the night before and wanted to see how far I could go before it rained. I’ve been working to doing 6 miles pretty easily so the first part of it was good. I originally planned on going 10 miles but thought since I was at a state park I might as well walk to the visitor center and buy a cap and hopefully a poncho. They had no ponchos so I willingly accepted the chance of rain with my new cap.
My motivation was the I made it this far I can go on. It was a great hike especially after it rained because the little creatures came out.
My family was really impressed with me but it was just a hike. I do feel really sore though which I expected.

 

[JustStopDude]

Found out I need a double hip replacement. Cool and all except I'm in my early 30s.

Had a older coworker get that done. Did one and then later the other one. I was blown away he was back at work right away. He said the doctors wanted him walking on it almost immediately.

Fucking wild some of the shit modern medicine can do.

 

[Ghostface Killah]

Had a older coworker get that done. Did one and then later the other one. I was blown away he was back at work right away. He said the doctors wanted him walking on it almost immediately.

Fucking wild some of the shit modern medicine can do.

I've researched some crazy shit. Mine will be done via Mako robot. I just need to set the vape down, but that's proving to be more difficult than said. Evidently the Mako robot is the highest accuracy currently in medical standards.

 

[DavidS877]

Mom's knee surgery went well and she seems to be improving significantly in the week since it was done. Made her walk out to the lawn to watch me and my brother hunt eggs.(Yes, we're both around 50 with no kids, shut up.) Then I mucked up dinner by accidentally turning off the oven while screwing with the timer for the ham thus taking an extra hour or so to cook. I got to set a pile of yard trimmings, and paper, don't tell anyone, on fire yesterday before they cancel burning season, so that was fun. No idea when I get to go home, mom needs to be mobile enough to do stuff without anyone at home when my brother runs to the store or something. So hopefully just another week. Brother is still borderline useless, mom suspects he may have anemia due to his diet of chicken nuggies, and he had weight loss surgery years ago which apparently can also screw with nutrition. He has gibs including medical and dental and still won't fucking get checked out.

Situation: No doom today, doom tomorrow, there's always doom tomorrow.

 

[PetiteFeet]

Mako robot