How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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That is dumb, being black or white is just something you’re born as. It’d be like someone being proud to not have freckles.
I support people being proud of being white, but I think it's dumb to be proud of being black.
I do hope you ain't trolling about this though.
People being concerned I'm trolling does make me realize that my thoughts are indeed unconventional.
You need some therapy that’s basically a good supportive slap in the face.
My psychiatrist did suggest I see a therapist and she's usually helpfully blunt, so maybe a therapist from her will also be? Guess only one way to find out. Thanks.
 
Be kind to yourself, as difficult as it can be. Practice some self-care today. Eat a solid meal that brings you comfort or watch your favourite movie with your favourite movie snack, or take a long shower and put on a homemade facial mask. Anything that tickles your fancy and feels doable.
Hmm, what does tickle my fancy and is doable. Homemade spaghetti, Captain Crunch mixed with Pops, and Barbie flashgames. Ooo it's gonna be a good day :)
 
I just feel bad for them. They shouldn't feel guilty for something they never did and probably weren't even alive when it happened, no one should. This advice applies to everyone except black people since the bad things that black people do still happen today.
I think it matters to an extent, being black means I'm dumber, more violent, I should be aware of that. My life matters less than a white person's, so I should prioritize white people. I guess that's insofar as much as it matters, so the constant depression and guilt isn't necessary as long as these truths can be swallowed. The problem is getting out of the constant guilt and depression whilst also being aware of reality. It's sort of like an orthorexic trying to get out of the constant fear of sweets whilst also being aware of their blood sugar levels.
As another racist CHUD chiming in, you've acknowledged that you're "black", whatever you think that means, and now you just need to get over it, it really isn't that big of a deal.
Again, from the perspective of a CHUD, the only thing we actually get mad about is when blacks are committing crime, endorsing criminal behavior, or are doing the black supremacist shit.

Also, your life doesn't "matter less than a white person's", this isn't something your average right wing or white person thinks. You are a child of God and in the eye's of our lord your life is equal to mine or any other white person's.
The only reason people say things like TND is when nigga's kill a white person, usually over them being white, other nigga's sweep for that criminal, specifically because they're black, and that make's normally rational people stop giving af about what they say.

You need to just calm down and accept yourself for who you are. Acknowledging the reality of black peoples issues doesn't mean you should prostrate yourself and bow at the white mans feet.
We don't want that.
What we want is for you to be a productive and healthy member of society who works to make things better for EVERYONE.

I support people being proud of being white, but I think it's dumb to be proud of being black.
Also, there's nothing wrong with being proud of who you are, even if that includes being black.
If you are the first black person in your family to get a degree, get a good job, have a traditional family, that's a valid reason to be proud that you are black AND that you are achieving milestones that for someone else might not carry the same weight.
The human experience is personal.
The issues come when black people, or really any race, starts acting like they have more of a reason to be proud that another race, and that being proud of being white makes you somehow bad.
 
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Also, there's nothing wrong with being proud of who you are, even if that includes being black.
If you are the first black person in your family to get a degree, get a good job, have a traditional family, that's a valid reason to be proud that you are black AND that you are achieving milestones that for someone else might not carry the same weight.
The human experience is personal.
The issues come when black people, or really any race, starts acting like they have more of a reason to be proud that another race, and that being proud of being white makes you somehow bad.
I guess I could see someone being proud of their accomplishments despite being black. What I meant is I think it's ok for white people to be proud of being white, even if they haven't accomplished anything. I don't think it's ok for a black person to do the same.
 
I think it matters to an extent, being black means I'm dumber, more violent, I should be aware of that. My life matters less than a white person's, so I should prioritize white people.
Oh ffs, would you stop it? This is asinine and I'm really sorry you've grabbed on to this nonsense.

...

Day 1 of post-winter fitnessapocalypse return to movement. My instinct & ego says hit it hard despite reality and rationality; reality and rationality says stfu lady just go slow so you don't injure yourself. So fine, 30 minute power-walk and some minor strength/ basic core stuff it was.
 
2AM ghosts in my brain, yay. Bedtime it is. This is what happens when you think for half a second that you can stop being consistent when you're trying to build a new routine, well guess what it wouldn't be hard establishing new routines if being complacent works.

Be kind, but persistent.
 
All Mondays can eat Satan's dick

I am not your punching bag for your misplaced anger.
I am not your punching bag for your misplaced anger.
I am not your punching bag for your misplaced anger.
 
honestly in comparison to the last couple months i’ve been feeling excellent like actually excellent over these past couple months, i’ve really begun to re-evaluate my beliefs, like I’ve begun to accept the fact that things don’t change over night, Nothing Ever Happens but you have the power to prepare if things happen, honestly explains why i haven’t really been posting much

In the past week ive:
started drinking water
Increasing my attention span
Eat less (not a fan of most healthy food but i’ve actually been spending less on take out and saving money instead)
learned how to shave
re-evaluated some of my economic beliefs

I honestly have realized that a lot of my grievances with life stem for the fact I was completely and utterly unprepared for adulthood, like i’m now learning things i should have learned like 10 years ago, honestly felt like I was on the verge of becoming another Terry Davis but i am starting to actually fight back against being upset all the time for the first time in like 15 years

Politically I do feel concern about things but there’s people on the left and right who are way too attentive to it, like you should pay attention at times to know what’s going on and to keep the federal government accountable

Going to up to my cousins house to watch mania this weekend with his adoptive brother and his friend, sometimes I question what my parents actually think of me but i feel at peace with whatever happens in the future, oddly enough my sister started to turn things around the same age i am now
 
Recently has been rough. I’ve realized a lot of damning things about myself. One I can definitely say is I haven’t properly processed losing my grandpa in 2023, so when it sneaks up on you, it hits you like a truck.

Just have been listening to music (Pink Floyd) and drawing a bit tonight in between napping. Tmrw I’m going to resume my schedule as usual.
 
legitimately getting filtered by an entry level cloud certification. sitting here at midnight getting 60% first tries.

Technically thats a passable score since these practice tests are supposed to be harder but I'm getting high level cortisol spikes at every question I miss.
NVM I'm doing better now. Sat down and went over what I've been missing for a good 3 hours and I think I'm good to go. I test Wednesday. Apparently the actual questions on the exam are super simple "What service would you use to do X?" instead of throwing you a paragraph and a half of babble about how a cloud architect wants the cheapest service that can do X like I've been getting on the practice tests.
 
I'm coughing so much. The doctor upped my Breo inhaler dose. He said if it doesn't help he'll do a scan. For a long time I wasn't coughing much at all. But now I'm starting to get back to the way it was before. My chest feels tight and when I breathe the air sometimes feels too thin and scratchy.
 
I haven't had the best time these past weeks, had a few personal reckonings. But hearing the the rednecks ripping around in their big trucks, the sounds of the motorcyclists enjoying the warm weather , and the spring peepers in the nearby pond, I'm filled with the hopefulness only spring can bring.
 
i lose ONE THING in my trip and it ends up being my lexapro 😭 i'll just get it refilled in the morning but i really do be living a stupid baka life
 
Been dealing with some nasty headaches these days. I suspect is caffeine withdrawal from drinking so much white monster.

It's one month until my upcoming test and i'm feeling the pressure. So far i'm doing kind of ok in the simulacrum tests but i have a hard time bearing with having 4 mistakes on a 20 question test since each mistake substracts from the final grade. Despite all this i have some peace of mind since all my paperwork is in order.
 
Back to work after Holy Week and Pascha. Already admittedly getting headaches and poor sleep.

Are blackout curtains worth it? Cause I have tried everything else, and I don't get any restful sleep
 
Almost finished moving house. Hooooly FUCK I hate moving, but I love the new place. I’ve had to bin most of my possessions because it is smaller with no storage. I have bad memories in this house and I need to leave them behind. It feels like I’m breaking out of a tomb. It has been liberating just throwing things into a giant bin with AC/DC spurring me on, though. This new place is unbridled freedom.

Dude I went out on a date with recently is still very sweet on me. I really wasn’t expecting to meet anyone and hit it off, neither did he. He invited me to come to his new workplace so he can make me food and said I can come to the gym with him so I don’t have to pay. Lovely, honestly. He wants to do things together with me and take me places, and he lives/works close by. No labels yet, he can decide, but whatever is going on is so awesome. Still kind of shocked he’s into me because he’s crazy hot and talented, but he says I’m funny/sexy/smart so I will believe him lmao.
 
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