How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Nick Wilde said:
As nice as it sounds that kinda job is disastrous for your mental health in its own way. Your brain knows on a deep primordial level when it's a needless bullshit job.
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This is a good point. When I reminisce fondly about this job, it is not about going up to the roof and getting stoned, or sleeping in the warmth inside a nice PBX, but things like fixing an HP LaserJet printer. I was very proud of my ability to fix these things. And I knew I was actually exercising a skill instead of just evading doing a job.
ilovecornsyrup said:
I admit I didnt know what to do or say because I am afraid he doesn't have much time left and I don't know what I will regret more, never really getting to know him or getting to know him and then losing him immediately after.
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I obviously can't tell you about your own life, but I think you would regret more losing your only chance to know your dad than getting to know him and him then dying. Get to know him as much as you can. That's just my personal opinion.

My dad was an awesome person and even though he's gone, I treasure having known him.
 
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I have the post-midnight blues and the ghosts in my brain are acting up. I want to go sleep, but there's an unarchived karaoke that I want to listen to and attempt to archive for my listening pleasure for later.
Oh, first world problems. I sometimes wish I had genuine problems to be upset over, but that is a silly thing to wish for.

Sleep it is. I know I'll be annoyed with myself for having to miss out on the karaoke but such is life.
 
Wolf Girl Enjoyer said:
Practicing Christianity. I was Agnostic for half of my life and have been researching Christian thought. Working through the bible and reunited with a friend who is a devout Catholic Christian. Life feels good for me. :)
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I'm in a state where I wish I could believe in God but I CAN'T. And faking it would be a lie against God. So I'm in a paradoxical situation. Do I believe in God? Not at the moment. Do I pull the Pascal's Wager joke? No. Because while I don't believe in God, I respect the God I don't believe in to the point that how would I dare insult God like that, thinking God would be fooled by such a bullshit gambit?

Please, God, let me believe in you. Help me. Please?
 
AnOminous said:
I'm in a state where I wish I could believe in God but I CAN'T. And faking it would be a lie against God. So I'm in a paradoxical situation. Do I believe in God? Not at the moment. Do I pull the Pascal's Wager joke? No. Because while I don't believe in God, I respect the God I don't believe in to the point that how would I dare insult God like that, thinking God would be fooled by such a bullshit gambit?

Please, God, let me believe in you. Help me. Please?
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Being just barely on the other side of that line myself half the time, Mark 9 helps occasionally.

"But if you are able to do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” 23 Then Jesus said to him, “‘If you are able?’ All things are possible for the one who believes.” 24 Immediately the father of the boy cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!”

You're right about not trying to force false belief, but there are many times in the Bible where God shows extraordinary mercy to those who those who are really looking for him.
 
I really just want to give up. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I have no goals, not motivation. At best I am only trying to survive. Yes I'm alive in the most literal sense of the word but I definitely feel a strong sense of arrested development, like I never made the full leap into being an independent person who is able to just do things because they want to. Maybe it's because there is nothing I want. Nothing makes me happy or excited. I just shut myself away and try to distract myself from the terrible reality that my life is a complete waste, and it's too late to fix it.

They say to take it one day at a time, but days turn to months, then turn to years. I'm in my 30s now and that honestly disgusts me. I just wanted to be normal. I want the confidence to be a man. I want to be smart enough to know how to live on my own, to make something of myself. I want to feel like I matter to someone, that even when things are tough I at least have someone to turn to. Or if I feel lost I have someone who can help steer me in the right direction. The only two friends I have left are a struggle to even keep in contact with. They moved out, they have/had careers, they have kids, they have so much more going on in their lives that they don't have time for me.

I don't know how to fix it. I don't know where I want to be let alone how to get there. I've tried talking about it to friends, to family, to therapists. No one has answers. No one seems to even understand. I try my best to just keep my head down, and keep walking forward, but it really is becoming so unbearable.
 
Is my life going well? Hell no. I have health issues, I bought a money pit of a home, and I have family members dropping like crazy as time waits for nobody.

However? I had an awesome date tonight and it ended with me grabbing the high end gears. Not all life is bad.
 
Spilled Spaghett said:
I don't know how to fix it. I don't know where I want to be let alone how to get there. I've tried talking about it to friends, to family, to therapists. No one has answers. No one seems to even understand. I try my best to just keep my head down, and keep walking forward, but it really is becoming so unbearable.
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I wish I had some good advice other than just to invite you to the sadness and the madness where we all live. Can I at least give you a hug? Sorry this existence is so fucking evil.
 
i do not respect you if you are loud in a neighborhood past midnight. absolute nigger behavior. wait until the fucking sun is up.

i’m tired, man.
 
I woke up. It's 6 AM. I'm thinking of a lot of things. Idk how I got this far in life if blacks are naturally low IQ. Did it mean nothing? Did I imagine it? It wouldn't be bad if a nigger died, and that includes me. sorry.
 
YHWH's Strongest Soldier said:
If I tell you that self loathing is a niggerism, will you finally stop doing it?
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Back when I was 16, I was really into Christianity and drove myself crazy scared that everything was a sin. A fellow Christian once told me that actually being overly-worried that somethings a sin was a sin in it of itself and my worrying skyrocketed so bad it began mirroring legit OCD. So no, I don't think it would unfortunately.
 
Getmeout said:
I woke up. It's 6 AM. I'm thinking of a lot of things. Idk how I got this far in life if blacks are naturally low IQ. Did it mean nothing? Did I imagine it? It wouldn't be bad if a nigger died, and that includes me. sorry.
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Good god, can you be any more fucking self-loathing?
Niggers are a species. What's the last thing you've done that's nigger-brained? If you haven't done anything nigger-brained, you're not a nigger. You just have an unfortunate genetic predisposition to nigger behavior. But if you don't actually do the fucking nigger bullshit, you can't be qualified as a nigger.
What is so damn hard to grasp? Do you blatantly categorize and judge other people based on their genes? If you don't, why are you being a hypocrite against yourself?

Getmeout said:
Back when I was 16, I was really into Christianity and drove myself crazy scared that everything was a sin. A fellow Christian once told me that actually being overly-worried that somethings a sin was a sin in it of itself and my worrying skyrocketed so bad it began mirroring legit OCD. So no, I don't think it would unfortunately.
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You only have to worry about your sins when your ticket gets punched.
 
Getmeout said:
Back when I was 16, I was really into Christianity and drove myself crazy scared that everything was a sin. A fellow Christian once told me that actually being overly-worried that somethings a sin was a sin in it of itself and my worrying skyrocketed so bad it began mirroring legit OCD. So no, I don't think it would unfortunately.
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Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Stop it.
 
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