How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Been a crazy month in my life. I got fired, tried to hang myself (and failed), flew out to Utah for a music festival, had a mixed time, and my grandpa passed away last night. I don't know why, but I feel like it can't get any worse than this. I would like to think that my next job is going to be the polar opposite of the one I got fired from, I would like to think I'll be less alone in the future. These are vague, nebulous things that are never promises, but I am going to fly out to the World Cup next month, that should be awesome.
Getmeout said:
I have been hit with the inexplicable intense desire to own a cat, only issue is half of my family hates cats. But I want a cat so fucking bad. Cat.
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My mom is super allergic to cats so I never had one, but in my limited interaction with cats, I don't think I'm allergic. Part of me wants to own one but I've never spent a lot of time with any cats. Plus my family has a tiny Yorkie who is basically a cat.
 
In a split mood. The job opportunity I had lined up for myself to escape retail fell through and my disappointment was imense. Felt like crying. Gotta go searching elsewhere regardless. It might be another store but a different one that may or may make me more miserable.

On the other hand, I can finally buy that laptop I have eyeing for month and I'm very excited. Shiiiiiet if I'm going to be miserable at work, I can at least come home to nice hardware.

So yeah I'm both really hopeless and sort of materialistically happy
 
Not good. Any time I feel like trying to join a group in fan spaces, I'm reminded that I don't fit in either because of political differences or because I get squicked out by certain behaviours within fan spaces (like yaoi/yuri fetishisers insisting on shipping certain things). It just further solidifies I need to find new hobbies and things that comfort me, I can't enjoy certain streamers because of their unironic porn brained fans.
Wish I wasn't a weeb.
 
PetiteFeet said:
(like yaoi/yuri fetishisers insisting on shipping certain things)
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If it helps, I do too. I mean I'm very live and let live but I feel like in fandom spaces there's a double standard where certain straight ships are condemned as abusive, but when the same dynamic is applied to a gay ship, it's suddenly omg soooo haaaawt. It's the hypocrisy that grosses me out.

I've not been doing good, I'm tired of my mom calling me fat. Especially when she's much fatter, like literal landwhale size, while I'm just chubby. Like I don't need help getting up the stairs unlike HER, my clothes fit unlike HER, I don't have cankles, I can run around and stand for long periods of time, UNLIKE HER

So can she like back off and worry about her own shit? She wants me to get checked out for diabetes cause it runs in our family, and I'm kind of looking at it in a fucked up way. Realistically one should think "Oh ya I should find out if I have diabetes cause that would be bad!" but I'm thinking of it in a way of "I should find out if I have diabetes cause if I don't then SHE'S the fat fuck and FUCK HER, but if I do then oh no I'M the fat fuck! Do I just die then or?"

I GOTTA eat today, I can't let her get to me like this.
 
PetiteFeet said:
Not good. Any time I feel like trying to join a group in fan spaces, I'm reminded that I don't fit in either because of political differences or because I get squicked out by certain behaviours within fan spaces (like yaoi/yuri fetishisers insisting on shipping certain things). It just further solidifies I need to find new hobbies and things that comfort me, I can't enjoy certain streamers because of their unironic porn brained fans.
Wish I wasn't a weeb.
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Getmeout said:
If it helps, I do too. I mean I'm very live and let live but I feel like in fandom spaces there's a double standard where certain straight ships are condemned as abusive, but when the same dynamic is applied to a gay ship, it's suddenly omg soooo haaaawt. It's the hypocrisy that grosses me out.
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Maybe you should start an exclusive KF-BP anime DM group with likeminded people.
 
She's not breaking up with me. We're so back.
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Getmeout said:
If it helps, I do too. I mean I'm very live and let live but I feel like in fandom spaces there's a double standard where certain straight ships are condemned as abusive, but when the same dynamic is applied to a gay ship, it's suddenly omg soooo haaaawt. It's the hypocrisy that grosses me out.
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My issue is how some of these shippers will make Boys Love their entire personality, and if I say "sorry, it's just not for me." I'm somehow the biggest MAGA, Kill All Gays right winger when that's the last thing I will ever be.
Like, I want to interact with other fans and I want to create things to show my enjoyment of XYZ but shippers and unironic gatekeeping of people they find creepy or it's a person who has committed some kind of social faux pas (like making AI art for their own enjoyment, not to profit off of it) just sets off all of my alarm bells and makes my "afraid to get criticised" disordered thinking kick off.

I don't really care if someone is a fujoshi, I just don't want to be bombarded by it but every big name fan seems to be a fujo these days.
 
I gotta get the fuck out of this "city." Technically better than my hometown but I actually need to move to a real fucking city, with jobs and everything. Ohio is hell.

Any suggestions? Thinking somewhere like Houston/Dallas/Austin. Something big with a shitton of IT work but not me spending $4k/mo on studio apartment rent. I can't deal with this bombed out grey industrial hellscape anymore.

There are no jobs here. The difference between this town or my hometown vs like Houston or SF for IT work is literally 100x magnitude.
 
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PetiteFeet said:
My issue is how some of these shippers will make Boys Love their entire personality, and if I say "sorry, it's just not for me." I'm somehow the biggest MAGA, Kill All Gays right winger when that's the last thing I will ever be.
Like, I want to interact with other fans and I want to create things to show my enjoyment of XYZ but shippers and unironic gatekeeping of people they find creepy or it's a person who has committed some kind of social faux pas (like making AI art for their own enjoyment, not to profit off of it) just sets off all of my alarm bells and makes my "afraid to get criticised" disordered thinking kick off.

I don't really care if someone is a fujoshi, I just don't want to be bombarded by it but every big name fan seems to be a fujo these days.
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Oh no you're so right, it's fuckin' brutal out there. I unfortunately don't have a solution, I just started staying away from fandoms. If it helps, I'm always open to talk nerdy :feels:
 
Getmeout said:
Oh no you're so right, it's fuckin' brutal out there. I unfortunately don't have a solution, I just started staying away from fandoms. If it helps, I'm always open to talk nerdy :feels:
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The solution is to just keep hiding my powerlevel, the same applies to everything else I do on other sites than KF and what I do/say IRL.
It sucks that this culture of not being able to politely disagree on certain aspects of someone elses opinions and having friends outside of your own political circles is still so strong, at least I have the farms.
 
PetiteFeet said:
The solution is to just keep hiding my powerlevel, the same applies to everything else I do on other sites than KF and what I do/say IRL.
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That's fair, I think for me it got so hard that I figured it was easier to just keep to myself period. I can only act so closed off for so long before it gets exhausting, but that's purely a me thing.
PetiteFeet said:
It sucks that this culture of not being able to politely disagree on certain aspects of someone elses opinions and having friends outside of your own political circles is still so strong, at least I have the farms.
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There's still people out there, trust me. My closest friend is an asexual liberal... Who knows I'm conservative and she just doesn't care. We've had a 7 year long friendship, chill people do exist out there. Stay hopepilled :feels:
 
Seeing this site of all places getting astroturfed by zogbots has been putting a damper on my morale somewhat as of late.

If I disappear I'm probably not dead, just being based IRL.
 
I have lost a lot of weight, glory to God and Christ. Eating healthier, too and cutting portions.

Still looking for work, and I'm beginning to think there is a sex-based hiring nepotism at some of the places I've applied. One store had practically an entire female staff, the only men being two older men I've seen who work in higher management. I had a job interview for a laundry position at a hotel recently, and it was the same situation of a wholly female staff (though I have a hunch the manager I interviewed with was a MTF troon).

At that interview, I was informed I'd be getting a call back this past Monday, but when I came home after being out all day I found an email from them saying I was passed over for other candidates. Really, I can't see any other reason why someone wouldn't be hired for basic, practically minimum wage jobs like this outside of women only hiring women.
 
SOLDIER OF WALES said:
I gotta get the fuck out of this "city." Technically better than my hometown but I actually need to move to a real fucking city, with jobs and everything. Ohio is hell.

Any suggestions? Thinking somewhere like Houston/Dallas/Austin. Something big with a shitton of IT work but not me spending $4k/mo on studio apartment rent. I can't deal with this bombed out grey industrial hellscape anymore.

There are no jobs here. The difference between this town or my hometown vs like Houston or SF for IT work is literally 100x magnitude.
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Come to pseudo rural north Georgia. Or Columbus. But idk about the availability of IT work.
 
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