How do you want your corpse prepared for your funeral?

[Morose_Obesity]

In a Hefty bag left in a Burger King dumpster

 

[Bugaboo]

Let vultures eat me to feed their young

 

[Kiwi Jeff]

What I want: my skeleton to be suspended like in schools and rigged so that whenever you touch it, it plays "rattle me bones!"
What will probably happen: cremated

 

[Roast Chicken]

I wanna be plastinated. Curled up on a sofa looking at my tablet, forever browsing Kiwifarms.

 

[Idi Amin IRL]

With my husbando pillow; a dismembered red rocket from a gryphon jammed in my piss hole

 

[Telefunken]

Cremated and ashes shot out of a large cannon.

 

[m0rnutz]

When I die, I want a Celtic funeral pyre built on a hill. In the wood will be gathered herbs and spices to get people contact highs and make the roasting ceremony smell good. My body will be carried up the incline by three bearded men wearing animal hide tunics dipped in the blood of ravens, as Hulk Hogan stands atop waiting, playing the bagpipes to a choir of angelic Norse melodies. As I burn, my body will be sprinkled with wine until there is nothing left. Afterwards, they will spread my ashes into the north wind at the light of the full midsummer moon.

Nah, just set my house on fire and call it an accident. Insurance will pay for the damages, and there won't be a body to rent a plot for.

 

[BILLY MAYS]

Interred in a Dreadnought.

 

[Tlazolli]

I want to be buried with memes.

 

[Wet Bread]

Toss me wherever and let nature to its thing. It would take way less effort and money from my loved ones and the bugs get a free meal.

 

[ICametoLurk]

With A1 Steak sauce.

 

[DildoGaggins]

I want Null and Dynastia to toss my ashes into the ocean.

 

[Lackadaisy]

I want to be cremated, mixed into Kool-AID, and then served to unsuspecting orphans.

 

[Piss Clam]

I've already expressed that I be buried under a large oak. Fuck the maples.

 

[Goochole]

I'd like my friends to throw me from an overpass on to an oncoming car, preferably a car with a whole family in it, and record this as a "youtube prank". I hope my body falls like very awkwardly and retardedly and that I might amuse.

 

[DoctorJimmyRay]

I want my body rendered into a semi-rigid hydrogen balloon. My body had to have the same appearance it had in life, but the insides can be hollowed out to the madman mortician's heart's content. The balloon-corpse, now dressed in a suit and ready for service, is then placed inside a specially designed casket, upon which my remains are filled with lighter-than-air gas.

The casket is designed to spring all the way open so the corpse can fly out into the air. Inside the church (hopefully some sort of high ceiling bullshit), I'm wheeled into place before the altar. And at some sort of prearranged moment, the casket goes BANG! and flies open.

My body comes floating out rapidly, propelled by the opening lid. As the casket opens, the lights go dark, and a fiery combination of flashing red yellow and orange light starts flashing accompanied by high intensity strobe lights. As this occurs, with my mortal coil physically ascending into the vaulted nave ceiling, the theme from the Phantom of the Opera starts blowing over the sound system, accompanied by an evil and maniacal laugh.

As the shock is replaced with horror, several carefully placed compressed air cannons start launching frogs, locusts, fake blood rain, and other biblical plague bullshit everywhere on people.

And as an added touch, there will be daemonic runes, marks, and satanic maledictions written in UV sensitive paint, so that some strobe lights with black lights reveal the evil inscriptions.

This would be ideal.

 

[Stanley_Buttkiss]

I've instructed everyone to cremate me and place my ashes in a Chanel classic purse, then placed on the fireplace mantel in a clear sealed box. So I can judge them secretly in the afterlife.

 

[Xenomorph]

I wanna be put inside that pod to become a tree.

 

[Sailor_Jupiter]

Viking funeral (ship set on fire and then allowed to float down the river.) BUT WITH A GRENADE UNDER THE PYRE. So all my family will be there on the riverbank, crying and wishing me goodbye, and then, BOOM. A massive explosion rocks the earth and a geyser of filthy river water and charred body parts rains down. Then the pastor comes up to my family and solemnly says, "I was entrusted with her last wish: she said she wanted to make you losers laugh, one last time." Then he starts blaring the Rickroll song from every speaker at max volume while dancing to it. And everyone be like, "your great-great-grandma sure was a... UNIQUE PERSON, wasn't she..?" ^^;

 

[Derped223]

Have myself cremated and put in an urn with googly eyes glued on to it and have anyone who survives me take it to every family event.