How is the kiwi above you in bed?

[HG 400]

I had to tell people I was in a car accident when they asked questions.

 

[HY 140]

had a lot of explaining to do

 

[SwanDive]

What is sex like with Dicaprio Delorean? It’s a question I’ve pondered many times, about a great many men, but the thought of sexual intercourse with Dicaprio Delorean is something I constantly return to, more so than others. Sex with Friedrich Nietzsche must have surely been terrifyingly masochistic and dangerous (not without protection, Freddy). Ingmar Bergman’s many affairs meant he was probably a great lover in bed, but he also probably cried relentlessly afterwards every time out of guilt and the lack of God’s answers for shagging. Someone like Cary Grant would have been a fantastically smooth talker, but given that he was probably gay, he would also have probably been a slight disappointment. Klaus Kinski would probably not allow you to make a single sound, in case you distract him from his task. A Marlene Dietrich would probably eat you alive and forget about you immediately. It goes on.

But Dicaprio Delorean? Lord knows what that’s like. I don’t think Dynastia could bring herself to talk about it if you asked her, it was probably too terrifying, or maybe even non-existent. After many hours pondering (because what better things do I have to do than ponder how Dicaprio Delorean tackles penetration?), I have come to the conclusion that Mr. Delorean is either entirely asexual and has always been that way, or he’s a complete fucking jackhammer. I can imagine him hating sex like he hates absolutely everything. On the other hand perhaps he only hates everything because he does not get enough sex. If it’s the latter than he’s probably incredibly frustrated in bed anyway, and it leads to 300mph machine-gun fucking. Does he even have a mattress? Is it just a metal or concrete slab? I doubt Dicaprio Delorean has a memory foam mattress. There’s probably a bunch of metal chains hanging around for sado-masochistic stuff, and also love poems to Dynastia and some hot waitress in a place he frequents, although I suppose Dicaprio Delorean probably only eats goat intestines.

 

[Kyria the Great]

Shagging the SwanDive brigade is much going to McDonalds. It is empty, bad for you, but will fill you up for cheap.

 

[Reynard]

Crushed me with her enormous, smelly foot. According to DeviantArt, that's a perfect 10/10, but I left that site for a reason.

 

[NARPASSWORD]

Perfect, which isn't easy.

 

[MW 002]

Wasn't impressed by me calling him "Daddy" after busting a nut

 

[NARPASSWORD]

Like some kind of goddess of love and beauty.

 

[Reynard]

Meowed when I told them to. 10/10

 

[NARPASSWORD]

Barked when I told her to. 10/10

 

[Reynard]

Barked when I told her to. 10/10

Thought I was a lady. It was neat being "trans" for a night.

 

[Ntwadumela]

Dude had some weird habits, like barking after I busted a nut, but he was alright

 

[HG 400]

He's the bottom and he loves it.

 

[Ntwadumela]

It was the opposite
HE is the one who loves being bottom.

 

[ES 148]

Ravished me, but it was too dark to make out where he was so the entire experience was very unpredictable.

 

[c-no]

Wouldn't look me in the eye so probably blind. Don't know how to rate sex with a blind person.

 

[Meat_Puppet]

Made this exact face the entire time we were fucking.

Like seriously how the fuck do you get off to this!?

 

[Trans Fat 41g]

Beef so my dick wasn't infected unlike with pork

 

[Reynard]

Spun on my dick the whole time. Neat experience.

 

[fishercat]

I had to go to the hospital for severe lacerations.