@SamanthaPrater
You are on the very worst website you could possibly be on, considering your challenges in life. The advice that has been given to you:
logg off, don't come back, lie low...
Is the best you will ever get.
But you are getting attention, and even if a lot of it is negative, you can still ride through that to get to the odd few bits of attention that are not negative, and are sympathetic towards you. Like this post of mine.
The ratio is not worth it. Because even though I may be sympathetic towards you now, I won't be here in the morning. When the real dogs and pyranhas of this site have torn you to shreds. And they will. It's what they do. No one will be able to help you then, and it will just be harder for you to pick yourself back up from your own bootstraps.
But while there are a few malicious actors on this site, most of them are just being 'cruel to be kind'. They don't really want to hurt you, to be unkind to you. I bet a lot of them would help you if they could. But one thing we all know is that they can't help you. You can only help yourself. Hence the advice to log off and not come back (for a good while) is pretty solid advice. It's not meant to hurt. It's not meant to negate you as a person. It's just meant to keep you from wider harm.
Because this is not a battle you can win. You are fighting demons in your soul. You are fighting the lack of support you have in your real life. Every word of care given to you here will just be projected back out as an attack on you to be doubled down on and defended more. And then you will offend more people, who will get more vicious and the cycle of 'abuse' will continue.
The people on this site, even the vicious ones, are not evil. There is no battle to be had with them. No game to be won. They mean it from the bottom of their hearts when they say: please log out. Don't come back for a good while. Try to find some other outlet for your frustrations.
And that is what I will say to you as well. You aren't being shunned. It's not even that people don't like you. It's just that they don't want to be party to this car crash, and the longer you participate in it voluntarily, the less you will be able to say "I wasn't warned".
You have been warned, in the nicest possible way, for the sake of your good self. Just log off. Leave it a while before you come back. If you are that interested in art. Then take that time to do some stuff. Come back in a month or two with some of your new work. You won't believe the respect that would get you around here if you were able to do just that. Every Kiwi Farmer loves the redemption arc of a potential LOL Cow when it comes about. It doesn't happen that often, but when it does...
Take some time out sweetheart. Eat a bit less if you are eating too much. Eat a bit more if you aren't eating enough. Look after yourself. This god forsaken website of grand-autistes will still be here when you come back. Maybe lurk a bit beforehand. Woodshed that art you seem to be so interested in. Surprise us all! Surprise yourself!
You have the gift of life. You are not unintelligent. You are not untalented. Focus and put all that good stuff you have in to something that works for you. Not against you.
We're on your side!
Now, go make something of yourself. Get your shit together. And only come back when you have something to show for it all!
With love...