Is Chris going to heaven or hell?

[Francine StripeCheer]

Upon becoming a 40-year-old virgin (hookers don't count any more than masturbation does), Chris will be Assumed body and soul into CWCville to rule in wisdom for all eternity

 

[Hyperion]

Do we mean before or after Chris falls into a Sarlacc pit and spends the next 2000 years being slowly digested?

 

[A-Stump]

Do we mean before or after Chris falls into a Sarlacc pit and spends the next 2000 years being slowly digested?

That would be heaven for a vore enthusiast

 

[_blank_]

I'm gonna ignore the whole debate about whether or not hell even exists (Paradise Lost and The Divine Comedy are at best ancient fan-fiction, and in the Bible itself, Hell is mentioned at worst as a dark, holding place for the dead)... and instead simply focus on Jesus' teachings, which pretty much boil down to "Don't be a dick." (He was a bit more articulate in expressing this, of course.) Since Chris has gone ot of his way to lie, coerce, manipulate, and threaten many, many people to fulfill his own needs and never really think of anyone else's feelings as anything more as an afterthought... I'm thinking salvation is a good stretch away from the Son of

 

[DangDirtyTrolls]

Is this thread serious

 

[Dollars2010]

He's going to the big McD's in Spergatory.

 

[Marvin]

Upon becoming a 40-year-old virgin (hookers don't count any more than masturbation does), Chris will be Assumed body and soul into CWCville to rule in wisdom for all eternity

Oh pfft, don't be a dumbass. Virginity is the state of not having had sex with another person. Chris had sex, therefore he's not a virgin.

 

[Judge Holden]

Upon becoming a 40-year-old virgin (hookers don't count any more than masturbation does), Chris will be Assumed body and soul into CWCville to rule in wisdom for all eternity

Oh pfft, don't be a dumbass. Virginity is the state of not having had sex with another person. Chris had sex, therefore he's not a virgin.

barb doesnt count

 

[Stuff and Things]

Upon becoming a 40-year-old virgin (hookers don't count any more than masturbation does), Chris will be Assumed body and soul into CWCville to rule in wisdom for all eternity

Oh pfft, don't be a dumbass. Virginity is the state of not having had sex with another person. Chris had sex, therefore he's not a virgin.

Yeah, this has been discussed before, chris is not a virgin anymore, but he's still pathetic (even more so, because he had to hire a cheap, old prostitute) so, saying that he's still a virgin is pointless...

 

[Surtur]

He will hear this upon death:

[youtube]HoeRe8IYWPE[/youtube]

 

[CatParty]

There is neither heaven nor hell

 

[Judge Holden]

There is neither heaven nor hell

Aye, just Valhallah, Ryleh, ellysium, the infinity circuit, and pigfuckistan.

 

[Green Nidoking]

Well it seems like everyone else was being unbiased but GG Nidoking.

Eh, I was deliberately being tongue-in-cheek about it. And, yeah, a bit of a ween.

My actual point in the first post was that there's no universally agreed-on criteria for entering Heaven, or even that it exists. In the second post, it was that there are lots of people who ignore the teachings of their own religion in order to just feel self-righteous about having it, not just Chris.

 

[CatParty]

Chris does not have a soul to enter the afterlife

 

[BizarreScenario]

… in the Bible itself, Hell is mentioned at worst as a dark, holding place for the dead…

Hell is often described or alluded to in the New Testament as a firy place, housing not the dead in general, but the damned, and not only the dead, but the Devil.

"Anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell." (Matthew 5:22)

"And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." (Matthew 5:29, see parallel passage in Mark 9:44, which adds, "where the fire never goes out.")

"As the weeds are pulled up and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the age. The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. They will throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." (Matthew 13:40-42)

"Then he [the King] will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels." (Matthew 25:41)

"The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." (James 3:6)

"The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what he had done. Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. If anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire." (Revelation 20:13-15)

"The cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile...the idolaters and all liars - their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulpher. This is the second death." (Revelation 21:

So the Christian Hell isn't like the Jewish Sheol. This conception of Hell is explicitly a place of torment. This is moot, at least for an unbeliever like me. According to more traditional Christian doctrine, Chris is bound for the fire, based alone on his lack of honest submission to God (plus his lack of any good works to speak of, in the Catholic conception). His sins, including deceit, sloth, not treating his body as a temple, theft and greed, buying that hooker, indulging in so much lust, spewing such vengeful and obscene speech as he has, and thinking so highly of himself as to believe he had the power of prophecy, the power to invoke the name of God to meet worldly ends, and the power to bless and curse people, are all just gravy at this point.

If I were still Catholic, I might be inclined to believe Chris was due for a lengthy stint in Purgatory or, perhaps as an adult autistic child, the Limbo of the Infants.

 

[NegaCWC]

Upon becoming a 40-year-old virgin (hookers don't count any more than masturbation does), Chris will be Assumed body and soul into CWCville to rule in wisdom for all eternity

Oh pfft, don't be a dumbass. Virginity is the state of not having had sex with another person. Chris had sex, therefore he's not a virgin.

Technically You're correct but I'm still siding with Francine StripeCheer on this one, Chris is as hopeless with girls as he was prior to the hooker fucking.

Anyway, back to main topic of this thread... I'm an atheist, but if I were a religious person I would have a hard time accepting the idea of children being sent to hell. I know that Muslims believe in the salvation of every person who dies under a certain age (I think it's twelve) and some Christians also adhere to similar beliefs. I would say that this should apply to menchildren as well, meaning that Chris has ticket to heaven which cannot be revoked!

EDIT: I see that the poster above me mentioned the possibility of Chris going into limbo. I find it unfair, maybe I'm being too much of a white knight but I can't see Chris being given eternal damnation lite due to acts he cannot comprehend.

 

[Marvin]

Upon becoming a 40-year-old virgin (hookers don't count any more than masturbation does), Chris will be Assumed body and soul into CWCville to rule in wisdom for all eternity

Oh pfft, don't be a dumbass. Virginity is the state of not having had sex with another person. Chris had sex, therefore he's not a virgin.

Technically You're correct but I'm still siding with Francine StripeCheer on this one, Chris is as hopeless with girls as he was prior to the hooker fucking.

Oh, absolutely. Obviously Chris isn't any better with girls. But still, Chris isn't a virgin.

 

[Green Nidoking]

maybe I'm being too much of a white knight but I can't see Chris being given eternal damnation due to acts he cannot comprehend.

At the risk of going too far off this topic into a typically divided one, that is actually the belief system for some. Look up Chick Tracts if you like. There's one in particular that sentences an elderly couple who spent their lives helping people in Jesus' name to hell because they didn't put more effort into converting people or didn't hold God to their hearts closely enough. And that's written by someone who does share that belief system.

 

[BizarreScenario]

EDIT: I see that the poster above me mentioned the possibility of Chris going into limbo. I find it unfair, maybe I'm being too much of a white knight but I can't see Chris being given eternal damnation lite due to acts he cannot comprehend.

Limbo isn't really Hell, although both Hell and the Limbos are part of the underworld, the afterlife that is neither Heaven nor Purgatory. The Limbo of the Infants, while not canonical, is considered an acceptable belief by the Vatican as it allows believers to reconcile original sin with the fate of children who die without baptism. It is similar to the Limbo of the Patriarchs, the realm of those important Jewish leaders who died before Christ's crucifixion. It is a realm of joy and comfort, but it lacks the beatific vision of God that characterizes Heaven. Some believe that, come the Resurrection of the Dead, those in Limbo and even virtuous pagans and those who lived righteous lives but never had the chance to receive the Gospel for whatever reason will be reconciled with God and allowed into Heaven.

 

[CatParty]

Guys this is getting into deep thoughts thread territory.