Watching two morbidly obese people attempting to slowly kill themselves over the past few years has given me some good tips on how to be fat and stay fat.
>start your day with a number 2 meal from McDonalds with extra hash browns and an extra large triple triple coffee
Actually, I'm getting ahead of myself.
>start your day by making sure your vehicle is parked as physically close to your front door as possible so you have to walk the minimum number of steps possible between the front door and hauling your ass into the vehicle (this will be a trend throughout your day including coming up with convoluted schemes involving multiple people moving multiple vehicles around all so you won't ever have to walk more than 10 ft between vehicles )
>when you finally get to your job, your first task is to determine which tasks can be done without standing or changing locations for at least a couple hours
>make sure you keep your tools in a rolling packout box that can double as a handy chair where you will do all your work from. Don't cheap out, remember that box has to support 400+lbs, get the Milwaukee.
>Make sure you pack that box up until it's almost as heavy as you. Remember, once that van's parked, you're not going back to it, that requires walking and if you don't have something you need, just yell for anyone around you to stop what they're doing and bring it to you, even customers, remember, your laziness is priority over literally everything else.
>once lunch time comes, you're going to be crashing pretty hard from that breakfast triple-triple and coke/chocolate milk you stopped for after McDonalds, time to get something nice. You've got lots of options here. Just make sure you include either fast food, greasy junk food from a grocery store deli/corner store, an entire box(es) of some kind of bakery pastries, coca-cola, chips, just basically anything except fruits or vegetables
>now by 2pm you're going to be feeling pretty tired and sore from the efforts of existing and trying to move your body all day. Even moving your arms is going to be a struggle so this is the part of the day you go from sitting and barely working to sitting and pretending to work or sitting and watching everyone else work while complaining about how sore your ankle is you broke half a decade ago because you were fat.
>bonus: make sure any work you do at home you do with a mini-excavator even if it doesn't require it and especially if it makes the job more dangerous just because remember, your laziness takes priority over literally everything else and remember, the more time you can spend sitting on an excavator pretending to do something useful, the less time you have to spent physically exerting yourself even a little bit. Remember, turning a steering wheel or operating the controls of the excavator should feel like an extreme physical challenge. If making a sharp left turn doesn't make you sweat and grunt and snort and huff and puff with exhaustion, you're doing it wrong.
>finally time to go home, hockey's on tonight, better grab a couple two liter cokes, a big bag of ruffles, a pack of hot dogs, and hunker into bed for the night, it's gonna be a big day again tomorrow. You might have to walk 50 feet over the day.
>Sleep restlessly dreading another day being alive at 400+lbs.
