J.K. Rowling needs to stop messing with Harry Potter - A general STFU J.K. Rowling MegaThread <3

[Piga Dgrifm]

View attachment 630369
This isnt fake.

What drugs do you figure Rowling's on?

 

[Judge Holden]

*sighs*

Ok ill say it

DESIGNATED

SHITTING

SCHOOL

 

[XYZpdq]

What drugs do you figure Rowling's on?

View attachment 630377

And since they're students you'll get a Neville who totally fucks it up and accidentally makes the shit dance and grow or something.

 

[Judge Holden]

Also is rowling under the impression that medieval castles didnt have fucking toilets? I mean this is the kind of shit* that gets brought up in every fucking guided castle tour of the UK** and the art of toiletry goes back to the goddamn stone age. What the actual fuck made her think that in the middle ages and beyond people just shit in the goddamn corridors?! Like there was even a goddamn medieval profession that was literally "clear out the room where all the shit from the castle toilets lands"

* literally
** srsly i have been on a literal dozen of them and it always gets a good chunk of the tour dedicated to it

And since they're students you'll get a Neville who totally fucks it up and accidentally makes the shit dance and grow or something.

Ya know I never thought the day would come where the goddamn Dirty Potter series becomes canon, but here we fucking are

 

[Silence of the Troons]

Flush toilets have existed since Mohenjo-Daro (other types of toilets have existed for longer), and you're telling me that witches and wizards didn't get themselves toilets before the 18th century? Yeah, right!

 

[Nekromantik]

So wizards just rejected human made things like toilets and pens because muggles? Why is the wizard world better then the human world again?

 

[XYZpdq]

Thinking about this a bit more does that mean jerk wizard fundies like the death eaters just shit themselves and forsake the muggle practice of toilets?

 

[Kulee Baba]

I just wonder why do Wizards need toilets. If you could just wish away your shit why wouldn't you shit anywhere?

It essentially makes pooing analogous to a fart.

 

[Adamska]

View attachment 630369
This isnt fake.

I can't really say much beyond what the others have said in that toiletry was a thing since ancient times, so I'll just chime in again with dweeb precedent that destroys that disgusting little nugget. In her own books chamber pots, an idea that's been around since at least the ancient Greeks, are established as canon to the wizarding world when Dumbledore looked for a bathroom out of desperation and found the Room of Requirements full of them.

This is just deviant, retarded, and more proof that nothing she writes anymore is remotely canon since she can't even be bothered to remember things she wrote about ages ago.

 

[BScCollateral]

I hate to say it, but it does make sense. If everyone can fly, why have stairs? If you can make matter vanish, why have a septic system, flush toilets, dish washers, or garbage cans?

That said, they'd probably have furniture designed to crap in and be easily cleaned by magic. You wouldn't just "shit anywhere", you'd have a toilet that worked differently.

 

[XYZpdq]

re established as canon to the wizarding world when Dumbledore looked for a bathroom out of desperation and found the Room of Requirements full of them.

That's just Dumbledore showing off his love for muggle things. A real wizard wouldn't have looked for a bathroom and would have just crapped proudly like Slytherin intended.

 

[Graffiti canvas]

View attachment 630369
This isnt fake.

Found a glorious article for this:

https://news.avclub.com/j-k-rowling-reveals-that-wizards-used-to-just-shit-on-1831501641

J.K. Rowling’s endless tinkering with the canon of her brain-bustingly successful Harry Potter franchise has run the gamut over the years, from the benignly irritating (Ron Weasley’s Patronus is a Jack Russell terrier, in case anyone actually cared) to feeling like a somewhat cowardly attempt to have her cake and eat it, too, in regards to the series’ often invisible approaches to representation—i.e., anything to do with the fact that Dumbledore is gay, a fact you’d never know simply from reading the books (or even watching movies that are actively about his brewing conflict with his Johnny Depp-played ex).

Still, there’s a pretty massive gap between “Hey, here’s Neville Longbottom’s birthday, fans!” and the revelation that Rowling’s Pottermore site made today, when it decided, for reasons unknown to either man or magic, to announce that wizards used to just shit on the floor, like dogs.

And okay: If we really try, we can kind of see Rowling’s point here. After all, if all of humanity had had the ability to use literal magic to make anything they didn’t want disappear, then the whole elaborate story of human waste disposal—from the outdoor commodes of Pakistan, 2800 BC, to the pig toilets of ancient China, to the garderobes and thunderboxes of early British sanitation, all the way to the modern, humble crapper—might have been very different. But it still doesn’t make it any less insane that a) our beloved characters’ great-grandparents were running around making horse apples in the Room of Requirement, or b) that Rowling decided this was something that everybody in her fanbase needed to know.

But hey, given how much the author likes to go digging around in the backstory of her franchise, scooping out ever-more ancient wizards and witches on which to base implausibly successful movie franchises upon, we still can’t wait to get to these riveting scenes from Fantastic Beasts And What They Stepped In:


Dumbledore’s Dad, Probably: But you see, Bingles, if we don’t obtain all four Emeritus Orbs, it seems inevitable that *hrrrrrrrrrrrrnng* Murdorthrax the Dark Magus will destroy all of Wizarding England!

Bingles McHoobastank: But what of the Minotaur Convention? Won’t they *ahhhhh* protest once they realize we intend to break the sanctions on *ahh* gremlin smuggling amongst the doogins?

Grubbins Chumsteak, Gnome Warlock: Uhh, little help down here, guys?

Dumbledore’s Dad, Probably: Oh, sorry, Grubbins. Shittus Reductus!

Bingles McHoobastank: Pisso Mojado!

Grubbins Chumsteak, Gnome Warlock: Whoo, thanks, guys! I can finally breath again. *splat*

Riveting, canonical stuff.

Also, This is now a JK Rowling megathread. Because she just won't shut the fuck up and go away.

 

[PT 522]

I haven't read these books since outgrowing them but I'm pretty sure after confirming with someone else that vanishing spells aren't taught until year 5-ish, so pretty late on. What did students do before then? Just count on the older ones to vanish their shit?
Did none of these students grow up with a chamberpot/outhouse/toilet/shitting street at home? If they didn't, how do they get around the underage magic rule when they're not at school?

 

[Judge Holden]

I haven't read these books since outgrowing them but I'm pretty sure after confirming with someone else that vanishing spells aren't taught until year 5-ish, so pretty late on. What did students do before then? Just count on the older ones to vanish their shit?
Did none of these students grow up with a chamberpot/outhouse/toilet/shitting street at home? If they didn't, how do they get around the underage magic rule when they're not at school?

J R R Tolkien: In the near century after his works were published, people still debate the narrative and philosophy and marvel at the depth of world building within his canon
JK Rowling: In less than a decade after her works were published, people find out she unwittingly wrote her wizard civilisation to be literal pants shitting retards who had to have toilets forced upon their society by traumatised muggle-borns

 

[Andrei Tarkovsky]

View attachment 630369
This isnt fake.

lmao, what a pathetic attempt to pander to their Indian audience.

 

[Kari Kamiya]

I'm honestly just seriously tempted to show my mother, a Harry Potter sperg who likes to brag she predicted the house elves being crucial to the final battle, such facts as wizards shitting themselves before the 18th century and the Hufflepuff orgy sessions (although apparently that turned out to be fake, I can't tell anymore). She's either going to have a ball or she's just going to try and dance around canon. I don't even remember if she ever checked out Cursed Child now that I think about it.

Oh, last night my brothers and I brought up a good question: What the fuck happened to the Giant Squid? Remember the Giant Squid, Rowling? Where was it during the battle for Hogwarts if it loves the school so much? Hell, why is the Giant Squid there, anyway? What's the backstory? You don't have one for it, do you?

 

[Piga Dgrifm]

What's the backstory? You don't have one for it, do you?

It's actually a black, lesbian transwoman who was transfigured into a squid by wizard TERFs. She was not at the battle of Hogwarts because she is a Muslim and the battle took place during prayer time.

 

[Coelacanth]

Don't care if I'm late I guess it's safe to say that Rowling really is a witch because by this point she's about to transfigure herself into a lolcow. It's like whenever Chris gives personal information away just because he can at this point - it's funny to point and laugh at how pathetic Rowling's attempts to stay relevant are, but at the same time I wish I didn't know some of the garbage she keeps spewing about herself and her work.

 

[millais]

lmao, what a pathetic attempt to pander to their Indian audience.

wasn't there already some British Pajeet characters in the books?

 

[omori]

Found a glorious article for this:

https://news.avclub.com/j-k-rowling-reveals-that-wizards-used-to-just-shit-on-1831501641


Also, This is now a JK Rowling megathread. Because she just won't shut the fuck up and go away.

To play devil’s advocate here Neville’s birthday is actually super important to the plot as it happened to make him qualify for the person able to take on Voldemort as outlined in the prophecy.

wasn't there already some British Pajeet characters in the books?

The Patel twins, yes.