J.K. Rowling needs to stop messing with Harry Potter - A general STFU J.K. Rowling MegaThread <3

[Elwood P. Dowd]

And since they're students you'll get a Neville who totally fucks it up and accidentally makes the shit dance and grow or something.

Look on the positive side: This would be one way to definitely separate the faker/make pretend Squibs from the real Wizards.

 

[Judge Holden]

So...is this the newly retconned reason for why that dumb anti muggleborn schtick was the central theme in the books? the wizard aristocracy took offence at being judged for literally shitting themselves in public and being pressured into giving up crapping their britches, and voldemort wanted to exterminate them in revenge while also abolishing the use of toilets forever?

And as others had pointed out, was this just how shit went down* in wizard land in general? were the fucking malfoys and other mansion having faggots just laying down coils as they pleased around the house and hoping the house elves cleaned it up for them? was that fucking wizard government building just a general shitting meeting grounds?

....oh gods the hogwarts express must have been worse than a goddamn auchwitz train since nobody would be allowed to clean up after themselves

Jesus christ i am actually more invested in the dumbass lore of the harry potter series than ever before now. This literally changes everything and adds a whole new dimension to the storyline

*literally

 

[millais]

So...is this the newly retconned reason for why that dumb anti muggleborn schtick was the central theme in the books? the wizard aristocracy took offence at being judged for literally shitting themselves in public and being pressured into giving up crapping their britches, and voldemort wanted to exterminate them in revenge while also abolishing the use of toilets forever?

And as others had pointed out, was this just how shit went down* in wizard land in general? were the fucking malfoys and other mansion having faggots just laying down coils as they pleased around the house and hoping the house elves cleaned it up for them? was that fucking wizard government building just a general shitting meeting grounds?

....oh gods the hogwarts express must have been worse than a goddamn auchwitz train since nobody would be allowed to clean up after themselves

Jesus christ i am actually more invested in the dumbass lore of the harry potter series than ever before now. This literally changes everything and adds a whole new dimension to the storyline

*literally

And how come these genius wizards didn't just immediately vanish the shit when it was still in their colon upon feeling the first tightening contractions of the sphincter muscles. Why bother going through the process of physically extruding a turd, making a mess of the immediate environs, and only then cleaning it up by vanishing it. Was it some kind of territorial marking or dominance assertion behavior?

 

[robobobo]

When talking of the Harry Potter books, one should always bear in mind that the core premise on which it all hangs is that a grown-ass man looked down at a fucking baby and thought, "Welp, better use a murder spell on it." Rather than just shaking it, feeding it to his giant snake, rolling it onto its front, or just sticking a pillow on it, he tried to use a murder spell. On a baby. One of the easiest to kill things ever.

 

[Kari Kamiya]

When talking of the Harry Potter books, one should always bear in mind that the core premise on which it all hangs is that a grown-ass man looked down at a fucking baby and thought, "Welp, better use a murder spell on it." Rather than just shaking it, feeding it to his giant snake, rolling it onto its front, or just sticking a pillow on it, he tried to use a murder spell. On a baby. One of the easiest to kill things ever.

Also love is the most powerful spell in the wizard world. Because Dumbledore said so, I guess.

Rowling could get away with it for the first book, but that sure as hell didn't stick around for the rest of the series.

 

[Marco Fucko]

If a mother's love is such powerful protection then why do any spells even affect people with good relationships with their moms.

Like dead ass if you can't kill a baby with magic because mommy loves it then how does anybody else fucking die.

 

[robobobo]

If a mother's love is such powerful protection then why do any spells even affect people with good relationships with their moms.

Like dead ass if you can't kill a baby with magic because mommy loves it then how does anybody else fucking die.

Clearly only Harry was ever loved by his mother.

 

[Doc Cassidy]

Dude, wizards are fucking lame!

Let's suppose that you've finally defeated the dark lord Voldemont only for his spiritual successor Donald Trump to rise up and take his place leaving you with no choice but to impose your will on the non-wizard world by deposing him.

You've got your Avra Kebebra death spell so you're all ready to take over. It's true that non-wizards don't have a magic wand to shoot spells out of, all they have is an M4 Carbine that spits out over 800 5.56×45mm rounds a minute, pretty weak I guess compared to your shitty little spell. Did Rowling every give that dumb spell an effective range? Because the M4's effective range is more than five football fields. While dumbass wizards are flailing their arms around and muttering to themselves trying to kill one single person there's more than hundred non-wizards firing a million pieces of lead at them.

Oh, but I guess they could hop on their brooms and fly away, no way we could defend against that. All the non-wizards could do is hide in their B-2 bombers that can fly in the lower atmosphere and cast spells called "Nuclear Annihilation". You've got a Nimbus 9001 though so no problem lmao.

I know what you wizard fags are thinking. "We'll just cast a magic shield or whatever and block it!" well good luck. You could do that I suppose. Hide in Hogwarts with a magic shield to protect you from the mean non-wizards that won't let you impose your will on them. That's fine. Hide in there, we'll just embargo you and make sure you're all trapped in your shitty little school for the rest of eternity.

That's why wizards stay hidden, because they know that they're even lamer than dolphins.

 

[Elwood P. Dowd]

feeding it to his giant snake,

That reminds me. The snake has now apparently been retconned into a transformed Thai Korean girl or something, courtesy of the most recent movie. She continues to George Lucas the canon in ways that make the fan base sperg out.

The 'Fantastic Beasts 2' Trailer Has Sparked A Huge Controversy & Here's What You Need To Know

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The 'Fantastic Beasts 2' Trailer Has Sparked A Huge Controversy & Here's What You Need To Know
ByKRISTIAN WILSON
Sept 26 2018
Warner Bros. Pictures/Pottermore
The trailer for the upcoming Harry Potter spin-off film, Fantastic Beasts 2: The Crimes of Grindelwald, generated controversy this week with a shocking reveal: Voldemort's pet snake, Nagini, was once a human woman. The decision to cast South Korean actress Claudia Kim in the role of human Nagini has brought allegations of racism to J.K. Rowling's doorstep, and not for the first time. Rowling has responded to the criticism, and the whole controversy can be explained below.
For nearly 20 years, Harry Potter fans have known Nagini as Voldemort's only familiar. She first appeared in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, at the scene of her master's rebirth, and was present at Voldemort's side for the next three books. One of the Dark Lord's horcruxes, Nagini died in the Battle of Hogwarts after Neville Longbottom pulled the Sword of Gryffindor from the Sorting Hat and used it to behead her.
When the Fantastic Beasts 2: The Crimes of Grindelwald trailer showed Nagini living as a human circus attraction in the 1920s, the Harry Potter fandom erupted with questions. Rowling revealed that the infamous serpent is a Maledictus: a person cursed to transform into an animal for increasingly long periods of time, until the transformation eventually becomes permanent. The term had not been present in the Harry Potter source materials prior to a Thursday tweet from Rowling, which shot down a fan's assumption that Nagini was an Animagus.
Warner Bros. UK on YouTube
As I said before, there's a lot of problematic B.S. to unpack with Nagini's new backstory, so buckle up. Here’s everything that’s irked Harry Potter fans about the trailer, that shouldn’t be ignored:
Nagini's Cultural Profile Is All Kinds of Messed Up
Giphy
In the Harry Potter books, readers learn that Nagini has accompanied Voldemort since his exile in Albania, which led many to believe that she was some kind of eastern European snake. Of course, Nagini's name comes from the Sanskrit word for "serpent," but many fans — myself included — assumed that that was Voldemort's name for his pet, or maybe a common name for snakes — think Nag and Nagaina from "Rikki-Tikki-Tavi."
With actress Claudia Kim portraying Nagini in The Crimes of Grindelwald, however, the waters get a little muddier. Now the character is a Korean witch, and Credence Barebone confirms that she had her Sanskrit name long before she met Voldemort. Leaving the fact that she wound up in Albania aside, can we just address the fact that this feels like the Fantastic Beasts 2 creators tried to make Asian identities interchangeable, without addressing the worlds of cultural differences that exist between the Indian subcontinent and the Korean peninsula?
J.K. Rowling defends Nagini's casting, stating that the Naga come from "Indonesian mythology," and Indonesia is where Chinese people live. Except that the Naga didn't originate in Indonesia, but in stories from Hindu scripture, and Korean people — like Claudia Kim — are not Chinese.
Giphy
Moving on.
Nagini Has Now Become Just One More Oppressed WOC in a Nerd Fandom
Giphy
The stereotype of the submissive, oppressed, Asian woman runs rampant throughout nerd fandoms, but Harry Potter and Fantastic Beasts had largely managed to avoid all of that. Sure, Cho, Parvati, and Padma weren't strong female role-models, but they had agency and weren't enslaved as pets by and for corrupt men. Turning Nagini into a flesh-and-blood woman of Korean descent completely changes the narrative surrounding her relationship with Voldemort.
Nagini, an actual woman, lived out her life as a sideshow freak before she became a white man's pet. Voldemort used her body to store part of his soul, and had his right-hand man milk her to sustain him as he recovered from his injuries. The worst part? As a Parselmouth, Voldemort could speak to Nagini at all times. He knew she was a sentient being, and probably even knew she was once a human being.
The fact that Voldemort's a bad guy doesn't make this any better. With the release of the Fantastic Beasts 2 trailer, we have learned that the series' most prominent Asian character was the villain's slave, who was beheaded by Neville Longbottom so that the good guys could win. "That shit is racist," tweeted We Need Diverse Books founder and author Ellen Oh.
Nagini Isn't the First Harry Potter Character to Draw Allegations of Racism
Giphy
This is far from the first time that J.K. Rowling has been accused of racial insensitivity. Aside from a handful of Hogwarts students — and no faculty — the wizarding world is very, very white, straight, and cisgender. So, to make her fans feel more included, Rowling likes to retcon things, or make things canon retroactively.
Like, a lot of things. Dumbledore and Grindelwald were a gay couple, or so she claims, but their relationship is not portrayed as such in the books or on-screen. When actress Noma Dumezweni was cast as Hermione in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child — a great move, by any measure — Rowling said that she "never specified" that Hermione was white, just that she had "brown eyes [and] frizzy hair."Rowling has also said that all of the world's major religions were represented at Hogwarts, but the only holidays the school celebrates are Christian ones. There also aren't any students with disabilities in the books, as Rowling has noted before, because illnesses like mine are for Muggles only.
When Cursed Child included an alternate timeline in which Ron married Padma, Rowling named their daughter Panju — the Indian equivalent of someone from the U.S. naming their child Assateague or Ocracoke. And when Pottermore released its "History of Magic in North America" page as a teaser for Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Native American readers brought immediate attention the the fact that the so-called history had completely misrepresented their indigenous cultures.
So yeah, Nagini's new identity as an Asian woman and Maledictus isn't representative, and it could be very problematic. For the Potterheads who have already spoken up about the erasure of Dumbledore's identity, the lack of diversity at Hogwarts, and the poorly thought out "representation" of Native American magic-users, it hardly comes as a surprise.
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The best part about this article is the implication is that an Albanian chick cursed to live her life as a giant snake is okay, but don't you dare do this to a precious POC.



https://twitter.com/ElloEllenOh/status/1044638809999200256

 

[Adamska]

I hate to say it, but it does make sense. If everyone can fly, why have stairs? If you can make matter vanish, why have a septic system, flush toilets, dish washers, or garbage cans?

That said, they'd probably have furniture designed to crap in and be easily cleaned by magic. You wouldn't just "shit anywhere", you'd have a toilet that worked differently.

I haven't read these books since outgrowing them but I'm pretty sure after confirming with someone else that vanishing spells aren't taught until year 5-ish, so pretty late on. What did students do before then? Just count on the older ones to vanish their shit?
Did none of these students grow up with a chamberpot/outhouse/toilet/shitting street at home? If they didn't, how do they get around the underage magic rule when they're not at school?

See, my reckoning is that before full on plumbing existed (for some reason that isn't really explained) in the school, they probably just had a chamberpot, those old castle toilets, or outhouses to take loads in if needed that'd vanish the waste and scrub it down. Why? Because of the little nugget of Dumbledore looking for one being in Book 1, and the pre-established idea that wizards only went isolationist fairly recently, like the 1600s or so.

Either way, no. This is not a thing you bring up in public Rowling. This is something only shit fetishists do... hmm. Maybe on to something there.

 

[Phantom]

That reminds me. The snake has now apparently been retconned into a transformed Thai Korean girl or something, courtesy of the most recent movie. She continues to George Lucas the canon in ways that make the fan base sperg out.

The 'Fantastic Beasts 2' Trailer Has Sparked A Huge Controversy & Here's What You Need To Know

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The 'Fantastic Beasts 2' Trailer Has Sparked A Huge Controversy & Here's What You Need To Know
ByKRISTIAN WILSON
Sept 26 2018
Warner Bros. Pictures/Pottermore
The trailer for the upcoming Harry Potter spin-off film, Fantastic Beasts 2: The Crimes of Grindelwald, generated controversy this week with a shocking reveal: Voldemort's pet snake, Nagini, was once a human woman. The decision to cast South Korean actress Claudia Kim in the role of human Nagini has brought allegations of racism to J.K. Rowling's doorstep, and not for the first time. Rowling has responded to the criticism, and the whole controversy can be explained below.
For nearly 20 years, Harry Potter fans have known Nagini as Voldemort's only familiar. She first appeared in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, at the scene of her master's rebirth, and was present at Voldemort's side for the next three books. One of the Dark Lord's horcruxes, Nagini died in the Battle of Hogwarts after Neville Longbottom pulled the Sword of Gryffindor from the Sorting Hat and used it to behead her.
When the Fantastic Beasts 2: The Crimes of Grindelwald trailer showed Nagini living as a human circus attraction in the 1920s, the Harry Potter fandom erupted with questions. Rowling revealed that the infamous serpent is a Maledictus: a person cursed to transform into an animal for increasingly long periods of time, until the transformation eventually becomes permanent. The term had not been present in the Harry Potter source materials prior to a Thursday tweet from Rowling, which shot down a fan's assumption that Nagini was an Animagus.
Warner Bros. UK on YouTube
As I said before, there's a lot of problematic B.S. to unpack with Nagini's new backstory, so buckle up. Here’s everything that’s irked Harry Potter fans about the trailer, that shouldn’t be ignored:
Nagini's Cultural Profile Is All Kinds of Messed Up
Giphy
In the Harry Potter books, readers learn that Nagini has accompanied Voldemort since his exile in Albania, which led many to believe that she was some kind of eastern European snake. Of course, Nagini's name comes from the Sanskrit word for "serpent," but many fans — myself included — assumed that that was Voldemort's name for his pet, or maybe a common name for snakes — think Nag and Nagaina from "Rikki-Tikki-Tavi."
With actress Claudia Kim portraying Nagini in The Crimes of Grindelwald, however, the waters get a little muddier. Now the character is a Korean witch, and Credence Barebone confirms that she had her Sanskrit name long before she met Voldemort. Leaving the fact that she wound up in Albania aside, can we just address the fact that this feels like the Fantastic Beasts 2 creators tried to make Asian identities interchangeable, without addressing the worlds of cultural differences that exist between the Indian subcontinent and the Korean peninsula?
J.K. Rowling defends Nagini's casting, stating that the Naga come from "Indonesian mythology," and Indonesia is where Chinese people live. Except that the Naga didn't originate in Indonesia, but in stories from Hindu scripture, and Korean people — like Claudia Kim — are not Chinese.
Giphy
Moving on.
Nagini Has Now Become Just One More Oppressed WOC in a Nerd Fandom
Giphy
The stereotype of the submissive, oppressed, Asian woman runs rampant throughout nerd fandoms, but Harry Potter and Fantastic Beasts had largely managed to avoid all of that. Sure, Cho, Parvati, and Padma weren't strong female role-models, but they had agency and weren't enslaved as pets by and for corrupt men. Turning Nagini into a flesh-and-blood woman of Korean descent completely changes the narrative surrounding her relationship with Voldemort.
Nagini, an actual woman, lived out her life as a sideshow freak before she became a white man's pet. Voldemort used her body to store part of his soul, and had his right-hand man tard cum her to sustain him as he recovered from his injuries. The worst part? As a Parselmouth, Voldemort could speak to Nagini at all times. He knew she was a sentient being, and probably even knew she was once a human being.
The fact that Voldemort's a bad guy doesn't make this any better. With the release of the Fantastic Beasts 2 trailer, we have learned that the series' most prominent Asian character was the villain's slave, who was beheaded by Neville Longbottom so that the good guys could win. "That shit is racist," tweeted We Need Diverse Books founder and author Ellen Oh.
Nagini Isn't the First Harry Potter Character to Draw Allegations of Racism
Giphy
This is far from the first time that J.K. Rowling has been accused of racial insensitivity. Aside from a handful of Hogwarts students — and no faculty — the wizarding world is very, very white, straight, and cisgender. So, to make her fans feel more included, Rowling likes to retcon things, or make things canon retroactively.
Like, a lot of things. Dumbledore and Grindelwald were a gay couple, or so she claims, but their relationship is not portrayed as such in the books or on-screen. When actress Noma Dumezweni was cast as Hermione in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child — a great move, by any measure — Rowling said that she "never specified" that Hermione was white, just that she had "brown eyes [and] frizzy hair."Rowling has also said that all of the world's major religions were represented at Hogwarts, but the only holidays the school celebrates are Christian ones. There also aren't any students with disabilities in the books, as Rowling has noted before, because illnesses like mine are for Muggles only.
When Cursed Child included an alternate timeline in which Ron married Padma, Rowling named their daughter Panju — the Indian equivalent of someone from the U.S. naming their child Assateague or Ocracoke. And when Pottermore released its "History of Magic in North America" page as a teaser for Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Native American readers brought immediate attention the the fact that the so-called history had completely misrepresented their indigenous cultures.
So yeah, Nagini's new identity as an Asian woman and Maledictus isn't representative, and it could be very problematic. For the Potterheads who have already spoken up about the erasure of Dumbledore's identity, the lack of diversity at Hogwarts, and the poorly thought out "representation" of Native American magic-users, it hardly comes as a surprise.
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40%
 
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The best part about this article is the implication is that an Albanian chick cursed to live her life as a giant snake is okay, but don't you dare do this to a precious POC.

View attachment 631416

https://twitter.com/ElloEllenOh/status/1044638809999200256

I guess the Korean snakegirl thing upgraded from eating dogs to eating babies

 

[Bunny Tracks]

View attachment 630369
This isnt fake.

I just...I can't even...what.

 

[Basic Bleach]

So we know who to really blame for the Black Plague. Say what you will about the muggles, at least they shat in buckets.

That reminds me. The snake has now apparently been retconned into a transformed Thai Korean girl or something, courtesy of the most recent movie. She continues to George Lucas the canon in ways that make the fan base sperg out.

As much as it'd add yet another layer of REEEEEEEEE to the fandom, it would have been pretty badass if Nagini was an enslaved naga or something. I mean, don't they count as fantastic freaking beasts???
She's not 'a pet', by the end of the series she's literally the only thing between life and redeath for Voldemort. Nagini might be the only living thing in the universe he gives an actual shit (no pun intended) about.

 

[Sinner's Sandwich]

Rather than just shaking it, feeding it to his giant snake, rolling it onto its front, or just sticking a pillow on it, he tried to use a murder spell. On a baby. One of the easiest to kill things ever.

Even this could have been explained with a personality flaw like for example arrogance. He thinks he is so powerful that he doesn't need to use normal killing methods. In the end his arrogance kills him.

 

[BScCollateral]

Even this could have been explained with a personality flaw like for example arrogance.

Or squeamishness. I could actually buy a character who couldn't strangle a baby but could cast a spell from across the street.

 

[Kari Kamiya]

Wait, but Harry was a Horcrux. Was that an accident in that a piece of Voldemort's soul got shoved into Harry because of twoo wuv, or did Voldemort plan on turning a baby into a Horcrux and it just so happened he came across the Potters (who were members of the Order of the Phoenix, so they were targets anyway), but he over-exceeded the amount of Horcruxes he could have and it nearly killed him?

 

[Syaoran Li]

To be honest, Harry Potter was never good to begin with and J.K. Rowling is a one-note hack who is milking the only successful thing she has ever written.

I still don't know why so many Millennials hold up Harry Potter as if it were a great work of classic literature. It's a goddamn children's book!

I'm not one of those snobs who looks down on "genre" fiction, in fact I am a fan of genre fiction more than "real" literature. But Harry Potter is no masterpiece, it's just a children's book series.

 

[omori]

Wait, but Harry was a Horcrux. Was that an accident in that a piece of Voldemort's soul got shoved into Harry because of twoo wuv, or did Voldemort plan on turning a baby into a Horcrux and it just so happened he came across the Potters (who were members of the Order of the Phoenix, so they were targets anyway), but he over-exceeded the amount of Horcruxes he could have and it nearly killed him?

Harry was an accidental horcrux. I’m sure you know that simply an act of killing splits the soul of a fragment and the piece that was floating in the nether or whatever attatched itself to “the closest living soul in the area”. Which now that I think about it is a meh explanation, except that a majority of Voldemort’s horcruxes are inanimate enchanted objects. The piece couldve easily attatched itself to a fucking enchanted teddy bear in toddler Harry’s room. I cant remember if there was a spell or whatever that would ensure the proper adhesion of soul and item/living being but fuck it in this particular instance.

 

[Kari Kamiya]

I cant remember if there was a spell or whatever that would ensure the proper adhesion of soul and item/living being but fuck it in this particular instance.

There has to be given Nagini became a horcrux despite being once a woman who was cursed to forever be a snake.

 

[omori]

There has to be given Nagini became a horcrux despite being once a woman who was cursed to forever be a snake.

If there is its never stated what it is cause fuck it