jokes thread - WE NEED MORE DEAD JOKES THREADS

[Mysterious Girlfriend X]

A priest and a rabbi, both in need of transportation, decide to pool their money together and buy a car. They both agree to keep the car in a public parking lot, easily accessible to both of them when it's needed. More importantly, they both agree to refrain from subjecting their car to their respective religions, as an act of respectful harmony between the two of them.

However, one night, the priest sneaks into the parking lot. Censer in one hand and holy water in the other, he proceeds to bless the car as stealthily as possible.

Shortly after he leave, the rabbi sneaks into the parking lot. He pulls out a hacksaw, and proceeds to saw off the tip of the car's exhaust pipe...

 

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[PandaChai]

This one was a favourite of my late gran

A binman is doing his rounds when he notices one house doesn't have their bins out. Wanting to do the charitable thing he knocks on the front door which is soon answered by a little Chinaman. The binman asks him "Where's ya bin?" to which the little Chinaman answers "Hong Kong". Annoyed the binman asks "No, where's ya wheelie bin?" to which the little Chinaman insists "I weally weally been to Hong Kong!"

 

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https://9gag.com/gag/aVv99NM

 

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https://9gag.com/gag/aVv96z2

https://9gag.com/gag/abAL8WO

https://9gag.com/gag/a7omRDr

https://9gag.com/gag/aD2qv97

https://9gag.com/gag/aE0jK9e

https://9gag.com/gag/aKGXMKW

https://9gag.com/gag/a5Q9Y2r

 

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[The Cringe Connoisseur]

What do you call a sweaty black woman?


Secretia.

 

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[Sugriva]

This is just a shitty meme thread. WHERE ARE THE JOKES?

 

[Mister Fister]

Why cant Stevie Wonder read? Because he’s Black

 

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This is just a shitty meme thread. WHERE ARE THE JOKES?

in the first few pages. feel free to include your jokes here.

 

[Sugriva]

in the first few pages. feel free to include your jokes here.

I have posted many.

Why were the menus at the Chinese restaurant all blank? They were written with invisible chink

 

[Mysterious Girlfriend X]

Here's an old one with God knows how many variations:

A plane carrying a boy scout, a priest, and Jasmine Crockett* suddenly suffers a catastrophic failure of all its engines, guaranteeing it will soon crash. The pilot exits the cockpit and addresses the passengers.
"Bad news," he says dryly. "This plane's going to crash. Worse news, there's four of us, and only three parachutes." Then, without saying another word, the pilot grabs one of the parachutes and leaps out of the plane.

Seeing this, Jasmine Crockett turns to the priest and the boy scout.
"I'm the smartest black woman in the world," she shrieks. "There's no way I'm dying here!" She then grabs a parachute and leaps out of the plane.

As the plane glides towards disaster, the priest takes a moment to steady his nerves, and turns to the boy scout.
"Take the last parachute, my son. If it means saving your life, then I am ready to meet God."

Surprisingly, the boy scout responds with a calm, confident smile.
"Don't worry. The smartest black woman in the world just jumped out of this plane with my backpack."


*: Replace with any other black person you want

 

[31 Black]

How do you confuse a blonde?

Throw her in a round room and tell her to piss in the corner.

How does a blonde confuse you?

She comes out and says she did.

 

[Retarded of the Month]

How do you confuse a blonde?

Throw her in a round room and tell her to piss in the corner.

How does a blonde confuse you?

She comes out and says she did.

It confuses blonde men too? Because I'm confused