Orbiter Kat Speculation - With guest appearances by her sister, Jenna

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Guess Kat's weight.

  • >200 lbs.

    Votes: 22 3.5%

  • 200 lbs.-250 lbs.

    Votes: 125 20.0%

  • 250 lbs.- 300 lbs.

    Votes: 110 17.6%

  • Damn that's a huge bitch.

    Votes: 369 58.9%
  • Total voters
    626
Fapcop said:
Unless she’s a complete smoothbrain, she’ll know that a decade from now, Phil will make a few hundred dollars per week/month on his streams.
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OK, let's run the numbers based on that assumption. He makes $10K a month now, $500 a month 10 years from now, and we'll assume a linear dropoff from now till then. We'll assume Phil is a complete bankrupt at the end of the decade and has no inheritance to leave Kat or anything like that.
We'll say Phil hangs on tooth and claw to the Khando until his income drops below $30K a year, at which point he loses it.

I made two alimony estimates, "high" and "realistic".
"Realistic" goes by the guidelines here: https://trucelaw.com/spousal-maintenance/
"High" assumes alimony of 50% Phil's gross income and a 75% duration factor across the board. (Recall that the marriage started in 2019, so the duration on this chart starts at 2 years and counts up)
In both cases I cap the total alimony at the total of Phil's future earnings through 2031, plus $100K of equity in the house if he still has it at the time of divorce - the bloodsucking government can take 100% of his future income and assets but no more.
I assume Phil never obtains an adjustment on the original alimony no matter how low his income drops - it's always calculated on his income at the time of divorce.

I conservatively calculate in-kind "benefits" at a baseline of $2000/month today. $1800/month for the Khando mortgage, and then another $200 of fun money which I scale down linearly with his income. Once he loses the Khando, he moves into Jenna's Crack Shack which is only worth $500/month of in-kind benefits.

The three right columns are the total future value of all income derived from Phil in our three scenarios: divorcing with high alimony, divorcing with realistic alimony, and riding it out till the decade is up.
For simplicity I'm not dealing with discounting these future cashflows to their present value, inflation, or any of that.

YearGross Income
(Year)		Benefits
(Year)		Total Alimony
(High)		Total Alimony
(Realistic)		Total Benefits
(If Married Till 2031)
2021120000240009000021600204660
20221086002377212217548870180660
2023972002354414580058320156888
2024858002331616087564350133344
2025744002308816740066960110028
202663000228601653756615086940
202751600226321548006192064080
202840200224041356755427041448
2029288006576522005220019044
2030174006348234002340012468
203160006120600060006120

By this reckoning, it becomes worthwhile to divorce Phil in 2024 under the high-alimony scenario and in 2028 under the realistic-alimony scenario. These cutoffs actually stay about the same even if we increase Phil's 2031 income to $30000 or even $60000. The increased time and duration factors seem to dominate everything eventually.
 
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Full Race Replay said:
She probably doesn't know anything more than we do (and probably even less, because kiwi farmers are many things but not lazy and complacent) and wouldn't have anything to tell the court like @Fapcop says.
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I don’t think Khat is nearly as dumb as Phil, and it would be hard to hide from her much she makes. All she needs to do, is to drop by the stream and notice how often Phil is looking like a space Nazi/ Village people reject, and the tips number.

And as for a divorce, you seem to forget that Khat doesn’t have to be intimately familiar with the Farms. A good lawyer knows how to google (or hires someone who does!) and fuck it wouldn’t even have to be a good lawyer, since the minute her lawyers name would be accessible in court documents, the poor fucker would be swamped with dozens of farmers and tractors all bringing years of income estimates.


By this reckoning, it becomes worthwhile to divorce Phil in 2024 under the high-alimony scenario and in 2028 under the realistic-alimony scenario.
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I regret I only have one “Winner” to give you, @Kosher Dill . Shine on you beautiful, autistic diamond!

Considering how many tines Phil had to be carried through games, there’s something extremely fitting with producing a cheat chart for Khat on when to jump ship.

Your chart has one major (or minor?) flaw though. It doesn’t have another column for the seething rage Khat must feel at seeing Phil spend thousands of dollars on Gacha games and various bullshit every month.
 
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Y'all crazy. The obvious answer is Kat's sister's tits.
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JPG said:
It’s not, he has business expenses that significantly reduce that down to $5k maximum.
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We're working on the assumption that "Bankruptcy Math" won't fly in divorce court.
It's true that divorces are supposed to go by your net income, but A) I have no idea if taxes count against that if you don't actually pay them and B) leaving it as an overestimate is a good "Clown World" fudge factor. Assuming Phil would get screwed to some degree in divorce court isn't far-fetched.

At any rate, even if you knock his income down by 25% or even 50%, the cutoffs still don't change very much.
If we say Phil's "divorce income" is $90000 per annum we get 2025 and 2029 for the high and realistic alimony scenarios. Same if we knock it all the way down to $60000.

Of course, all these numbers are assuming no personal preference on Kat's part - that she likes in-kind contributions just as much as cash, living with Phil just as much as not, and no particular inclination toward or away from risk. Given her black hole of a personality I think that's a decent approximation though. In reality she probably wouldn't have a fire lit under her the instant the marriage flips over to "unprofitable", it would take some time for her to realize and then act.
 
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Think about it. If you run business that sells
$200k but $100k is stock price. It’s the same for
Dsp albeit his costs are virtual. They wouldn’t calculate on turnover.
 
@Kosher Dill

I’d certainly love to see a pit bull of a divorce lawyer go over Phil’s “business expenses” in a courtroom, considering the “eehhm” and “ah...” on the bankruptcy stream.

In reality she probably wouldn't have a fire lit under her the instant the marriage flips over to "unprofitable", it would take some time for her to realize and then act.
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I agree. Khat was wily enough to exchange her Subaru man with someone who she thought was a “big time streamer”.(Immoral? Meh, it’s what girls with limited prospects and alright looks have done since the dawn of man.)

What you’re describing is exactly what I’d count on. (Especially given the cringe videos of those too. You can call Kat many things, but “A woman in love” surely isn’t one!

The only question is, whether she’s smart/wily enough to keep an eye on Phil’s/The marriages profitability.

Khat, despite all we know of her, is still kind of a black hole. But I’d reckon she DOES keep a weary eye on Phil’s numbers and isn’t happy.

Which would explain a lot about Phil’s recent behavior. (From his paranoia about cars, weird explanations about Khat, his increased temper tantrums, and his envy of other streamers and wanting to go back to 2013.)

Then again, maybe Khat is just a dumb, asocial sped, who’s happy with packing on the pounds and living way above her means. For as long as it lasts.

Think about it. If you run business that sells
JPG said:
$200k but $100k is stock price. It’s the same for
Dsp albeit his costs are virtual. They wouldn’t calculate on turnover.
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Have you been huffing Pigroach fumes or are you high on pignosis mah nigga?

What “costs” are you talking about?!

Phil’s “business expenses” come to a few hundred dollars a month. Period. “Business” Internet, PSN/Gamepass subscriptions and a few games. The price of which have fallen drastically since he does so many Gamepass games.

I mean sure... Phil would consider his mortgage, groceries and Doordash bills to be “business expenses too”

(Probably from some autistic understanding that it “fuels” Phil, an integral part of his “on demand streaming service” business.)

But that’s not how any of this works.
 
Sparkletor 2.0 said:
I really wonder what kind of cutthroat pitbull divorce lawyer Kat could get with her 20 hour a week minimum wage job.
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Implying the detractors wouldn't crowdfund the divorce.

Would be the first thing related to Phil that'd be legitimately crowdfunded, and it'd be his divorce. That'd be hilarious.
 
Sparkletor 2.0 said:
I really wonder what kind of cutthroat pitbull divorce lawyer Kat could get with her 20 hour a week minimum wage job.
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About as good as the cutthroat pitbull divorce lawyer Phil could get with his 100 hour a week WWE Champions job.
Court is just going to be the two of them ramming their wheelchairs together angrily.
 
Sparkletor 2.0 said:
I really wonder what kind of cutthroat pitbull divorce lawyer Kat could get with her 20 hour a week minimum wage job.
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A: A feminist nut job, who can REE for hours about muh wage gap. (This is Seattle after all.)

B: A greedy pit bull who’ll look take one look at Phil and realize he’s looking at big bag with a dollar sign on it with legs and arms and a Gouty head.

Out of the “kindness of his heart” he’ll tell Khat he will make an exception, and everything aside from the retainer, she can pay after the case is over.

Kosher Dill said:
About as good as the cutthroat pitbull divorce lawyer Phil could get with his 100 hour a week WWE Champions job.
Court is just going to be the two of them ramming their wheelchairs together angrily.
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Khat might just luck out and find a feminist at the “women’s legal aid center” or whatever. Or be smart enough to spend her Kroger’s savings on an actual lawyer.

Phil will try to cheapskate out of it, and have his bankruptcy attorney represent him. It’ll be hilarious.
 
I don't think Khet is nearly as smart/conniving as people are trying to imply. Or even that ambitious. I think the limit of her ambition is having a place to live and food to eat. Which she has.

If her end game is to get rich off of divorcing Phil, why is she working some retail job that she hates? It seems highly unlikely Phil would make her get a job/wouldn't buy whatever she wanted as it is.

Khet also has no life. Even the "gym" jokes people like to make are based on fairly old comments at this point. She barely leaves the house. Phil isn't discreet enough to hide if Khet was going out with friends, he talked about it before with Leanna and he can't help but mention any small detail going on in the goutsphere.

I think Khet is just a very simple person. We know she had a crappy home life, so I don't think it's a shock to say all she really wants is basic stability. With Phil, she has free room and board, all the Doordash she wants and a quiet place to play games. She barely has to interact with Phil and doesn't have to do any of the traditional gold digger things since Phil thinks girls have cooties. Hell, we're pretty sure she doesn't even have to sleep in the same bed as him. If Khet was consistently going out and talking about how unhappy she is with her life, like we saw with Leanna, I could buy the divorce theories. And, it's not impossible for those things to happen. I think we've seen inklings of it already, but we're still very, very far from a divorce saga, and I certainly don't think Khet is a master schemer who has planned Phil's ultimate downfall. I mean, if her plan involves marrying Phil and willingly spending years with him just to get an alimony check, I'd argue that's a pretty dumb plan, and there are way easier ways to grift money.

All that being said, I don't think they'll last. Once Phil is unable to provide stability, she'll leave. I just don't think it'll be a glorious alimony saga, or at least, it won't live up to what people are hoping. Phil is on a decline and struggling, but you can argue he's been that way since the vest saga ended. He's still making a considerable amount of money, certainly enough to impress someone who has only ever worked part time retail jobs.
 
Well, @Cyber Bowling you could very well be right. Khat is a mystery wrapped in an enigma surrounded by... Gout.

For all the creepy, crazy details we know about her early life and the sordid details of her split with Subaru man, she’s just pretty much a black hole in many respects.

Phil occasionally lets stuff slip, but he has been pretty good at keeping Khat behind da scenes. Khat herself of course has zero of the online presence (nor charisma!) of Panda, so we’re left with a lot of guess work.

Does she work because Phil demands it because his mom worked? Because she wants something to do? Because she’s too smart to let a failing streamer be her only source of income?

So all we can do is speculate.

One thing that is slightly more than speculation: Based on Phil’s recent behavior (like the unprecedented day off and other things) I don’t exactly think things are going smoothly behind da scenes.
 
Cyber Bowling said:
I think we've seen inklings of it already, but we're still very, very far from a divorce saga
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Well yes, we're about 7 years out from it being the profitable choice. (Slightly less if Phil actually maintains or increases his income) I don't think we'll see anything happen before then unless Kat genuinely starts hating life with Phil. Which, as you say, she may be on her way to.
 
Fapcop said:
Does she work because Phil demands it because his mom worked?
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Don't know where you got this from. Linda hasn't had a job since the 80's. She sits in her Lay-Z-Boy and watches QVC and chain smokes all day.

The only one in the family with a real job is Dave who is a mid level manager at the toilet brush factory.
 
Kosher Dill said:
Well yes, we're about 7 years out from it being the profitable choice. (Slightly less if Phil actually maintains or increases his income) I don't think we'll see anything happen before then unless Kat genuinely starts hating life with Phil. Which, as you say, she may be on her way to.
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I should clarify, I don't think her recent unhappiness is Phil related. If anything, it's self reflection that she has no experience/training and is stuck working dead end jobs. But, if she follows through on that line of thinking and decides to improve herself, I could see it being a Leanna situation. She starts to see more of the world, interacts with other people and then has a baseline to compare to Phil. Right now, she's as much of a hermit as he is, so for all intents and purposes, Phil and her have a normal relationship.

But IMO, she's been stagnant for so long, it seems less likely she'll grow up. Leanna was, for all intents and purposes, still a kid when she moved out with Phil. But, even then, she seemed more social than Khet. And more ambitious, since she had her soap business.
 
Sparkletor 2.0 said:
Don't know where you got this from. Linda hasn't had a job since the 80's. She sits in her Lay-Z-Boy and watches QVC and chain smokes all day.

The only one in the family with a real job is Dave who is a mid level manager at the toilet brush factory.
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Ah, I see. Looks like Phil is mother’s boy in more ways than one. Just replace the TV with gaming and cigarettes with overpriced, cheap shitty food.

I always found it weird that Phil let her work in the first place. Surely 10K$ a month is enough to feed Khat’s Sushi gorging habit?

I thought he learned from the mistake he made with Panda. Then again, Phil is too dumb and caught in his own self delusions to realize how poorly he stacks up with other men, and how sad their lifestyle must seem when Khat sits with her coworkers and talk about vacations, day trips, hobbies, etc.
 
Linda Burnell may be a lazy waste of space, but she is a much better person than her son. One reason is that she is very Catholic and allegedly has done a lot of charity work with her church. Volunteering her time to help the less fortunate. Phil lies to retards so he can get McDonalds delivered to his house at 1:00 am.

Although seeing how Phil sees charity work as clout chasing, maybe she only did it to get points with her church group. We can't know if she did charity work for selfless or selfish reasons. We do know that Phil never does any charity work.

I guess she also gives Phil money and buys Thanksgiving dinner for him. That shows that she cares for someone besides herself. That's more than we can say about Phil.
 
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