Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Amateur musician, YouTube Streamer, wandmaker, and self-proclaimed "sexy goth badboy". Perpetually circling the drain.

[An automatic clown]

Cool Taste with the heavy hit

 

[bonified retard]

I know people have been offering their theories on what happened to Puff ranging from Cobes lying about losing him to Puff running away. However I offer my stupid alternative theory... Have we considered the idea that someone might have stolen Puff.

He's a retard with a victim complex. If there was even a shred of possibility that this was someone else's doing, he would blame and try to milk sympathy imo.

 

[Fools Idol]

Any word on the bike situation, is its till broke?

 

[Bogliacci]

Any word on the bike situation, is its till broke?

How do you think Puff made his getaway?

 

[James done did it]

You guys are being too negative. With all the bugs in his apartment that thing could live for years. As sweaty and greasy as Cobes always looks I imagine he keeps that place sweltering.

How warm do they need to be? If he kept the place at like 75 and had a couple power bricks or similar heat sources it seems plausible unless they are like from the desert or something and need it truly hot. I've found active lizards in my basement before when it's cold out, but they're native lizards to my area that are fine with relatively low temperatures

Bearded dragons are from the Australian outback. Basking spot needs to be about 100 degrees and they also need a very powerful UV bulb, without UV light they're unable to metabolize calcium properly and will end up with metabolic bone disease which will eventually kill them. Also 75 is barely even hot enough for the cool end of their heat gradient, that's like night time temperature. Needless to say they will not survive indoors anywhere in the world without a proper enclosure. Almost all house lizards are nocturnal and have much less of a need for UV exposure and lizards from temperate areas have a much better ability to tolerate cold via brumation.

For the majority of reptiles almost all of the challenge that care poses is setting up and maintaining a good enclosure because unlike mammalian pets they usually can't survive in the same conditions we do longterm. Not many people are capable of doing this (even though it's not hard), or balk at spending 4-5x as much on the tank, lighting, decor, etc as they spent on the reptile itself. Which is why a lot of these species that have longer lifespans than a dog or cat end up dying in a couple of years.

 

[._.]

Puff being missing gives me the same feeling of when that titanic sub went missing, poor fucker is either dead as we speak and the search is pointless, or he’s missing in a boglim’s hoard with not much time left. Hopefully they find the LizardGate beardie before it’s too late

idk Maybe if hes lost in the hoard he can eat all the bugs crawling around Cobes' apartment. Theres probably a risk of being stepped on though and the only liquid on the ground would be vile (piss, mead, or cum).

Its dark and not really funny but I like the idea that he did try to take him for a walk though, its something I would have thought of at like 5 years old, try to put a leash on a cat and walk it.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

Its dark and not really funny but I like the idea that he did try to take him for a walk though, its something I would have thought of at like 5 years old, try to put a leash on a cat and walk it.

Admittedly it's a lot better than the possibility he blew weed smoke and duster into the enclosure to get Puff "high" and killed him that way.

 

[James done did it]

idk Maybe if hes lost in the hoard he can eat all the bugs crawling around Cobes' apartment. Theres probably a risk of being stepped on though and the only liquid on the ground would be vile (piss, mead, or cum).

Its dark and not really funny but I like the idea that he did try to take him for a walk though, its something I would have thought of at like 5 years old, try to put a leash on a cat and walk it.

People actually do walk bearded dragons and other large terrestrial lizards and it's not necessarily bad for them provided you have controlled all of the parameters that could result in a dead lizard (picking a location to avoid cats/dogs/birds big enough to pick it up, not walking on grass that has had chemicals applied recently, walking when the outside temperature is at least in the high 70s, controlling how long you do it to avoid chilling them if it's not outback tier temps out). Rather than a leash setup though I think it's better to get some small play fencing and set up an outdoor free roam area for something like a beardie. A harness/leash would be for a larger lizard that you want full control of at all times like larger monitors.

There's another caveat though: Lizards can see UV. When they see us inside they are seeing us with light cast on us from interior lighting that lacks UV, or sun through glass that filters UV. You look very different to a lizard under outdoor UV light than you do indoors which can cause lizards to panic and either run away or attack. Most lizards including beardies also have a primitive third eye on top of their head that is basically a binary "is there light over me" switch. When that flashes it indicates a shadow moving over them which in the wild would be a bird, which can also cause them to suddenly freak out when outside where you can't really control what that eye is seeing. Inside, it's why you never try to pick a lizard up from above or move your hand quickly over it.

 

[UncommonParlence]

Key difference is that phones and sex dolls dont have legs to scamper around at ludicrous speed (compared to a dusted boglim's reaction speed) so puff very well could have scurried under the fridge or something.

I just noticed a detail in his post. He says "by the LAUNDRY". Does this mean that Copes took puff to his complex's laundry hole and said lizard scurried of while he was doing his laundry wrong?

Its pretty clear that puff was not lost inside the bogden(allegedly). He was last seen(by cobra?) by the laundry(not by the fridge).

I'm actually disappointed. I was under the impression that puff was holed up somewhere Josh was too stupid to find and was at least safe.

Fucking Josh could have walked to the laundry with Puff on his shoulder(no leash) to show off how bad ass he was to the neighbors. Puff did what we've seen him do many times... BONZAI! Then waddled away at a medium pace.

I wonder how long it took him to realize that puff was no longer on his shoulder? Did he forget he even had a lizard with him?

This is all moot though. You don't lose an animal that lives in a terrarium. You neglect it to death then tell transparent lies to shield yourself from your own stupidity.

Or he killed puff by mixing cleaning products or simply smoked him to death by blowing weed into his enclosure.

 

[Negev]

I just noticed a detail in his post. He says "by the LAUNDRY". Does this mean that Copes took puff to his complex's laundry hole and said lizard scurried of while he was doing his laundry wrong?

Its pretty clear that puff was not lost inside the bogden(allegedly). He was last seen(by cobra?) by the laundry(not by the fridge).

I'm actually disappointed. I was under the impression that puff was holed up somewhere Josh was too stupid to find and was at least safe.

Fucking Josh could have walked to the laundry with Puff on his shoulder(no leash) to show off how bad ass he was to the neighbors. Puff did what we've seen him do many times... BONZAI! Then waddled away at a medium pace.

I wonder how long it took him to realize that puff was no longer on his shoulder? Did he forget he even had a lizard with him?

This is all moot though. You don't lose an animal that lives in a terrarium. You neglect it to death then tell transparent lies to shield yourself from your own stupidity.

Or he killed puff by mixing cleaning products or simply smoked him to death by blowing weed into his enclosure.

Thats exactly what I was thinking, since he posted on that lost pet page and mentioned it would be near his building. he probably took puff out with him for some reason and puff booked it. Cobra constantly treats puff like a dog or cat so I don't think he realizes how different lizards are from mammals, so he probably thinks that Puff is just hanging out outside somewhere and can survive being out in the cold.

 

[Bogliacci]

True, he is stupid enough to just take the thing out with him and let it run around while he does laundry. The boy tried to be responsible and this is what happens! Maybe he should just sit in the dog chair and atrophy since theres seems to be precisely 0 things he can fucking do properly. Absolutely nothing.

 

[THE KACZYNSKI]

Can YOU solve the mystery?
Who killed Puff the Bearded Dragon? Collect clues and race to be the first to work out who committed the murder, where in the goth clocktower mansion they did it and what weapon was used.

6 suspects, 1 murder: Play as Mr Saunders, Colonel Taste, Homeboy Scotty, Scrapper Steve, Warlord Campbell or Rasta Jeremy. Discover their horrifying backstories – and try to uncover their secrets.

 

[HiveDull]

I can imagine him waddling around the apartment trying to find Puff, but not really going and looking into every crevasse that a small lizard can get into.
I also imagine him doing stress farts while saying "Goddamn it, dood."

 

[RollingRock2]

Maybe

I just noticed a detail in his post. He says "by the LAUNDRY". Does this mean that Copes took puff to his complex's laundry hole and said lizard scurried of while he was doing his laundry wrong?

Its pretty clear that puff was not lost inside the bogden(allegedly). He was last seen(by cobra?) by the laundry(not by the fridge).

I'm actually disappointed. I was under the impression that puff was holed up somewhere Josh was too stupid to find and was at least safe.

Fucking Josh could have walked to the laundry with Puff on his shoulder(no leash) to show off how bad ass he was to the neighbors. Puff did what we've seen him do many times... BONZAI! Then waddled away at a medium pace.

I wonder how long it took him to realize that puff was no longer on his shoulder? Did he forget he even had a lizard with him?

This is all moot though. You don't lose an animal that lives in a terrarium. You neglect it to death then tell transparent lies to shield yourself from your own stupidity.

Or he killed puff by mixing cleaning products or simply smoked him to death by blowing weed into his enclosure.

Maybe Puff was in his laundry basket and drowned in the wash

 

[Blue Miaplacidus]

I just hope Puff actually escaped and didn't die because he got smashed by a drunken retard who was mad at his talk-to-text.

 

[Phalanges Mycologist]

Two things:

1) I hope for puff's sake he's found alive and well.
2) In the sadly likely even he's died the smell will be intolerable even for him.

I have thought of a way of trying to find Puff he might not have taken into account yet and that's looking in any location that acts as a head trap, if from what it sounds like he's taken him outside the apartment but still inside he could look in places like electrical cupboards, water heaters, radiators etc I normally don't advise people pozload my negholep but it might be worth mentioning it to him because there is noway he's tried that.

 

[Bogliacci]

There are no happy endings in the Cobraverse

 

[Mr. Manchester]

I apologize for my previous comments insinuating that this was some elaborate troll. It's just so out of left field that a man could lose an entire lizard that it's baffling to me. The kind of thing that numbs the mind and leaves you with nothing left but your seething hatred of reddit fags who can't just let funny things happen on their own.

 

[SpiceyHuman]

Which would you rather have?

An epic Puff wand or a Boglim tooth wand?

Hard mode: which would you rather drink?

Dank Puff Mead or Boglim Teeth Mead?

 

[Phalanges Mycologist]

Dank Puff Mead or Boglim Teeth Mead?

I'd rather down a pint of Hemlock followed with a bleach chaser.