Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Amateur musician, YouTube Streamer, wandmaker, and self-proclaimed "sexy goth badboy". Perpetually circling the drain.

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Tried out his new apple silk mead today. Took a sip, looked like he wanted to cry, swallowed, shuddered, congratulated himself on another job well done and immediately ended the video.

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This is why I fucking love Cobes. Can't lose face, not on camera. You better flush it down the toilet, BOY, it's strong enough to clean your gutter.
You can just see the look on his face the second after he takes a swig of it and he just pauses. You can almost hear the gears turning.
 
Cobra has to do things "his way." Order a regular cheeseburger? Nah I'll add 3 patties, chicken tenders, doritos, 6 slices of cheese and call it a food hack. Order a regular pepperoni pizza? As if, I need 16 toppings and 3 garlic butter cups or I'm not getting out of bed. He treats everything edible he orders or creates like a little kid with a big gulp cup in front of the soda fountain, sticking his cup beneath each type of soda for a few seconds to create a pitch-black sugar drink with no clear flavor. Except instead of actually consuming it most of the time he lets it sit out on the counter for a day and a half before actually trying any.

One of my all-time favorite Cobra moments was a couple years back when he was sent a coupon code for a free pizza. He, being highly regarded, could not figure out how to enter the code and order the pizza on the restaurant's website and grew increasingly frustrated until someone eventually sent him a free medium 1 topping pizza. You might think this would quell his tard rage, but Cobra only became angrier because instead of being able to use the coupon code to order his own boglimized custom pizza "his way" he was forced to sit there and eat some shitty standard pleb pizza without a dozen dissonant toppings. One of those moments that kind of makes you hate the ungrateful shit.

The stress sighs in this are primo lmfao
 
I'm so sick of "I digress"
You don't even know, toobs
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F-sharp in the first 5 minutes, tmdwu

Fuck Michael Jackson
The cobra subreddit will be fuming over this one. I like how there are posts by children on there asking if Josh is 'a good person'. Fucking hell.

The look he gave the camera after taking a drink of that mean though was priceless.
 

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Cops were at NAL's house last night. Said this is the 4th or 5th time. Of course the cops were super nice to her and she was a complete asshole to them.
I don‘t get why people don’t want her to meet Josh irl. I swear some of his troles are legit jealous.

Josh hates having his routine changed, people being in his space, people telling him what to do, and troles making fun of him. A live-in girlfriend would create insane content. The initial unbearable smugness of him getting laid after nearly a decade would quickly get replace by the horror of having to share his food and booze with her, having to socialize, and him no longer being able to do whatever he wants 24/7.
 
I don‘t get why people don’t want her to meet Josh irl. I swear some of his troles are legit jealous.

Josh hates having his routine changed, people being in his space, people telling him what to do, and troles making fun of him. A live-in girlfriend would create insane content. The initial unbearable smugness of him getting laid after nearly a decade would quickly get replace by the horror of having to share his food and booze with her, having to socialize, and him no longer being able to do whatever he wants 24/7.
I wanted her gofundme to take off to either see her pocket the money and break his heart or actually show up and he has to be confronted with someone making changes in his space. Better the money go to that then another boring Wendy's order.
 
I don‘t get why people don’t want her to meet Josh irl. I swear some of his troles are legit jealous.

Josh hates having his routine changed, people being in his space, people telling him what to do, and troles making fun of him. A live-in girlfriend would create insane content. The initial unbearable smugness of him getting laid after nearly a decade would quickly get replace by the horror of having to share his food and booze with her, having to socialize, and him no longer being able to do whatever he wants 24/7.
Either she makes it to Casper and he gives her a pulping when she tries to change his lifestyle
OR
She runs off with the cash and the paypigs waste their welfare check this month

but I digress
 
Terrance Paup rant videos/streams are horrendous, embarrassing, detached from reality etc but I must admit it's nice to see cobes with a bit of energy rather than sunken into the couch slurring incoherent bullshit. I wonder what stimulant he's on (he mentioned coke almost immediately 🤔).
Anything is better than his "vocal covers", unless of course they lead to a meltdown
 
I'm so sick of "I digress"
You don't even know, toobs
Me too! So much.

It's a verbal tick like Buuuuuttttt! Except he doesn't know what it means and uses it in incorrect contexts all the time.

He's heard other youtubers say it and thought they sounded smart. Now he thinks it makes him sound smart.

That being said I do love his other malapropisms. Ava grande, Harlem of fan girls, l'ukraine, genetic Mt.Dew, fustrating, meat "cannon", etc etc.

Functionally illiterate? Fuck my asshole, trolles.

Cobra read part of a Harry Potter book and through osmosis went from 4th grade to college level reading over night. Must have been a magic spell. "Banum illiterosis"?

What are you guys's favs?

Don't forget fish is dairy. Cocaine and chocolate are made from the same plant. Cardinal cherries.

Eta: Outsmarted by a giftcard. Completely incapable of following simple directions... FUCK TECHNOLOGY!!! Not everyone was born knowing how to follow instructions. I guess he can't let the card tell him what to do. ODD and all.

The pizza was from @Courtneysucks and he keeps thanking Courtney for the pizza. Lol

Etta: Is he going to keep the fetid filthy cum soaked cat bite bandage on until either it, or his finger, rot off naturally?
 
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