Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Amateur musician, YouTube Streamer, wandmaker, and self-proclaimed "sexy goth badboy". Perpetually circling the drain.

I gave up
How does he relate his dry spell to an ad about kids dying with cancer

Cancer kids sacrificed their lives for gender equality.
Cobes sacrificed his sex life for gender equality.
Is obvious.
Edit: I don't know how the underlined "I gave up" got in this post but it seems appropriate.
 
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Surprise - it sounds like all his other albums
idk 'liquid sunshine', sitting at a solid 14:38 length, is possibly poised to become the ballad of this generation. you obviously just don't understand underground experimental ava grande music, trolle. DJs in europe are already playing club remixes of 'cocaine cobra', the driving bass and beautifully layered vocals are proving to be a huge hit, and it's only a matter of time before Josh reaches stardom worldwide.
 
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I've said it before and I'll say it again. Listening to somebody with IBS violently shit would be more pleasurable and enriching to the soul than listening to Jorshes "music".
did you happen to see that video of Gothie loudly shitting while on live? I'd happily listen to any of cobes albums before watching that again.
 
If you tune out Cobra, then his music is actually tolerable.
Also do you think he would be able to perform a live set? Just a simple venue like Frostys (lol) or something.
I don't think he remembers the lyrics to all of his songs. His set would end up like Riff Raff's where he just plays his music, drinks, smokes, and vibes with the song.
 
I had told someone who was wondering why he hadnt just pawned the stuff people send him that he legit loves those gifts. He's a rockstar and thats proof he's got fans sending him fanmail and gifts. He's gonna hold onto them because they do mean a lot to our boy.

that or he's just too lazy to cross town to a pawnshop lugging all that crap lmao

I think the former, which is interesting when you contrast this to Chris who sold everything he inherited from Bob so he could buy ponies and transformers or whatever. Cobes will likely place more value on some lighters a fan sent him than Chris did his dads stamp collection.
 
I think the former, which is interesting when you contrast this to Chris who sold everything he inherited from Bob so he could buy ponies and transformers or whatever. Cobes will likely place more value on some lighters a fan sent him than Chris did his dads stamp collection.

I can't tell if that talks to a over sentimentality on Cobes part, or a lack or undeveloped sense of sentimentality on Chris's.

It's something to think about isn't it.
 
Honestly, I think Cobes should start his career as a competitive eater. I understand that he's failed a bunch of his own food challenges, but he's got the advantage with his carp mouth.

He can just stuff that thing with so much food and swallow it down his gullet. It's genius, tbh. There's a video of him scarfing down an entire porkchop without cutting it if anyone says that he isn't cut out for the sport.
 
Listening to the new album now. Seein' what the man has done.. He's at least gotten better backing out of time and tune samples at least. First track opens it's like his own November Rain lol

Broken Hearts in Rain[sic]
This is what I'd like to refer to as "vintage modern King Cobra" ie the gang-style vocals, backing beats and with vocals and guitar on the same line-in (recording vox and guitar live this time, sometimes it's separate but on track 1, vox and guitar absolutely metered-out together. I feel like Cobes wrote some lyrics down here and kind of freestyled in the middle. Several "deedle-deedle-deedle-dee" guitar "solos" on this one. However, the backing tracks are layered wherein there's a drum track present throughout, with some softer melodic sample on top of that. In short, the underlying music isn't as abrasive as previous tracks using this method.

liquid sunshine [sic]
We're opening with the sound of what sounds like a beer bottle being opened and right at 14 the sound of pouring, "I got liquid, sunshine, in a bottle" (sung to the tune of a Gorilla'z song CLint Eastwood "I'm happy, I"m feeling glad I got sunshine, in a bag) 32 seconds in "that's the stuff". This is performative. You can hear him gently grunt as he is already toasted and fast swallowed his first sip. This so far is the CLEAREST sounding song , it's an acoustic on the mic on the iMac with his vocals mixed on the same track. You can skip this one though; it's basically the Ballad of Cobra in that while it deviates from "vintage modern King Cobra (VMKC)" i'ts just one of his gendar relashuns / night video rants, sung to the tune of spooky-core.

never gonna slow me down [sic]
I'm not sure what person or what vice he's intending the target to be of the title of this song, but it opens with a Wish.com version of the drum beat to "Walk this way" with his typcial "scribbly fingers on the fretboard" guitar licks. 13 seconds in we're treated to the sing-songy multi punch gang vocal 'never gonna slow me dooOOOoOOOoOwn' vocals and the same riff he's played on camera since 2010 that isn't scribbly guitar noodling, mixing in with scribbly noodling then the same tapping routine we're treated to on camera. Sad, because the drum beat actually has some breaks for verse/chorus/verse structure. This is a MVKC trak for sure, and his vocals in the mix/producution cause everything else to level down. The guitar is causing the omni mic to lower him and guitar and up the drums. This is a tough listen. "Hissing at the fulll mooooon". The whole song content is a fever dream about how Cobes owns the night and is out like a Batman/demon thing but also a cool cat who does edgy shit like HISSing at the full moon. Guitar is not at all on time anywhere.

at the gates of hell [sic]
Here we are, the TITLE TRACK! We open to some unauthorized sample I cannot identify (someone smarter than me may know what kino it's from). The drum track sounds like a sped-up Alice in Chains karaoke song, but it's a clean sample for sure, not abrasive.
1 minute in and we're still playing someone's bad comedy bits. It may be Cobra with a voice changer? at 1:29 we're finally greeted to some single-note noodling, he really put some work into this riff. Sadly, you can't hear it as he's metering-out on the microphone. He's doing some scales with what sounds like an octave pedal. More noodling and horseshit. Finally, 5:23 we get a punch-in that clearly is overtaken by the guitar metering out and 5:34 we get the MVKC vocal gang-raping and noodling combo.at around 11 minutes in he's got some sound effect that is supposed to be a pistol being cocked and he says "the trolls LOSE" and several low-res gunshot and reload sounds. Also fuck sickos, murders and mass shootings.

Cocain Cobra [sic]
Right off the bat, the beat sounds like a sightly slowed-down 90's bass-tape base-beat before the samples and DJ Magic Mike work begins. The make-believe sounds of what would be cocaine-lines being formed is heard followed by a gravelly 'snnfffffff' of someone "doing cocaine maaan". It sounds less like cocaine being cut to me and more like someone writing on a chalkboard. at 54 seconds noodling tapping begins (note: this is the same noodling in all the other tracks) then "Cooo-caaaiine-cooo-BraaAAaah" gang vocals come in. This album seems better quality samples, but low-rent-effort on the actual content. You cannot hear the guitar trying in vain to chug-chug-chug in the background. More noodling. For a song about cocaine, this one is a snoooooze fest. Lots of edits and punching here. Around the 2 minute mark he has to punch his own vox back in to "hold a note". This song definitely is cookie-cutter-cobra.

when the crows and ravens go flying (featuing Sarah S.)
"Featuring"? Let's see who he stole from this time....opening up we are greeted to what sounds like in the background an organ/synth keyboard sounds, and really obnoxious bird/crow/raven noises. It's prominent. The mix is good so far (praise Death Bed's magic). This goes on for a solid minute. In the background is washed out guitar is heard then 1:06 RIGHT ON CUE with the drums, his one and only riff with a prominnent base drum line kicks in and at 1:20 he gang-vox sings the song title, says something about sky god... At least on this track he did the guitars separate from the vocals. His guitars cannot compete with the noise gate on his computer lol. Sounds like bad out of tune Sears catalog 6-string with build in amplifer speaker being noodled on through a floor-fan. Something about angel wings. This song sounds like all the others except Liquid Sunshine. HOWEVER...credit where credit is due, Mr Cobes actually is kind of on beat with the simple Native American base drum beat and some of his chug-chug-chugging. His vocals natrually are clipped and 7 voices are trying to stutter through a line in one breath. At 3:25 he references some hells bells and we're treated to a sample of some bells (nice callback, Mr Saunders). Hail Satan. Blah blah blah.

Overall score:

Guitar: 1/10
Backing tracks: 6/10
Vocals: 4/10 (it's Cobra what'd you expect?)
Production: 5/10
Album Cover-art: 11/10 (nice to see inside his head)

Overall Score: 5/10 but dude this goth album smells go00ood!
 
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