Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Amateur musician, YouTube Streamer, wandmaker, and self-proclaimed "sexy goth badboy". Perpetually circling the drain.

[crying and shidding]

DUDE you just unlocked a memory of when Cobes went through this super weird little phase where he would order pizza or some other fast food item and while stuffing his face he would call himself a porker and a fat ass it was so bizarre and hilarious check this shit out

Shoutout to https://lolcowgo.net/ for making it super easy to find these clips

our boy is a true glutton.

 

[Slim Boglim]

DUDE you just unlocked a memory of when Cobes went through this super weird little phase where he would order pizza or some other fast food item and while stuffing his face he would call himself a porker and a fat ass it was so bizarre and hilarious check this shit out

Shoutout to https://lolcowgo.net/ for making it super easy to find these clips

I fucking love the eating disorder saga. What was his motive for this shit? Why larp as having an eating disorder? Truly baffling. Dude was counting the calories in Doritos and smacking himself around for eating too many carbs now look at him.

Edit: Also holy shit! soda review is such a banger video. I’ve been looking for the whole thing for ages thanks for sharing it TWU! Fucking peak cobra man
- denigrates himself for eating junk food
- drinks sprite tropical remix and has a complete meltdown because it doesn’t taste how he remembers
- laments women troubles and that he fears rejection so he doesn’t pursue women anymore
- decides out of fucking nowhere to break his guitar???
- has instant regret about smashing his guitar for no reason and and emotionally reminisces how much it meant to him
- after all that unfolds he goes to end the video and says “what should I call this video? Soda review”
Like dude I guess technically you reviewed a soda sure but there’s a lot more going than just that

Complete roller coaster ride

 

[Quincy Mcdaniels]

I fucking love the eating disorder saga. What was his motive for this shit? Why larp as having an eating disorder? Truly baffling. Dude was counting the calories in Doritos and smacking himself around for eating too many carbs now look at him.

Edit: Also holy shit! soda review is such a banger video. I’ve been looking for the whole thing for ages thanks for sharing it TWU! Fucking peak cobra man
- denigrates himself for eating junk food
- drinks sprite tropical remix and has a complete meltdown because it doesn’t taste how he remembers
- laments women troubles and that he fears rejection so he doesn’t pursue women anymore
- decides out of fucking nowhere to break his guitar???
- has instant regret about smashing his guitar for no reason and and emotionally reminisces how much it meant to him
- after all that unfolds he goes to end the video and says “what should I call this video? Soda review”
Like dude I guess technically you reviewed a soda sure but there’s a lot more going than just that

Complete roller coaster ride

Wasn't it true that the soda he was given was profoundly expired since tropical remix hadnt been in production for a number of years?

 

[Sicko Hunter]

I fucking love the eating disorder saga. What was his motive for this shit? Why larp as having an eating disorder? Truly baffling. Dude was counting the calories in Doritos and smacking himself around for eating too many carbs now look at him.

No clue. It had to have come from somewhere though. I wonder if one of the OG people like Oprah or Seizure would know.

- after all that unfolds he goes to end the video and says “what should I call this video? Soda review”
Like dude I guess technically you reviewed a soda sure but there’s a lot more going than just that

That's what makes Cobes so great. He'll record himself having a total mental breakdown and then titled the video shit like "chillin". The video where he holds a sword up to his stomach acting like he's going to commit suicide was titled something like "afternoon video" or something like that. You really never know what you will stumble across in his videos.

 

[UncommonParlence]

DUDE you just unlocked a memory of when Cobes went through this super weird little phase where he would order pizza or some other fast food item and while stuffing his face he would call himself a porker and a fat ass it was so bizarre and hilarious check this shit out

Shoutout to https://lolcowgo.net/ for making it super easy to find these clips

Wow. That fucker used the vacuum? It revealed the clean spot when he moved it betraying his actual slovenous existence. So funny when he plays anachan. Such a prideful ego monster is the boglim in it's natural environment. He's such a girl sometimes. Like about "hiding" his baldness. He always has the funniest affectations. Like his "tricoteria". He couldn't be naturally balding, no. It's a neurological condition and he's doing it to himself, he can stop it, and it's reversible. Never seen someone look so weird with a shaved head. Still better than the skullet.

 

[Pascal's Wagie]

As for worst drink, easily the Valentines Day love potion from last year.

BUUUUUUuutt it worked, didn't it?

 

[Molly Millions]

BUUUUUUuutt it worked, didn't it?

The evidence is indisputable. In fact the tactical soap worked too!

Josh was patient and eventually a cisgendered female, unrelated, of age and alive boglim appeared at his doorstep.

 

[Lolcow Rodeo Clown]

How is he not fatter than he is? He spends his days sitting on his butt, eating impossibly high caloric monstrosities and drinking really sugary alcoholic concoctions.

He's still relatively young, despite all the substance abuse and poor diet, so he's been coasting on those Papa Nips Genes through his twenties. That's all about to come crashing down in the next few years as middle age and his lifestyle rip his metabolism to shreds. There's another thing that's probably looming on the horizon that I don't see discussed much: Diabeetus. His sugar intake and diet in general is going to lead there eventually and I don't see the BOY having the wherewithal to make the kind of lifestyle choices that are conducive to his longevity.

TLDR: He will be, if he lives that long.

 

[Slim Boglim]

Wasn't it true that the soda he was given was profoundly expired since tropical remix hadnt been in production for a number of years?

No people assumed that by his reaction over how disgusting it apparently was but that was when sprite did a limited re-release. it was just a normal soda that he was greatly offended by.

 

[Quandale Octavius Dingle]

Never seen someone look so weird with a shaved head. Still better than the skullet.

Granted he still had teeth here but he'd look so much better if he just owned the big bald gourd instead of clinging so desperately to the greasy rat tail skullet he's had for years now. The hair in a can and "hair appointment" was some of the funniest shit he's done with it. Aside from unintentionally pulling off a near flawless inverted wings plus male pattern baldness Dr. Weird cut. Only thing that beats it is when he put green spray paint on the head cob webs for some regarded reason after he left puff outside.

 

[中华人民共和国的政治]

Caesar is live again in a couple hours

 

[Pascal's Wagie]

Aside from unintentionally pulling off a near flawless inverted wings plus male pattern baldness Dr. Weird cut.

YOU BUY WAND! MAKE JOSH RICH! RIP HEAD OFF AARRGH!!

 

[JaneThough]

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Granted he still had teeth here but he'd look so much better if he just owned the big bald gourd instead of clinging so desperately to the greasy rat tail skullet he's had for years now. The hair in a can and "hair appointment" was some of the funniest shit he's done with it. Aside from unintentionally pulling off a near flawless inverted wings plus male pattern baldness Dr. Weird cut. Only thing that beats it is when he put green spray paint on the head cob webs for some regarded reason after he left puff outside.

Bald Cobes is giving me

 

[Lolcow Rodeo Clown]

- decides out of fucking nowhere to break his guitar???

As a guitar nerd, this one kinda bugged me. I haven't rewatched it lately, but there didn't seem to be an explanation that I remember, just busted the thing on the floor. No proclamation that he was quitting playing or anything post-mortem. I mean, it's your guitar, do what you want, but then turn around and buy the exact same model? I don't get it.

 

[Giant Machine]

The hair in a can and "hair appointment"

Good lord his eyeball was all over the place in that vid. Mad Eye Boglim.

 

[Slim Boglim]

As a guitar nerd, this one kinda bugged me. I haven't rewatched it lately, but there didn't seem to be an explanation that I remember, just busted the thing on the floor. No proclamation that he was quitting playing or anything post-mortem. I mean, it's your guitar, do what you want, but then turn around and buy the exact same model? I don't get it.

It’s one of the most baffling cobraverse moments for sure at that’s saying something. Out of nowhere he just gets up, grabs his guitar, and absolutely demolishes it. Then he sits there near tears full of regret talking about how much it meant to him. How much he wanted a guitar, how he worked a newspaper run to save up enough in high school to finally afford it, how it’s been the him through lots of tough times in his life. Wtf possessed him to randomly destroy what was apparently one of his most prized possessions? Obviously with how much he immediately regrets it he wasn’t planning on doing it. Then he just replaces it with a shitty off-brand knockoff of the same model. Pretty sure the one he smashed was a real B.C. Rich but his replacement isn’t.

 

[Star Spangled Bogger]

Edit: also rewatching that video you cannot tell me darf is not gay dude. I have a pretty good gaydar and he blows it up fucking dragon ball z scouter style. That dudes gay level is over 9000

Darf being gay would explain his stance on only having hetero sex for reproductive reasons. I have zero gaydar and that statement always stood out to me. What an odd thing to say for someone who doesn't have extreme religious values.

I forgot he put spam in a bowl and put that bowl on a cutting board and then tried to cut the spam.

I hate to admit it, but I have done this before. If you ever want to experience what being a retard is like, cutting up meat in a bowl is a good simulator. Turns out chefs use kitchen scissors, it's a good food hack.

That's all about to come crashing down in the next few years as middle age and his lifestyle rip his metabolism to shreds.

I am really not looking forward to this (likely inevitable) phase. There's going to be a medical emergency saga that Clint can't ignore (unless he's happy to let his boy keel over and die in his trailer). End stage liver failure and/or complications from untreated diabetes is a horror show. I don't think he drinks enough for liver failure to beat diabetes as he's speedrunning that in parallel. Losing your feet to gangrene is not what's up.

If there's ever some kind of assisted living saga, it'll be after a very serious medical emergency. Boy will need nurses to keep on top of his insulin regime, and boy can't count either.

Maybe someone here from the USA can chime in and paint what happens to trailer park folk who end up sick like this. Are there any avenues for treatment or is the likely outcome just to rot away and die a horrible death at home?

Circle of protection on the boy, that content MDNWU.

Wtf possessed him to randomly destroy what was apparently one of his most prized possessions?

Frustrated tard rage? Boy puts on a big show but he's well aware of his impotence. It would be frustrating and depressing to be picked on at school, never really getting good at anything, wanting to get good at something and failing, over and over. Like there was no redeeming arc to his entry into adulthood. An extra 10 or 15 IQ points could have had him work some semi-skilled labor, but boy never got that, so I see the smashing of the guitar as a form of self destructiveness, back in that saga he still had some hopes and dreams if I remember right.

 

[中华人民共和国的政治]

Out of nowhere he just gets up, grabs his guitar, and absolutely demolishes it.

I thought it was because he broke something a fan sent so he felt bad and had to break his guitar to make up for it, like when he snapped his wand?

Nevermind, he was just angrily eating chips???

 

[bonified retard]

NAL is live drinking whiskey yelling at her chat.

Edit: she got so mad that a loud vehicle drove by that she hit herself in the head with her boba tea. Cobes was in chat.

https://streamable.com/gcx6jr

 

[Twinkie]

Maybe someone here from the USA can chime in and paint what happens to trailer park folk who end up sick like this. Are there any avenues for treatment or is the likely outcome just to rot away and die a horrible death at home?

He'd only rot away if he himself insisted on it. He's on Medicaid which pays for everything he needs healthcare-wise including assisted living or skilled nursing facilities, should it come to that.