Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Amateur musician, YouTube Streamer, wandmaker, and self-proclaimed "sexy goth badboy". Perpetually circling the drain.

[Mister Uno]

You have come into possession of a Cobra Genie Lantern. You rub it out onto the floor and the Cobra Genie appears. What are your three wishes for the Cobraverse? yes this is gay and retarded but we ain't got much going on right now, explain rationale for extra interest.

1. Salazar, Garfield, and Puff turn into real life monsters, deadly, and at Josh's command.
2. Josh grows into a 9 foot tall giant, turned into living stone, spray painted black and green.
3. NAL becomes the protagonist of "I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream" for her sins.

1. Josh wins the lottery
2. All the damage done to his brain and body from spray painting, duster, and alcohol is undone permanently.
3. He gets his gothic dream babe who is 10/10, not batshit insane, and loves him dearly.

I want to see NAL seethe hard.

 

[Bogliacci]

Either reddit trolls had more traction than I expected, or some accounts got pruned. That's actually a somewhat large dip.View attachment 5946879

Cobes posted about it on his FB

 

[Star Spangled Bogger]

View attachment 5946906
Cobes posted about it on his FB

For better, or worse (probably worse), he will hit the 100k. Josh has to be Lolcow of the year, for various, valid reasons (Bossman jack can go suck a dick).

I don't hold up any hope he will get a legit YT silver thing, but he does deserve it. Josh is old school YT and proper culturally significant at this point. I hope he gets one.

 

[WelperHelper99]

He injured himself on a pizza box for gods sake

I'm just imagining the Xbox 360 achievement bell ringing when that happened, like damn, I'm impressed tbh.

 

[Bogliacci]

For better, or worse (probably worse), he will hit the 100k. Josh has to be Lolcow of the year, for various, valid reasons (Bossman jack can go suck a dick).

I don't hold up any hope he will get a legit YT silver thing, but he does deserve it. Josh is old school YT and proper culturally significant at this point. I hope he gets one.

I love cobes more than I hate redditors but he doesn't hold a candle to Fatrick Tomlinson (who is quite fat fyi) for lolcow of the year 2024

 

[anliteralidiot]

You have come into possession of a Cobra Genie Lantern. You rub it out onto the floor and the Cobra Genie appears. What are your three wishes for the Cobraverse? yes this is gay and retarded but we ain't got much going on right now, explain rationale for extra interest.

1. Salazar, Garfield, and Puff turn into real life monsters, deadly, and at Josh's command.
2. Josh grows into a 9 foot tall giant, turned into living stone, spray painted black and green.
3. NAL becomes the protagonist of "I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream" for her sins.

1. remove all damage to his body from years of...himself
2. make him a musical genius, who goes platinum for his cobra albums. like insane clown posse, but with snakes.
3. hot goth gf who loves him for who he is, and loves watching family guy with him

mostly just want 2 to work out

 

[Poonocchio]

For better, or worse (probably worse), he will hit the 100k. Josh has to be Lolcow of the year, for various, valid reasons (Bossman jack can go suck a dick).

I don't hold up any hope he will get a legit YT silver thing, but he does deserve it. Josh is old school YT and proper culturally significant at this point. I hope he gets one.

I love cobes more than I hate redditors but he doesn't hold a candle to Fatrick Tomlinson (who is quite fat fyi) for lolcow of the year 2024

We haven't seen the Keffals finale yet after the Mutuhar episode drops, I'm hoping for some major sperging out and life changing content to knock all other cows out of the park. (You rats)

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

You have enough experience wrangling Chris Chan to know damn well this man is too regarded to figure out how to stream on another platform.

"That's no bullshit Kick" just doesn't hit the same as "That's no bullshit Toobz".

 

[Teeter]

It's obvious all the Jawshie talk from NAL is her attempting to call Cobra back to giving her attention as well as appeal to the watchers she's the loving caring girlfriend so give her money. Her begging has been through the roof. She got some morons to send her money to make these Cobra bags then got minimal shit-tier art supplies at Wal-Mart and Dollar Tree using the rest to get a bottle from the liquor store. Within an hour she was asking for money to go get another bottle.

She's been showing the ring more and more and slipped up last night dropping words "holy matrimony" so I think she's feeling the shade and is getting worried. She claims they've been talking on the phone, but it feels made-up and the shit she claims he's told her doesn't sound like something he'd say. She's also been getting the same flavor neurotic as Chantal with the "I need to get back to..." "I just want to be back..." comments.

Speaking of last night, loved her dropping her phone and the crazy switch getting flipped. Went from almost black-out drunk to focused rage, strings of epithets and "fucking people's mothers" and "smashing everything." If Josh is backing out, then doing it during a move is the perfect timing.

I have always loved watching crazy, the more unhinged the better, so my interest has been NaL more than Cobra. It seems like he took to NaL because she showed up at his place and was willing to get down. Would it be any different if instead of sending booze, weird pizzas, cups of fake Domino's butter, etc to Cobra, they sent him an escort?

edit: my grammar is crap today

 

[Tetragrammaton]

. It seems like he took to NaL because she showed up at his place and was willing to get down. Would it be any different if instead of sending booze, weird pizzas, cups of fake Domino's butter, etc to Cobra, they sent him an escort?

thats exactly the thing right there. NAL is not special in the way she thinks she is. shes just the first person in ages that was willing to end cobes dry spell. all he sees in her is a continued means to avoiding another possibly longer dry spell. he does not seem to be nearly as obsessed with her as he was with the girls he actually had interest in.

shes just someone that shows up from time to time. i think that in a way NAL does realize this which is why shes trying to be what she thinks is his ideal woman. honestly curious how thats gonna work out for her since it seems like she wants someone who likes her for how she actually is which she wont get with cobes if she keeps trying to be his ideal woman. its like she sets herself up for failure on purpose to further justify her own feelings.

 

[LiquidChrisRespecter]

I've eaten my words on this before, but I'm hopeful that the ween-subsidised plane tickets won't keep coming in perpetuity.

The sooner that stops, the sooner her tendrils come off Cobes for good.

I've caught her saying "when Jawshee comes to visit me" and I have a little chuckle just imagining the logistics of that.

He has to receive and keep the tickets safe, remember the departure date, have a valid passport, have a way of reaching the airport in good time and the wherewithal to go through the entire process of checking in and getting to his gate. That's before we even get into whether or not he can be bothered or whether he had one too many drink combos the next before.

 

[Bogliacci]

have a valid passport

You don't need a passport to fly domestically, but i highly doubt he had the proper ID with a gold star since he doesn't have a drivers loisence

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

Would it be any different if instead of sending booze, weird pizzas, cups of fake Domino's butter, etc to Cobra, they sent him an escort?

I don't think it'd work, hiring a hooker doesn't really fit Cobra's sexy Goth bad boy persona. Celebrity rockstars don't need to pay to get laid, it's the fuckin' truth dood.

Plus I really wouldn't put it past the alogs to call the cops to get him busted for soliciting prostitution, not to mention bringing prostitutes to an apartment is a guaranteed way to get evicted in most places if the landlord finds out about it. The law in Wyoming is also written in such a way it doesn't have a loophole for "escorts".

Of course he got evicted because of an of-age fangirl anyways so that piece doesn't really matter.

 

[LiquidChrisRespecter]

You don't need a passport to fly domestically, but i highly doubt he had the proper ID with a gold star since he doesn't have a drivers loisence

Just trust and believe he's the famous sexy goth bad boy King Cobra JFS doodt. Look him up.

Just let him through security and he'll give you a 2% tactical soap promo code (not a sponsor).

 

[Big Dogs Gonna Eat]

Has Josh ever been on a plane before? I feel like TSA, the boarding procedure and general rigidity of the whole flight experience would really challenge him and his ODD

 

[The Southwest Strangla]

Has Josh ever been on a plane before? I feel like TSA, the boarding procedure and general rigidity of the whole flight experience would really challenge him and his ODD

He probably wouldn’t be allowed on the plane since they usually refuse to let people on who are drunk.

 

[Big Dogs Gonna Eat]

I could also see the lack of smoking areas being a problem.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

Just trust and believe he's the famous sexy goth bad boy King Cobra JFS doodt. Look him up.

Just let him through security and he'll give you a 2% tactical soap promo code (not a sponsor).

Imagine him trying to get through security. You just know he'd show up a half hour before departure wearing the full getup with all the chains, lighters and dog collars.

If he doesn't have a fifth of Pinnacle vodka and A&W cream soda beforehand.

Has Josh ever been on a plane before? I feel like TSA, the boarding procedure and general rigidity of the whole flight experience would really challenge him and his ODD

The only possibility I can think of is when he went to Denver for the lazy eye surgery but I think Clint drove, it's only about 4 hours from Casper.

 

[LiquidChrisRespecter]

Let's just say hypothetically he did make it to the piss attic (even if they have funds for hotels/Airbnb I can't see Cobes coughing it up).

Imagine the interactions with her parents and the locals. How would he react to the multiple incoherent screaming matches?

 

[bonified retard]

The only possibility I can think of is when he went to Denver for the lazy eye surgery but I think Clint drove, it's only about 4 hours from Casper

They drove to Denver for the recent eye surgery, concerts, etc, but he's mentioned flying before.

They flew to New York one summer when he was younger. He's brought up visiting the Ben and Jerry's factory in Vermont on this trip a few times. He's also brought up a California trip in the past.

Obviously this was before he became a drunken boglim, and was still living with Clint. I don't see him flying anywhere these days. He won't even let Clint take him to see Big Ben.