Let's Sperg kiwifarms.net Plays Coming Out On Top - Bros Are Hoes

Talk about Alex.

Also out of all the guys I'd fuck Jed and Brad. Alex is old and Ian is....Ian
 
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I went with a tiebreaker by rolling a die and we'll talk about Alex.

Adam: Well, you know my professor,

Ian: I KNEW IT! He's extorting you for sexual favors!

Adam: No, of course not. Listen-

Narrator: You explain to your friends what transpired between you and Alex. Without going into too much detail, you explain what happened during your racquetball game, in the gym, and just now, his office.

Ian: Hrmmm hmmm...

Penny: Don't say it, Ian!

Ian: Did you see my lips move, Penny? ...

Penny: You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You just came out recently. I bet leaping into an entirely new dating scene wasn't exactly a cakewalk.

Adam: Well, I did get involved with a professor right off the bat. So yeah, I did sorta shoot for the moon.

Penny: Yeah, he's definitely a high level character. You're a noob level Halfling paladin who brazenly tries to tackle a nineteenth level lich.

Ian: Yeah, and you've got like, no equipment or skills. Aside from the worst weapon ever, a sling. And some worn leather armor that would barely protect you from puny, level one rats.

Penny: EWWW! I hate rats! Why are there so many rats in RPGs? Is it some kind of running gag?

Adam: Okay already.

Penny: At least you can move on, right? And drop the torch you've been carrying for your prof.

Adam: Yeah, expect, I don't know. I think I've stepped into the middle of something.

Narrator: You share your sense of unease about the girl in the locker room, as well as Graham's unexpected visit that today.

Adam: The red-head, I think she was taking photos of Alex and me. But that would be too crazy, right?

Penny: Huh, I wonder what's up between Graham and your professor.

Ian: I dunno, Penny. Adam's not really involved with this, and he doesn't need to be.

Adam: True, I've got so much on my plate now. Maybe I need to focus on graduation and not get involved.

Penny: Are you kidding? I think it would be prudent for Adam to find out what's going on. CYA and all that, right? I'll get a little investigation underway!

Ian: Whatever. Just keep me out of this.

Penny: Well, Adam. Should I start an investigation? It's up to you if you want to pursue this.

Narrator: You reflect on this. You have midterms approaching. You've got a ton of work to do. If you decide to get involved in Alex's affairs, you're going to have to stop spending time on anything else besides school.

 
I made a special save file so we can go back and play Ian (if you play your cards right, you can get Amos), Jed and maybe Phil's routes later.

Adam: Erm, what exactly are you planning to do, Penny?

Penny: Don't worry, it's nothing illegal. And if it is, it won't be traceable. I think.

Thursday...

Narrator: Penny has news when she meets you for lunch.

Penny: Get this, there is a Graham Coxburn in the biochemistry department.

Adam: Coxburn, huh? That explains a lot.

Penny: Apparently, he's some kind of big deal here is Orlin. Some research project he was working on last year was supposed to bring in a lot of grant money to the university. From drug companies and stuff. Millions of dollars.

Adam: So he's in the same department as Professor Davies?

Penny: Yep, division of biological sciences.

Adam: I wonder what's up with the animosity between them. Maybe they're competing for tenure.

Penny: From what I hear, Adam, academia is a veritable snake pit of Machiavellian scheming and politics. Alex probably just grabbed his salt shaker without asking or something.

Friday...

Narrator: You give your presentation. When you catch your professor checking her phone, you hack a cough and shoot her a dirty glare. Whew! You finally have some downtime this weekend. In the terms of studies, you're close to flunking out. Your relationship with Penny is great these days and you're thankful for her friendship. Recently, you and Ian are getting along great. And finally, you got $225 dollars in savings. How will you spend your extra time?

 
Due to the length, I'm cutting some small things and I kept the creative censoring I did for one pic when I did an LP on another forum.
Narrator: You start studying for your midterms. Whew, things are starting to get with school. You've got midterms with week. You haven't got much time for anything else. It's time to buckle down. It's time for your anatomy lecture. You take a seat and wait for Alex to arrive. A minute passes. Five minutes pass. No sign of Alex. Alex usually arrives early and starts lecturing promptly on the hour. It's unheard of him to be five minutes, much less fifteen. Just as you hear students begin to leave, you hear the door behind you.

Alex: Excuse my tardiness, class. Let's get started on the central nervous system. But first, I'd like to talk about the idea that the human body is a marvelous machine. An illustration of nature's beauty, as evidenced by all of its complex systems, developed and adapted over millions of years, that glorious mother nature has laborously perfected over time. That idea,



Alex: Do you think the body could protect itself against tiny, insignificant invisible threats? Just one minuscule thing can take you the Hell down! One anomalous, idiosyncratic organism can throw the whole thing into a devastating tailspin in which it will never recover!

Student: Er, will this be on the test?

Alex: My dear, life is a series of test in which you will never fully be prepared. Get used to it.

One ranty hour later...

Narrator: Without pausing or speaking to any of the students, Alex makes a beeline toward the door. For the next few days, a cloud of anxiety looms over you. You don't know what's going on, but whatever it is, it's bad.

Wednesday night...

Narrator: Penny's given you a beta version of Brofinder to check out. You take your phone with you into the bathroom. She's even built a prototype Babefinder app? Whoa. You're surprised to see users with accounts. Some of them even have profiles. You decide to check some of them out.

Adam: (thought) Heh. You poor, innocent beta testers testing for Penny. You don't know what you're in for.

Narrator: You scroll through the bros and babes. Though the babes look like fun, the bros, unsurprisingly catch your attention.

Adam: (thought) Well hello there. Hee, hee. I wouldn't mind catching his attention. DAMN. Maybe I should message this guy. Oh great, the app isn't working yet. Welp, I better hop in the shower.

Narrator: You stand naked in the hot spray, your mind keeps wander over to the guys on the app. You can't seem to keep your mind off of them as you soap up.

Adam: (thought) Oh James Jeshton...mmm Red...timmers... Give it to me DugNick3, oh yeah...



Narrator: You get through you midterms. You didn't do stellar, but you managed to pass. You'll only be able to rest up for a night or two, though. You have a paper coming up.

Saturday...

Penny: Adam! Adam, get the Hell up!

Adam: Oh God. Please tell me you don't want to beta test at this hour.

Penny: Nah. I like to give my beta testers their weekends off before crunch time rolls around. You don't want to crush their will to live too early in the process.

Adam: So what the heck did you wake me up for? Did you hack into the college mainframe?

Penny: No. I just found something in this week's edition of the college paper. Brace yourself.



Adam: What the Hell is this?

Penny: Just read it.

Narrator: Your jaw nearly unhinges itself as you read the column. It's hard to focus when your hands are trembling like this, but you read enough snippets to get a sense of the whole thing. '...Orlin's current policies governing professor and student sexual policies are vague and ill-defined. Unequal power dynamics challenge the integrity of the teaching situation. How odd that our administration doesn't see fit to re-examine existing policies, which amount to a mere slapping of the wrist? Severe disciplinary actions should be given in instances of consensual sexual relations, leading to the dismissal of teachers who violate the policy.'

Adam: I don't believe this!

Penny: Looks like somebody is trying to get somebody fired!

 
I rolled a die and we're going with Pikimon.

Penny: I've got an idea, Adam. You know that girl you keep seeing in the gym? Maybe she'll be there again today. She has to be involved in this, right? If we corner her, we can probably wring some answers out of her.

Adam: Wiring some answers out of her, eh?

Penny: We can do the bad cop, worse cop routine.

Adam: Don't you mean bad cop, good cop routine?

Penny: Not the way I do it.

Adam: ...

Penny: Ok, you should look inconspicuous, so get your gym bag. Let's do this! Operation Snaketrap is go! All units assume position. On my mark, we swarm. SWARM I SAY! SO BE READY, DAMNIT!

Adam: Uhhh, Penny?

Penny: Whoops, I got a little carried away there. Heh.

Half an hour later...

Adam: Wait a minute, I just realized something, where's YOUR gym bag?

Penny: My gym bag? Please, Adam, I don't stoop to exercise. My primary activities are intellectual. Time spending in the gym is time taken away from making awesome apps.

Adam: What the hell are you going to do if she doesn't show up? Spot me?

Penny: Since Brofinder is still in beta, I plan to try out my tanning app on some of the shirtless guys there. For some reason, version 3.0 turns the nipples blue.

Adam: Let's pretend to be strangers when the security guard escorts you out, ok?

Narrator: You watch Penny wander out, looking for some shirtless dudes. Instinctively, you wander to the racquetball courts. No sign of Alex today. You're not surprised, but it does nothing to relieve your growing anxiety. Anyway, you don't feel like doing other than heading to the pool this morning. You figure it'll be nice just to lose yourself in the water. But all you can think about is Graham's article. It deepens your sense of paranoia that you're under surveillance. As you drift towards the end of the pool, you see a blur of red from the distance, out of the corner of your eyes.

Girl: ...

Narrator: You immediately get out of the water just as she slips out of the room.

Adam: Hey!

Narrator: You shout, but she's gone. Just then, Penny wanders through the door.

Adam: Penny! That girl! She just ran out of here!

PEnny: That redhead. I think she's headed toward the exit.

Adam: Go catch her! Now! I'll catch up with you. I gotta get some shoes on.

Narrator: Penny dashes out of the room. You manage to slip into your pants and sandals as you run down the hall. You burst through the exit of the gym. Penny stands outside, peering into the distance. She doubles over, panting, not used to the physical exertion.

Adam: Damnit! Where did she go?

Penny: She's gone, but no worries, Adam, I have a photo.

Adam: Good job, Pennster. (sees photo) Oh look, you even gave her a tan.

Penny: I didn't have time to switch off the app. In any case, it will be easier to find who she is. Look, that girl is obviously connected to Graham, I'm sure of it. This is so exciting, Adam. I bet he's the type that sells body parts to med schools. We'll probably uncover his secret corpse farm.

Narrator: Whew. You finally got some downtime this weekend. In terms of studies, you're doing average. Your relationships with Penny is doing great and you're thankful for her friendship. Recently, you and Ian are getting along great. And finally, you got $225 in savings. What will you do with your extra time this weekend?

 
Pomeranian, so we can kick it.
 









Narrator: Despite the feces, your relationship with Penny has gone up. You have a major paper coming up.

Monday...

Narrator: Before you know it, it's time for your next anatomy class. You worry if Alex is going to be late again. The students are on edge, wondering if he's is going to flip out like last time. As Alex enters the lecture hall, he looks confident, not a trace of nervousness on this face. He seems to have returned to his normal self.

Alex: All right! The endocrine system!

Adam: (thinking) Well, at least he seems enthusiastic.

Alex: You what, class? Fuck it! It's a gorgeous day outside. Have the afternoon off. Enjoy yourselves!

Adam: (thinking) Ok, maybe not.

Narrator: A girl in the front row pipes up.

Student: But, um, we're paying, you know, actual money for this education.

Alex: Then here's the lesson, when you're given an opportunity to have a little fun, take it. Take it, hold it in your arms, caress every hair on its head. Because what you don't know, and what I'm teaching you is that every day and month and year that you are getting older, you're going to forget a little bit of what you knew as a child. HOW TO HAVE FUN!

Adam: Oh my God.

Alex: Because the universe is coming for you. It's coming for each and every one of your sweet asses. It will try to impose its will on you. It will try to bend you around, tie you in knots, until you are following so many God damn rules that you don't have any time to do anything else.

Adam: Oh my GOD.

Alex: And the only thing that can stop it is YOU. Only when you say 'fuck you' to the rules, let your spirit run wild a bit, only then are 'you' truly 'you' instead of being a good little rule follower. Keep your spirit in a cage for too long and it grows weak. It dies a little more each day. It need exercise. It needs to get out and bark and howl at the moon and remember where it came from! And that is the lesson. Now get the Hell out of my sight. Go roll in the grass, play tag, fuck a stranger. Just do something. Something you've never done before. Make some noise! Do some reveling! Revel in everything. Revel, I implore you. REVEL!

Narrator: With that, Alex picks up his things and walks out of the room. The class stares at him, mouths hanging open in shock. You consider running after him. But aren't you supposed to maintain a strict student-teacher relationship, right?

 
Follow him! We gotta see where this is going. Also, my extensive experience playing visual novels tells me that the most retarded option is usually correct.
 
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Follow his ass. Because we want hilarity.
 
Narrator: As the other students begin collecting their things, you grab your stuff and head toward the door. You've lost sight of him. You try his office. His door is closed. You give the door an urgent knock. Nothing.

Adam: (thinking) Come on, Alex!

Narrator: You knock again. Suddenly, you hear his voice, muffled behind the door, telling you to come in.

Adam: I'm sorry. I suppose I shouldn't be following you and making a scene, but-

 
I need to know what's going on.
 
Alex: Thanks for checking up on me. I need to talk to you, in any case before they do.

Adam: They?

Narrator: Alex sighs.

Alex: Would you mind closing the door, Adam?

Narrator: He sees you arch your eyebrow.

Alex: Normally, I wouldn't shut it, but it just doesn't matter any more.

Narrator: You close it.

Adam: Let me guess, does this have something to do with that Graham guy?

Alex: Yes. The man who interrupted us the other day.

Adam: I saw his editorial in the paper. I'm guessing he's trying to get you fired?

Alex: Graham teaches graduate-level biochemistry in our department. When he started her three years ago, it was taken for granted that he would be bringing a lot of research money to Orlin. He specializes in cell metabolism and how it effects weight loss. As you can imagine, there's a lot of interest from multi-billion dollar companies in funding his research. He was a shoe-in for tenure, too. Most candidates have to wait at least five years, but it seemed like he was on the fast track. Unfortunately, his research hit a snag. His recent paper to a journal was retracted. There's been some question as to whether his initial results were just flukes. So he's doing another round of experiments this year, in his quest for a multi-million dollar grant. Not to mention the tenure and influence that will come with it.

Adam: But what does this all have to do with you?

Alex: Well, tenured professors at this university, like in the rest of the country, are a rare and shrinking species. There's going to be only one spot open in our department for a long, long time. When I was hired this year by the dean, I don't think Graham was worried. He saw me primarily as a lecturer, and a researcher second. Sure you got great ratings from you students, but you're not really a threat as a tenure candidate if you don't bring in the money. But he's seen my track record, and it's only the matter of another publication before I could be considered tenure as well. This would've been a non-issue if his recent publication hadn't been retracted, of course. The timing couldn't have been worse for him, given that he's being reviewed for tenure this year.

Adam: And you're his biggest threat to getting tenure? That's what this is all about?

Alex: That's only part of it. The dean likes me, my teaching abilities, and the work I've published. She actually wooed me from my former school by suggesting an early tenure review, possibly within my first year. The dean and Graham had a falling out over this. I was still hired much to Graham's dismay. Again, it wasn't going to be a big deal if Graham's paper had never been retracted, and helped secure this grant. But ever since that retraction, he's been convinced that the dean and I have teamed up against him. Which is totally not true. I stepped into all of this blind. So he's decided to pursue a narrative to make me look bad. But more importantly, make the dean look worse by association.

Adam: To the point where he's following you around, harassing you?

Alex: As you saw last week, Graham came to my office to tell me his plans for a faculty-wide meeting on the professional code of conduct. The topic of sexual relations between professors and students. The dean's tired of his histrionics, and refused his grant request. Unfortunately, you can see this only provoked him to write an op-ed in the paper, drawing immediate suspicion to our department. It doesn't look good, Adam. The dean had to back down and grant him is request. Graham approached me again yesterday. Apparently, we're going to have an administrative meeting next week. Adam, it's a hearing about ME. Not a general discussion about policy. They're starting an investigation.

Adam: What?! He's got no proof.

Alex: That's what I thought too, Adam. But I'm wrong. Graham's hinted that he's got a photo of you and me. From that day in the locker room. It's not explicit, but it's far from innocent.

Adam: Well that explains it. There was a girl in the locker room who took a photo of us!

Alex: Oh it's probably one of his poor PhD lackeys, tailing me. I wonder if he was just waiting for the new, naive professor to trip up and do something idiotic.

Adam: But we didn't do anything! Well, you know, anything bad.

Alex: It doesn't matter, the photo looks incriminating. In any case, Graham's been very smooth about this. He hasn't delivered the photo to the administration, yet. He's hoping I just back down politely, finish up the semester here, and quickly apply to another school. Hands stay clean, nothing ends up on the public record. He doesn't want to make a big stink about this. Him and the dean are already on poor terms. There's some good news, Adam.

Adam: Good news?

Alex: No matter what happens, you can't be kicked out of school or reprimanded. The onus of responsibility is strictly on the professors. You'll be able to finish your semester and graduate her without a hitch.

Adam: Well, that's good. When I explain to them during the investigation that it was all my fault, and you did absolutely nothing-

Alex: You don't need to explain anything, Adam. I'm withdrawing from Orlin.

Adam: W-what?!

Alex: I've already written my letter of registration and I'm handing it to the dean on Monday. I'm done here. Graham has too much power within the administration now. This investigation means a lot of people will be prying into my private affairs. Even if I survive the hearing unscathed, I can't constantly stay in a place where I'm being constantly harassed. Look at what happened today. I choked. This hasn't happened to me before. Even in my early days of teaching. It wasn't even Graham and the threat of a hearing that's been getting to me. It's the fact that I can't teach in these circumstances.

Narrator: You listen, trying to believe your ears. You search for the right words to say.

 
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