Let's Sperg kiwifarms.net Plays Coming Out On Top - Bros Are Hoes

Penis. Girls love guy-on-guy action.
 
Urgh...we still gotta be nice. So let's make it his dick. No generous guy would see that as a distraction anyways! c:
 
Brunette: ...Wow. I think most guys would hesitate.

Adam: He totally did it. That's the kind of guy he is. A hero. The poison permanently destroyed his taste buds. If he had waited a second longer, I wouldn't be here, speaking with you ladies today.

Blond: What an amazing story.

Adam: I'm only alive today because he acted so fast. Ian appears by your side and hands you a beer.

Ian: Man, that salsa's really got that fusion flavor. Adam, do you want to introduce me to these two ladies?

Brunette: We actually haven't introduced ourselves. Oh, look at the time, we were just on our way out.

Ian: Aw, dude. Did you at least tell them that I can speak beginning Esperanto?

 
Second option! We gotta push away any competition
 
Ian: We'll it's not over yet. I refuse to give up! We are two dudes on the prowl and I'm not gonna take this sitting down!

Ten minutes later...

Ian: Can we go home now? I need a bubble bath.

Friday night...

Narrator: After dinner, you take a shower and get ready for the ballet. Phil arrives precisely at 8:00.

Adam: Wow. You're prompt.

Phil: I despise tardiness. It shows a lack of respect for others and oneself.

Adam: So you're saying you respect me?

Phil: ...

Adam: You know, if you relaxed a little, we could have some fun tonight.

Phil: I need to be training for a Recon test. Not escorting Princess Snowflake on one of my few days off. I'm doing this purely for my dad. I don't consider this fun in any way.

Adam: Well, that answers that question.

Narrator: Phil pulls up to a fancy apartment building down town. Violet walks out. Phil gets out of the car to open the door for her. As Phil turns a corner, Violet takes off her coat, revealing a very skimpy and revealing dress underneath. You glance at Phil, who tries to hide his look of alarm.



Violet: Thanks guys. I thought I'd have to endure another boring weekend since so many of my friends are out of town right now. Luckily my parents really love you two.

Phil: The ballet's over at the Civic Center, is that correct?

Violet: No, no, you need to turn here.

Phil: Wait, this isn't-

Violet: Just flip a bitch and get on the highway Marine.

Phil: Why are we headed towards the downtown area near the base?

Violet: We're taking a detour, okay?

Narrator: As Phil takes a U-turn you catch Violet's expression in the side view mirror. She glances at you and makes a fisting motion into her open mouth.

Adam: Uh...

Narrator: You glance sidelong at Phil. He looks pissed, but determined to hold it in.

Seven dirty gestures later...

Narrator: Phil parks the car outside at a warehouse-like building. A noisy crowd loiters outside. Lights flash from a bouncer-guarded doorway. Heavy bass thumps through the brick walls.

Phil: Oh, of course this isn't the ballet.

Narrator: Before either of you can respond, Violet opens the door a vaults out of the car.

Phil: And of course she'd do that.

Narrator: Phil looks like he's about to smash his fist through the windshield.

 
Phil: I'm breathing. Violet's not a bad kid. She's just a spoiled, thoughtless, disrespectful, little piece of-Argh...

Narrator: Phil exits the car and slams the door. You follow him as he heads towards the club. Phil pays exuberant cover charge and the two of you wander into the crowded club. The multi-level dance floors are filled with a combination of college students and marines from the neighboring base. While this place might've been fun three years ago, pushing through the gaggle of clubgoers is just an exercise in annoyance when you're hunting down a frenzied party girl. Phil looks around, assessing the situation.

Phil: Ok, let's split up. I'm heading upstairs.

 
Let's check the bar like a normal person; I don't think he's gonna appreciate position jokes right now.
 
Narrator: Phil disappears into the crowd. Keeping an eye out for Violet's skimpy dress, you eventually spot her talking to two guys at the end of the bar. Like a kid let-loose in a candy store, she talks to them with a starry-eyed smile and breathless excitement. You tap her on the shoulder just as she appears to be giving the taller one her number. Leaning forward, you yell into her ear above the music.

Adam: Violet, why are we here?!

Violet: Why? This place is wall-to-wall military. Look at those bodies!

Adam: We should really go, Violet.

Violet: You know, I thought Phil would be more fun, but God, he is such a buzzkill! Can't you convince him to stay?

Narrator: You're about to respond when the two guys step between you and Violet.



Blond: Why don't you walk away, taint-breath?

Violet: Oh my God! Are you guys going to fight on my behalf? Because that's always been a fantasy of mine.

Adam: Not helpful, Violet!

Narrator: Phil steps in beside you.

Phil: Violet, let's go.

Violet: Don't tell me what to do! I want to party with these guys!

Brunette: Holy shit! Healy? What in fucknation are you doing here? I thought you were busy helping your daddy this weekend and that's why you got permission to sign out without a buddy.

Blond: Damn, Healy. Had no idea you were such a sneaky, goddamn liar! Nice job getting away with it. Don't worry, I won't turn your ass in.

Phil: I'm not getting away with anything. I'm not here to party.

Brunette: I'd believe you--if you weren't standing in the middle of a fucking dance club.

Phil: Violet, let's go.

Brunette: You deaf, Healy? She wants to party with us.

Phil: No way, she's going back to her parents.

Violet: Like Hell I am! I just got here!

Blond: For shit's sake, Healy, relax for once! Party with us and stop being such an uptight asshole. Your civy friend can even tag along.

Narrator: The blond Marine looks at you exactingly, as Violet hooks her arm through yours.

Violet: Yeah, tell 'em, Adam! Tell Phil to let loose and stop being such a fuddy-duddy.

Adam: Uh...

 
  • Optimistic
Reactions: Andrew Noel Schaefer
Yeah, Violet's being an obnoxious bitch. Just tell her that.
 
I sense parental and isolation issues inbound from Violet, so let's call her out on being a shot.
 
Violet: ...

Adam: Violet?

Violet: That's the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me!

Narrator: She bursts into tears.

Brunette: Nice job, dork. Is that how you get off? By making girls cry?

Adam: Wait! No!

Phil: C'mon Violet, let's go to the ballet.

Violet: I don't want to go to the stupid ballet! I just wanna leave.

Narrator: Phil sighs and takes her towards the door.

Brunette: I don't know about Healy, sometimes.

Blond: I've got my suspicions about that one.

Brunette: What are you lookin' at, cake-eater?

Narrator: Reluctant to give an honest answer, you follow Phil to the club. Phil uncerimonously drops Violet off at her parents. She flips the both of you off as she disappears into the building. Phil sighs as he dives you home.

Phil: Of course I'd run into Zelinski and Knutson here. Just my luck.

Adam: Are you worried they'll try to start something?

Phil: Physically, no. But if I do fight them, I'll be written up once it gets back to base. Here's the thing about Recon, you're required to have a spotless record to even be considered. God help me, just a few more weeks.

Adam: Aren't Violet's parents going to be upset with you now? She seemed really upset. Not to mention, I did make her cry.

Phil: Probably. Anyway, it's better than letting her hang out with those two d-bags. Look, Adam. I have no idea why you decided to come along. I know I haven't been the friendliest guy. But I'm glad you did. Thanks for your help tonight.

 
Third choice; I don't particularly feel like going down Phil's route first. Too many mixed signals. @_@
 
Phil: Okay, thanks.

Adam: You're welcome.

Narrator: Phil drops you off at the apartment. Whew, things are starting to get crazy this week in school. You've got midterms this week. You haven't much time for anything else, so it's time to buckle down.

Tuesday...

Narrator: You're working on your paper about feudal economics when you decide, as often as you do when faced with an impending due date, to head to the kitchen for a snack.

Penny: How long do you think that's going to last?

Adam: At least a century. I hear asbestos is pretty durable.

Penny: No. Not the ceiling. Listen. The silence. I'm waiting for T-rex Tuesday to start any second now. If he makes another racket, according the lease agreement, he'll get evicted.

Ian: Seriously, I couldn't concentrate at all last week. Ended up fragging myself during PvP. My rank feel from 454, 113 to 470,304. I used to be somebody, Adam.

(Doorbell rings)

Adam: Either of you guys expecting someone?

Narrator: Your roommates shrug. You open the door.



Adam: Um, hi?

Narrator: Jed waives at Ian and Penny.

Jed: I'm Jed, I live upstairs.

Narrator: He grins at Penny.

Jed: I remember you, Purplelady.

Penny: ...

Jed: I'm guessing you don't recognize me with my clothes on?

Penny: Well, um...

Jed: I thought I'd swing by with a peace offering.

Narrator: He hands you the piping hot pizza box. The smell of pepperoni fills the air.

Penny: Um, thank-you.

Jed: Sorry for all the noise, but I have to rock out. It's in my DNA.

Ian: Hey, no worries, man. It's all good. This world judges us harshly. But I believe in giving others a fair shake. You never know until you walk in their shoes.

Jed: That's amazingly poignant. I may get that tattooed on my neck someday. Can we chat a sex, Adam?

Adam: Why don't you take this to the kitchen, guys?

Ian: It's cool, we can eat it right here.

Adam: The kitchen is a much better place.

Narrator: Penny shakes her head, grabs the box, and yanks Ian towards the kitchen.

Adam: So you deliver pizza.

Jed: Yeah. Lost the ticket for that one. Not sure where it was supposed to go, but you guys can have it. Starving college kids need love, too. So, sorry about what happened. My sis tends to overreact a little when dudes with erections show up at the door. But lemmee get to the point. I was wondering if you'd like to have a drink with me on Friday. A bar down town. Live music. I think you could use a little unwinding, Sparky.

Adam: You don't need to call me that.

Jed: Sorry, you look like a Sparky I knew. From prison. Bit someone's nose off. But okay, how about it?

Narrator: You think about your schedule. School's gotten busier and you've got midterms coming up. If you accept Jed's invitation, you'll have time for little else.

 
Let's go with Jed. It's a nice thank-you for that hot CG he gave us.
 
I second that. All things considered, he's been the nicest guy we keep coming across on a regular basis anyways!
 
Jed is pretty hot and rather nice, I'd do him if he was real.

Jed: Sweet. Can't wait to see you loosen up, Sparky.

Narrator: Jed gives you a place and time.

Wednesday night...

(snipped because it was the same shower jerk off scene after seeing the Brofinder app. )

Narrator: You get through your midterms...You didn't do stellar, but you manage to pass. You'll only be able to rest easy for a night or two, though. You have a term paper coming up.

Friday night...

Narrator: The venue is a small, dingy club downtown. As you walk in, you notice the marque. '9PM 2nite: The Dirty Loofahs.' Inside, you head for the bar at the back of the room. You wait for Jed as you wait for the place to fill up. A young man with what appears to be a DIY spike piecing his septum, scowls at you as he shoves his way past the crowd. You take a gulp of beer and finger the neck of your sweater with growing discomfort. Someone taps your shoulder.



Narrator: Jed mumbles something to the bartender.

Jed: Drinks are on me. You know what I said about loosening up, right, Sparky? See ya in a bit.

Adam: Wait! Where are you going?

Jed: Gonna go reorganize my sock drawer.

Narrator: You watch as Jed walks over to the stage, where a band is setting up and running through a sound check. The lights dim and the crowd begins to gather around the stage. People whistle. A deafening and familiar boom shakes the walls and rattles your teeth.

Adam: (Thinking) Oh, that was his sympathizer.

Narrator: The crowd starts to respond, jumping around and jostling away as Jed screams away and pounds at the keyboard.

 
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