It was a somber day at the Eichenwald household. Kurt's Wife's Brother's body lay in state, unable to receive a proper burial as per Jewish custom. Because he had passed away as a result of the Corona Virus, his family paid special adherence to the rules of social distancing. That is why they held a memorial service for him over the internet. Each family member, including Kurt, shared touching stories with each other about how he had impacted their lives. They laughed, they cried, and though they couldn't be together in body they were together in spirit.
After the funeral, certain family members stayed on their computers for the reading of his will. Kurt's wife had received a 9x11 envelope through the mail and Kurt had received a wooden jewelry box. Both came with specific instructions to not open their mail until the reading of his will. So they dutifully obeyed. From there, the executor of his estate played a video of Kurt's Wife's Brother. Seeing his smiling face once again made it hard for his family to believe he was gone. But they did their best to suppress their tears. For this was a message they had to endure.
"To my loving family. If you are watching this video, it means I am no longer with you. I ask that you not cry for what you have lost, but smile for what we cherished. But now that I have passed on, I will leave each of you something to remember me by..."
And one by one, Kurt's Wife's Brother read the names of those in his will as well as what he had left them. He made especially sure to set aside money for his grand children so they would have money for college. He then cleared his throat and said "To my dear sister, Kurt's Wife, please open your envelope."
Kurt's Wife did as she was told and opened it to reveal a stock portfolio.
"Before I caught this wretched virus, I had purchased several shares of companies in the hopes of adding to my retirement portfolio. But now that I am gone, I hope those stocks will serve you well. I only ask that you wait until the market picks up again before you sell them." He then pauses before saying "And to my brother in law Kurt Eichenwald... please open your box."
Kurt undid the latch holding his box together. For a brief moment, he heard the clicking of a switch before the lid had swung open like a jack in the box. But instead of a clown on a spring, he found a flashing strobe light that was hooked up to a battery. In an instant, Kurt fell to the floor and began convulsing.
But as Kurt seized, his brother in law smiled. "Kurt, I know what kind of man you are. You exploited the victims of child pornography so you could make a name for yourself as a journalist. That's why I have no doubt in my mind you're going to exploit my death for everything you can. I can already see you going on Twitter saying 'Look at me. Feel sorry for me. You can't make fun of me for looking at Japanese cartoon pornography.'" He then leaned into the camera and said "Oh and to my sister... Can you do me a favor and burn that box? The only thing I want him getting from me is a seizure."
