Disclaimer: Yes, I’m something of a railfan. Yes, I joined just because of this thread. Yes, I’ve worked in the railroad industry and I know what I’m talking about (honest!).
So can anyone explain what a volunteer railroad is, exactly? Is it company where instead of employees, they have volunteers who will work because they're train enthusiasts?
This is a valid question for you non-railfans, and to better understand Shaner and his ilk, let’s look a little more at these so-called volunteer railroads and the people that work at them.
Many of the tourist lines (or “heritage railroads”) exist to give people a short ride out into the country behind Ole 97. They provide a fun train ride, and cater mostly to young families. They can also come in the form of museums that have old equipment that is being restored and run for fun.
The most popular tourist railroads have nothing but paid staff (example: Strasburg Railroad) and give tourists a great experience. Some have a mix of paid staff and volunteers. Then there are those that have zero paid staff and rely solely on volunteers to keep their trains running (for the latter, usually only on weekends – most of these guys have real jobs). The quality of volunteers can make or break a tourist railroad; most of them are great people. These hobby railroads have existed since the Sixties.
You’ll find all types of people at volunteer railroads. At the top are the (very normal) historians and hobbyists – the True Experts - some of them craftsmen that spend years working on a single locomotive, getting the paint and details just right before rolling it out with a full complement of steam and smoke; I’ve met some that are high-level executives that do it for fun and as stress relief.
In the middle are all the guys without skills – the Normal Railfans, we’ll call them - that didn’t really want to commit to working full-time for a railroad but like old equipment and want to share their enthusiasm for trains with the public. They are harmless. Those without mechanical skills may still contribute, and often make a name for themselves (a good name) as railroad authors, artists, photographers, and so forth. Most of the fine folks at Colebrookdale fit into this category. Well meaning, want to have fun, safe, etc….
At the bottom are the Foam Tards, Droolers, FRNs (Fucking Train Nuts), and Train Geeks….whatever you want to call them. Their only desire in the world is to work for a railroad. They read about trains. They talk about trains. They photograph trains. They see a train and get a massive Train Boner. Their life is nothing but trains. Trains! Trains!! Trains!!!
This latter groups has been let down by life. The “real” railroads won’t take them (we’re talking about a person that would get his foot cut off within five minutes in a real train yard) so instead they work at Dollar General, live in their parent’s basement, and spend every cent they have building a detailed model railroad to compensate. They argue with others about their models (stuff like whether or not the Reading Railway’s sixteen-thousand series coal carriers had eighty four rivets or eighty five rivets. “You know Bob, I don’t mean to nitpick, but the Southern Central never had an American-type steam engine with a Donglenor power converter…let alone spool valves! I hope you realize how stupid you look now.”) They post on the internet about trains non-stop, night and day (they can; they don't work). They have few friends, and have never felt a real boob despite having just celebrated their thirty-fifth birthday.
A Foam Tard’s involvement with a volunteer railroad starts when he finds out that the local historical society is rebuilding the old Buttsniff Branch of the Pennsylvania & Turdsniffer. “What? They need Volunteers? I want in!” When they find out that the railroad is getting Old Steamer Number 3 back up and running they are first in line to claim rights as engineer, despite the fact that they never lifted one finger to help restore, paint, or grease the thing, and know nothing about running a train, train safety, etc.. They are deflated when they are told that “Old Joe,” who worked 35 years for the railroad and retired with a spotless record, is going to run it....but maybe, just maybe, if they work hard they’ll have a shot SOMEDAY. Because of this, volunteer railroads are often bastions for Foam Tards (and don’t even get me started about the Trolley geeks….they’re in a class of their own)
The Foam Tards are also harmless at first. The True Experts and the Normal Railfans are the ones that keep the railroad running weekend-to-weekend, while the Foam Tards do very little…although they constantly complain that they “never get a chance to run the locomotive and blow the whistle.” They are supposed to work their way up the ladder, but few ever get past the first rung. Some claim they know the rules…but never attend rules classes (who do you think is first to get hurt?). They proclaim themselves as the "official picture taker"or "head fireman," or to other jobs that don't exist. They sign up for all the dirty jobs…yet don’t show up when scheduled. Then when they DO show up they aren’t there to work. Their contribution often is to snap and share a few (usually terrible) photos on the internet. Amongst these there are always (ALWAYS!) photos of them on the train, on the locomotive, on the caboose with that “Look at Me! I’m a railroader now!” facial expression. Photos are made from the belt up because they are sporting a full TB. These photos are posted on Facebook for all to see.
Within a few months, they claim themselves Experts. “That [blankety-blank] isn’t safe. I know, because I’ve been a-railroadin' a long time!” They go from mildly amusing the True Experts and Normal Railfans to annoying them in a surprisingly short amount of time. They piss off the customers. “Get the fuck out of the way, can’t you see I’m trying to get a 3/4th wedge shot of a Southern System heritage diesel! What the fuck is wrong with you! Get the fuck out of the way!"
Customers complain.
It accelerates further. Perhaps a few little items disappear from the shop. “They’ll never miss one brake handle valve…I need it for my collection.” True colors begin to emerge.
They begin giving the True Experts advice. This does not go over well. “You’re doing that wrong. I know because I saw that in a video once.” They are interviewed by a local TV station or newspaper when someone shows up to write a story about the railroad. Their comments make the volunteer railroad and all rail enthusiasts appear to be stupid. Something must be done.
With every volunteer now thoroughly pissed off, they’re asked (usually by the head of the railroad) to move on.
They can't move on.
At this time the Foam Tard enters full denial mode. The volunteer railroad is the enemy. “That railroad sux.” “They never let me do anything and look at all that I did for them?” “Those guys don’t know what they’re doing.” “I’m the real expert…why can’t they see that?” “Has anyone else at that railroad fucked Old Steamer Number 3 like I have? I mean burned their dick literally fucking it? I don’t think so!”
Shaner is, of course, an extreme example of the Foam Tard, but there are (unfortunately) others out there like him. But unlike those folks, he has seemingly mastered the internet, using it to promote his agenda and cry when he smells conspiracy.
THAT's why I am here. He is a fascinating hot mess of a railfan.
At least he stopped saying "It's interesting" so much after we caught on to that. Good job, Len Shaner!
