Now, where was I?
It occurs to me that Zacharie is in some strange way an almost positive depiction of the
Happy Merchant. I think its a total coincidence though, just something funny I noticed.
I suppose now is as good a time as any to explain the weapons and armor system in this game. The Batter has Tunics for armor and Bats for weapons. I believe the names attached to both are named after famous baseball players, though not the superstars that a non-sports fan like me would be familiar with. Some of them go as far as referencing Asian baseball players. If anyone is a baseball nerd they can list all the players, but my dedication to this LP goes only so far.
Addons have Symbols as their weapons, which to be honest with you I find it a little unfortunate that we don't get to see what those symbols look like as their descriptors are be somewhat abstract (Battlesome Symbol?). The Epidermis armor is named after various bones in the human arms and legs.
Auras appear to be named after leadership traits, with the exception of Aura of Fear which is probably just an awkward reference to Machiavelli's axiom that its better for a leader to be feared than loved. Colours are all named after negative qualities, and grow in power according to the displeasure said negative traits cause. We currently have no special items.
Ironically given my intense and some would say irrational hatred for advertising, I'm going to make a point to show you every single advertisement available in the shopping mall. At least all of them that i can reach, I tried to be pretty thorough. I find it noteworthy that there's an ad for baseball bats when clearly only The Batter would ever purchase such a thing. Targeted advertising?
Looks like one of those Pedalo Recovery Points beyond this barrier, I wonder what that's doing inside a shopping mall?
Given my rampant hatred for consoomerism, it may be no surprise to learn I'm actually quite fond of this level. Though in part that's due to the lovely no-fi track Windows Licking, which really captures the mood of wandering through a samey shopping mall where nothing for sale is particularly anything you'd want to buy. I've included the full track rather than the game loop since I think it works better here.
The layout of this place is admittedly very unlike a shopping mall, being a maze of small cubicles rather than a large open space.
I do like how every ad references an object or item we've come across in the game instead of selling generic products that we've otherwise seen no evidence of. Its a forgettable detail but it really makes the world feel consistent, and underlines how weirdly simple and samey life must be for the Elsens.
The mall is a bit confusing to traverse but any wrong direction you pick will lead you to a dead end with some kind of bonus in it, so its not too bad.
What's a dystopic mall without a giant rat infestation?
Gilles de Rais was a French knight who was also a child murderer. There's the typical historical contrarian crowd who insists he was innocent, backed up by the fact that most confessions in his time were obtained via torture. I'm not certain what significance the man has to this game though, other than the fact that these creatures apparently prey on the vaguely childlike Elsens.
Smoke needing to be sold in bottles does raise a few questions though. Perhaps indoor places with poor ventilation need it to be regularly replenished?
I come across another room with a save block inside. The ad here is particularly interesting, revealing that even the waves in the liquid plastic seas of this world are artificially generated. One can only imagine what an airless world with no wind and no tides must sound like.
After I step out there's another battle with a second unique enemy. Its unclear who Massu refers to, though French history turns up a
general who infamously had little issue using torture on the populace of Algeria, though he claimed to regret it in a later life.
It also just now occurs to me that we're fighting literal mallrats.
One of these ads claims Luck Tickets are infact manufactured by denizens of this world. Fuckin aye, forget telling me about the elements and shit, I want to know how the hell they do that. The game also breaks that thing I said earlier about not advertising shit you can't find in the game, since there's no corresponding item to "Modestia". Can't win em all I guess, though it does imply at least some of the Elsens take medication for their condition.
There's a familiar face pacing around nearby, but no clear way to get over to him yet.
what the fuck
It... is infact a whale, a sperm whale no less.
It dies like anything else.
One of the rooms leads to this location with creepy Elsen mannequins lined up. The chest contains our first Special item, a Monday.
Named after days of the week, these items have specific effects that are usually better than just plain bonuses. I give this one to The Batter since he's the designated healer of our group and protection from criticals seems like a good idea.
Another room has an Elsen paralyzed by fear hiding in it. Granted, unlike the smoke mines, getting out of this place might be rather difficult for someone unarmed. Or at least that would make sense, except he seems to be more afraid of starting a campfire than the spectres!
Also begs the question how exactly you get fire in this world. Can even you do the rubbing two sticks together thing with hard plastic?
Zacharie must be delighted to have a human customer after all this time since he made a sign especially for us. Unlike the ad for baseball bats though, this one would seem to imply he bothered walking all the way in here to place it.
As if this place wasn't already confusing enough, it also somehow loops around.
There's also a shameless plug for Unproductive Funtime that appears to have been butchered in the translation.
"For silkier hair: The meat fountains of Alma "
I have to admit I felt mildly insulted by that line the first time I heard it, though the game does take pains to remind you that you aren't The Batter but instead some separate entity.
Anyway, I am glad to have found you. Maybe you can help me unravel the mystery that fate has placed before me. It turns out that my brother has been living in this area for many years. He has a special affinity for colors of the cool kind. Unfortunately, I have so far failed to cross his path. I have tried to betake myself to the roof of the library, where he resides. However, I found the door closed. Even the long hours of intensive, repeated meowing and compulsive scratching did not do a thing.
My request is as follows: If at the bend of a corridor you happen to see Valerie, give him my greetings.
Anyway, when we get out of there it turns out that the indicator is indeed a Pedalo Recovery Point like i suspected.
There's only one place on the sea in this town, so I head over there right away.
Paddling off the screen in any direction takes you to a seemingly empty expanse.
Traveling diagonally to the northwest eventually brings you to this little stash containing a slightly better tunic for The Batter.
Traveling east at any time brings you back to town.
This game is fond of long empty hallways leading up to things. It does break up the pacing surprisingly well.
These balloons seem to act as loot chests for this location.
Evidently whoever built this place had big plans for it, its a little sad to see it abandoned like this.
Well, there are a few people here at least.
Only three attractions though. The loud noises the third one refers to is the fact that the balloons make a satisfying
pop when you burst one.
I've seen a lot of scary amusement parks in media, but I have to admit I've seen relatively few amusement parks of depression. At least, done this way, where the parkgoers are the depressed ones but the place is in otherwise pristine working order.
This guy calls the liquid plastic in here water, which is probably just the creator not paying attention. I don't think water is pink.
Lets do the Cruise of Happiness first. I notice its not called anything to the effect of a Tunnel of Love since the Elsens, being all the same, presumably have no direct means of reproduction and are probably incapable of romantic relationships.
Guess we have to figure out who's in charge here.
More ominous instructions have never been spoken in a videogame. Also note The Batter calling the plastic water.
As I expected, the thing labeled "Cruise of Happiness" is infact one of the most frustrating puzzles in the entire game. If you look closely at the above screenshot you'll notice dark patches beneath the water (plastic?). these are little motors that will drag the boat across a specific path. Some of them only take you a certain distance, others drag you straight along a track and past all of the possible stopping points where you can collect loot.
Getting yanked all over the place by these things is about as fun as it looks. You'd think the smaller motors would be the hint as to which path to choose, but sometimes even those just yeet you along and its the larger ones you need to cross to not get taken as far. This puzzle just becomes trial and error. At least the game doesn't charge you an admission fee to keep retrying the ride.
\
I do eventually get all the loot, though its nothing special. The Inspiration is an attack item that deals 75 base damage but increases at some unknown rate with your Attack and Esprit stats. I've never found much use for it.
Eventually we come across a switch, evidently preventing access to the roller coaster attraction. Strange, I don't remember seeing a set of blocks in the lobby.
Lets see what all the hype is about.
One of the better jokes of this game; the "safe" version of the roller coaster is just a set of chairs lined up, and the little dipshits are so nervous that the act of sitting still and staring off into the distance terrifies them.
Much like the movie Demolition Man, I've found this segment has gotten less funny over the years as I've actually met people like this and learned they exist for real. one has to wonder what these guys are all so terrified of when there was a literal advertisement for fucking resurrection items in the shopping mall.
At least this guy has the balls to have some kind of interest in the actual roller coaster, which was apparently blocked off before I hit that lever. He still doesn't follow The Batter to it though.
Despite the ride being closed, this Elsen still reports to work every day. Zone 2's residents must have the same work dedication as Zone 1, when they have something to do anyway.
Again, no admission fee.
The staircase is something of a climb.
Funnily enough, I've never actually been on a roller coaster. Just not a theme park guy I guess.
The Batter refuses to ride anywhere but the front of the roller coaster.
He also raises his arms on the descent. There's a camera flash between here and when you arrive at the bottom.
I have The Batter head back up and shove that statue of Zacharie on the ride.
Excellent, I think I know right where to take this.
The guard is of course more concerned with the danger of riding on a roller coaster rather than letting a potential stranger into his boss's office.
Whatever, get out of the way nerd.
Once again we acquire six orbs. I split them amongst the party again, The Batter getting most of them due to his importance as the healer.
Play, play play the Balloon Game!
If... If you win, you get the grand prize. But... But if you lose, you might be sad. So... uh... be careful.
Christ.
When its your turn, you can choose to pop one, two or three balloons. When its my turn, i'll do the same. The one who's left with the last balloon loses the game.
The rules of this game are the same as the rules for
Nim, one of the most ponderous and tedious games you can play with a pen and paper or even random objects. The novelty of playing it in a videogame is a bit amusing, considering the
Nimatron is commonly accepted to be the first electronic computer game, though not a videogame since it just had a display of lights rather than a proper screen.
The computer handily defeats me on the first try. Being left with five balloons at any point is a death sentence since no matter what you pick, the other player can pick however many it takes to leave you with a single balloon on your next turn.
The trick is to just pop one balloon at a time, which the computer will mirror, until you reach eight balloons. At that point you can pop three of them and stiff the computer with the fatal five balloons that it can't answer without giving you the ability to win the game.
Is it even possible to cheat clandestinely at this game?
He doesn't take it well.
Finally, I was sick of that fucking theme park music.
The word Valzong is apparently made up, as it only leads back to this game when searching for it. I'm positive that symbol with the four overlapping circles has a proper name though.
Valzong Burnt have a stronger spell than Swing, Murmur of the Flies, which has both a metal as fuck name and can inflict Mute, preventing spellcasting.
I estimate the Valzong Burnt are about twice as tough as the regular Burnt, perhaps closer to three times their health, but they still go down relatively easily.
Next time: Zone 2, Part 3.
