Live Action Halo TV Series - Debuting March 24, 2022 - Has Paramount+ learned from the Star Trek debacle or will they double down? Time will tell.

Bonnie Ross was installed as the head of 343 by Microsoft and she drove halo into the ground until she was fired last year. Kiki Wolfkill was in charge of halo media (including the TV Show) and is also responsible from how the show is turning out. She still works at Microsoft, but not 343 still iirc.


These were the stated goals for the games.

Archive https://archive.is/x0m5u
 
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Been hate watching this season so you don't have to. New episode was pretty good up until the end.
-No girl boss moments for Perez and she actually gets thrown around by an Elite.
-Gay couple gets killed with the blind guy actually having a pretty heroic death.
-The ONI guys steal the Spartans' armor, wtf?
- Keys stays behind to command the marines and direct the evacuation, also has a pretty heroic death scene. (I'm kind of pissed 'cause they guy who plays him is pretty decent.)
- Halsey and the black pirate dude get left behind and join up with Chief and Rizz at the end.
- Cortana gets stolen by human covenant lady. Why?
- At the end the elite is about to kill John but is stopped by human covenant lady and they....just.walk.away after black spartan is killed trying to kill the elite. Why though? That was a huge cock tease and annoyed the shit out of me.
This series is still awful oh and special effects were pretty cheesy, what's the budget for these shows again Paramount?
 
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Episode 4

Reach starts blowing up. Buncha fucking Arbiters running around again. Chief encounters an antique dealer who tells her about war and typewriters, and is moved by her dedication.

Soren and Halsey stand around and
talk about their feelings while the planet gets bombed. Master Cheek’s alien waifu steals Cortana. Humanity's most powerful AI is gone. Remember what Keyes said in the first game about that? "They get her, they know everything. Weapons, secret stuff... Earth". The plot of the first game has no reason to happen now.
But I'm sure the writers have figured it out for us.

The blind guy fucks
shit up with a grenade launcher. His husbando then dies and he suicides bombs a Wraith. Honestly pretty fucking bad ass.

Ackerson fucks off and
takes all of the Mjolnir armor with him for reasons beyond logic, meaning that the Spartans of Silver Team not only have no helmets for the episode, but also NO GOD DAMN ARMOR. Keyes makes an inspirational speech out of it, and it turns out no one noticed, before that moment, that the large superhuman man was in fact, perhaps, a superhuman soldier. This is why the Spartans could go around clubbing and shit without getting noticed.
The show thinks this makes sense.

Captain Admiral Keyes
commits sudoku to take out a bunch of Jackals and allow a civilian transport ship to escape. This means that Miranda Keyes will probably take up his role in the story.

Chief’s super special human
-alien waifu stops him from being executed by an elite. Vannak dies though, meaning Soren will probably take his place.
Shit. He actually made sense as a character, relative to the others.

Overall the best we’ve gotten up until now in terms of action and visuals, and probably the best we’ll ever get really. Plot is still incredibly fucky, so turn your brain all the way down to negative IQ before you watch it, and you might have a good time.
 
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Slowly catching up, had to rewatch the first season to be reminded of what they did to the Chief.

HOLY SHIT I can't believe they waited this long to let the Covenant glass a planet.
 
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Damn, they're so dedicated to not having Master Chief on screen that they write his armour out of the plot.

There can only be one black guy in this show, so they had to kill off the other two! God help us if Johnson ever shows up.

Somehow people don't know they're getting invaded. The entire city is getting lit up and bombed, but people inside have nothing warning them about the threat until the stealth elites literally crash through their windows.
 
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Kwan somehow makes Vannek's death all about her and she wasn't even involved.

"It's important we respect Vannek and hold a funeral for him!" "Are we gonna wait until Riz, the one who got shot protecting his body, is able to join us?" "Nah, fuck her."

So, we're in the Halo 1 portion now.

Okay, this Arbiter is talking about needing redemption by beating Chief; is this THE Arbiter? 'Cus I swear the one we know had a different name.

Makee boots up Cortana and the first fucking thing she does is ask if Cortana is John's girlfriend.

Makee and Arbiter go rogue to find their own Great Journey with blackjack and hookers.

I hate Soren's wife. Her acting is alien, she's always pouting and now she's getting pissy that Soren isn't crying enough when trying to focus on finding their son and not starting trouble.

So, the ghost of the old lady from the first episode is now haunting Kwan and telling her to fufil her destiny. I know Halo has always had some assortment of space magic, but this seems weird.

They're trimming down the main cast and somehow Kwan still gets to stay.

Kai is a glowie now.
 
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Last episode, Kwan was an assassin. This time, she’s Rambo. And she’s tripping major balls.

I SUMMON YOU -Freaky alien lady, 2552

Again with the cult shit, the writers have a fetish and it’s awful.

TheAmbiguousLurker said:
So, we're in the Halo 1 portion now.
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Which is bullshit, because none of the set pieces are in place. Again reinforcing the hypothesis that this is a random show that got a Halo skin at the last minute.

TheAmbiguousLurker said:
I hate Soren's wife. Her acting is alien, she's always pouting and now she's getting pissy that Soren isn't crying enough when trying to focus on finding their son and not starting trouble.
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She just doesn't belong in the show. The Rubble plot as a whole doesn't, mind you, but she particularly doesn't. If the writers wanted to play around with a mother figure character, they could have just used Halsey.

But then again, they seem to be going all Kilo 5 with Halsey, so my expectations are low.

TheAmbiguousLurker said:
They're trimming down the main cast and somehow Kwan still gets to stay.
Click to expand...
Someone end the suffering of this poor child.

TheAmbiguousLurker said:
Kai is a glowie now.
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Fucking
Onyx. They’re giving Kurt’s role to Kai.

The elite models are great up close though, so that’s nice. Overall a pretty useless episode.
 
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dick brain said:
Is this a tranny name? This sounds like a tranny name.
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No, but she was the head of 343 Transmedia.


She's apparently a race car driver, which makes me think she's who John Walker Flint aka Briana Wu wished he could be. Gamer Gurl executive, race car driver, and actual woman lol.
Her family was even featured by Porsche at one point lol.
 
Episode 6

We got new Spartans. But they’re not exactly Spartan 3s, because somehow
Perez is one. Which takes away all the impact of the Spartan 3s being orphans whose families got killed by the Covenant.

Parangosky is actually trying to act like the bad bitch she’s supposed to be.

The super secret and secure planet/Forerunner construct by the name of
Onyx is fully accessible to a random civilian ship, and the Spartan 3 program s being advertised in the media. ONI Section 3 plausible deniability super secret special operations my ass. Oh yeah, by the way, the Spartan 2s weren’t trained on Reach. They were trained on Onyx.

The Arbiter gives
HIMSELF the mark of shame, which makes no sense. The Elites also have priests now, which fucks up the ENTIRE POINT OF THE COVENANT (Elites being the warriors, and the Prophets being spiritual leaders and thus, being able to control the narrative).

Oh yeah, also, the Chef has gone full on rogue. He also still has no god damned armor.
And Kai tries to slap some sense into him, which makes me happy.

Makee and Cortana are best buds now, because it turns out
getting captured was the plan all along. Speaking of which, Makee absolutely CRAVES the Cheeks to the point of crippling anxiety.

Abandon all hope, ye who watches this show in the hopes of anything Halo.
 
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"Our cover story is intact, there's nobody who could contradict it, nobody could have gotten off Reach after we left."
Hundreds of civvies and soldiers escaped Reach, they were told the truth by Keys... ONE OF THEM IS LITERALLY ON YOUR TEAM FOR SOME REASON.
Slurgle said:
And Kai tries to slap some sense into him, which makes me happy.
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John just standing there doing absolutely nothing while Kai yells 'Stop resisting!' as she wails on him was the highlight of the episode.

Also, why is Kai, the one who the first season highlighted as the more rebellious and curious of the spartans, the character they decided to make the dipshit who blindly believes authority and falls in line?

Slurgle said:
Makee and Cortana are best buds now, because it turns out
undefined
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Their scenes are the most unintentionally funny. Makee crying out "DO YOU MOCK MEEEEE?", Cortana no-selling all the delusional bullshit she's hearing, them loudly saying incriminating shit like 'The priests are suspicious' and 'Do you think he knows you're lying?' the moment the people they're trying to trick walk out of frame, how fucking easily the these dumb fucks are convinced to turn on their prophets, ect. It's hilarious.
 
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So, Perez hears Keyes speech, barely escaping Reach thanks to Chief and then Keyes sacrificing himself, and then the next time we see her she's in deep with ONI on Onyx? Wtf.
I'm contacting an accident lawyer for the whiplash that gave me.

God the writing is terrible. And a lot of the acting is terrible too.
 
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TheAmbiguousLurker said:
Their scenes are the most unintentionally funny. Makee crying out "DO YOU MOCK MEEEEE?", Cortana no-selling all the delusional bullshit she's hearing, them loudly saying incriminating shit like 'The priests are suspicious' and 'Do you think he knows you're lying?' the moment the people they're trying to trick walk out of frame, how fucking easily the these dumb fucks are convinced to turn on their prophets, ect. It's hilarious.
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This is another great sin of the show: it doesn't take the audience seriously at all. You'd really think the bright blue human hologram would attract attention.

Also yeah, "Those true believers will follow me and kill the non-believers" was stupid from the point of view of an Arbiter. The one who by definition has already fucked up in a major way, and is honor bound to redeem himself through suicidal missions.

Mind you, Thel Vadam DID betray the Prophets. But his decision took a long time and was logical given the circumstances. The asshole in the show saw a pretty picture and that was enough for him.
 
Slurgle said:
Also yeah, "Those true believers will follow me and kill the non-believers" was stupid from the point of view of an Arbiter. The one who by definition has already fucked up in a major way, and is honor bound to redeem himself through suicidal missions.
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It also just has no fucking impact because nothing has been developed with the Covenant or this asshole. He's not even betraying the Prophets because of a revelation, but another lie about him being the super special one who deserves all the glory.

Halo 2's Covenant story was impactful because it spent time developing the dynamic of the Covenant and let us see how loyal Thel was, how hard he worked to try and redeem himself, how he earned the respect from his comrades despite them initially seeing him as scum. So, when he finally turns on the Prophets it actually has impact because we feel how big a thing that is for his character, as well as feeling the catharsis of the surviving members of his team showing their loyalty to him.

In this one, the guy is just some henchmen for most of the season, and when he finally gets substantial lines, he's already being convinced to betray the Prophets because... He got shown a photo of Halo. And all his men we've never seen before decide to betray the Covenant as well, with no actual explanation from him. They're just blindly following another guy instead of the other guy. That doesn't make me think he's a zealot confronting the harsh reality of his religion, that makes me think he's an egotistical twat who was itching for an excuse to go rogue.
 
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Makee wants to take control of the ring so she can play God, arguing that if either side gets the Halo, they'll just wipe the other side out, so the Covenant and Humans are just as bad as each other. I don't get it, doesn't she still believe in the Covenant's religion and the great journey, she just believes the Prophets are lying about their role in it?

Makee brings the Arbiter's fleet to the Halo ring by following the stars. Now, I'm no astrologist or navigator, but doesn't using constellations to find out the location of something become impossible when the location is an unknown planet/station in an unknown sector in an unknown corner of the universe?

Also, did I miss last season where the humans realized that the Halo could be used as a weapon? 'Cus I thought that was meant to be a plot twist for the end of Halo 1 when they uncover the flood.

Soren explains that his son is about to be put through a training exercise where he'll be beaten and bludgeoned by adults until he either runs away or stands with his team... And he goes "We should let this play out, it could be educational for him."

Ackerson fully realizes how fucking far he's gone when Para-whatsi reveals that the Spartan 3's aren't getting sent onto Covenant ships to disable them, they're getting sent on Covenant ships to overload their systems, which apparently makes an explosion that will destroy everything in the entire system, hoping to take the Halo ring with it.

Halsey, Miranda and Kwan fuck about with the forerunner tech under Kwan does something, which allows her to grab a glowing something, which is then put on a map of stars to make more glowing something, which can be combined together to make constellations which Kwan psychically knows where to move them to in order to do something, which triggers something and opens the door to the Forerunner city that was under the ruins this entire time.

If I was any of the scientists, I'd feel fucking jipped. Imagine spending years decrypting a dead civilisations mathematics and linguistics to understand how to work their technology, then some random bitch shows up and gets given the answer magically given to her.

Exploring the city, they find a lab with a dead forerunner scientist (who looks mostly human, so I think we're going with the original vision of forerunners being ancient humans) clutching a mysterious artifact. The city starts shaking for some reason and the way they came in starts closing, so they have to escape.

The star map now turns red and shows something growing across the universe. Halsey thinks it's a demonstration of the forerunner's expanding their empire, but Kwan flashes back to the 'monsters' she was talking about before. So... Uh... Are we implying that fucking Kwan triggered the Flood?

Ackerson helps Cheeks and Kai get their armour back, with Cheeks making him promise to expose what ONI did, including Ackerson's role in it. I'll admit, I do kind of like the direction of Ackerson here as someone who tries to go by 'the ends justify the means', but ends up finding he can't actually bare the weight of what he's done.

Soren has a change of heart and protects his son from the spartan trainers, but now he's denied his son that life changing experience and doesn't wanna go with him.

Cheeks gets his armour back at the tail end of the episode and still refuses to put his helmet on. He isn't joining the main fight, instead going on his way to Halo.
 
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