I think content here is pretty limited since there are a million other places where Lorne is discussed to death. There are message boards and youtube channels that do nothing but discuss Lorne, so it’s not like there needs to be yet another place.
Also not to go all lolcow but most responses to the thread haven't been "ha ha this guy is funny I'd love to see him take a pratfall" but "this evil motherfucker should be put against a wall and shot."
Oh, Cawd! I don't know why everyone is giving Mr Penis a hard time. Mr Penis thinks about protecting children.
Mister Penis thinks of protecting children Sound From Lorne Armstrong - Soundboard.com - Create & Download Free Sounds, Sound Effects, Mp3, and more
OH CAWD, IT'S LORNE ARMSTRONG!www.soundboard.com
Yeah, I can’t understand why Lorne’s thread never really caught on here. Sure, TempleOfTCAP is a thing, same as ChurchOfCawd was before it, but Lorne generated enough of the white stawf for ALL of us to enjoy.JAMIE! YOU BETTA GET THAT BIG, BLACK DILDO OUTTA OUR FUCKIN LIVES (AND INTO MY FUCKIN MOUTH)
I stumbled over this freak during a bit of nostalgic TCAP. I didn't even remember him from BITD, was all about JPW and Jeff Stacey (PBUH). Immediately thought his catfish odyssey eerily paralleled Classic Chris. The staggering gullibility... the flailing impotent rages... the delusions of artistic prowess and impending stardom. And the tiny, misshapen CAWK, too.
Big difference, of course, was that CWC wasn't a sex offender, ha ha!
Anyhoo, as a latecomer to The Lorne Reality Show, I enjoyed the following calls in that oldschool Chris stylie. Perhaps others mourning our fallen Autistic Murder Machine may, too.
THE TELLTALE HEART-SHAPED BALLOON
Lorne's GF CASEY underwent a four-hour surgery, and is recuperating in hospital - tragically, she has not responded to his texts quickly enough. With DAN at CASEY's bedside to lend his support, Lorne's jealousy is primed - and when he hears of a certain get-well present, a blistering meltdown leaves his dream of vindictively wedded bliss in ashes.
CASEY: Lorne's glamorous actress GF. Famously played "Kayla" in Lorne's televised execution. Understandably guilty, she seeks to atone by becoming his wife.
DAN: Tall, handsome attorney with a great ass and an eight-inch CAWK. Bisexual BF of EMMA, Lorne's best friend. Visting CASEY at EMMA's request.
MATILDA (alias "Big Titty Matilda"): Sassy black nurse, mid-50s, whose wise counsel on life, love, and homosexuality reduces our hero to a Bud-fuelled flood of tears.
POT BROWNIE HOLOCAUST
Lorne's GF WINNIE is feeling blue, now that she is off the crack, so he reads a heartfelt poem he wrote for her. While she is in the toilet, he hits on her teenage daughter RHODA, encouraging her to enjoy one of WINNIE's pot brownies. Tragically, the brownie contains WINNIE's Death With Dignity Pill, which she had intended to consume following Lorne's serenade, and a double tragedy ensues.
WINNIE: Lorne's crackhead GF. Mid-30s, irascible, source of many jibes about Lorne's tiny CAWK and misshapen head.
RHODA: Daughter of WINNIE. A ditzy and bubbly teen who inexplicably attracts Lorne.
EMMA: Mexican-American, mid-30s, a stalwart friend to Lorne. Hapless source of conflict between him and WINNIE, due to the latter's violent racism.
THE DOCTOR IS IN (YOUR GF)
Lorne's GF RAMONA is struggling with her 96y/o NANA's medical insurance forms, so she turns to her friend THE DOCTOR for assistance. Tragically, an innocent past mishap between the two sparks Lorne's suspicions, culminating in an unprecedented explosion of alcoholic, trailer-trashing anger. An epilogue covers the subsequent Wellness Check, which concerned listeners phoned into Cornville PD.
RAMONA: Lorne's rich, sporty GF. Early 20s. Bright, yet prone to youthful obstinance. Moved by Lorne's televised plight, she located him via the Sex Offender Registry.
THE DOCTOR: Male, 20s, good friend of RAMONA. One of several young professionals who her family consider worthy suitors. Known to have a huge CAWK.
NANA: Ramona's very elderly grandmother, who cannot understand her labyrinthine health insurance policy.
Ah, so Lorne does have a thread here. Aw, shame nobody's really interested. I mean I know he's 'just a pedo' but so are like half of the furries on here too. His post-TCAP story is pretty astonishing, not too many convicted sex offenders would be genuinely convinced that getting caught on TV trying to fuck a teen would result in an online community of fans who want to watch them fry tofu.
CAWD loves even you~
after nearly a decade in prison dont you think he wouldve learned his lesson? after countless hours of gross sexual catfish calls leaked onto the internet for his probation officer to see, don't you think Maine would've cracked down harder on him?
youtu.be
Is Roy still talking to him? I'll admit I'm out of the loop because I can't stand the personalities that obsessively catfish him, all of them lolcows in their own right looking to punch down to troll shield themselves. I thought Lorne and Roy were in some fight over the trailer and eventually Ember or one of them framed Roy for being a pedo. No idea what came of that. It's hard to get a quick rundown anywhere.
It's definitely disgusting, but oddly it's extremely educational too. Really gives an incredible firsthand insight into the low IQ narcissist I've been trying to explain in regards to Chris. People assume narcissists are good-looking socially successful people, but then you have someone as fucking worthless as Lorne who honestly convinced himself some 13 year old was obsessed with him, wanting to look at his dirty ass all day, call him to wake him up for job interviews, just all kinds of incredibly vain shit that only someone with a self loathing/self obsession complex would be able to rationalize to themselves. And just like Chris has done throughout the years, Lorne depicted himself as the victim in every situation he's ever put himself in. They're both completely retarded but have enormous egos. It must be nice to live that deeply in delusion.
Roy is living with Mama Gwen, and since Gwen is still helping to prop Lorne up, Roy is still on speaking terms with him. What Ember did to Roy wasn’t just selectively editing calls to make him out as a pedo, the worst thing I’d say she did to Roy was get his probation for OUI revoked which sent Roy back to County Jail for 6 months. She wanted Roy out of the way because he wouldn’t buy her bullshit anymore so she waited until Roy was passed out drunk at the Trailer when she knew Lorne wasn’t there, and then she called the cawps and claimed that there was a fight going on at the trailer and that the cawps needed to come break it up. When they got there, all they found was Roy passed out drunk on the floor which was a violation of his probation and that got Roy out of the way, (although in the long run it did more harm for Ember’s catfishing of Lorne than good because Roy and Gwen figured out that it was her who set him up).
If Lorne was of more interest to KF I feel like Ember would have an extensive thread. If a stranger was doing this kind of stuff to anyone but a sex offender, it would probably get more notice. Fuck Lorne, but the rest of his family doesn't need to get tormented over it and honestly if you need to obsessively interact with a sex offender it says more about your own mental condition than anything else. Really ridiculous that the women who get involved with catfishing Lorne manage to pull orbiters when they themselves are narcissistic idiots just like Lorne is.
