Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[LeeLoo]

At least he can't fuck it up if it's pre-made, unless he thinks "medium rare chicken" is a thing.

Well, when botulism from 6 rare hobo pork chops doesn’t kill you, why not top it off with vomit encrusted under cooked chicken?!

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

and what the fuck is up with putting salad dressing on pork chops. Even hobos don't do that shit, thats a lucas thing, and yet again shows how fucked up his sense of taste is. Its no wonder he's as fat as hermann goering at this point

Cooking pork and chicken with dressings is a somewhat common practice actually, but lol at the way this retard does it. Giant globs of dressing and thick patches of dry seasoning unevenly displaced. Most kids could do a better job their very first time cooking, but then again most kids could do anything better than Lucas.

I'd love to see Gordon Ramsay rate his cooking videos.

"Pork is a meat that does well with vibrant flavors, dill was a surprisingly relevant choice and then this absolute plonker goes with French over Italian. It's still fuckin raw! I could still hear it squeal when you cut into it! unbelievable. Un...FUCKIN...believable"

 

[cigarettesalsa]

Lucas has to be taking advantage of that toaster. It's for strudel and tendies and toast. I hope someone breaks it over his fat back.

 

[IceQueen]

On that note i'll just take a moment to remind everyone of that incident a few years back where he argued with a bunch of people who pointed out he was cross contaminating raw meat with vegetables by putting the vegetables directly on top of said meat for a picture. He claimed it was fine because he was cooking it for x amount of time, at a fairly low temperature and refused to accept the fact that how long he cooked it was irrelevant, that it was the temperature that mattered when it comes to killing any harmful bacteria on the now contaminated vegetables. Even after being told by multiple people that the temperature necessary to render the vegetables safe would destroy them and make them inedible. He does not understand the first thing about food safety or meat related hygiene

Pork and chicken are two things you absolutely do not fuck around with the way he is doing. I wouldn't touch a piece of meat cooked in a toaster oven, let alone actually eat it. and what the fuck is up with putting salad dressing on pork chops. Even hobos don't do that shit, thats a lucas thing, and yet again shows how fucked up his sense of taste is. Its no wonder he's as fat as hermann goering at this point

I'll laugh my ass off if what inevitably gets him kicked out of the latest shelter turns out to be making a bunch of people sick as fuck with badly cooked food, or causing a fire by putting something as loaded with lard as pork chops into a toaster oven of all things and likely ignoring it while its cooking



Exactly. There is a reason nobody does that and a reason you see raw beef sushi but not raw pork or chicken. Even minor undercooking of pork can flat out kill you at worst and make you wish you were dead for a few days at best. Pork is not something to fuck around with

and if he wants to keep claiming this, then he should try making some undercooked eel and see how that turns out for him

(protip: don't do that, raw or even mildly undercooked eel blood is lethally toxic to humans, which is why its cooked, even in sushi. It'll cause a fatal allergic reaction almost instantly if ingested and was even used to demonstrate such allergies by a nobel prize winner back in the day, by injecting it into dogs)

Even chicken, in some places (like Japan) CAN exist as chicken tartare but never here in the US with the way our chicken is processed, and pork is a no go ALWAYS. I wouldn’t be comfortable eating raw/undercooked chicken anywhere but at least that is a thing in a handful of places with impeccable food safety and quality. But pork?! Nope, never.

 

[Fatal Walter]

I think Gordon Ramsay would have a real hard time even getting past the filthy, fraying hobo jacket he wears while cooking to see what he made.

 

[WonderWino]

He managed to not only describe it as utterly revolting, but also triggered the smoke alarm, gets told to stop burning food and says he'll never understand why he doesn't have a girlfriend while poking at whatever that horrifying monstrosity is

Trying to brag about that food is one of the reasons he'll never have a woman. He really is a dumbass if he can't figure that out

 

[Wernology]

He managed to not only describe it as utterly revolting, but also triggered the smoke alarm, gets told to stop burning food and says he'll never understand why he doesn't have a girlfriend while poking at whatever that horrifying monstrosity is

Trying to brag about that food is one of the reasons he'll never have a woman. He really is a dumbass if he can't figure that out

I retract my earlier statement about how he couldn't fuck up a pre-made meal.

He not only fucked it up, he cremated it.

 

[cigarettesalsa]

Yo he's handling the toaster tray with his covid mask. Hahaha.

 

[Jeremiah the Bullfrog]

He managed to not only describe it as utterly revolting, but also triggered the smoke alarm, gets told to stop burning food and says he'll never understand why he doesn't have a girlfriend while poking at whatever that horrifying monstrosity is

Trying to brag about that food is one of the reasons he'll never have a woman. He really is a dumbass if he can't figure that out

What the fuck was that? I'm not a bad cook but occasionally I fuck up and ruin something.

However, I've
A: never fucked something up that bad and
B: never ingested something that disgusting.

 

[WonderWino]

What the fuck was that? I'm not a bad cook but occasionally I fuck up and ruin something.

However, I've
A: never fucked something up that bad and
B: never ingested something that disgusting.

I have no idea other than it apparently had mushrooms in it

I'm surprised he didn't literally light the oven on fire considering he admitted he tried to broil whatever the fuck that is in olive oil in the pan. Probably why its all fucked up and burned. He is lucky all he did was trigger the smoke detector

But I can totally see him ending up starting a fire doing stupid shit like that and getting kicked out for that

 

[Gaear Grimsrud]

Lucas is simply not fit to govern himself.

 

[Wernology]

Featuring a few Gordon Ramsay clips I grabbed off of various sites.

The woman near the end who yells, "STOP BURNING FOOD!" is great, especially since Lucas' reaction is essentially "...ok."

 

[Club Sandwich]

Tonight, from Hobo Kitchen: French Dressing Dill Pork
View attachment 1860532

that looks raw.

a key ingredient for French dressing is tomato paste (and usually lemon juice, mustard and other things, et c. it's a complex dressing). French dressing is red bordering on orange in color, so wtf is he using instead?. that is not French dressing. the pork itself looks raw and i really hope all that green isn't dill, because that would taste awful. dill+parsley+thyme is a classic garnish for pork cutlets that are pan seared and/or roasted.

most shelters i know do not allow guests to cook anything because there's a liability concern on the cooking ability of others in a shared space that might catch fire. are we sure this is at a shelter or something?

HE LITERALLY SAID “you can cook pork a little underdone but no one tells you that”. NO ONE TELLS YOU THAT BECAUSE NO, YOU CAN’T DO THAT?!!?? Pork is legit the WORST meat to eat undercooked it’s so bad for you.

beef and sometimes fish are really the only meats you can get away with undercooking (or not cooking at all). while pork isn't boar and isn't subject to the same parasites these days, it's absolutely not the type of animal you want to take a chance on. chicken is in a similar category in that you want to absolutely be certain you are cooking it properly. more so, proper cooking is either checking temperatures, being experienced enough to know the recipe and appearance of a properly cooked meal, or just following an actual recipe to the letter.

Lucas' cooking abomninations are always cringey, vile, and in this instance, borderline poisonous/hazardous.

when that chicken mushroom thing went up in smoke, he's lucky that that was seemingly a convection toaster oven. some, usually older, toaster ovens lack separation from the resistive heating elements and the grille; so instead of smoke, it'd horribly burn. and chicken fat and pork fat burns quite readily - a merry, cheery nasty fire that spreads quickly as the oils in the fats liquefy and spread.

Spoiler: btw this is what the pork and dill combo should look like

the sauce is a mustard-based creamy radish dressing not some fake French dressing. notice how the pork is actually cooked properly and has a crispy edge with smoky bits for texture and the loin itself is juicy and flavorful. serve with a side of chilled salad and white wine.

women like a man who can cook (much the same as a man likes a woman who can cook, goes both ways). however preparing "grill food" is a very stereotypically manly thing. grilling steaks, veggies, sausages, preparing roasts and ribs and loin, making marinates and sauces, et c.

if this the measure of Lucas as a man who cooks, then maybe it's best he test it out on himself and unfortunates before horrifying a theoretical date with his 'food'.

do you think this is more "spluging to lure in the zoomer baes" with the last of his money, considering he recently started banging the cashapp drum for shoutout vids? that chicken mushroom thing looked pre-packed, so he might be getting low on funds. from the motel 6 stays and the money he was spending on food, he should still have several hundred left in his pocket.

 

[Sevan Vosgi]

Featuring a few Gordon Ramsay clips I grabbed off of various sites.

The woman near the end who yells, "STOP BURNING FOOD!" is great, especially since Lucas' reaction is essentially "...ok."

Sorry but STOP BURNING FOOD goes up there with "shut the fuck up faggot" and "a beanbag in a hurry."

God, I love getting glimpses of the public actually interacting with cows

 

[Dumpsterfire Enthusiast]

Sorry but STOP BURNING FOOD goes up there with "shut the fuck up faggot" and "a beanbag in a hurry."

God, I love getting glimpses of the public actually interacting with cows

Yeah im liking seeing some of the interactions between Lucas and the other hobos because its great just hearing them coming up to him filming a cooking video just casually making fun of him until he starts making jokes about eating his grandmas asshole so he can tell himself they're laughing with him not at him

 

[Jeremiah the Bullfrog]

I have no idea other than it apparently had mushrooms in it

I'm surprised he didn't literally light the oven on fire considering he admitted he tried to broil whatever the fuck that is in olive oil in the pan. Probably why its all fucked up and burned. He is lucky all he did was trigger the smoke detector

But I can totally see him ending up starting a fire doing stupid shit like that and getting kicked out for that

It's some kind of stuffed chicken breast (I'm assuming some kind of cheese mixed with some thinly sliced mushrooms). However, I don't know why that calls for olive oil.

If you're cooking a whole chicken, you coat it in olive oil because it crisps up the skin. There's no skin on a chicken breast, so he's just burning the top layer of meat... which is why he set off the fire alarm.

I get the concept of being adventurous in the kitchen, however, you typically start with a recipe and modify it from there. We have a big party every year and grill oysters and the recipe changes every time. We add something or take something away. We started with a basic concept though. Oysters grilled with butter and a few dabs of hot sauce taste great. There are things you can add to it that make it better... there are things you can add that make them worse... but it's a solid foundation.

Nobody has ever baked cucumber slices and said "This is really good, it just needs cheddar cheese".

 

[moseph.jartelli]

That toaster oven and tray were immaculate until the Dirty Wern got his hands on it. I'm betting he won't clean his mess.

 

[denysdemontfort]

The grease under the paper plate with his porkchops makes me want to vomit. I doubt he'd wipe it up after he throws the plate away. Or wash his hands.

 

[Rescuetoast]

That’s one of those air fryer toaster ovens, which are convection ovens that get up to about 400-425 depending on the model, so at least he’s not cooking a piece of meat in an old school toaster oven with a heating element on the bottom. If anyone else is eating whatever the shit these things are supposed to be, that’s at least one less food borne illness danger.

 

[Dumpsterfire Enthusiast]

Found some of his old posts he made about the Suzanne situation and his description of events is surprisingly accurate "I threw my drink at the wall like a pussy then stormed off like a bitch". Also "I gave her the best sex of her life" is a pretty good one, would have put his dick pic next to that quote but id really rather not see it

The sushi post would have been great if he just said raw and left it at that. Saying you like your sushi young or women covered in Sriracha mayo just doesnt make any sense, although he probably was serious about the mayo