Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Marshal Mannerheim]

Tonight, from Hobo Kitchen: French Dressing Dill Pork
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Who gave him money for Clinkerdagger again?

 

[Poop Shoot]

French dressing is red bordering on orange in color, so wtf is he using instead?

Looks like Honey Mustard to me.

Instead of making all this hobo shit I don't get why he doesn't just buy a good tv dinner. It'll cost the same, and be less likely to poison him.

And food poisoning is just a matter of time at this point. And the only thing better than homeless Lucas, is homeless Lucas who can't stop shitting and throwing up.

 

[Fatal Walter]

I'm alright with people encouraging Lucas to flex his culinary prowess. This is funnier than the fartbox videos too because we can hear the other homeless people laughing at him like we are.

 

[Dumpsterfire Enthusiast]

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I'm alright with people encouraging Lucas to flex his culinary prowess. This is funnier than the fartbox videos too because we can hear the other homeless people laughing at him like we are.

Its great when you have the contrast of his fellow hobos laughing at him and his fruity meat balls next to him getting sarcastic compliments online and giving responses like "I do me well enough, m'aam" and thinking that sounds attractive.

Its a good thing he does him well enough though because him doing anyone else just isnt in the cards

 

[LeeLoo]

Its great when you have the contrast of his fellow hobos laughing at him and his fruity meat balls next to him getting sarcastic compliments online and giving responses like "I do me well enough, m'aam" and thinking that sounds attractive.

Its a good thing he does him well enough though because him doing anyone else just isnt in the cards

At around the 26 sec mark, it sounds as if someone says something, to which FatAss replies “well I can’t control that”.

Does it sounds as if the other guy says something about “that’s gonna cost a lot of money”? It sounds like someone is essentially saying Fatty destroyed the toaster oven, and of course, Fatty couldn’t give two shits.

The fact that after likely ruining property, setting off an alarm, annoying the fuck out of other people, and poking a plastic fork at a char broiled abomination, he actually asks why he doesn’t have a girlfriend. WOW.

 

[TurdFondler]

The first time he pulls the chicken out its already done. Why he chose to burn the oil on it is beyond me. It probably fuckin stank up the place too.

I wonder how long until staff revoke his toaster oven privileges.

The meatballs were theoretically a good idea. A meatball stuffed with chopped up olives, peppers and some cheese would be great. Putting a whole ass olive and a slab of cheese in a meatball? Not so much.

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

Found some of his old posts he made about the Suzanne situation and his description of events is surprisingly accurate "I threw my drink at the wall like a pussy then stormed off like a bitch". Also "I gave her the best sex of her life" is a pretty good one, would have put his dick pic next to that quote but id really rather not see it
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The sushi post would have been great if he just said raw and left it at that. Saying you like your sushi young or women covered in Sriracha mayo just doesnt make any sense, although he probably was serious about the mayo

Still to this day I would like to know the real story of what happened that night with the “throwing of the glass” because no one does 50 nights in jail for what amounts to creating a public disturbance. He had to have physically assaulted her at some point or done serious damage to property. 50 nights in jail is a pretty long bid to do for basically throwing a tantrum.

Also, no one has mentioned, why put both ketchup and BBQ sauce on the same dish? They are basically the same condiment. Use one or the other, but both?

 

[Draxx them Sklounst]

All that and he is going to ruin that table by just throwing the hot baking sheet on it like that. Also put some tin foil on that gross-ass baking sheet god damn,

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

When they put that toaster oven there they were probably expecting people to cook reasonable stuff in it, like the quick convenient stuff you get out of the freezer section at the market. Anywhere you go though there's always that cunt that fucks everything up for everyone. Lucas comes in and cooks heaping trays of meat in it until the fat cooks out and spills over the tray into the oven. Multiple times now. Every time I think my opinion of him can't get any lower he pulls a new stunt like this.

I hope that place throws his ass out just like everywhere else. He really deserves to sleep rough in the streets.

 

[WonderWino]

It's some kind of stuffed chicken breast (I'm assuming some kind of cheese mixed with some thinly sliced mushrooms). However, I don't know why that calls for olive oil.

If you're cooking a whole chicken, you coat it in olive oil because it crisps up the skin. There's no skin on a chicken breast, so he's just burning the top layer of meat... which is why he set off the fire alarm.

I get the concept of being adventurous in the kitchen, however, you typically start with a recipe and modify it from there. We have a big party every year and grill oysters and the recipe changes every time. We add something or take something away. We started with a basic concept though. Oysters grilled with butter and a few dabs of hot sauce taste great. There are things you can add to it that make it better... there are things you can add that make them worse... but it's a solid foundation.

Nobody has ever baked cucumber slices and said "This is really good, it just needs cheddar cheese".

On that note - 'am I entitled to a massive coronary? apparently I am!' fits with lucas's insanity rather well

The grease under the paper plate with his porkchops makes me want to vomit. I doubt he'd wipe it up after he throws the plate away. Or wash his hands.

He'll just slick back his hair with it to cover the baldspot, like he did with the fried chicken

I eagerly await the day he stumbles across an old kids easy bake oven or creepy crawler kit and makes some modifications so he can try to use it for his own personal hobo oven in the bus station. I can see it now - dill rubbed raw pork chops, soaked in mayonnaise and sprite and grilled over a light bulb, then plastered all over IG as chef wern's special of the day

Found some of his old posts he made about the Suzanne situation and his description of events is surprisingly accurate "I threw my drink at the wall like a pussy then stormed off like a bitch". Also "I gave her the best sex of her life" is a pretty good one, would have put his dick pic next to that quote but id really rather not see it

So he likes his sushi soaked in mayo and, siracha and full of cucumber. In other words he doesn't like sushi at all, he just eats those american monstrosities that don't have anything to do with actual sushi and are basically pure fat

That said I wouldn't be surprised if that was a freudian slip and he really does get off on women covered in mayo and siracha sauce. It would explain alot

Does it sounds as if the other guy says something about “that’s gonna cost a lot of money”? It sounds like someone is essentially saying Fatty destroyed the toaster oven, and of course, Fatty couldn’t give two shits.

If he fucks up the toaster oven he better watch out. Hobos are alot like prisoners in that regard, fucking with their ability to cook their food is a good way to get into a bad situation. If he did that in prison and damaged the microwave he'd be in deep shit. People get killed over that. Hobos aren't that much nicer about it, thats asking for a shitkicking out on the street

Still to this day I would like to know the real story of what happened that night with the “throwing of the glass” because no one does 50 nights in jail for what amounts to creating a public disturbance. He had to have physically assaulted her at some point or done serious damage to property. 50 nights in jail is a pretty long bid to do for basically throwing a tantrum.

On that note its worth noting that the 50 days or so he spent in jail was 50 days of a suspended 1 year sentence. Which you absolutely do not get under any circumstances for just throwing a glass and being an asshole about it. Like you said there has to be more going on there

 

[Dumpsterfire Enthusiast]

Still to this day I would like to know the real story of what happened that night with the “throwing of the glass” because no one does 50 nights in jail for what amounts to creating a public disturbance. He had to have physically assaulted her at some point or done serious damage to property. 50 nights in jail is a pretty long bid to do for basically throwing a tantrum.

Also, no one has mentioned, why put both ketchup and BBQ sauce on the same dish? They are basically the same condiment. Use one or the other, but both?

Well the way he phrases it i think he threw the glass at Suzanne but hit the wall because he said he threw it across the table and if theyre in a restraunt she was probably sitting across from him so that could have been what got him his DV charge. just saying she would have been between him and the wall so she was probably the actual target and his aim just sucked.

Or maybe afterwards when he "stormed home like a a bitch" and she tried kicking him out and he "didnt want to go" he could have gotten his DV charge then for something seperate he did at home in response to her trying to kick him out that we dont know about.

When they put that toaster oven there they were probably expecting people to cook reasonable stuff in it, like the quick convenient stuff you get out of the freezer section at the market. Anywhere you go though there's always that cunt that fucks everything up for everyone. Lucas comes in and cooks heaping trays of meat in it until the fat cooks out and spills over the tray into the oven. Multiple times now. Every time I think my opinion of him can't get any lower he pulls a new stunt like this.

I hope that place throws his ass out just like everywhere else. He really deserves to sleep rough in the streets.

Im sure he is well know at the shelter for his fruity toaster oven ruining meatballs, someone mentioned earlier that it was one of those air ovens so they must have just gotten the thing recently which im sure everyone else in the shelter would really appreciate using. Just imagine living in a homeless shelter and having to clean up that oven after Lucas is done recording himself ruining the thing every time you want to eat. Not even joking i would rather starve than clean up after Lucas

 

[Scribbler]

Still to this day I would like to know the real story of what happened that night with the “throwing of the glass” because no one does 50 nights in jail for what amounts to creating a public disturbance. He had to have physically assaulted her at some point or done serious damage to property. 50 nights in jail is a pretty long bid to do for basically throwing a tantrum.

Unless I'm completely misremembering the video he made, the chain of events was:

1. Lucas sees a man and two women eating together in a restaurant. Lucas throws his glass and storms off.
2. Two weeks later, Suzanne serves him with a no-contact order. Lucas tears it up and goes to smoke a cigarette.
3. Suzanne leaves for the night (takes the cats with her), presumably to let Lucas pack his shit.
4. The next day, Lucas is still there and the police come and get him. He spends 10 days in jail.
5. He gets out and gets a motel room (on the same block as Suzanne's work)
6. Lucas, "in a frustration," violates the no-contact order, and tells her to "fuck off" (pretty sure he did worse).
7. The police find Lucas after some time, arrest him for violating the no-contact order and he spends 40 days in jail.

Everything should be in the first 5 minutes of this:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=9DtTIJTKvHA

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

Unless I'm completely misremembering the video he made, the chain of events was:

1. Lucas sees a man and two women eating together in a restaurant. Lucas throws his glass and storms off.
2. Two weeks later, Suzanne serves him with a no-contact order. Lucas tears it up and goes to smoke a cigarette.
3. Suzanne leaves for the night (takes the cats with her), presumably to let Lucas pack his shit.
4. The next day, Lucas is still there and the police come and get him. He spends 10 days in jail.
5. He gets out and gets a motel room (on the same block as Suzanne's work)
6. Lucas, "in a frustration," violates the no-contact order, and tells her to "fuck off" (pretty sure he did worse).
7. The police find Lucas after some time, arrest him for violating the no-contact order and he spends 40 days in jail.

Everything should be in the first 5 minutes of this:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=9DtTIJTKvHA

So the 50 days was cumulative from the series of stupid actions he took. That makes more sense than “I threw a glass and ended up in jail for 50 days“. I do remember seeing this video. I guess since Lucas changes details or omits them with every retelling of the story it’s hard to keep track.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

So the 50 days was cumulative from the series of stupid actions he took. That makes more sense than “I threw a glass and ended up in jail for 50 days“. I do remember seeing this video. I guess since Lucas changes details or omits them with every retelling of the story it’s hard to keep track.

Why am I not surprised that Lucas is bending the facts to suit his argument?

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

Bernie looked so bitter and pissed at the inauguration. "I'm sorry Lucas, without the presidency I'll never be able to yeet you a fecund zoomer bae"

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

Bernie looked so bitter and pissed at the inauguration. "I'm sorry Lucas, without the presidency I'll never be able to yeet you a fecund zoomer bae"

”I am once again asking for your sexual support”

 

[Jeremiah the Bullfrog]

Unless I'm completely misremembering the video he made, the chain of events was:

1. Lucas sees a man and two women eating together in a restaurant. Lucas throws his glass and storms off.
2. Two weeks later, Suzanne serves him with a no-contact order. Lucas tears it up and goes to smoke a cigarette.
3. Suzanne leaves for the night (takes the cats with her), presumably to let Lucas pack his shit.
4. The next day, Lucas is still there and the police come and get him. He spends 10 days in jail.
5. He gets out and gets a motel room (on the same block as Suzanne's work)
6. Lucas, "in a frustration," violates the no-contact order, and tells her to "fuck off" (pretty sure he did worse).
7. The police find Lucas after some time, arrest him for violating the no-contact order and he spends 40 days in jail.

Everything should be in the first 5 minutes of this:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=9DtTIJTKvHA

At the very beginning of the video, he mentions that he broke 'her rule' by being violent. Most couples don't have a 'rule' to not be violent towards one or another as it is an unspoken agreement that you shouldn't be violent to each other. The fact that there was a rule implies there were prior incidents of violence.

We also have to remember that this is a guy who claims that the reason he was banned from public parks is because he was 'fighting bigotry, racism and classism'. He's not a reliable narrator and he's going to do his best to paint himself in the best light possible (even then, he still comes out looking pretty fucking bad).

I find it absolutely hilarious that he blames his behavior on consuming too much caffeine. In what world does that make sense? If he got drunk and acted the fool I'd at least find it believable. But caffeine? Nobody has ever gotten abusive with a woman because he drank too many Mountain Dews.

He also mentions that he was kicked out of his Olympia apartment for 'putting stuff on the doors'. I'm guessing this was a prequel to his behavior at the fartbox.

 

[OnMeDick]

So much hilarity here, just a few favorites

1: Lucas hunting LOL, this should be part of the game being made, Lucas hunting ala the old Oregon Trail hunting mode. Except he literally can never hit anything and ends up eating roadkill and calling it a successful hunt.

2: Lucas serving as the CEO of a company

3: The fact that spellcheck is suggesting Werner is a typo for Weiner (which isn’t even a word my spellcheck recognizes, so Lucas must type weiner a lot)

 

[holeinthedark]

I had to take a little Lucas Werner break because he infuriates me so much and I'm sick in bed with covid-19 while hes being a gross piece of shit but anyway, I just watch the cooking videos that he makes when he's at that shelter. I'm thinking to myself he is wasting so much time and utensils from the shelter to cook disgusting food that he doesn't clean up after, meaning other homeless people are waiting for about an hour for him to cook his meal for 7 that he's going to eat by himself, and they would have to clean up after himself. If I were a person in that shelter I would tell on him honestly

 

[mothman96]

At the very beginning of the video, he mentions that he broke 'her rule' by being violent. Most couples don't have a 'rule' to not be violent towards one or another as it is an unspoken agreement that you shouldn't be violent to each other. The fact that there was a rule implies there were prior incidents of violence.

We also have to remember that this is a guy who claims that the reason he was banned from public parks is because he was 'fighting bigotry, racism and classism'. He's not a reliable narrator and he's going to do his best to paint himself in the best light possible (even then, he still comes out looking pretty fucking bad).

I find it absolutely hilarious that he blames his behavior on consuming too much caffeine. In what world does that make sense? If he got drunk and acted the fool I'd at least find it believable. But caffeine? Nobody has ever gotten abusive with a woman because he drank too many Mountain Dews.

He also mentions that he was kicked out of his Olympia apartment for 'putting stuff on the doors'. I'm guessing this was a prequel to his behavior at the fartbox.

His history of violent behavior goes further back. In his 2010 reflection he talks about being "sometimes" violent when he still lived at home with his parent(s). His time with Suzanne is marked with more incidents of him throwing rage fits/violence. As you said, he'll paint himself in the best possible light so his "sometimes" violent is a sanitized version of his behavior when he lived with his parent(s). I'd say it was his violent behavior that led his parents to cut him off and leave him out in the street.