Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[IceQueen]

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Lucas is not happy that Biden didn't solve covid on his second day. So in true Lucas fashion, he's given him a Trump-like epithet. Greedy Joe!

He’s such an idiot lmao “where’s the vaccine?!” he shouts like 6 times in that video. The inauguration was YESTERDAY my guy. Even if Biden WANTED to immediately distribute vaccines to every single person in America on his second day, it would not be possible. Which everyone who isn’t an absolute moron knows.

Also do y’all notice how PukeAss rarely corrects himself when he misspeaks? He did it in that video — he clearly meant to say “where’s the vaccine” at the beginning but instead he said “where’s the virus” and then changed it to “where’s the virus..... protection?!” He does that allll the time. Like bro it’s not a big deal to correct yourself. I’m not stupid like Lucas but I do speak really fast most of the time, which sometimes results in me saying the wrong thing; and when that happens I correct myself. It’s not a big deal AT ALL. But sooo often Lucas says something completely off the mark of what you can tell he meant to say and instead of correcting himself like a normal person he just goes with it.

 

[For the Love of Mancy]

Also wtf why is his mask so wet in this picture?!

He spits when he gets into his ranting. It’s the oral equivalent of skid marks.

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

Ahhh the first chimpout of the year finally.

"You're out hoin' during covid, I dont have any demands of you. You can do that"

"You're out with two girlfriends at a time, I don't have any demands of you, you can do that"

Yea cause anyone really cares if you have demands for them. This is the kind of shit he REEEE's about people not doing and now it's oh you can do that. That swiss cheese brain can't keep a story straight for one whole day.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Can we get direct links to some of the Instagram videos for those of us not on Instagram? Every time I try to go to his page, I get bumped into an auto log-in within like 5 Seconds

 

[Rescuetoast]

Does anyone know where and how he discovered this telomeres shit?

There’s a genetic disease called Werner syndrome that’s associated with dysfunctional telomeres. I’m reasonably sure he initially came across it by googling his own fucking last name.

 

[Krathnami]

He’s such an idiot lmao “where’s the vaccine?!” he shouts like 6 times in that video. The inauguration was YESTERDAY my guy. Even if Biden WANTED to immediately distribute vaccines to every single person in America on his second day, it would not be possible. Which everyone who isn’t an absolute moron knows.

Also do y’all notice how PukeAss rarely corrects himself when he misspeaks? He did it in that video — he clearly meant to say “where’s the vaccine” at the beginning but instead he said “where’s the virus” and then changed it to “where’s the virus..... protection?!” He does that allll the time. Like bro it’s not a big deal to correct yourself. I’m not stupid like Lucas but I do speak really fast most of the time, which sometimes results in me saying the wrong thing; and when that happens I correct myself. It’s not a big deal AT ALL. But sooo often Lucas says something completely off the mark of what you can tell he meant to say and instead of correcting himself like a normal person he just goes with it.

The Biden administration plans on administering 100 million vaccines in the first 100 days which is a great and ambitious idea that also comes up woefully short in a country of 330 million. Adding that the vaccine is recommended in two doses, I don’t think that folks appreciate how much longer this is going to go on in the US.

Lucas is in for a long spring/summer of waiting. He may actually get the vaccine before many of us because he could be considered ‘high risk’ and because there’s no justice in the world. Then again, getting vaccinated would require initiative on his part so who knows...

 

[Rescuetoast]

The Biden administration plans on administering 100 million vaccines in the first 100 days which is a great and ambitious idea that also comes up woefully short in a country of 330 million. Adding that the vaccine is recommended in two doses, I don’t think that folks appreciate how much longer this is going to go on in the US.

Lucas is in for a long spring/summer of waiting. He may actually get the vaccine before many of us because he could be considered ‘high risk’ and because there’s no justice in the world. Then again, getting vaccinated would require initiative on his part so who knows...

From everything I’ve read trying to figure out what group I am in personally, he is high risk and will probably end up getting vaccinated before all of us normies- I anticipate shelters when the vaccines get more widely available to be both distributing vaccines and requiring proof of vaccination to stay.

 

[OnMeDick]

There’s a genetic disease called Werner syndrome that’s associated with dysfunctional telomeres. I’m reasonably sure he initially came across it by googling his own fucking last name.

This is, at the same time, amazing, hilarious (that Werner syndrome had to do with dysfunctional telomeres while the world’s most famous Werner rants about his superior spermatozoa), and pretty much the only explanation of his telomere obsession that makes any sense. Well done on this piece of Wern trivia

 

[IceQueen]

It’s like he’s legit trying to cook the most messy, non-food safe things that will come out the most disgusting after being cooked in that toaster oven. First undercooked pork, then burnt chicken that almost caused a fire, now lobster and scallops. I’m surprised he was even allowed to bring that into the shelter with how many people are deadly allergic to shellfish.

 

[OnMeDick]

It’s like he’s legit trying to cook the most messy, non-food safe things that will come out the most disgusting after being cooked in that toaster oven. First undercooked pork, then burnt chicken that almost caused a fire, now lobster and scallops. I’m surprised he was even allowed to bring that into the shelter with how many people are deadly allergic to shellfish.

He literally says ‘SOS pads because it was grungy...somebody else cleaned it off’. What an utter piece of shit. It was grungy because of YOU, you retarded fucking manatee!! And the casual ‘somebody else cleaned it off’ epitomizes the Wern life. Expect others to clean up after you like you are a 300 lb toddler

ETA: health sperging ... I think each of those Red Bull’s is 160 calories (maybe more for the larger cans), and I suspect that sugar milk is another 200 at least. So JUST Lucas’ mealtime drinky is more than 500 calories. I can’t imagine why he’s 300 lbs

 

[Sevan Vosgi]

Those 'scallops' look like oversized maggots. This is a new low, even for him. Imagine the nasty fish smell that must be going on with that weird concoction.

 

[A whole lotta nope]

t’s like he’s legit trying to cook the most messy, non-food safe things that will come out the most disgusting after being cooked in that toaster oven. First undercooked pork, then burnt chicken that almost caused a fire, now lobster and scallops. I’m surprised he was even allowed to bring that into the shelter with how many people are deadly allergic to shellfish.

I like how the under the picture he writes, "Lobster tail instead of the Covid slutfest." Translation: No one will fuck me so I eat and eat and eat.

 

[Dumpsterfire Enthusiast]

Unless I'm completely misremembering the video he made, the chain of events was:

1. Lucas sees a man and two women eating together in a restaurant. Lucas throws his glass and storms off.
2. Two weeks later, Suzanne serves him with a no-contact order. Lucas tears it up and goes to smoke a cigarette.
3. Suzanne leaves for the night (takes the cats with her), presumably to let Lucas pack his shit.
4. The next day, Lucas is still there and the police come and get him. He spends 10 days in jail.
5. He gets out and gets a motel room (on the same block as Suzanne's work)
6. Lucas, "in a frustration," violates the no-contact order, and tells her to "fuck off" (pretty sure he did worse).
7. The police find Lucas after some time, arrest him for violating the no-contact order and he spends 40 days in jail.

Everything should be in the first 5 minutes of this:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=9DtTIJTKvHA

Maybe im misremembering too but didnt he get a DV charge out of the glass throwing incident or was it just no contact?

 

[WonderWino]

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So much hilarity here, just a few favorites

1: Lucas hunting LOL, this should be part of the game being made, Lucas hunting ala the old Oregon Trail hunting mode. Except he literally can never hit anything and ends up eating roadkill and calling it a successful hunt.

2: Lucas serving as the CEO of a company

3: The fact that spellcheck is suggesting Werner is a typo for Weiner (which isn’t even a word my spellcheck recognizes, so Lucas must type weiner a lot)

Not to spoil anything but I will say king roy, his vast 12 acre estate and elk are intended to be included

He certainly doesn't like to be disagreed with, and if subjects are brought up which he can't counter, it seems his immediate strategy is either to claim it was all a joke, or loudly protest that the world needs to overlook his transgressions and forgive them, ubiquitously immortalized in the bellows of "MOVE ON!!!" which you were yourself privy to, innit?

On that note, lucas's brain seems to have three basic modes when confronted with something that makes him look bad. If its something he thinks is minor and he can reasonable get away with, like going around screaming nigga, he claims hes a comedian and its a joke. If its something there is physical evidence for, like screenshots, posts/videos/etc.. that he made incriminating himself he claims its fake, photoshopped or somehow someone else did it through his account, like the perva pedo stuff on facebook. The only time he actually tacitly admits to bad things is if there is absolutely no way to claim that they didn't happen or didn't make him look bad - like the starbucks incident that was all over the media. At which point he just screams about how it was years ago and people should forgive him and forget it ever happened. With anything else his go to move is to block and scream that they're bigots

and speaking of the glass throwing incident, its interesting how he claims it was all cause he had too much soda that day, yet has no problem drinking a ton of it now, or ordering a gallon of it from goldaor with his giant meals. Funny how it didn't make him throw anything around when he drank that big bag of it. He outed his own lie and doesn't even realize it

There’s a genetic disease called Werner syndrome that’s associated with dysfunctional telomeres. I’m reasonably sure he initially came across it by googling his own fucking last name.

If thats how it happened its kind of like he was always fated to be the telomere king. its essentially his birthright

Lucas is in for a long spring/summer of waiting. He may actually get the vaccine before many of us because he could be considered ‘high risk’ and because there’s no justice in the world. Then again, getting vaccinated would require initiative on his part so who knows...

It would be ironic if all that reeing about vaccines and after getting it himself he ends up one of the people that has a bad reaction to it and 10 minutes after he takes it, starts having problems breathing and keels over dead in a nearby alley after suffocating. With his shit health it wouldn't surprise me

It’s like he’s legit trying to cook the most messy, non-food safe things that will come out the most disgusting after being cooked in that toaster oven. First undercooked pork, then burnt chicken that almost caused a fire, now lobster and scallops. I’m surprised he was even allowed to bring that into the shelter with how many people are deadly allergic to shellfish.

I'm going to assume they didn't know what he brought in. There is no way a shelter is going to allow people to bring in common allergens. Like you said that could kill somebody real easy and there are tons of people that are allergic to it. That aside, scallops and lobster are some of the highest cholesterol foods you can find. I don't even want to think about what eating that whole tray himself is doing to his arteries

ETA: health sperging ... I think each of those Red Bull’s is 160 calories (maybe more for the larger cans), and I suspect that sugar milk is another 200 at least. So JUST Lucas’ mealtime drinky is > 500 calories. I can’t imagine why he’s 300 lbs

Not only that, he is mixing red bull with cholesterol loaded scallops and lobster. You couldn't find worse things to combine in a meal. That shit will give him a heart attack if he isn't careful. Plenty of people healthier than him have ended up with heart problems over drinking a few too many red bulls, never mind mixing it with a shit ton of cholesterol like that. Lucas is in serious need of a slap upside the head from a cardiologist to explain to him how dangerous it is to eat the way he does

But of course he'll deny its slowly killing him and claim he has never had anything bad happen because of it....despite the fact thats how it goes. Nothing bad happens until you keel over having a coronary

 

[NattyDaddy]

Those 'scallops' look like oversized maggots. This is a new low, even for him. Imagine the nasty fish smell that must be going on with that weird concoction.

Imagine some down on his luck divorced 30 yr old coming down to toast some waffles before his interview at red robin being greeted with burnt residue of lobster tail and 'scallops' I pity the humans who happen to cross paths with Dr.Nigga

 

[OnMeDick]

Not only that, he is mixing red bull with cholesterol loaded scallops and lobster. You couldn't find worse things to combine in a meal.

but..but..but he had a SALAD too!!!1!1 I don’t know why, at this point in my Wern watching, I should be surprised he is casually eating a single meal that is probably approaching 2,000 calories, or that he is such a grotesque blob of humanity...but sometimes I still AM surprised, just at the depths of his stupidity and grossness.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

He's utterly vile.

Can we assume, based on these gigantic portions, that even with his seemingly insatiable appetite, he must be sharing some of this food?

Or am I making the mistake of thinking that Lucas is a human again?

I just don't see eating a cookie sheet full of scallops. Like, I like shellfish, but that would make me bazooka-barf.

And let me just second the kiwi who wrote that, at the very least the woman who screamed "Quit burning food!!!", has got to be representative of the general sentiment around the homeless shelter that Lucas is abusing the community toaster oven privileges.

As others have said, that shit is for warming up TV dinners, maybe a burrito, maybe making some Ramen at the most ambitious.

It's not for playing "Homeless Gourmet" and then leaving giant scorched crusty messes for some poor volunteer to have to scrub at for hours.

God, he's a piece of shit. You just think there's no more facets to Lucas that disgust you that remain unseen, and then he unveils another one! It's amazing. He's like the hundred-sided-dice of shittiness.

Hey Lucas! Quit playing with your EZ-Burn Oven, bro! Not everybody wants to deal with the disgusting smells and messes you leave behind, you fat freak!

The only consolation here is imagining the look of consternation and confusion on his stupid gourd when they give him the boot, after he sets off the fire alarm for the 50th time.

 

[For the Love of Mancy]

From everything I’ve read trying to figure out what group I am in personally, he is high risk and will probably end up getting vaccinated before all of us normies- I anticipate shelters when the vaccines get more widely available to be both distributing vaccines and requiring proof of vaccination to stay.

Per CDC guidelines, Lucas could qualify for Phase 1B. If not that, then Phase 2. No idea when Spokane will roll that out.

 

[Dumpsterfire Enthusiast]

And let me just second the kiwi who wrote that, at the very least the woman who screamed "Quit burning food!!!", has got to be representative of the general sentiment around the homeless shelter that Lucas is abusing the community toaster oven privileges.

"Quit burning food" seems to sum up the staffs opinion of him pretty well and "those are some fruity meatballs" would be the other hobos who wouldnt personally care as much and just consider him a joke. I just love how audible everyones annoyance is in his hobo kitchen videos.

I know its unlikely but i would love if someone living in that homeless shelter found this thread because the stuff Lucas doesnt record has to be worse

 

[IceQueen]

He literally says ‘SOS pads because it was grungy...somebody else cleaned it off’. What an utter piece of shit. It was grungy because of YOU, you retarded fucking manatee!! And the casual ‘somebody else cleaned it off’ epitomizes the Wern life. Expect others to clean up after you like you are a 300 lb toddler

ETA: health sperging ... I think each of those Red Bull’s is 160 calories (maybe more for the larger cans), and I suspect that sugar milk is another 200 at least. So JUST Lucas’ mealtime drinky is more than 500 calories. I can’t imagine why he’s 300 lbs

Whoa that’s hella rude don’t lump manatees in with PukeAss