Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

At some point, the dumbass is going to eat so much Clinkernigga, leaving him without a place to stay, that he goes into a diabetic coma. If it's a cold night, he could die right then and there even if the diabetic coma doesn't directly kill him. They'll have to use a shovel to get him off the sidewalk he's frozen to. And probably there will be no notice of his death because he has no friends or loved ones who care and a hobo freezing to death in the winter isn't news.

After he dies, someone should go around Spokane, taping notices of death to every telephone pole and light pole ....with an excess of duct tape.

Be sure to use that picture of him that the Daily Mail used, where his eyelids are rolled all the way back and he looks like a comic book psychopath?

Edit:



Just in case anyone on the thread (or Lucas himself even) forgets, here's a little reminder that Lucas once tried to use addictive pharmaceutical drugs like vicodin, percocet, and adderall, to lure in an underage girl.

 

[Dumpsterfire Enthusiast]

View attachment 2259182

Just in case anyone on the thread (or Lucas himself even) forgets, here's a little reminder that Lucas once tried to use addictive pharmaceutical drugs like vicodin, percocet, and adderall, to lure in an underage girl.

Wow American cops are great at their jobs. He posts shit like this, flies to another state to meet a kid for sketchy reasons during a pandemic and threatens "warning blasts" with grenades and nothing happens. Its just amazing how far he pushes his luck, im waiting for him to pull his next "bouncing the staircase" move and getting himself his first bit of jail time and going right back for breaking probation at the end repeatedly for dumb shit like smoking weed or drinking

 

[wenttobermuda]

After he dies, someone should go around Spokane, taping notices of death to every telephone pole and light pole ....with an excess of duct tape.

Be sure to use that picture of him that the Daily Mail used, where his eyelids are rolled all the way back and he looks like a comic book psychopath?

Edit:

View attachment 2259182

Just in case anyone on the thread (or Lucas himself even) forgets, here's a little reminder that Lucas once tried to use addictive pharmaceutical drugs like vicodin, percocet, and adderall, to lure in an underage girl.

Here's Lucas wearing the "million dollar t shirt design" he references in the creeper note. He pushed it hard on social media in his OlympiaAtheist days, but sadly was never able to popularize the idea or sell it.

An artifact from a simpler time, when euphoric atheists walked the land, and Lucas sought refuge among them.



What a fat faggot.

 

[Apteryx Owenii]

Wow American cops are great at their jobs. He posts shit like this, flies to another state to meet a kid for sketchy reasons during a pandemic and threatens "warning blasts" with grenades and nothing happens. Its just amazing how far he pushes his luck, im waiting for him to pull his next "bouncing the staircase" move and getting himself his first bit of jail time and going right back for breaking probation at the end repeatedly for dumb shit like smoking weed or drinking

Policing is not the solution to people like Lucas. If cops followed Lucas around and ticketed him for every time he so much as jaywalked it would do little or nothing. The broader system is set against dealing with the mentally ill unless and until they become impossible to ignore (because they threw some dude off a subway platform or something). No ugly asylums, no mandated treatment, just feel-good "resources" that crazy people generally don't take advantage of because they're crazy.

The problem here isn't criminality, it's batshit insanity that used to be treated by the justice system (badly!) in the absence of a mental health system and now isn't dealt with at all. I don't know if it's really an American problem, though. If it were, Jonathan Yaniv would have been tossed in a nuthouse instead of being free to terrorize Canada.

 

[Trimagasi]

Found at Main & Stevens

Looks brand new.

 

[Trimagasi]

Found at Browne & Spokane Falls Blvd.

Looks like I came across this one after the elements got to it. Last it rained was Friday, so this one was up for at least a few days.

 

[WonderWino]

Found at Main & Stevens

Looks brand new.

Everytime he talks about recognizing him from his green shoelaces it reminds me of this:

Green Boots - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

I can see that being lucas's fate one day - the beetus kills him when sleeping in an alley one freezing winter evening and lucas becomes a snow covered sign post where other hobos use his colored shoelaces as a guide to where they are in spokane

 

[Apteryx Owenii]

"Velociraptor hungers for mate"? Is that a new Lucasism?

 

[WonderWino]

"Velociraptor hungers for mate"? Is that a new Lucasism?

If so shall we bet on how long it takes for that to be referred to as 'velocirapist'

 

[Da Dude123]

The cow has circled back to his rich parents. And they love him so much. So much that they have let the fat cow almost die on the streets than assist him. Whatever he thinks will impress the baby zooms.

He needs to get a phone already. The signs are something and I am grateful he is making them. He needs videos stuffing his face and talking about why his sperm is plenty good. I wonder if he still has the Incredibles backpack? That could be long gone now.

 

[Amewsed]

"Velociraptor hungers for mate"? Is that a new Lucasism?

He is the polar opposite of a velociraptor.

He is more like a buffalopottomous.

 

[IceQueen]

Found at Main & Stevens

Looks brand new.

It’s so funny to me that he truly believes that things like intelligence or “being funny” are genetic. It’s like when he said he must be descended from kings because he could say “the land of tribes” in some stupid ass accent.

Even if his family and ancestors were everything he says that they are (which of course they are not), that doesn’t say shit about him. Actually, it does say something — it says that he is the defect, the weak link in the family chain, the rotten piece of lettuce in the family salad; the thing to be jettisoned, removed from history, never to reproduce or leave any kind of legacy so that the great Werners of olde could continue to thrive. A moldy berry will quickly infect the entire box and make all of the other berries inedible if the moldy one isn’t cast out.

The cow has circled back to his rich parents. And they love him so much. So much that they have let the fat cow almost die on the streets than assist him. Whatever he thinks will impress the baby zooms. He needs to get a phone already. The signs are something and I am grateful he is making them. He needs videos stuffing his face and talking about why his sperm is plenty good. I wonder if he still has the Incredibles backpack? That could be long gone now.

Yeah the thing about his parents is asinine because if they were truly as rich as he says, they would probably keep helping him. With an apartment, a house, maybe even live-in staff. The reason they don’t do so is because they’ve weighed the cost vs. benefits and they know Lucas isn’t worth the money. If they were truly “millionaires”, they would have enough money that it wouldn’t be a hardship or drain on their finances to keep throwing money away on him.

But because they’re just your average, run of the mill boomers who have enough to live comfortably but aren’t rich by any means, they can’t afford to literally just throw money away by putting him up somewhere, be it a permanent place or not.

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

It’s so funny to me that he truly believes that things like intelligence or “being funny” are genetic. It’s like when he said he must be descended from kings because he could say “the land of tribes” in some stupid ass accent.

Its funny too because he got kicked out of his tribe in a way. He no longer has any title besides his rotten lettuce

 

[Serialmom]

It's so weird how Lucas is able to hold these contradictory positions simply because he feels both sides help his love quest. Like "I'm an anarcho-communist fuck the cops don't be no snitch nigga" and "I am friends with cops and bounty hunters and they're gonna lock up the trolls and if any flatbill disrespects me I'll call the cops on his bitch ass". Or "I am homeless with an EBT card so date me to prove you're a socialist and not just a greedy gold digging whore who only loves money and cars and credit cards" and "My parents are wealthy landowners with herds of elk and millions of dollars and they're about to give me a huge inheritance when they finally fucking die and hey look at this $1400 cash and I know which restaurants are expensive downtown $60 steak bae". Whatever he thinks makes him look good (lol) in the moment he'll just say, he's too stupid or low self-awareness to even realize how directly these things contradict, it's amazing.

Can't buy self awareness with tugboat bucks or EBT.

 

[wenttobermuda]

Everytime he talks about recognizing him from his green shoelaces it reminds me of this:

The green laces shit slays me.

When Lucas was young, it was widely believed by edgy adolescents in the burbs that badass gangs of punks and skinheads (both good and bad) showed their allegiance with the color of their laces. White? You're for white power! Yellow? You're a Sharp!

I wonder if young Lucas waddled around Aberdeen in docs with green laces? Or just admired those who did?

Perhaps some Gen Z baes will see his green laces and realize that he is a badass anti-racist. Then they'll go get Clinkerdagger and mate.

 

[Particle Bored]

Found at Main & Stevens

Looks brand new.

Gee, let's see what classic or fresh Wernism he employs to refer to young zoomer women in this new screed...

Reading... reading... reading... hmmm.... not a single reference to women, but what's this?

"Boy, if you want healthy DNA in your kids, I can help you. 2 for dinner at Twigz. I'm open to love."

Found at Browne & Spokane Falls Blvd.

Looks like I came across this one after the elements got to it. Last it rained was Friday, so this one was up for at least a few days.

(curtain rises, fade in spotlight)

"And what of the greed of Gen Z men, with their sweep of multiple women at a time? How can I compete when Gen Z women love greed?"

I'm trying to decide if this opening is more Shakesperian or Hitlerian.

"How do I win your heart?
Is it science or is it art?
Would pizza be a start?
Green shoelaces play a part?"

(fade to darkness)

Ah, Shitsperglian.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

If Lucas is the Velocirapist, hungering for a young blonde Lex, then is The Farms Timmy, trapping him in a meat locker....or Muldoon, tagging him with a tranq dart?

 

[Obscenity Enthusiast]

"Boy, if you want healthy DNA in your kids, I can help you."

Another instant classic. I wish we could get it to where coming to this thread displays it's own separate random_text.txt at the top so we could be greeted with a Wernism every time we come here.

 

[Wernology]

Its funny too because he got kicked out of his tribe in a way. He no longer has any title besides his rotten lettuce

Even funnier that he's not intelligent or funny (at least not in the ha ha sense).

 

[IceQueen]

Its funny too because he got kicked out of his tribe in a way. He no longer has any title besides his rotten lettuce

Exactly. He is rotten lettuce, a moldy berry, a broken link, a defect, a parasite, a disease; infectious, revolting, nausea-inducing. All of the things we could compare him to have one big thing in common: they are things that no one wants, that people try to keep away from, that we throw away as soon as we notice it, lest it spoil the salad, the fruit platter, the chain, or the gene pool.