Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Kingfisher9000]

His idea of creativity is amazing. You can tell he thought these were some really interesting ideas. “What if there were fungus-based aliens with thousands of sexes?” or “What about a clockwork spaceship that navigates through taste?” He’s never seen these things, so he assumes nobody’s ever thought of them while the reality is they’re just shitty ideas.

you were food as much as you are a visitor. just because you're sapient doesn't mean you don't smell like a garlicky minced wellington stuffed portobello



WHAT?! With so many self inserts and freudian slip shit going on in this schizo story i'm getting all kinds of low key dahmer vibes off of that statement. Tell me this isn't how he sees visitors to his fartbox on some fucked up level, cause thats implying some cannibalistic urgers are buried somewhere in that swiss cheese brain of his. This screams food-sex-cannibalism shit which is the same thing dahmer and a few other well knowns had going on

I think it’s more closely related to his fascination with eating cats and dogs, which I suspect is itself tied in with his enlightened atheist mentality. In his mind morals and taboos are just superstition, and he is above them which makes him smart. So as an extension of this he thinks all animals are just meat, and there’s no reason he shouldn’t be allowed to eat them.

 

[Incel Death Note]

Shalom,

Long, long time lurker. First time poster. Knew and interacted with Lucas back in the days of Godless Mingle and have thus far survived all of his follower culls.

Lukey-poo’s most recent attempts at writing are what have spurred me to share his cringe with the world. It’s a combination of his obsessions with sex, food and pseudo-science. He’s starting once more to talk about ‘diploids’ which makes me believe that the last year or so of relatively boring content from Lucas is just him coming full circle.

For those who have watched Rick and Morty, reading it feels like an episode of Interdimensional Cable. You win five telomeres if you can get through the whole thing in one go.

"Fully mycological" yet they have stamens and petals like flowers? Why are they looking for a species to mate with, why don't they just reproduce asexually? I really hope there's an in-universe lore explanation for this egregious oversight

I love that the mushroom people called their planet "Place where we are most hidden because we are delicious". Like if humans were to think of themselves from a dinosaur's perspective and call Earth "We have to hide in caves because we're tasty". Lucas can't even write about giant incel fungus people without thinking about eating them.

 

[Mitt Doggy Dogg]

Shalom,

I have tried to capture Lucas’s literary style in my own fictional piece of work:

We should make a Lucas AI simulator, it wouldn't have to be a good AI to spit out random word vomit.

"Fully mycological" yet they have stamens and petals like flowers? Why are they looking for a species to mate with, why don't they just reproduce asexually? I really hope there's an in-universe lore explanation for this egregious oversight

I love that the mushroom people called their planet "Place where we are most hidden because we are delicious". Like if humans were to think of themselves from a dinosaur's perspective and call Earth "We have to hide in caves because we're tasty". Lucas can't even write about giant incel fungus people without thinking about eating them.

I would say that Lucas doesn't know much about what he is writing about so he probably tried to sexualize something that isn't sexual but doesn't know enough about the topic so he overlooked important areas.

I love that he describes the planet as delicious. It shows exactly what he thinks about the most often.

In his mind morals and taboos are just superstition, and he is above them which makes him smart. So as an extension of this he thinks all animals are just meat, and there’s no reason he shouldn’t be allowed to eat them.

Has anyone else noticed most cows get morals and taboos mixed up, and entagled together? ADF is a great example, he had a bicycle that his broken mind turned into a symbol of communism. A example someone who likes a band because of their logo.
An example I could see Lucas following: A hot zoomer wrote a fan fiction about a cartoon character so you like the cartoon because you want to fuck the zoomer.

His idea of creativity is amazing. You can tell he thought these were some really interesting ideas. “What if there were fungus-based aliens with thousands of sexes?” or “What about a clockwork spaceship that navigates through taste?” He’s never seen these things, so he assumes nobody’s ever thought of them while the reality is they’re just shitty ideas.

I don't know if anyone has ever thought of a spaceship being navigated with taste because that's just plain stupid but I could see him thinking these are great ideas that nobody else ever thought of. Atleast he's found an outlet for his insanity that doesn't involve hitting on zoomer baes who are working at a gas station or coffee shop.

And his latest work has to be 100x more creative than anything ADF ever wrote, and at least as/if not more creative than anything Chris ever wrote.

 

[TunnelJew]

Shalom.

The farshtunkener is now trying to blackmail people to read his word salad, threatening them with an absence of his milk until they consume his masterpiece.

It reminds me of when he went to college and took a ‘creative writing’ 101 class. He claimed his professor was praising his work. I think we can all imagine what the poor schmuck thought when they read it.

 

[Poop Shoot]

This was quite the Sunday morning Surprise, thanks @TunnelJew !

 

[WonderWino]

His idea of creativity is amazing. You can tell he thought these were some really interesting ideas. “What if there were fungus-based aliens with thousands of sexes?” or “What about a clockwork spaceship that navigates through taste?” He’s never seen these things, so he assumes nobody’s ever thought of them while the reality is they’re just shitty ideas.


I think it’s more closely related to his fascination with eating cats and dogs, which I suspect is itself tied in with his enlightened atheist mentality. In his mind morals and taboos are just superstition, and he is above them which makes him smart. So as an extension of this he thinks all animals are just meat, and there’s no reason he shouldn’t be allowed to eat them.

Speaking of shitty ideas it clearly never occurs to him when he points out that in his fantasy world planes have to be wound up every hour to keep running that doing so mid flight, having the engines cut out every hour and needing to be wound up might not be a good idea. Makes them sound like flying deathtraps

"Fully mycological" yet they have stamens and petals like flowers? Why are they looking for a species to mate with, why don't they just reproduce asexually? I really hope there's an in-universe lore explanation for this egregious oversight

Shows how little lucas thinks through and understands the things he is writing about. Remember all the times he kept going on about plants and got which parts were male and female backwards and kept doubling down on it when told so

I love that the mushroom people called their planet "Place where we are most hidden because we are delicious". Like if humans were to think of themselves from a dinosaur's perspective and call Earth "We have to hide in caves because we're tasty". Lucas can't even write about giant incel fungus people without thinking about eating them.

On that note princess toadstool better watch the fuck out. and its yet another point toward some subconscious cannibalism thing going on in his head

I really have to wonder if lucas sent some version of this to his english teacher as a creative writing project. Can you imagine the look on the teachers face after having to read entire pages of this shit. He no doubt thinks its top tier writing and deserving of awards. Lets not forget he kept bragging that his first drafts were so good that he had to dumb down what he already wrote and made it worse for assignments. Showing he has no idea what the point of drafts is. He latched onto that semester on the honor roll as if it won the pullitzer prize. Completely unaware it was given to him cause he's an idiot

Shalom.

The farshtunkener is now trying to blackmail people to read his word salad, threatening them with an absence of his milk until they consume his masterpiece.

It reminds me of when he went to college and took a ‘creative writing’ 101 class. He claimed his professor was praising his work. I think we can all imagine what the poor schmuck thought when they read it.

Gee, radio silent for a whole 15 hours. Fucking hell he's as addicted to social media as a 14 year old girl. Which has even creepier implications all things considered

and unsurprisingly, lucas didn't understand he was being talked to like a retard and humored because the teacher knew he wasn't right in the head and was probably warned about his behavior issues. Something even most retarded kids pick up on eventually when they're talked to like that

 

[AnOminous]

His idea of creativity is amazing. You can tell he thought these were some really interesting ideas. “What if there were fungus-based aliens with thousands of sexes?” or “What about a clockwork spaceship that navigates through taste?” He’s never seen these things, so he assumes nobody’s ever thought of them while the reality is they’re just shitty ideas.

They're the kind of insane, retarded "ideas" you'd come up with on nitrous oxide.

 

[WonderWino]

They're the kind of insane, retarded "ideas" you'd come up with on nitrous oxide.

Well he did mention going to the dentist recently.....

Coincidence? I think not

 

[Al from Dadeville]

They're the kind of insane, retarded "ideas" you'd come up with on nitrous oxide.

They’re plenty good ideas that he came up with because his schizophrenia and diabetes have rotted holes in his brain

 

[TunnelJew]

They're the kind of insane, retarded "ideas" you'd come up with on nitrous oxide.

Shalom,

The difference is that NoS only makes your brain all farshinkert and beschmuckled for a few seconds. Lucas’s brain is fucked up forever.

 

[Poop Shoot]

Speaking of shitty ideas it clearly never occurs to him when he points out that in his fantasy world planes have to be wound up every hour to keep running that doing so mid flight, having the engines cut out every hour and needing to be wound up might not be a good idea. Makes them sound like flying deathtraps

Nah just cycle through them, if there are four engines do one every 15 minutes. All you need is a very adventurous guy and a really strong rope.

Easy Peasy. lol.

 

[Pedophobe]

They're the kind of insane, retarded "ideas" you'd come up with on nitrous oxide.

Yeah it's quite Hubbardian at times.

 

[Mitt Doggy Dogg]

Well he did mention going to the dentist recently.....

Coincidence? I think not

Maybe he figured out you could spend your entire months worth of food stamps on whipped cream and catch a shitty N20-like buzz for a minute or two. I can't see Lucas spending money on drugs instead of food but anything is possible.

Where did this idea of winding up plane engines every hour come from? I don't remember hearing that one but its pretty funny, if only we could put the woke people on these planes for 1.5 hr trips we could clean the world up 1 hour at a time

 

[Da Dude123]

This one was off the Brokeposting page. Lucas is writing about imagining his parents getting it on Valentine's Day and conceiving him, the bovine son. What an autistic thing to post about. Who wants to think about, let alone post about their parents having sex? True lolcow through and through.

 

[WonderWino]

This one was off the Brokeposting page. Lucas is writing about imagining his parents getting it on Valentine's Day and conceiving him, the bovine son. What an autistic thing to post about. Who wants to think about, let alone post about their parents having sex. True lolcow through and through.

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Whats your sign he asks? I'm thinking the lolcow. Lucas was clearly born under a bad sign, when king roys telomeres were in retrograde and queen myrnas juicy ovaries were in the house of jared from subway. I assume lucas was conceived bent over a kitchen table with the smell of accidentally badly burned cheese and cucumbers from some poor attempt at cheap homemade nachos for valentines day wafting through the air. No doubt king roy pounded that poonanner so hard sperm lucas banged his gourd sperm head hard into myrnas cervix trying to squeeze his fat spermie ass through and caused a major head injury, weak DNA and allowed more of her own crazy genes to leak into his genetic code. It would explain alot about the wern

 

[Karl Hungus]

propel the Scroopy Nooples

Dear god.

I propelled something like Scroopy Nooples reading Lucas’s grotesque word salad nightmare holy shit.

Wonder if he’ll ever resort to dumpster diving for “still perfectly good food” a la Tommy Tooter- or has he already? Imagine the shit concoctions he could come up with.

 

[A Silly Possum]

Remember all the times he kept going on about plants and got which parts were male and female backwards and kept doubling down on it when told so

Reading his conversations on Facebook I've realized that he really, REALLY doesn't like being corrected in any way whatsoever. Not even on technicalities that make his arguments stronger. Someone was mentioning something he got slightly wrong about the Bible recently but it actually made his point better but he got all defiant on the girl who was trying to help him and giving her one word answers, or saying things like "nope, prove it" while taking parts of what she was saying completely out of context to seemingly purposefully misunderstand what she was saying lol. He really thinks he's the smartest person of all time. Besides maybe Neil The Grass Titan, his idol. Speaking of, his show's been confirmed to be the podcast where Luke gets all his pseudoscience bullshit from lmao. I've known 3 people in my life who listen to Startalk Radio (Black Science Man's show) and every single one of them is an idiot who thinks they're 70 IQ points smarter than they actually are. It's hilarious and of course Lucas would be one of those 3.

Spoiler: Also, couple disturbing pics I've been hanging onto forever, don't think they've been posted yet

Relating sex to wiping his ass. Another genius ladykiller line from the born again virgin.

 

[Mitt Doggy Dogg]

Whats your sign he asks? I'm thinking the lolcow. Lucas was clearly born under a bad sign, when king roys telomeres were in retrograde and queen myrnas juicy ovaries were in the house of jared from subway.

How dare you, King Roys telomeres are plenty good nuff, speaking of which doesn't Lucas have 2 brothers are they also retards or are they half brothers?

Reading his conversations on Facebook I've realized that he really, REALLY doesn't like being corrected in any way whatsoever. Not even on technicalities that make his arguments stronger. Someone was mentioning something he got slightly wrong about the Bible recently but it actually made his point better but he got all defiant on the girl who was trying to help him and giving her one word answers, or saying things like "nope, prove it" while taking parts of what she was saying completely out of context to seemingly purposefully misunderstand what she was saying lol.

Of course he is the smartest person alive, he watches Neil Tyson Degras what did these other people do read a book lol, why is it the people who think they are the smartest people on earth always learn stuff from podcasts or TV and not from reading books on the subject

 

[Seizure Salad]

Speaking of Valentine's Day, I hope we get some quality content from Lucas sitting around moping about everyone out there busy getting everything he deserves. I imagine it has to sting a little bit more each year

 

[Doctor Love]

After all, it is ranch and we know how lucas is about ranch and his habit of drinking sauces out of the bottle

Spoiler: His palate is so fried he can't even taste paprika. Also other weird food.

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The 'beetus must have completely destroyed his sense of taste.

He is not gonna get a job. No way. Get sick at work? Okay, Tubby. He just doesn't want to work. Wants the government to hand him everything.

greasy, sore-ridden MRSA hands again?

What the fuck? Did his dentist shoot him up with demerol or something?

A tooth either broke, or a cavity has formed and created an abcesses

kidney sagas.

'Ol Luke has been hacking a lot lately. A wet, raspy cough, familiar to patients with congestive heart failure. Hardly profound, I know, but the auditory feedback is undeniable. Listen close during that cat video; his congestion sounds goddamn horrible!

While his schizophrenic manifestations rear up for the umpteenth time, that's not what'll get him. It's probably the mood stabilizers — a Grand Mal seizure, caused by a lapse in treatment; that'll be his undoing.

10 years? Between the cardiac issues & the antipsychotics? I'm giving him two, at most.

Having read enough of this - I'm going to give my judgement:
This dude is internally fucking infested with MRSA and his brain is probably infested too.

If this happened to someone healthy, then they could expect to be mostly fine except for at times when their immune system is inhibited, such as if they are infected by another pathogen.

Spoiler: Source

Experience with severe bacterial infections.

Spoiler: Deets

For example - the cardiac issues - could be some unrelated heart problem, or it could be endocarditis.
Kidneys, same deal. If he's diabetic that means that he's one bad day away from fucking bacterial necrosis.

Mentally, there's a whole bunch of shit I can attest to about what happens when you get hit with an infection like that. It will cause delirium.

The way he seems to avoid wiping his arse - his bumhole might well be necrotic, like Fourier's Gangrene kind of shit. MRSA is one of the most common causes of this and up to 70% of people with it are diabetic alcoholics. This is the result of the bacteria teaming up to consume the soft tissues of , and surrounding, the genitalia and anus.

The way his senses of smell and taste have collapsed, too - that's pretty rare in of itself, and most people only know if it from COVID. It can happen without any "symptoms" in your nose or mouth, though.

He makes a lot more sense if you think Cluster B + diabetically enhanced MRSA infestation.

It doesn't explain why he's so fucking fat, literally the only plus side to serious infections is that you come out of it looking lean. I could barely even eat, and I got so mental with the delirium I genuinely thought my water had been poisoned.