Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[not in the cards]

I mean hell, just the other day he was going on about how he'd pound zoomer puss puss like a gold nugget into gold leaf which aside from being a really weird thing to say, completely leaves out the fact that lucas is so morbidly obese and unhealthy that he can barely catch his breath and wheezes like darth vader while sitting perfectly still recoding a video. Trying to fuck like a male porn star would probably give him a fatal coronary in under a minute

Odds are, given his physical condition and lack of sexual experience he'd just lay there and given how entitled this fat piece of shit is, he'd expect his zoomer bae to do all the work.

It's funny how he thinks he's entitled to so much despite giving so little to society.

 

[Bassomatic]

The latest from brokeposting. from last january but it immediately reminded me of the last @Fatal Walter video about lucas where he claims he won't touch hot dogs. Not only does he clearly eat them, he microwaves them with cheese:
View attachment 5616650
Definitely microwaved because of the way the cheese looks. He doesn't even bother to make a cheese sauce he just puts everything in the microwave with cheese. He reminds me of what a dog would be like if they were suddenly to become a human and had access to their favorite foods. Its exactly the kind of thing said dog would come up with

From what we know of Spokane, the homeless get better food than this.

I'm a bit a foody, but I also have a part raccoon in me, I am not ashamed I like me a hot dog. But I also dry age steak. One of the good aspects of Lucas is the mental illness food things. Who's too good for hot dogs? No one says "oh it's haute" nah it's a snack on the run, a cheap ball game food or.. yeah I'm drunk at costco again. Now to side note, Grandma basso won't touch em because, as a child she had to make em.

Honestly, dollar store hot dogs vs dollar store cheese like Pukas has... I'm more worried about the "cheese"

The way Lucas talks about sex is so off, and while I kinda hate to think this much he might have had it once or twice. It's so off. I really think he speaks about it from viewing a lot of messed up porn. Now a lot of us adults joke esp about sex because, even talking to our SO it can be kinda hard to breach that topic and jokes help but like if say a normal couple one partner wants little rougher "gonna fist you" humor and understanding little aggression. Lucas, is porn branied and aside that his dick doesn't work so he takes that seriously.

Man he's never gonna get laid lmao.

 

[A Silly Possum]

Man he's never gonna get laid lmao.

Yeah, he's legitimately a born again virgin (lmao he'd hate that phrase). There's an almost zero chance he has sex ever again before he dies. He's just so fucking off-putting and autistic. The only chance I could ever see is if he, by some wicked miracle, comes into a little bit of money and hires a prostitute but I genuinely don't even know if after chatting with him to arrange the meet-up she'd be willing to follow through. He's that immediately unsettling. Even over text.

 

[WonderWino]

From what we know of Spokane, the homeless get better food than this.

I'm a bit a foody, but I also have a part raccoon in me, I am not ashamed I like me a hot dog. But I also dry age steak. One of the good aspects of Lucas is the mental illness food things. Who's too good for hot dogs? No one says "oh it's haute" nah it's a snack on the run, a cheap ball game food or.. yeah I'm drunk at costco again. Now to side note, Grandma basso won't touch em because, as a child she had to make em.

Honestly, dollar store hot dogs vs dollar store cheese like Pukas has... I'm more worried about the "cheese"

The way Lucas talks about sex is so off, and while I kinda hate to think this much he might have had it once or twice. It's so off. I really think he speaks about it from viewing a lot of messed up porn. Now a lot of us adults joke esp about sex because, even talking to our SO it can be kinda hard to breach that topic and jokes help but like if say a normal couple one partner wants little rougher "gonna fist you" humor and understanding little aggression. Lucas, is porn branied and aside that his dick doesn't work so he takes that seriously.

Man he's never gonna get laid lmao.

Yeah definitely. I'm not sure if that cheese was some shitty sliced version or one of those horrifying tubed cheeses from the dollar store but he definitely overcooked it in the microwave. When it starts to bubble like it did in that pic it takes on a weird plastic like texture, had it happen a couple of times with new microwaves making nachos, different power settings and such

Porn brained is an understatement. I'd bet anything he believes 95% of what he sees in porn as being what women actually want. Especially where fisting is concerned. Yeah theres a few fucked in the head women that do like it but thats exceedingly rare and they'd probably be as mental as lucas. But he thinks he can ram his whole arm all up in there as a cock substitute and she'll love it and name him the don juan of the nursing home

Theres also the fact he doesn't seem to really think it through when he talks about shit like that. I mean what is he getting out of it if he's not actually using his dick for it? Makes me think theres some red flags there for wanting to inflict pain on a woman and getting off on it. I wouldn't be surprised at all to find out lucas is a sexual sadist, and a sadist in general. It would explain alot about his personality. Not to mention the cat stuff. Makes me wonder if he legit gets off on seeing people he perceives as his enemies suffering. Explains who he gets so manic when he sics the cops on someone like with his roommate (speaking of which he's been real tight lipped about who his roommate currently is and what actually happened after he reported the last one. Funny how he stopped gloating about that incident real quick. I wonder if it didn't go the way he expected it to or if maybe the staff figured he was deliberately goading his roommate on in some way to get him kicked out as a crackpot scheme thinking it means he'd get a fartbox to himself. Seems like the kind of thing he'd do and shut up about when the staff saw through it immediately and told him to stop doing shit like that or else

Yeah, he's legitimately a born again virgin (lmao he'd hate that phrase).

Lucas would lose his shit over being called that. He'd immediately think it was some kind of religious thing and start into an anti christian rant. Probably getting himself worked up enough for 3 or 4 videos about it. Its a wonder nobody told him after 10 years not fucking anyone you automatically become a born again virgin in the eyes of the church just to see his reaction

 

[WonderWino]

Can't seem to edit my post but lucas posted a good one:

Kinda old for lucas seeing as shes already past 30. Plus lets not forget what happened the last time he ate anything spicy:

Plus I don't think she would be very pleased to get a tongue all up in her with residue from a habanero on it. That would get real unpleasant real quick. Yet another thing that makes me question whether lucas has ever had sex. Even the stupidest incel should know better than this

and brokeposting posted this as well:

Why do I get the feeling lucas has had an actual legitimate moment like this at some point

 

[TunnelJew]

Shalom,

Long, long time lurker. First time poster. Knew and interacted with Lucas back in the days of Godless Mingle and have thus far survived all of his follower culls.

Lukey-poo’s most recent attempts at writing are what have spurred me to share his cringe with the world. It’s a combination of his obsessions with sex, food and pseudo-science. He’s starting once more to talk about ‘diploids’ which makes me believe that the last year or so of relatively boring content from Lucas is just him coming full circle.

For those who have watched Rick and Morty, reading it feels like an episode of Interdimensional Cable. You win five telomeres if you can get through the whole thing in one go.

 

[Spunt]

Shalom,

Long, long time lurker. First time poster. Knew and interacted with Lucas back in the days of Godless Mingle and have thus far survived all of his follower culls.

Lukey-poo’s most recent attempts at writing are what have spurred me to share his cringe with the world. It’s a combination of his obsessions with sex, food and pseudo-science. He’s starting once more to talk about ‘diploids’ which makes me believe that the last year or so of relatively boring content from Lucas is just him coming full circle.

For those who have watched Rick and Morty, reading it feels like an episode of Interdimensional Cable. You win five telomeres if you can get through the whole thing in one go.

Christ. It's like reading a Pat Tomlinson novel.

 

[Aunt Carol]

You win five telomeres if you can get through the whole thing in one go.

I hate to compare the authors, but this is like an unfunny version of Francis of the Filth.

 

[Mitt Doggy Dogg]

Shalom,

Long, long time lurker. First time poster. Knew and interacted with Lucas back in the days of Godless Mingle and have thus far survived all of his follower culls.

Lukey-poo’s most recent attempts at writing are what have spurred me to share his cringe with the world. It’s a combination of his obsessions with sex, food and pseudo-science. He’s starting once more to talk about ‘diploids’ which makes me believe that the last year or so of relatively boring content from Lucas is just him coming full circle.

For those who have watched Rick and Morty, reading it feels like an episode of Interdimensional Cable. You win five telomeres if you can get through the whole thing in one go.

I've read 3 or 4 of his previous contributions to American literary society which are a combination of manifesto and thirst posting. Explaining why "Broke Older Daddy" is plenty good nuff for 16 yr old Starbucks baristas something something telomeres. If you haven't read those yet I highly suggest it.

Out of curiosity are these "telomere manifestos" something he posted publically or something he sent you in a DM?

EDIT: Wow I started reading these and I feel like he's writing for Scientology or something. These are a lot different then his previous writings those are more manifestos on why we need to give him a 16 yr old and his long telomeres make up for his short dick or something

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

Shalom,

Long, long time lurker. First time poster. Knew and interacted with Lucas back in the days of Godless Mingle and have thus far survived all of his follower culls.

Lukey-poo’s most recent attempts at writing are what have spurred me to share his cringe with the world. It’s a combination of his obsessions with sex, food and pseudo-science. He’s starting once more to talk about ‘diploids’ which makes me believe that the last year or so of relatively boring content from Lucas is just him coming full circle.

For those who have watched Rick and Morty, reading it feels like an episode of Interdimensional Cable. You win five telomeres if you can get through the whole thing in one go.

Is this Lucas‘s answer to the Urantia Book?

Even by Lucas standards, this is some heavy duty concentrated autism.

 

[WonderWino]

Shalom,

Long, long time lurker. First time poster. Knew and interacted with Lucas back in the days of Godless Mingle and have thus far survived all of his follower culls.

Lukey-poo’s most recent attempts at writing are what have spurred me to share his cringe with the world. It’s a combination of his obsessions with sex, food and pseudo-science. He’s starting once more to talk about ‘diploids’ which makes me believe that the last year or so of relatively boring content from Lucas is just him coming full circle.

For those who have watched Rick and Morty, reading it feels like an episode of Interdimensional Cable. You win five telomeres if you can get through the whole thing in one go.

*blinks*

What in the fuck did I just read? That is pure schizo talk that twists his fucked up beliefs about politics, sex, science and his obsession with food into what is clearly a looney self insert which I have no doubt lucas views as expertly written and worthy of another term on the honor roll. In reality he outs himself as a food and sex obsessed nutcase

Some highlights:

poovoo the archon went into the glumeick'll which tickled each of its 10 anthers

I'm not sure I want to know the details of that one

the tasting ship or j'haron k'lailq appetized through the umella supercluster for an experimental mate for tolf

Yeah totally not a stand in for lucas himself at all

you were food as much as you are a visitor. just because you're sapient doesn't mean you don't smell like a garlicky minced wellington stuffed portobello



WHAT?! With so many self inserts and freudian slip shit going on in this schizo story i'm getting all kinds of low key dahmer vibes off of that statement. Tell me this isn't how he sees visitors to his fartbox on some fucked up level, cause thats implying some cannibalistic urgers are buried somewhere in that swiss cheese brain of his. This screams food-sex-cannibalism shit which is the same thing dahmer and a few other well knowns had going on

she swung around on the pole and ejaculated glumeick from her fronds all over the now bubbly fizzy carbonated and fairly messy stage which contained harkoth eggs that promptly turned into larvae. the tiny little maggots crawler into the high manganese garden soil rich in carbon right outside the establishment

So this is how lucas wants mating to happen with zoomer baes at the bar. Why did I instantly flash back to his encounter with the starbucks barista when I read this

those strawberries have the intelligence of harkoth that made a gigantic leap simply by warping space time with antiprotons

.....What? Intelligent strawberries with warp technology......? Motherfucker needs his meds

and then there is his version of the internet 'the royal comrade network' that everyone wears devices attached to to 'continuously vote on small measures' his 'bioship boardgame library' and direct contradictions with simple things like claiming elections are held but are lotteries. Lotteries are by definition random and elections are not, He can't even get that right. Its all bizarre self inserts and twists his obsessions and views about how the world should work. I'm surprised he doesn't have alien bernie sanders in there somewhere

 

[Mitt Doggy Dogg]

What in the fuck did I just read? That is pure schizo talk that twists his fucked up beliefs about politics, sex, science and his obsession with food into what is clearly a looney self insert which I have no doubt lucas views as expertly written and worthy of another term on the honor roll. In reality he outs himself as a food and sex obsessed nutcase

I couldn't make it thru that autism fest, I skimmed thru the pages but whoever wrote that shit needs jesus. I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to open a religion like Scientology, buy his books to raise your telomere levels today!

Intelligent strawberries with warp technology......

lol I wonder why smart strawberries would need warp tech? do you ever notice your strawberries looking up at the sky?

And yea WonderWino, I see the Dhamer vibes in these, I'd say the only 2 things in life Lucas cares about is food and sex. Everything he does he tries to shove those main interests into. I always wondered if he thinks everyone thinks like he does. Could you imagine being the poor zoomier bae he tries to pick up trying to work her shift at the food bank or gas station or whatever

Anyone have a link to his old writings? I was looking thru the pages earlier looking for it but never did find it.

 

[WonderWino]

I couldn't make it thru that autism fest, I skimmed thru the pages but whoever wrote that shit needs jesus. I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to open a religion like Scientology, buy his books to raise your telomere levels today!

lol I wonder why smart strawberries would need warp tech? do you ever notice your strawberries looking up at the sky?

And yea WonderWino, I see the Dhamer vibes in these, I'd say the only 2 things in life Lucas cares about is food and sex. Everything he does he tries to shove those main interests into. I always wondered if he thinks everyone thinks like he does. Could you imagine being the poor zoomier bae he tries to pick up trying to work her shift at the food bank or gas station or whatever

Anyone have a link to his old writings? I was looking thru the pages earlier looking for it but never did find it.

It makes me wonder if my wernology cult that was run by lucas and worshipped bernie sanders was eerily prophetic. That said all this cannibalism hinting from lucas makes me wonder if the voices on the wind have been telling him if you consume the zoomer bae she can never leave you lucas and on some level he got some ideas. I really don't think lucas being alone with a zoomer bae, let alone out in some cabin in the woods or whatever is a good idea for anyone involved. I suspect he might try to have microwaved cheesy zoomer bae ovaries that night

 

[Mitt Doggy Dogg]

It makes me wonder if my wernology cult that was run by lucas and worshipped bernie sanders was eerily prophetic. That said all this cannibalism hinting from lucas makes me wonder if the voices on the wind have been telling him if you consume the zoomer bae she can never leave you lucas and on some level he got some ideas. I really don't think lucas being alone with a zoomer bae, let alone out in some cabin in the woods or whatever is a good idea for anyone involved. I suspect he might try to have microwaved cheesy zoomer bae ovaries that night

Well if your cult started selling sci-fi books as the road to salvation you might be a winner. I guess you could go out to King Roy's elk kingdom with your zoomer bae and stay at the cabin in the woods there. I'd ask the voices in the wind if it has a panic room before I left thou

Those sci-fi scribbles are about the funniest thing I've seen from him in awhile. Whoever posted those scribbles, Semper Fidelis you sir won the Lucaverse this week.

poovoo the archon went into the glumeick'll which tickled each of its 10 anthers

What the actual fuck

A archon is one of 9 magistrates in Ancient Athens, strange choice of words to mix in that word vommit

 

[AnOminous]

What the actual fuck

A archon is one of 9 magistrates in Ancient Athens, strange choice of words to mix in that word vommit

It's also a fucked-up defective angel from Gnosticism. That's probably where he got it.

 

[Mitt Doggy Dogg]

It's also a fucked-up defective angel from Gnosticism. That's probably where he got it.

That's more then likely where he got it, there's no way the gnome knows that much about ancient Greece. I'm honestly surprised at least Lucas tries to be creative. it's sad when ADF's Australna country is easier to understand then Lucas's cult sci-fi novel.

 

[Krathnami]

I’m going to exercise radical self care and not read any of that

 

[Pedophobe]

You win five telomeres if you can get through the whole thing in one go.

I managed to finish the first screen. Fucking insane.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

Geeze...
Even through all the gibberish about alien sex and alien sex appendages, that sounds like Lucas.
Especially the way thoughts and descriptions incoherently jump from one topic to the next without connection, and ideas just suddenly taper off.

 

[TunnelJew]

Shalom,

I have tried to capture Lucas’s literary style in my own fictional piece of work:

Barbo Schneeblez was from the zork galaxy, an anarchist communist society of 1847344 diploid sexes and you could tell from her big boobs that she was from the zoomer sex. Barbo was fecund, and travelled a gazillion light years in her spaceship made out of food called the Scroopy Nooples.

She was equivocal about being from the blarfin, because she was really hot and had sixty trillion zygotes inside her. The people of her species practiced the sacred art of age gap relationships. They would eat cheesey cukes before travelling 99,999,999 light years to mate with eachother and their telomeres mixed exponentially together into a big soup. Her anthers were zorping and she used them to propel the Scroopy Nooples (which looked like ramen) at ten bazillion times the speed of light. She controlled the ship with her ovaries, where the good telomeres were stored. When they found a culture in the 9573737262 galaxies they encountered, they would voraciously feast on them and then Rut in an age gapper orgy called the Dance of the Telomeres.