Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Da Dude123]

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Appalling to a working man he says. The part time retard job paying minimum wage sure has gone to lucas's head. He's proving yet again he is exactly the kind of narcissistic scumbag hobo who should have been dumped on the street and left to rot

and working man my ass. Lucas does the bare minimum, as slowly as possible and fucks off to avoid as much actual work as possible whenever he thinks he can get away with it. We know how he behaves

And I bet he is working 1 or 2 days a week. God he is just so hateable. He is really starting to think that him doing this will land him a zoomer bae. It won't, not at all. I hope he waddles into the bars and causes a scene when some zoomer girls reject him for being a fat smelly lolcow.

I am so looking forward to when the social security administration garnishes his retard bux and Mallon Place is short on the rent. That will be hysterical. If he is still working at that time, that may be the end of the job. The mooooing and the reeeing will be terrific.

I am thinking Lucas is probably working for some retail store like Target or Walmart, or maybe a grocery store. Spokane Kiwis definitely should keep their eyes peeled for a fat balding man with a ponytail struggling to push a cart around a local department store.

 

[WonderWino]

And I bet he is working 1 or 2 days a week. God he is just so hateable. He is really starting to think that him doing this will land him a zoomer bae. It won't, not at all. I hope he waddles into the bars and causes a scene when some zoomer girls reject him for being a fat smelly lolcow.

I am so looking forward to when the social security administration garnishes his retard bux and Mallon Place is short on the rent. That will be hysterical. If he is still working at that time, that may be the end of the job. The mooooing and the reeeing will be terrific.

I am thinking Lucas is probably working for some retail store like Target or Walmart, or maybe a grocery store. Spokane Kiwis definitely should keep their eyes peeled for a fat balding man with a ponytail struggling to push a cart around a local department store.

Yeah sounds like some kind of retail store. Though it shows how stupid the management is to allow lucas of all people to handle anything and be in a position where he can be creepy with customers. Something tells me his wrangler wasn't entirely honest about his history

and speaking of waddling into bars looking for zoomer baes:

Lucas's broken brain is clearly rationalizing this as I didn't work for a quarter of a century! I was able to get a job! therefore somehow his logic twists that around to I wasn't able to get a woman for 13 years! Now i'll be able to because I was able to get a job! as if that makes any sense at all

Pure lucas logic at its finest. He's already planning to hit the bars to find a zoomer bae. The bars he's been banned from and seems to have forgotten that little detail. Assuming they don't kick his ass out the moment he tries to enter given his ban, he'll do what he did the last time - sit in a dark corner drinking a shitty overpriced mixed drink, leering at women creepily and probably trying to take videos of them again. Considering he was banned the last time over that behavior and spazzed out about it he better be careful, he's already not supposed to be there. Going back and trying to record anyone might cop him a trespassing charge or worse this time if he's not careful. He's already been warned about it

Too bad spokane doesn't have a hooters, he'd waddle his ass in there ordering overpriced hot wings and get his ass banned leering and trying to pass creepy notes to the big titted staff in record time

Dream the impossible dream he says when his wrangler did literally everything short of showing up to the job to do it for him. and you just know he's barely able to do it and constantly pissed off that he has to work at all to be able to buy the shit he wants. He hates every second of it and only does it out of greed for more food to stuff himself with and zoomer baes. Yet publicly he's bragging about it thinking it makes him look good. Yet somehow wonders why everyone he associates with including family want nothing to do with him

Now theres a looney take

Says the admitted criminal who has a history of running scams, laundering crypto currency, grooming teen girls, grifting, stealing, extortion and literal blackmail

Lucas is the last person who should be accusing anyone else of lacking integrity

He is now referring to zoomer baes as 'ripe'

You just know he's referring to her eggs. Lucas is practically salivating at the thought of payday and what hes going to do when he gets his tiny pittance. Unsurprisingly his coomer brain is taking over, as usual and driving his actions

 

[Cnaiur urs Skiotha]

Just catching up on the thread, this job arc seems pretty promising, I definitely agree it can't last. If he has any interaction at all with customers or coworkers he'll inevitably go too far with either telomerase breeding fetishism or obnoxious militant atheism. And even if he's working completely alone he'll get lazy and start showing up late, skipping, faking sick etc and get fired. This is a guy who showed up to his first shift of his first teenage job, Subway, drunk as fuck, like a man facing the firing squad. He hasn't punched a clock since the Clinton administration and he's already saying "ahh that three day weekend was so nice, I mean I definitely like working but uh, we hard-working working-class workmen need a break ya know?"

Calling what he was doing without work a "big heap of nothing" was a surprisingly self-aware and grim moment though. I mean there probably is some part of Lucas that was tremendously bored with his self-imposed prison of sloth. Just sitting around homeless shelters, the streets, and the old tards' home with nothing to occupy himself but his own insane, looping thoughts sounds miserable, and I think there probably is some part of him that, at least in this early honeymoon period, does appreciate getting out, getting some structure to his day, and feeling useful. I'm just not hopeful that it can overcome his tremendous laziness and awful, conflict-prone personality for very long.

Also not hopeful is the way he ties employment into the love quest. I mean theoretically being employed probably increases your value on the dating market, but you have to have some value and some social skills to begin with. We all know drawing a paycheck will only lead to Lucas sitting alone with overpriced meals/cocktails, passive-aggressively posting about how he sure wishes he had a zoomer bae to share this with etc. I expect being employed will only play into his "plenty good" self-image and he'll be even more hurt and baffled as to why nobody wants to date him. He did what everyone has been hounding him to do for a quarter-century and got a job! How dare Spokane not provide him with idealized romance right now right now right now?!?! Followed by deciding employment is a capitalist scam and quitting. I'll be very surprised if he makes it even six months.

 

[moseph.jartelli]

Jesus, he's letting this $125.37 paycheck really go to his head. I'm sure he now considers himself part of the upper crust.

a history of running scams, laundering crypto currency, grooming teen girls, grifting, stealing, extortion and literal blackmail

As right as you are, this reads like he's some criminal mastermind badass. Never forget he failed at each and everyone of those, except domestic violence. Not sure what he stole, but no doubt getting his Biden bucks yanked balanced it out.

 

[WonderWino]

Jesus, he's letting this $125.37 paycheck really go to his head. I'm sure he now considers himself part of the upper crust.


As right as you are, this reads like he's some criminal mastermind badass. Never forget he failed at each and everyone of those, except domestic violence. Not sure what he stole, but no doubt getting his Biden bucks yanked balanced it out.

He's implied he's stolen small shit from stores a few times over the years. That aside he admitted to stealing from people, mostly women by the sound of it back in the late 90s by running ebay scams where he'd take money and never send anything or send the wrong thing deliberately. Cyril confirmed it and some of the weird shit that happened as a result. He also admitted to stealing food from cyril because he felt entitled to cause he claimed he was 'starving to death'. But yeah, he's a failure at almost every criminal thing he's done

Speaking of domestic violence:

Lucas was 'happiest' when he was in an abusive, manipulative situation that ended with a restraining order, a domestic violence conviction and jail. Funny how he leaves that part out

Funny how he's acting like pride month is a good thing yet sure does hate troons, and even when trying to be a good npc he can't help but reee at the christians

 

[Jeremiah the Bullfrog]

I've neglected to read about this fat pedophile for a bit, but I can't help but wonder if his Susan's reluctance to let him go down on her stems from his describing his technique as "Eating a bowl of soft serve ice cream without a spoon". While I lack a vagina, I have been intimate with a woman at times during the last decade, and I don't think that that description sounds particularly pleasant.

.....i'd laugh my ass off even more if he ends up in hawaii and gets into another mias dad type conversation with the same guy he talked to the last time and didn't recognize his voice. Its not like it would be the first time he did that

I apparently have a pretty distinctive accent and despite having talked to him a month or so prior, he couldn't put it together that I was the same guy. I'd be surprised if he remembered me years later.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

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I've neglected to read about this fat pedophile for a bit, but I can't help but wonder if his Susan's reluctance to let him go down on her stems from his describing his technique as "Eating a bowl of soft serve ice cream without a spoon". While I lack a vagina, I have been intimate with a woman at times during the last decade, and I don't think that that description sounds particularly pleasant.


I apparently have a pretty distinctive accent and despite having talked to him a month or so prior, he couldn't put it together that I was the same guy. I'd be surprised if he remembered me years later.

Christ, he's so repulsive. Does he say this to any gen-z girls he gets next to? Any young women he works with?

"Hey baby, can I eat your box?"

 

[not in the cards]

Says the admitted criminal who has a history of running scams, laundering crypto currency, grooming teen girls, grifting, stealing, extortion and literal blackmail

Lucas is the last person who should be accusing anyone else of lacking integrity

I suspect that Lucas doesn't know what integrity is. Either that or he knows but is just trying to obfuscate the simple fact that people are honest about what they want and he's just mad about not being able to get what everyone else is able to get. Is it that he's socially inept? No. He's plenty good. Hook-up culture has no integrity. Is Lucas a repulsive and unhinged sack of shit with no appealing qualities? No. It's everyone else who's a bigot and needs to stop being ageist and classist. Is it his fault that he's broke? No. It's all because of capitalism and he's a victim of it. Typical Lucas.

 

[Ultrapenguin]

Christ, he's so repulsive. Does he say this to any gen-z girls he gets next to? Any young women he works with?

"Hey baby, can I eat your box?"

Luckily probably not, I'm not an expert Wernologist but it seems like he only talks a big game online.

IRL he's a complete pansy who can barely even make eye contact with other people let alone directly approach the opposite sex. His technique is more to just lurk around like a creepy fat weirdo ogling women before maybe handing them an autistic note then running away to hide.

It is difficult to overstate what a helpless idiot Lucas Werner is. He's got the emotional maturity of a 14 year old, but an especially stupid, dirty, and lazy one.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

Remember Wern 2.0?
How he announced a count-down for days about how Wern 2.0 was gonna be such a big change and he was totally gonna bag a hottie?

 

[SteveGoatman]

Remember Wern 2.0?
How he announced a count-down for days about how Wern 2.0 was gonna be such a big change and he was totally gonna bag a hottie?

This bit, although brief, was a personal favorite of mine.

 

[soulgains]

Why does Lucas hate Trump? Is he really that Seattle-poisoned that he can ignore his own degenerate lifestyle just to hate on him? Well probably yes lol

 

[WonderWino]

His technique is more to just lurk around like a creepy fat weirdo ogling women before maybe handing them an autistic note then running away to hide.

Lucas legitimately believes something similar to this will happen when he finds his hot fecund teen queen and hands her one of his creepy schizo notes:

Why does Lucas hate Trump? Is he really that Seattle-poisoned that he can ignore his own degenerate lifestyle just to hate on him? Well probably yes lol

Probably jealousy. Lucas is an incredibly petty and jealous person and what little he does hae he lords over whoever he can whenever he gets the opportunity. He hates trump because he isn't trump and isn't rich, married and popping out kids

By this logic suzanne was a redneck for settling for his obese angry schizo ass. Lucas sure does love projecting. Lucas himself settled for her as well so he shouldn't talk

 

[Da Dude123]

What a flex, Tubby! Don't want to interrupt your retard bux, do you? Just spend the money and go to Gander and Rye Grass and Atilanos! You baby zooms don't know what your missing! Plenty good! I am so looking forward to that tugboat check getting garnished.

 

[WonderWino]

Lucas is literally all of the things he describes. Well, except the part about being someones boyfriend. Lucas is in no position to be calling other people lazy, useless or an imbecile. He's dumber than a bag of rocks and has convinced himself he's a misunderstood genius but even he knows it on some level. Its why he wigs out when called on it

and he manages to treat atheism like its a religion. He's literally a trust the science preacher who can't even get basic scientific facts right

 

[Da Dude123]

If you pledge your loyalty to the hobo, Lucas Werner, he will take you to a rock concert, Gen Z baes. Alright, baby zooms, form a queue and tell Lucas why you are plenty good enough and how you are loyal to him and he will contact Ticket Master.

 

[Fatal Walter]

It's amazing. Abusive guys usually manage to act like the nicest person ever but Lucas starts looking like a nightmare abuser before he even meets the woman. Wonder why it doesn't work.

 

[WonderWino]

If you pledge your loyalty to the hobo, Lucas Werner, he will take you to a rock concert, Gen Z baes. Alright, baby zooms, form a queue and tell Lucas why you are plenty good enough and how you are loyal to him and he will contact Ticket Master.


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Its pretty clear how lucas going to a concert in 2024 with a zoomer bae and trying to connect with the younger generation would go:

I mean its pretty close to what he does now:

It's amazing. Abusive guys usually manage to act like the nicest person ever but Lucas starts looking like a nightmare abuser before he even meets the woman. Wonder why it doesn't work.

Shows just how horrifying a relationship with lucas would actually be. I mean he even has days when he admits he's an angry spastic psycho at times but has convinced himself that publicly claiming that when he has a girlfriend he will be calm cause the relationship will calm him down because he's only angry because he doesn't have a girlfriend. and he thinks this is a normal, perfectly reasonable and sane thing to say that doesn't make him sound like a psychotic, abusive loon. Its like he took how normal abusers act and inverted it into i'm psycho and unhinged now but i'll be nice and calm when you date me. a woman would have to be even stupider than he is to want any part of that. Its no wonder suzanne had that no violence with her rule with lucas. There had to be a reason for it. after all nobody goes out of their way to point out they'll dump your ass if you get violent with them unless there has already been some issues with that. Normal people take that as implied

Lucas is going to be pissed when he finally realizes that having a job isn't going to get him a zoomer bae and he'll just end up self soothing with food, booze and drugs like he always does. That should be great for his health, especially with summer coming up

Perhaps he'll rationalize it as he has a job but to have the same success as the flatbills you need a credit card as well to flash around. That would lead to quite the arc. Lucas getting into credit card debt would be hell for him

and lucas explains his taste in music:

EDIT:

Lucas is on a roll today:

Here we see how manipulative lucas is. He despises troons and wants nothing to do with them to the point he gets angry at being matched with one online and here he is pretending he doesn't do that at all, inventing an encounter with a troon and claiming he 'complimented his shoes' all for good boy points cause its pride month

and here we see lucas admitting he considers eating at overly expensive garbage restaurants to be one of his hobbies. Morbidly obese crazy hobo calling eating himself to death a hobby sounds about right in his case

and whats this? Lucas admitting his dating strategy includes plying a zoomer with alcohol (PhD lucas calls it 'plighing' thats right up there with gallouse humor for wernisms) then talking nonsense to her. Sounds like the kind of thing a rapey predator would do

and back to talking about how he sure does like fat assed teens in the creepiest way possible

He's done a handful of part time shifts and already wants a vacation in august. Yeah i'm sure your boss will totally approve of that. Not that he could ever afford it. He'll spend every penny of what little he makes on expensive food and even if he did somehow manage to avoid that he'd get there, blow all his money and get stuck there, expecting to get bailed out like in LA

If lucas wants to travel so badly he should go see myrna. I'm sure she'd be thrilled to see him show up at her mexican nursing home. I can see it now. Lucas shows up to see her, starts bragging about how he is a big boy with a part time job and myrna, half out of her mind with dementia and lacking previous social graces starts yelling its not in the cards lucas its not in the cards! which sets lucas off and creates a spastic screaming match that leads to lucas getting forcibly sedated, arrested and thrown into a mexican jail for a few weeks

Or failing that a visit to the royal palace of king roy. You can just feel the unease that would go through the room when lucas told him he's got an actual job and waddles around filling orders as king roy considers all the ways that could end badly and lead to seeing lucas on the news again

 

[Da Dude123]

God, he is such a cow. Hasn't even got his first paycheck and thinks he can afford to spend a week in Hawaii. Looking up airfare, round trip tickets before taxes from Spokane to Honolulu are about 400 dollars at least. And even crappy motels would probably run around $100 a day. I could see him thinking he could stay in a ragman shelter . Conservatively, I bet he would blow through at least 1700 in a week out there. No way could Lil Cow Werner afford to do that.

Look at those weens trying to root him on. "You deserve it". Yeah, sure he does.

 

[Twrx]

God, he is such a cow. Hasn't even got his first paycheck and thinks he can afford to spend a week in Hawaii. Looking up airfare, round trip tickets before taxes from Spokane to Honolulu are about 400 dollars at least. And even crappy motels would probably run around $100 a day. I could see him thinking he could stay in a ragman shelter . Conservatively, I bet he would blow through at least 1700 in a week out there. No way could Lil Cow Werner afford to do that.

Look at those weens trying to root him on. "You deserve it". Yeah, sure he does.

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I could be wrong, but I remember reading something about cities buying one way plane tickets for bums to fly out to Hawaii because they wouldn't be able to afford to come back to the mainland.