Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

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Lucas sure is being hostile and aggressive about what he wants. Randomly ranting about getting off his case for having preferences despite the fact he flips out if anyone else has any that don't include him, accusing people of being 'useless clones' and calling people stupid for being apolitical or non-progressive. Lucas is the last person who should be calling anyone else stupid. Of course he has to throw shit in about christians and goes out of his way to claim he doesn't expect a woman to take care of him like he's a child, despite the fact thats exactly what he expects. Stuff like that confirms he still lurks in his thread here and sees people pointing this out, so he goes out of his way to claim it isn't true

and just the way he talks there isn't normal at all. He talks like a disjointed alien spouting a bizarre stream of consciousness because he doesn't understand how to say anything without coming off as mental

and of course he's still going on about his looney takes on science....and somehow ties christianity's creationism into the laws of thermodynamics in a really weird way. He's also inadvertently making it clear its people saying he himself will go to hell that pisses him off, and doesn't seem to realize you don't get told that unless you're doing some really bad shit that would lead to such a thing. Regardless of whether such a place actually exists, people generally don't get told thats where they're going if they're not a shitty person doing shitty things. Lucas outs himself being a scummy creep when he complains about it without realizing it

What lucas hates isn't being told he's going to hell, its being called out for his bad behavior and being told he's going to face consequences for it

and holy shit at the you need to be a grown up if you want to get with me my friend line. Buddy you're pushing 45, live in a nursing home, get paid a tugboat for being a retard and work a literal tard job only because its part of your plan to stuff yourself with expensive food you shouldn't even be eating to begin with cause of your health and to creep on little girls. You're anything but grown up. Anywhere else in the US you'd be the crazy guy living in the woods or under a bridge right now. Even by narcissist standards lucas is an ignorant, manipulative and abusive shit. Its amazing he doesn't get his ass beat far more often than he does

EDIT:

Lucas is all worked up about christians again:
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He's big mad and jealous that he can't understand why women would rather associate with the successful person at the church rather than the reeking, obese, psycho eyed hobo who eye fucks them creepily. Having money and getting a womans interest when lucas doesn't causes lucas to think that makes them dumb, mean, hypocritical and ignorant and claiming they worship money. In other words he has no idea whats really going on with that situation and makes up reasons to explain why lucas is plenty good and not a creep nobody wants anything to do with

and its peak lucas to tell people to be gone from me. Pure narcissism and entitlement. This is coming from the guy who is only at said church service, by his own admission, to try to manipulate young religious women into dating him. and he has the audacity to spaz out when it doesn't work and to tell others to leave him alone

Hell posting that rant and then shortly after posting another anti christian rant only makes him look more manipulative and shows the only reason he was there at all was for exploitative purposes while not actually being religious himself. He doesn't see how bad that makes him look at all

Also, lucas is not thinking about what he's saying about the flood thing either. Not that it ever actually happened but assuming for the sake of argument it had, such a thing would have happened long before egyptian civilization even existed so basing anything off the egyptians didn't talk about it is a really weird thing to do

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Lucas apparently doesn't like the underpants elves. Second cousins to the underpants gnomes i'm sure

I'm sure there is plenty living in lucas's underwear that is far worse than elves. You know, like MRSA

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Lucas proving yet again what a male feminist he is. Madonna doesn't put out free candy signs to lure teen girls lucas. She also doesn't record herself creeping over little girls talking about how good of a person she is because she totally could have sexually assaulted her in that position but didn't. But you certainly do

You should take your own advice lucas and learn to shut the fuck up

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Says the guy who is very much poor because he's undeserving and refuses to do anything to improve himself. By his own admission his job is only a means to an end to attract a zoomer bae

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What a weird thing to say. All pizza restaurants have delivery and most restaurants that serve pizza along with other things have delivery options that aren't doordash related. This screams entitled idiot who isn't a fan of pizza unless its something he considers 'gourmet' (which always ends up being utter shit tier pizza when you look it up) that is delivered at a huge price increase. He talks like this and then wonders why people call him out for what he is

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Says the guy in his 40s who gets catfished on a regular basis, got catfished to LA even after seeing proof of it being a catfish and being told he'd be boarding with an infant called itsnotinthecards werner and who got catfished again immediately upon returning to spokane, with literal catfish

Also says the guy who watches crackpot youtube videos by PUAs and scam 'manifesters' and immediately buys into it and starts talking the same nonsense they do

But no, its everyone else who is naive and impressionable, not lucas
 
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I know @WonderWino just touched on this, but this one almost takes the cake. Lucas is in his 40s and still naive and impressionable as ever. I mean, yeah, all the catfish and dumb shit he gets into. Flashing his Biden Bux around like an unsigned rapper in front of other hobos and vagrants.

Most recently, the dumb autistic cow fell for that crypto scam. He fell for it after multiple people advised him that it was a scam, and even one told him how the scam works. Lucas wouldn't hear any of it. All he thought was "plenty good". I wish so much that we could get details of how that went down and ended. As Null has said, "true lolcows reject advice". That is true for all lolcows and Lucas is definitely no exception.

But oh, no, Lucas is not the naive one. It's others and if you're in your 20's there is no excuse for that. Unreal for him to say that, uncharted levels of hypocrisy.

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I never thought about Werns paycheck also being split after it's properly accounted for. Even if he said had 100 bucks 25 a week he'd snap to quote JG Wentworth "it's my money and I need it now" (also seriously fuck that corp.)

Lucas thinks the Internet evolves? I get he hates creationists but what the hell is he talking about. He thinks he has a better shot to date in real life. This nigga probably gets his dating sims to turn off the CPU fan so it cooks instead of dating him. Most couples now meet via online, to everyone. The old view of it being negative is gone. I know plenty of people who have had great luck with it.

I asked Mrs basso and she agreed any time you insult"the dating game " like he said dating sites are shit, it's a huge turn off and major red flag.

I don't think the younger generation knows who Fonzi is, people Werns age only know from reruns, so he's really dating himself. Nothing attracts younger girls who want an older guy to a guy not being hip.

When Lucas says he has friends we know he's lying. But the real laugh here is he claims he's pleasant. Nigga you have a DV charge. He admitted his nice deeds are to get something in return.

Lucas shaming conservatives for women dressing more modest? Well first off, he sells it as a "dude chill and girls will be slutty" rep or dem not all of us want this. I'm a straight man and it bothers me seeing bitches walk around in yoga pants . Think you want that shit in front of your kids? Also it's never the girls you want to see in them. What? I'm a straight man so I do be checking asses out.

Him being told he did well by his boss reminds me of a favorite old lolcow Kent. I'm sure it was a "good job retard" but for Lucas who's a very lonely person now his only interaction with another person and his boss is a compliment? As the cool kids say he's gassed up. I do feel boosting morale is great and good on his boss for saying so. (I refuse to accept Lucas does his job well to earn praise) But with out knowing Lucas as we do, that compliment as kind as it was and good intended, pushes his "plenty good" theory. Why I mentioned Kent, same problem it reenforced their mental problems and reaffirmed them to themselves.

For Lucas we already see his "prole/working man" ego pop up now he's "good" at his job? This will make him more entitled. Tbh I don't know how to better deal with this stuff but I've dealt with off narcissistic employees before. They made me drink and leave management lol.

Woman is a great motivator needs to be a random text.

This post skeeved me out! First he's actually insulting women by saying their needs are purely fiscal. That's basically calling all women gold diggers. Rude! When it comes to treating them right does that mean no hitting this time?

Also while he thinks this comes off as a dedicated guy looking for love. It brings up questions again, don't you feel a drive to do something? Don't you like being an adult? Wouldn't you want your own place and car? Aside the lack of on hand cash Lucas is fine at Mallon. Mid 40s he's being fucking fed. Two kinds of people that age get fed prisoners and cripples.

Bro I don't even use the same bathroom as my wife, I'm not a clean freak or anything. You don't even have your own toilet and you're cool with all that but you want to work just for pussy? I dunno how either is but I legitimately rather jail than Mallon. From all I learned watching TV and stories from a friend who had an addiction era.. least jail people would make Lucas bathe. I'm sure Mallon doesn't mind the stinky Wern begging for seconds of tuna surprise on Sunday.

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Lucas is 44? Mid 40s . His horn ball stuff is really fucked IMHO . I understand he probably is a virgin but esp pilled up and as fat as he is there can't be sex drive. Next time you have the flu pop on some really wild porn. That gross feeling? That's the high Lucas chases. Really fucked up . I think his sexually deviant mind set when he's old and before mentioned ED is something seriously spooky. I don't have much an education in medical sexual disorders. But your body isn't horny and your brain still is.. he's also porn sick on top of that.

Now part of me to play devil's advocate will say if he had sex ever it's only a few times and he's near 50. He feels left out. But much like you got over not being class president in 4th grade you'd go oh well booty is just that. To be fair he hasn't lived so he's still hung up but , his body can't be functioning or up to sex. That's a horror cow thing for me and it doesn't come up much. He's not "horny" he's just a violent pervert. His dream sex is probably one hand in a 12 year olds ass one hand in a bag of cheese balls. Dudes a fucking freak.

I've always assumed Lucas is big into the atheist stuff because he's scared. Not that he would be devout but he's a reverse pacsel wager (be a good Christian just in case worse situation you lived a good life) when the voices of the wind quiet down he knows his truth and his fate. It's ironic someone who can't even stop the voices in his head saying you're not real over and over will end Satan's paradise. Also to briefly touch on before he's socially inept. Many people of all faiths and lack of say go to hell. Lucas takes this as a Christian hate, when he just probably took a co workers lunch and got scolded.

Sex is great but not a need. Yeah broken clock syndrome here. Also Lucas is the embodiment of that a probable virgin has been on a 40+ year love quest. It begs another question any date should have, if you agree we don't need sex, why do you put it so high on your mind? It's literally the reason he's been in jail, homeless, kicked out of his parents places, unemployed,sent to rubber hotels. He's put it above everything a roof over his head a free education a relationship even.

Everything makes this freak horny. I assume he posted this thinking he will sound badass like a construction worker who takes off his hard hat cracks a beer and asks for action to wind down after cutting steel beams for 12 hours.

But this goes farther than that. It pushes my theory something is really wired wrong in his sexuality. I don't think he gets horny like normal people. But everything is sexually a draw to him. Aside his gross pedo stuff he's definitely cranked one out to girls blowing their noses on YouTube. He sexualizes everything. Society is very lucky he's as retarded as he is or we'd have another Ed gein or worse in our hands. Lucas would be a serial killer full stop.
 
I know @WonderWino just touched on this, but this one almost takes the cake. Lucas is in his 40s and still naive and impressionable as ever. I mean, yeah, all the catfish and dumb shit he gets into. Flashing his Biden Bux around like an unsigned rapper in front of other hobos and vagrants.

Most recently, the dumb autistic cow fell for that crypto scam. He fell for it after multiple people advised him that it was a scam, and even one told him how the scam works. Lucas wouldn't hear any of it. All he thought was "plenty good". I wish so much that we could get details of how that went down and ended. As Null has said, "true lolcows reject advice". That is true for all lolcows and Lucas is definitely no exception.

But oh, no, Lucas is not the naive one. It's others and if you're in your 20's there is no excuse for that. Unreal for him to say that, uncharted levels of hypocrisy.

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The comments on that post are fucking hilarious and show the utter lack of self awareness lucas has as he outs himself as an idiot with a fucked up brain
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Bassomatic said:
I never thought about Werns paycheck also being split after it's properly accounted for. Even if he said had 100 bucks 25 a week he'd snap to quote JG Wentworth "it's my money and I need it now" (also seriously fuck that corp.)
Don't say that too loud or that guy will run another ad. I can see it now.... if you have tugboat payments and you need cash now call jg wentworth 877-lolcow

Bassomatic said:
I don't think the younger generation knows who Fonzi is, people Werns age only know from reruns, so he's really dating himself. Nothing attracts younger girls who want an older guy to a guy not being hip.
Yeah the whole fonz obsession lucas has is really weird. Its not the first time he's brought it up either. No doubt he saw some happy days reruns with his parents as a kid and it stuck with him to be like the fonz to get women, not understanding tv doesn't represent real life, nor that it isn't the fucking 50s anymore

Bassomatic said:
When Lucas says he has friends we know he's lying. But the real laugh here is he claims he's pleasant. Nigga you have a DV charge. He admitted his nice deeds are to get something in return.
South park nailed lucas's behavior with having cartman trying to manipulate kyle into letting him go to casa bonita by pretending to be nice thinking it was the same thing as being nice and getting called out on it, not understanding why. I also can absolutely see lucas doing something like that for a trip to casa bonita. He thinks he can 'nice' his way into people forgetting or 'forgiving' his DV charge. He doesn't seem to realize how massive of a red flag such a charge is to a woman and how much worse trying to hide it makes him look. People who do what lucas does to try to keep people from finding out are exactly the kind of people women are terrified of and exactly the kind of people you'd expect to catch a DV charge in the first place

Bassomatic said:
Lucas shaming conservatives for women dressing more modest? Well first off, he sells it as a "dude chill and girls will be slutty" rep or dem not all of us want this. I'm a straight man and it bothers me seeing bitches walk around in yoga pants . Think you want that shit in front of your kids? Also it's never the girls you want to see in them. What? I'm a straight man so I do be checking asses out.
Lucas eyefucks every teen and 20 year old he sees. He gets angry when 'conservative' women don't dress like sluts so he can see the goods and maybe catch a creepy picture on his phone when shes not looking. We know how he likes to record women in public and i'd bet good money he has a phone full of secret pictures he took of little girls in public

Bassomatic said:
Him being told he did well by his boss reminds me of a favorite old lolcow Kent. I'm sure it was a "good job retard" but for Lucas who's a very lonely person now his only interaction with another person and his boss is a compliment? As the cool kids say he's gassed up. I do feel boosting morale is great and good on his boss for saying so. (I refuse to accept Lucas does his job well to earn praise) But with out knowing Lucas as we do, that compliment as kind as it was and good intended, pushes his "plenty good" theory. Why I mentioned Kent, same problem it reenforced their mental problems and reaffirmed them to themselves.
Yeah exactly, even normal praise for doing a barely adequate job you'd expect from someone like lucas is taken by him as actual praise that he's doing a great job and is plenty good. It immediately goes to his head and reinforces his narcissism and will just make him more entitled and difficult to deal with later. Praising lucas is the last thing his boss should be doing

Bassomatic said:
For Lucas we already see his "prole/working man" ego pop up now he's "good" at his job? This will make him more entitled. Tbh I don't know how to better deal with this stuff but I've dealt with off narcissistic employees before. They made me drink and leave management lol.
Indeed. I'd say the best way to deal with it is to not praise those types, it just feeds into their ego and makes them worse and harder to deal with

Bassomatic said:
This post skeeved me out! First he's actually insulting women by saying their needs are purely fiscal. That's basically calling all women gold diggers. Rude! When it comes to treating them right does that mean no hitting this time?
Yeah he thinks at best he isn't saying anything inappropriate and at worst he'd just claim he's 'negging' them so he totally isn't saying sketchy shit. Lucas has a long history of smacking people around that even he admits to with his brothers, that only stopped when he realized he could exploit them into giving him social tips to stop instead. He also used to tape people to walls to 'entertain himself' which is all kinds of bizarre. I doubt the glass incident was the first time he got violent with suzanne or even the second. He admitted she told him he violated her no violence rule so it follows she must have had to have that conversation with him before, which means he did something to make that necessary

Also while he thinks this comes off as a dedicated guy looking for love. It brings up questions again, don't you feel a drive to do something? Don't you like being an adult? Wouldn't you want your own place and car? Aside the lack of on hand cash Lucas is fine at Mallon. Mid 40s he's being fucking fed. Two kinds of people that age get fed prisoners and cripples.

Bro I don't even use the same bathroom as my wife, I'm not a clean freak or anything. You don't even have your own toilet and you're cool with all that but you want to work just for pussy? I dunno how either is but I legitimately rather jail than Mallon. From all I learned watching TV and stories from a friend who had an addiction era.. least jail people would make Lucas bathe. I'm sure Mallon doesn't mind the stinky Wern begging for seconds of tuna surprise on Sunday.
Lucas wants an isolated apartment to live in with people far enough away that he can do what he wants when he wants without anyone asking questions or keeping tabs on his behavior but still wants it all paid for by the government. In jail lucas would be in deep shit if he didn't shower. They'd literally drag him into it and beat the shit out of him if he refused before very long. Though that would be the least of his worries given his pedo behavior, which would get out the moment he got sketchy about telling people about his past, made them suspicious and somebody googled his name. It would be solitary or PC for lucas real quick or he'd get dealt with. Though you'd think even the staff wouldn't want to have to put up with lucas's smell at mallon place

Bassomatic said:
Now part of me to play devil's advocate will say if he had sex ever it's only a few times and he's near 50. He feels left out. But much like you got over not being class president in 4th grade you'd go oh well booty is just that. To be fair he hasn't lived so he's still hung up but , his body can't be functioning or up to sex. That's a horror cow thing for me and it doesn't come up much. He's not "horny" he's just a violent pervert. His dream sex is probably one hand in a 12 year olds ass one hand in a bag of cheese balls. Dudes a fucking freak.
Why do I get the feeling that in his fantasy lucas switches those hands at will and probably involves said 12 year old doing a ping pong ball trick with cheese balls directly into his mouth. You just know thats exactly the kind of thing lucas wants

Bassomatic said:
I've always assumed Lucas is big into the atheist stuff because he's scared. Not that he would be devout but he's a reverse pacsel wager (be a good Christian just in case worse situation you lived a good life) when the voices of the wind quiet down he knows his truth and his fate. It's ironic someone who can't even stop the voices in his head saying you're not real over and over will end Satan's paradise. Also to briefly touch on before he's socially inept. Many people of all faiths and lack of say go to hell. Lucas takes this as a Christian hate, when he just probably took a co workers lunch and got scolded.
I don't doubt for a second lucas would steal his coworkers lunch or parts of it if he thinks he can get away with it. He did shit like that before and even called the free mcdonalds food he got for lunch when he worked there as not enough for him and left him starving. Lucas can't help himself around food. Lucas getting busted and fired for stealing peoples lunches would be peak wern and hilarious. He'd never live that one down. Though someone realizing it was him (and being honest everybody would figure out it was him pretty fast) and loading a lunch up with laxatives so lucas shits himself repeatedly at work would be a great way to deal with it before he got fired. Lucas stealing the food and gulping it down quickly like a starving dog and then going back to work and 20 minutes later explosively shitting himself in the middle of walmart while trying to fill orders surrounded by customers would be the stuff of legend. You just know somebody would get a video of that. Lucas all bug eyed and spazzing out in the middle of the aisle shitting himself non stop and screaming at people to stop recording him you fucking republican bigots would be something my sides would never recover from laughing at

Bassomatic said:
Sex is great but not a need. Yeah broken clock syndrome here. Also Lucas is the embodiment of that a probable virgin has been on a 40+ year love quest. It begs another question any date should have, if you agree we don't need sex, why do you put it so high on your mind? It's literally the reason he's been in jail, homeless, kicked out of his parents places, unemployed,sent to rubber hotels. He's put it above everything a roof over his head a free education a relationship even.
I don't think lucas could answer that question even if he wanted to. Its too ingrained in his brain to want it at any cost. Hell is satan himself appeared in front of lucas and offered a big titted hobo cock hungry zoomer bae in exchange for his soul lucas would sign the contact so fast even satan would be shocked

Everything makes this freak horny. I assume he posted this thinking he will sound badass like a construction worker who takes off his hard hat cracks a beer and asks for action to wind down after cutting steel beams for 12 hours.

But this goes farther than that. It pushes my theory something is really wired wrong in his sexuality. I don't think he gets horny like normal people. But everything is sexually a draw to him. Aside his gross pedo stuff he's definitely cranked one out to girls blowing their noses on YouTube. He sexualizes everything. Society is very lucky he's as retarded as he is or we'd have another Ed gein or worse in our hands. Lucas would be a serial killer full stop.
Yeah if lucas was just a little smarter and a little more competent and not stuck in shelters I suspect theres a high probability he'd be another green river killer type. Which is even more interesting considering washington state seems to have a weirdly high proportion of serial killers coming out of it over the years. Lucas would fit right in. He'd definitely get caught though, he's too stupid and too single minded in his obsessions to be careful enough not to. I could also see him trying to manipulate some other idiot into partnering up on it and going full leonard lake

Lucas is one of those people who you can see the potential for being that kind of psycho in him and he's just on the cusp of going in that direction but just isn't quite there, yet still has the capacity to do something really fucked up under the right circumstances, especially if he thinks he can get away with it. There have already been some major indications of that over the years. As stupid and fucked in the head as lucas is, its still wise to keep an eye on him and not underestimate his drive to get what he wants going overboard and driving him into doing something seriously bad. He is absolutely one of those people who should be on a potential sexual offenders list, He very much does have it in him under the right circumstances
 
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I understand he probably is a virgin but esp pilled up and as fat as he is there can't be sex drive. Next time you have the flu pop on some really wild porn. That gross feeling? That's the high Lucas chases. Really fucked up
Dude that sounds gross as hell, I'm speeding past the mid 40s and Ill tell ya the sex drive definitely drops as you get older. And your right society is really lucky he is as dumb as he is or he would be dangerous. Like that pig dude in Canada or some shit. You would think after basically touching a hot stove and burning himself so many times he would have figured out not to broadcast that shit so much but I guess that's why he has a post
 
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Theres plenty of fucked up things in that post but the zoomers parents aren't one of them. According to lucas everyone is fucked up except him. Now suddenly all the zoomer baes parents are cash worshipping and religious, despite being his own age and according to his own claims of supposedly being an atheist generation

and pointing out the parents of the little girls he wants to fuck are his own age isn't making the point lucas thinks it is. It makes him look creepy as fuck
 
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Lucas finally got paid by his payee and what does he do? Immediately buys a dozen burritos. To 'share with his friends' which we already know he doesn't have. So he's bsing to cover up the fact he just bought a dozen fucking burritos to eat himself

Totally not a food obsessed loon desperate to self soothe at all. Definitely something a mature, responsible 44 year old would do the moment he gets paid
 
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Lucas finally got paid by his payee and what does he do? Immediately buys a dozen burritos. To 'share with his friends' which we already know he doesn't have. So he's bsing to cover up the fact he just bought a dozen fucking burritos to eat himself

Totally not a food obsessed loon desperate to self soothe at all. Definitely something a mature, responsible 44 year old would do the moment he gets paid
Now, to be fair, he may give a burrito to the "mysterious man" aka Jamie. The rest will be for Lucas.
 
Now, to be fair, he may give a burrito to the "mysterious man" aka Jamie. The rest will be for Lucas.
Yeah true, so lucas can butter him up for manipulation later. Knowing lucas it would probably be one he dropped or already took a bite out of

That said since he's posting about eating a dozen burritos i'd bet money he's going to post some horrifying bragging post about massive burrito shits later today

Best part being its tacoshit tuesday

EDIT:

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This spaz out is apparently the result of some random person leaving a laughing emote on one of lucas's facebook posts. As lucas admitted he doesn't understand what the laughing emote is supposed to convey and whether its being critical of him so he assumes its bad and gets big mad and confrontational. But remember, thats totally not the kind of thing a textbook autistic would do at all. Misunderstanding facial expressions totally isn't an autistic thing at all

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Says the guy who spent the last couple weeks talking absolutely nonsense about physics

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This was posted in the comment for that random fuck you. Apparently lucas follows random women on IG, randomly screeches to them about how kiwifarms must die and then blocks them in anger at not getting a response or a timely one

Thats not just unhinged batshit behavior its blatantly paranoid and implies he thinks random women he starts following are in on some conspiracy with kf because he doesn't get a response to randomly spouting something insane

I wonder if he'll start getting paranoid about people at his job before long. I can't see it taking much, someone looking at him the wrong way or a little too long, looking at him while on their phone or smiling the wrong way would probably make lucas think they know who he is and start getting paranoid if not spazzing out at them

Lucas is going into science again:
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He really has a hard on about this and is repeating formulas and information he doesn't understand a single word of in the slightest and thinks he's winning some argument nobody is having with him. Lucas thinks this makes him sound smart when it makes him sound like an idiot. I'd laugh my ass off if someone waited a few days then clipped those formulas out of the picture and repeated them to him and asked him to explain them without looking anything up. He wouldn't even know what he was looking at let alone be able to explain anything

and if you want to tell people to stop doing things lucas, how about you stop falsely claiming you have magic age defying, cancer curing sperm? No? Then don't tell people to stop talking

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Lucas still thinks backwards time travel is possible. Its not lucas and you won't find a credible physicist that says otherwise. Also lol at using google to use the first results and wiki page he gets. Makes me think he's been reading here recently and saw that he's being called on his nonsense science ranting and is trying to sound smart

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lolwut? I have never heard anyone claim ducks floating breaks the laws of physics. Lots of things float. This sounds like some looney shit some other half retarded hobo said to him at some point and made lucas spaz out at someone elses stupidity. Assuming the voices on the wind aren't the ones telling him these things and he's not just making things up entirely
 
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Lucas finally got paid by his payee and what does he do? Immediately buys a dozen burritos. To 'share with his friends' which we already know he doesn't have. So he's bsing to cover up the fact he just bought a dozen fucking burritos to eat himself

Totally not a food obsessed loon desperate to self soothe at all. Definitely something a mature, responsible 44 year old would do the moment he gets paid
By "12 burritos" does he mean "a pack of frozen burritos"?
 
By "12 burritos" does he mean "a pack of frozen burritos"?
Lucas being lucas it probably means he blew almost everything he made on his first payday in buying a dozen expensive burritos via doordash from one of the shitty local restaurants. You know, that place that he kept begging for money to buy a burrito that costed $12 and then ate it on the bed at the motel 6 he was staying at at the time
 
Lucas being lucas it probably means he blew almost everything he made on his first payday in buying a dozen expensive burritos via doordash from one of the shitty local restaurants. You know, that place that he kept begging for money to buy a burrito that costed $12 and then ate it on the bed at the motel 6 he was staying at at the time
Lucas loves those delivery apps. Thinks they are the best thing ever. Pizza delivered by Door Dash or Post Mates is better than in house delivery, he says. I guess some of the more expensive sit-down type pizza restaurants may not do their own deliveries, maybe that is it?

Door Dash and GrubHub are stupid expensive to use. I work full time and am not living in a ragman nursing home and I cringe when I use one of those apps cause it is so damn expensive. After all the fees and tips your McDonald's quarter pounder value meal is almost $20. It would have been around ,$8 if I went and got it myself. But Lucas the anti-capitalist that he is, will always be willing to pay to use those services.

I don't get food delivered often, but it used to be that places like Papa John's and Domino's would deliver your order for free, or there would be a small fee if it was under $10 or something. Many Chinese restaurants and other local places that have their own delivery drivers work the same way. You should still tip the driver, of course. But way cheaper than doing a delivery app. But Tubby can't think in pragmatic ways like that. He wants his burritos and he wants them delivered right now, right now, right now, right now.

Just poor people behavior. Blow what little money you have foolishly. The dumb cow does this every time.
 
Door Dash and GrubHub are stupid expensive to use. I work full time and am not living in a ragman nursing home and I cringe when I use one of those apps cause it is so damn expensive. After all the fees and tips your McDonald's quarter pounder value meal is almost $20. It would have been around ,$8 if I went and got it myself. But Lucas the anti-capitalist that he is, will always be willing to pay to use those services.
Every time I go to use DoorDash or GrubHub I end up driving down to pick the shit up myself rather than going through with the order, I just can't bring myself to do it
 
Doordash has become a leading tax upon dumb, fat, slothful, and over-indulgent people. You'll see it all across KF.

Unrelated to Lucas but I recall not too long ago when there was all that drama on social media because someone made a tweet telling people "A lot of the time the stuff you're getting delivered is no better than frozen meals you can get at the grocery store, so you could save a lot of money by just buying those instead" and a load of people had a meltdown because someone dared to suggest they're being wasteful by constantly getting delivery.

Lucas is going into science again:
Ol' Lucas the genius; hopefully one day in between advancing the field of quantum physics he'll be able to get in the lab and solve the mystery of how to stop being a fat broke friendless hobo with a terminally dry dick.
 
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