Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[King Daddy Telomerase]

 

[Wernology]

The video is still on IG, it's titled "how to approach women", you have to click the little TV icon on his IG profile to get to it. It needs to be archived! @klickitat

EtA: vid thumbnail
View attachment 1516297

Got it!
And it did not, in fact, give me a boner, it made every part of me try to retract into my body in horror.

But also, who the hell thinks, "HI HOW AREYA?" said in the worst attempt at a seductive voice possible is flirting? Fucking christ no wonder he thought that Starbucks barista was flirting with him, he thinks just saying hi to someone is bringing one's A game.

 

['tism]

I work at a law firm and the amount of calls we get from nut jobs wanting to sue everyone under the sun is surprisingly high and we don't even do those kind of cases. Lucas won't even get to a lawyer, someone will politely take his info, move it to the crazy person folder and block his number.

 

[wenttobermuda]

I've long been fascinated by Lucas's self image, and confused that he hasn't committed suicide.

I'd like you to meet "Tall, stocky boi Lucas Werner" and "His aged swimmy boi sperm telomeres."

This is a meme masterpiece:

But also, who the hell thinks, "HI HOW AREYA?" said in the worst attempt at a seductive

What a lovely couplet:

" 'Hi how are you?'
That's all you have to do."

This is an idealized presentation of his conversational skills.

First hand accounts of Lucas's "seduction" techniques all remark on: 1) Lucas staring at his feet, eyes open, unable to make eye contact ; 2) meek mumbling that is barely audible; and 3) subjects with little interest to his audience.

 

[Khabib Zabeeb]

Lucas has gone from speaking ebonics to total gibberish/pig latin, holy fuck he's a gift that keeps on giving.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

I've long been fascinated by Lucas's self image, and confused that he hasn't committed suicide.

I'd like you to meet "Tall, stocky boi Lucas Werner" and "His aged swimmy boi sperm telomeres."

This is a meme masterpiece:

View attachment 1516371



What a lovely couplet:

" 'Hi how are you?'
That's all you have to do."

This is an idealized presentation of his conversational skills.

First hand accounts of Lucas's "seduction" techniques all remark on: 1) Lucas staring at his feet, eyes open, unable to make eye contact ; 2) meek mumbling that is barely audible; and 3) subjects with little interest to his audience.

Also, and we've said this before, if that's "all you have to do" why doesn't he have 20 girlfriends?

Lucas acts so frequently like he has the secret key to making women just spread their legs and fall over in love with him, and yet he can't even get a girl to talk to him.

Someone needs to point this discrepancy out to him.

Also: does he not understand when and where one needs to wear masks?

He wears a mask when he's all alone walking outside, and then when he's inside and around other people he doesn't wear one.

He'll film 2 or 3 videos in a row in the same location and maybe one out of three He'll wear a mask or maybe one out of three he won't wear a mask, it seems completely random like occasionally he remembers to put one on without understanding what the masks are supposed to be for you know when you're in close proximity with other people?

 

[teleméres69]

I like that he chose to go after Chris Hansen for making one video about him, and hasn't gone after any of the other people on YouTube who've made videos about him. Honestly figured you'd be on the top of his shit list given that he still bitches about you and has threatened to assault you in person

I like this. Made one very short video he was paid to make = harassed him for months.
View attachment 1515834
Pretty sure he was busy harassing Onision anyway

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

I've been digging through Lucas's back catalog, looking for recurring themes in his delusions, and these are a few videos that stood out to me as having relevant bits:

This is an older video, but it's very instructive for how big of a bitch boy Lucas is.

First we see that he can't accept even the weakest criticism, someone telling him that he's eccentric or weird, when he clearly is weird by any normal human standard of male his age.

Then we see more of his fantasies about how he has a career in comedy, almost, how he's followed by people from a local comedy club, and we end up with more of Lucas's typical virulent homophobia, which he excuses with his usual comparison about the term creeper being the equivalent.

Pretty much a concentrated dose of all of Luke's worst Tendencies wrapped up. The only thing absent from this one, I guess, is some sort of scatological reference or some sort of focus on ejaculation involving very young girls. Then it would have been a Lucas hat trick.

Another instructive old one, Lucas thinks that girls call him a loser, a liar, and a creeper, "to flirt with" him. Yeah I don't think so fatty.

This one's great too. In this video you can see Lucas starting to crystallize the thoughts that ultimately have their expression in him leaving notes on people's doors, and him getting kicked out of the apartment he used to live in.

In this video he's beginning to imagine secret sex orgies going on around him that involve young women, and he says he's not interested but of course when Lucas says that we know that means it's all he can think about.

I'm fascinated by following the process of his delusions from their initial expression as an idea that occurs to him, all the way up into a desire that's so great that he has to push it into the outside world, in this case by leaving those notes, and it eventually has the repercussion which smacks him in the ass.

A thought with no connection whatsoever to reality, like this idea that the apartment he was living in was somehow filled with young underage girls having sex with every tenant other than him, bounces around in his repetitive tiny little brain, smacking against the walls of his skull, building up speed and force, getting dumped out of his fat mouth in every stupid video he makes, and eventually leading his chubby little hands into scrawling passive aggressive notes which, rather than doing him any good, end up costing him the only security he had in life.

One of the reasons why Lucas is such a satisfying cow to watch, Karma regularly bitchslaps him.

Perhaps not as hard nor often as it should, but he's definitely got those karmic bruises all over his big stupid gourd shaped head.

If stepping on a rake, repeatedly, aggressively, never learning to avoid it....if THAT was an Olympic sport, Lucas would be a gold medalist.

Lucas is the Brian Boitano of rake in the face.

He find such creative ways to repeatedly hit himself in the face with a rake, the rest of us might experience a little bit of karma, but he's doing triple Lutzes, and backflips with quarter-axle twists.

He bring such creativity and Imagination to hitting himself in the face with rakes; it's beautiful and it's horrifying cuz it's beautiful destruction, to misquote the man himself.

 

[Fatal Walter]

So black lives matter is all about breeding to Lucas. Big surprise. That word is terrible and his memes are worse.

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CDzvY_BBfd9/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Here's the link to the video where Lucas, the man that hasn't had a girlfriend in almost a decade, tells YOU how to pick up a girl, but only if you're over 35. So if he thinks you'll get a boner from watching this does that mean he gets a boner anytime a guy looks him in the eyes and says "Hey how's it going?" Maybe that's how things happened with Perva.

 

[le funny sex number 69]

I've long been fascinated by Lucas's self image, and confused that he hasn't committed suicide.

I'd like you to meet "Tall, stocky boi Lucas Werner" and "His aged swimmy boi sperm telomeres."

This is a meme masterpiece:

View attachment 1516371



What a lovely couplet:

" 'Hi how are you?'
That's all you have to do."

This is an idealized presentation of his conversational skills.

First hand accounts of Lucas's "seduction" techniques all remark on: 1) Lucas staring at his feet, eyes open, unable to make eye contact ; 2) meek mumbling that is barely audible; and 3) subjects with little interest to his audience.

“Swimmy boi sperm” he probably thinks gen Z speak like that unironically

 

[GoutfootHorseface]

The latest batch of Lucas’s retarded word soup, a few points however, major BS on the weight given thanks to the recent police report and I believe he has written “hatchet” rather than “ratchet” on the one relating to his favoured “flat bill bros”

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

The latest batch of Lucas’s retarded word soup, a few points however, major BS on the weight given thanks to the recent police report and I believe he has written “hatchet” rather than “ratchet” on the one relating to his favoured “flat bill bros”

Still going with the lie he weighs 230 lbs eh? Come on Lucas, we know you’re easily pushing 300+.

 

[wenttobermuda]

The idea of "tall stocky boi" Lucas "body building" is just delightful. I hope he gives it a shot and shares all of his gainz!

 

[BowlOfDick]

The idea of "tall stocky boi" Lucas "body building" is just delightful. I hope he gives it a shot and shares all of his gainz!

Lukey becoming a Gymcel would be a surprise twist. That said, his idea of ‘working out’ is probably just walking.

 

[le funny sex number 69]

Lukey becoming a Gymcel would be a surprise twist. That said, his idea of ‘working out’ is probably just walking.

Just imagine how fat he would be if he wasn’t forced to be on his feet all day

 

[TelemeresDaddy69]

Lucas has said many times in the past he considers walking around Spokane as a workout, probably why he's nearly 300lbs

Lukey becoming a Gymcel would be a surprise twist. That said, his idea of ‘working out’ is probably just walking.

 

[LeeLoo]

The latest batch of Lucas’s retarded word soup, a few points however, major BS on the weight given thanks to the recent police report and I believe he has written “hatchet” rather than “ratchet” on the one relating to his favoured “flat bill bros”

Can someone with access to his IG please PLEASE pretty please with MRSA on top comment that his recent police report showed he’s 297?!

 

[TelemeresDaddy69]

Be a real shame if someone reported that Lucas is breaking his parole by smoking weed. Again with the German phrases creeper? Between your obsession with eugenics, racism, sexism, and homophobia, this ain't a great look even for you

 

[boner_alert]

I'd like to order some alarm clocks and top hats please. Cuz that fucking simp Goldaor actually does send food in exchange for questions, like this was actually agreed upon as conditions for their interview and not some token show of friendship? Then why the fuck does Goldaro go so hard sucking Lucas' limp teenie weenie so hard, I only tolerated his sycophantic methodology assuming its necessity to get Lucas to agree to interview