Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[WonderWino]

Lucas: Mr. I cant get a job, pay for a car, afford a place to stay, or interact with any person on a normal level. But he now will pretend he can write a 4000 page scientific essay that people will take seriously. Its so entertaining watching him come up with this bullshit

.....Theres a hamlet joke in there somewhere... 'what is this lucas?' 'words...words....words' he doesn't even appear to know what a dissertation actually is, let alone have any idea how to write one

That said the idea of lucas taking a class in chinese of all things is fucking hilarious. Can you imagine lucas trying to understand a language as notoriously difficult to learn as mandarin chinese? and that isn't even getting into the fact that lucas apparently is unaware that 'chinese' isn't even a language in itself. Lucas wouldn't be able to even remotely wrap his tiny brain around the idea of mandarin being a tonal language that carries a significant amount of meaning in the tone you use. As in if you order a plate of dumplings in a restaurant essentially the same phrase is used to ask for dumplings as it is to call the waitress a whore. If you fuck up the tone you use its going to get real awkward real fast. Lucas trying to speak mandarin to a chinese zoomer bae would be all kinds of horrifying.

'What do you mean you're arresting me?! I'm not a pedo! I was just asking if she would like to go out for lunch with me and have dumplings!'

I wonder, if he somehow lives long enough to complete his pedo manifesto dissertation, will he decide to post a page of it on each lamp post, sign and tree in the city?

I hope klickitat has managed to snag the video for his next youtube compilation, i'm dying to see it

Of course, by “studying his kids” he means raping them

'Studying them' on the middle school playground with a pair of binoculars most likely

 

[Goldaor]

The most amazing thing is that the Golden USB Podcast doesn't really get more views than even his own videos. No idea why he hasn't noticed this.

After episode 2 he told me "We just made all the pussies of Montreal wet" I don't think he gets that the audience of the show is only Kiwi and sofalaw

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

His fantasies of going back to school or designing board games, etc were always just wishful thinking, but a thinking still grounded in reality somewhat. Like getting a two year degree from a CC or making a board game are things he could hypothetically accomplish, but this level of delusion is off the charts; completely divorced from any reality what-so-ever. (Nobel prize? Place your bets fellow farmers!)

He might as well say he is going to be the first astronaut on Mars.

Ah yes, wouldn't be an Intelligent Wern Video without the famed Fibonacci Sequence.

You’d think he’d have moved on to Fractals and constantly be mentioning Mandelbrot or Julia sets and such by now. Maybe after he finishes his Masters degree?

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

It's especially telling of his grandiose way of thinking that his dissertation has to be "the longest one ever written", similar to how Cafeteria Uprising had to be the most complicated game ever made, a million times more complicated than Chess or Go.

You can tell that all these extreme plans are the way of buttressing his ego when his daily life is so pitiful and literally in the gutter.

He'll show everyone now! He won't just get a college degree, like an associate's or something that's possibly feasible for a normal human, no, he's going to win the freaking Nobel Prize!

 

[A whole lotta nope]

mixed religion, mixed economic class" have all been proven to strengthen DNA

He is seriously stupid if he thinks that your religion or economic class has anything at all to do with your DNA.

He attempts to explain that by saying the following ten years will be him "studying his kids"...? And during the 10 years of studying his kids he says the work on his dissertation will be "like a page every month on them".

So he plans on taking what data exactly? Shit like, "Day 912 : child is still alive and healthy." This would just be useless anecdotes that don't actually test or confirm anything.

He says he has to marry his chosen women between now and 2025. Good luck Werno!

It's not in the cards. Not now, not in 2025, not ever.

nor Chinese would be required for a science degree.

You're right, but sometimes you have to take irrelevant courses to get your degree. For example, in my undergraduate studies I had to take an art class to fulfill a requirement. Art has nothing at all to do with my degree.

 

[AbraCadaver]

I'm betting NO

View attachment 1664660

Says the man who on twitter referred to a young woman “siring” his children.

The man is the sire, not the mother, you fat dingdong.

 

[Particle Bored]

I'm listening to Tim Pool's podcast from yesterday, and Lucas basically got a shout out.

Tim: "We don't really have a big starvation problem in this country."
Jack Murphy: "No, we actually have a national caloric surplus."
TP: "We have fat homeless people."
JM: "Yes."
TP: "[starvation's] not the problem."
JM: "No. We have fat homeless people with cell phones."
[everyone laughs]

Eta, they go on to ponder whether some people are destined to self destruct due to lack of purpose.

 

[Coach McGuirk]

His fantasies of going back to school or designing board games, etc were always just wishful thinking, but a thinking still grounded in reality somewhat. Like getting a two year degree from a CC or making a board game are things he could hypothetically accomplish, but this level of delusion is off the charts; completely divorced from any reality what-so-ever. (Nobel prize? Place your bets fellow farmers!)

I first heard about Lucas during his boardgame phase, its been a hell of a ride to see him go from wanting to make 'Meeple Toss' to wanting to get a PhD in 'Age mixed breeding'.

 

[cigarettesalsa]

Honor roll
Scholarship
Gym class
Fluent Chinese
Vegan
4k page masterwork
Nobel Prize

Hi I'm Lucas, how are you?

 

[IceQueen]

I watched the vid before reading your post on it.

You know what's satisfying?

Having you mention EVERY SINGLE point I had with the vid. Kiwi minds think alike, I guess. I noted the problems with numbers of years and pages, mentioning works of fiction in comparison with scientific dissertations, and saying board games made him do bad, but it won't happen again cause more board games.

Cheers to @IceQueen , who thinks like me.

Love this!! Hi new friend :]

I first heard about Lucas during his boardgame phase, its been a hell of a ride to see him go from wanting to make 'Meeple Toss' to wanting to get a PhD in 'Age mixed breeding'.

Don't worry, he goes back and forth. I'm sure at some point we'll see him cycle back to the less insane version of himself. When that happens, he slowly, and then suddenly rapidly, devolves for a while, and then usually someone intervenes and institutionalizes him for a bit/makes him get back on meds so he mellows out for a little bit, then devolves again, on and on for eternity.

He is seriously stupid if he thinks that your religion or economic class has anything at all to do with your DNA.

So he plans on taking what data exactly? Shit like, "Day 912 : child is still alive and healthy." This would just be useless anecdotes that don't actually test or confirm anything.

It's not in the cards. Not now, not in 2025, not ever.

You're right, but sometimes you have to take irrelevant courses to get your degree. For example, in my undergraduate studies I had to take an art class to fulfill a requirement. Art has nothing at all to do with my degree.

While it's true you have to take a variety of courses for any degree, in the US at least, it's pretty much unheard of to be required to take foreign languages after high school unless you're getting a languages degree.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

While it's true you have to take a variety of courses for any degree, in the US at least, it's pretty much unheard of to be required to take foreign languages after high school unless you're getting a languages degree.

In my case they were lumped in under the "humanities" requirement for my core classes. We didn't have to take foreign languages, but rather they were one of several options for a requirement that needed to be filled.

 

[Iseecovidpeople]

Long time lurker, first time poster.
I’m bummed because the Lucas crazy content has taken a nose dive, but I’m excited for the meltdown that is absolutely impending.

 

[BowlOfDick]

What exactly does a community college ‘gym class’ entail and how do you think it differs from his expectation? I can imagine Lucas thinking he’ll be pumping iron with fancy Olympic lifts, a chad coach rubbing his shoulders with a towel around his neck. Lucas will chug a cheese and cucumber protein shake while watching the fat drop off him after every single session.

 

[Iseecovidpeople]

What exactly does a community college ‘gym class’ entail and how do you think it differs from his expectation? I can imagine Lucas thinking he’ll be pumping iron with fancy Olympic lifts, a chad coach rubbing his shoulders with a towel around his neck. Lucas will chug a cheese and cucumber protein shake while watching the fat drop off him after every single session.

I’m still confused about the gym class angle. I’ve never been to a college that had a “gym class” that you get credit for.
Doesn’t that end in high school.
Does anyone know if his community college has a gym class?
Or is this all in his head.

 

[Fiveseven15]

I’m still confused about the gym class angle. I’ve never been to a college that had a “gym class” that you get credit for.
Doesn’t that end in high school.
Does anyone know if his community college has a gym class?
Or is this all in his head.

pretty sure its all in his head. local community college did have certain sports available like archery, but no overall gym class. gym would be great though, imaginin the sound of those red voit balls bouncing off of his head

 

[ThomasAudley]

I’m pretty sure gym consists of mostly fecund teenagers wearing very tight and very revealing clothes. They are gyrating and getting up close to the one male who dares enter their world. They’re so young and inexperienced they never considered a cute older daddy. Here, let’s just go up to one and explain the magic potential of the xoomer zygote and the other beneficial qualities of a mature man’s sperm.

Either that or “mostly black dudes” since it seems everywhere Lucas goes it’s mostly them despite making up like 2% of Spokane’s population.

 

[Da Dude123]

I’m still confused about the gym class angle. I’ve never been to a college that had a “gym class” that you get credit for.
Doesn’t that end in high school.
Does anyone know if his community college has a gym class?
Or is this all in his head.

I had earlier searched Spokane Community College's course catalog. And the gym or fitness classes were under "community education". This means that they are non credit based courses. Community education courses are typically attended by non college aged people, often times by retirees. Furthermore, many of these classes are held outside of the college campus itself. And at least for the current semester or quarter, due to the pandemic, these are online courses. So, yeah, Lucas has no idea at all about this.

 

[WonderWino]

I’m pretty sure gym consists of mostly fecund teenagers wearing very tight and very revealing clothes. They are gyrating and getting up close to the one male who dares enter their world. They’re so young and inexperienced they never considered a cute older daddy. Here, let’s just go up to one and explain the magic potential of the xoomer zygote and the other beneficial qualities of a mature man’s sperm.

Either that or “mostly black dudes” since it seems everywhere Lucas goes it’s mostly them despite making up like 2% of Spokane’s population.

I don't doubt thats exactly what he thinks, non ironically. The best part being that if its anything like the college I was at the 'gym classes' are going to be 98% male doing it as part of a security training program. I can just imagine the rage lucas will experience on arriving at such a gym class and not only realizing there are no women of any age in it but that all the men are younger, fitter and far healthier than he is

and holy shit at him saying he wants to 'experiment' on his own kids for part of his phd. I'd laugh my ass off if he did somehow manage to have said kids and then got reported to cps for saying something like that publicly and end up with them taking the kids away. Lucas would explode in the chimpout of all chimpouts

and I wonder if lucas is even aware that given the whole covid situations the college is likely going to be almost entirely online courses at this point. I'm not even sure how he could take any courses seeing as he has no computer

That said, lucas should just take this class if hes afraid of all the greybeards taking his zoomer baes

 

[teleméres69]

Is anyone even surprised Lucas' vegan video is him eating a block of cheese again? Yeah I can't see how Lucas could do classes anymore since he has no devices besides his phone, and Lucas definitely isn't patient enough to try typing on his phone for work. Nevermind him being banned from public libraries. I could see him trying to use his schizophrenia to try and get some disability gibs and try getting a tablet or something, but he'd just lose that since homeless and retarded so there is no feasible way he is in an entire year doing anything beyond leering at girls half his age

 

[ThomasAudley]

His vegan vid is probably his least repulsive food video, kudos to him. His chewing is still disgusting, but I was able to get through all of this one.

He doesn't know what falafel is, but since it's fried I'm guessing he'll return to it in between gorging on fried chicken when the vegan mood strikes.

The block of vegan cheese he had contains 90 calories per serving, and 7 servings per package. I don't think any of us doubt he consumed the whole thing, for a grand total of 630 calories right off the bat. Also hitting 245% of his daily value of saturated fat and 56% of sodium just off this one block of vegan cheese that contains coconut oil. (https://violifefoods.com/us/product/just-like-feta-block/)

He adds 40 more calories from his drink, and probably subtracts about $3 (https://www.kevita.com/strawberry-acai-coconut/)

Olives are probably actually healthy, good job Lucas. A serving of 5 olives clocks in at 88 calories (https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/kalamata-olives#nutrition - lol at kalamata ones specifically being high in fat, good choice Lucas).

A 100-gram serving of falafel contains about 330 calories and 1 serving of couscous at 1 cup is 176 calories, although it's possible the salad had less than that.

I'd estimate his vegan meal of prepackaged foods from the store is putting him at 1,314 calories on the high end and 1,061 on the low end.

I feel sorry for the poor girl working whatever health food store he visited and had to make recommendations to him, but hopefully she wasn't of a fecund age and thus not subject to his crazy theories. This could change if she is Armenian as apparently Lucas goes for Armenians up until the age of 32 or so.