Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

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If he had $1000? Lol! Lol cow Lucas Werner would get a room at the Motel 6 and would door dash and Grub Hub food and be mukbanging it up without a shirt and making videos moooing about whatever. He would not post up on Lower Post Street to meet the Gen Z Baes who are dating the baby boomers.
 
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GleamingTheQ-Bert said:
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I'll give Lucas half a rotten banana or one can of expired cat food to discuss The Voices on The Wind in depth, being kept on topic by someone in-the-know like Klick (Do we call you "Wern" now? That seems... wrong) or Jeremiah, or even Skeletor.

Actually... Scratch that. I just want Lucas to do a catfood mukbang. If he eats 5 cans of wet catfood without puking, I'll personally buy him 2 pizzas from the local restaurant of his choosing. (Not really. I just want to see Lucas eat catfood)
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Don't even send cat food! There's a shortage of that shit right now!🤣
 
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Cnaiur urs Skiotha said:
"I take donations for being funny", is that why you never get donations then?

His whole idea that this is "comedy" is one of the most bizarre aspects of Lucas to me. His memes and "jokes" are all incredibly bitter and joyless. Even to Lucas himself it's only "funny" in the sense of "wow isn't it so FUNNY that Gen Z claim to be socialists but are greedy with the pussy" etc. Which isn't humor, he's mad at what he sees as hypocrisy. I don't think the Zoomer baes are necessarily supposed to find this stuff comical either, it's supposed to both wound them and open their eyes to their supposed hypocrisy. So why does he even pretend to be a "comedian"? Just because part of him knows how insane all this is and he wants that excuse to hide behind, that he was just kidding bro? Doesn't pretending to be kidding undermine his whole crusade though? At the end of the day he wants to be taken seriously, doesn't he?
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He thinks he's an edgy comic. He's compared himself to Lenny Bruce. Really.
 
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Wernology said:
I swear if you call me Wern I will find a way to punch you through TCP/IP. 😂

Honestly if you re-labeled canned cat food as pate and told him it was pate he'd eat it with crackers no problem.
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On that note, I really wouldn't be surprised if lucas's treatment of the speds playing his game pisses off one of their relatives enough that they do just that during a visit - bringing a lunch for lucas to 'thank him for including their family member in his game' that turns out to be catfood sandwiches and alpo stew. I also wouldn't be surprised if lucas was completely oblivious, eats it all and comments in a video about how it was really good and he wishes they did that for him more often

I mean really, he'd douse it in so much pepper that he'd never taste anything else. Its probably more edible and alot safer than most of the shit he cooks himself, considering lucas doesn't accept that cross contamination and food poisoning are a thing when you do the kinds of things he does with food

Come to think of it he'd be alot like darryl, eating those dogfood sandwiches while locked in a shitty closet. Its not far off from how he lives now
 
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WonderWino said:
On that note, I really wouldn't be surprised if lucas's treatment of the speds playing his game pisses off one of their relatives enough that they do just that during a visit - bringing a lunch for lucas to 'thank him for including their family member in his game' that turns out to be catfood sandwiches and alpo stew. I also wouldn't be surprised if lucas was completely oblivious, eats it all and comments in a video about how it was really good and he wishes they did that for him more often

I mean really, he'd douse it in so much pepper that he'd never taste anything else. Its probably more edible and alot safer than most of the shit he cooks himself, considering lucas doesn't accept that cross contamination and food poisoning are a thing when you do the kinds of things he does with food

Come to think of it he'd be alot like darryl, eating those dogfood sandwiches while locked in a shitty closet. Its not far off from how he lives now
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You wouldn't have to hide where it came from. The fat fuck doesn't care where food is from, or if it's even actually food, he'd eat it all the same.
 
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Keep dreaming, fatty. All women are not interested in dating a ragman who lives in a nursing home at age 42 and begs for money online.
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Maxxicus Callahan said:
Pay me $20 to flip the views I go on about all day. It’s a good thing Lucas isn’t a corrupt politician.
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Edit: was thinking how horrifying it’d be if Lucas was a billionaire’s fail son with a mansion and private jets for his Instagram instead of just being the son of fairly well off middle class parents who cut him out of their life.

If Lucas had production value as a result of failing up it’d be a nightmare. Glad he only has $15 to his name if that.

If Lucas was loaded as a result of an estate he could literally claim Instagram was a job.

President Wern delivering an address from the Mallon House
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Whaddaya know, I dont trust trillionaires either. Good thing none actually exist. (except perhaps the Vatican, the Royal family, or the Rothschild estate).
GleamingTheQ-Bert said:
Almost every anti-authority figure in music has "sold out" or gotten cringe as they've aged.
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ManfromtheMoon said:
Those quotes are based af tho, nothing cringe here
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Just my two cents but watching this it feels like people are speaking two entirely separate languages with less and less space for shared communication. Basic values and principles underlying society which allow us to communicate and function in a shared space have been disappearing for some time in countries all over the world not just the USA. The issue of a mask divide pro and against is a perfect example of this deep cultural divide not being able to come to a consensus on something as basic as public health. But there are reasons why people worry about handing more powers to the state to regulate what we do in our individual lives and to further allow more wealth transfers to large corporate monopolies with small business closing and so on. Lots of people hurting from this pandemic in more ways than just getting sick.

It’s funny to imagine a rock star on a stage going on about the masks like Lucas though in the opposite way to Dave Mustain here. Of course a performing artist who’s bread and butter is playing shows probably hates what the pandemic has done to their revenue stream. Music is great from MegaDeath though.
 
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Da Dude123 said:
Keep dreaming, fatty. All women are not interested in dating a ragman who lives in a nursing home at age 42 and begs for money online.
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Lucas' definition of "strong woman" is one who makes all the money in a relationship, never criticizes him or expects anything out of him, will cater to his sex fantasies, and literally does every single thing around the house and in the relationship. That's the exact opposite of most people's definition of "strong" and instead screams doormat.
 
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SteveGoatman said:
Jesus....H.....Christ.....That is Grade A serial killer (or Batman villain) material right there.
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They say you can't judge a book by its cover, but sometimes you can. The characteristic Werner eyes, which Lucas has, and one of his brothers does as well, just scream unchecked insanity. I think Lucas realizes that his eyes are intense, but he mistakes this intenseness for some sort of positive charisma, when it REALLY speaks of madness.

Lucas's eyes look like the eyes of a crazy person, and guess what, Lucas is crazy. Book, cover.
 
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GleamingTheQ-Bert said:
They say you can't judge a book by its cover, but sometimes you can. The characteristic Werner eyes, which Lucas has, and one of his brothers does as well, just scream unchecked insanity. I think Lucas realizes that his eyes are intense, but he mistakes this intenseness for some sort of positive charisma, when it REALLY speaks of madness.

Lucas's eyes look like the eyes of a crazy person, and guess what, Lucas is crazy. Book, cover.
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It's creepy but I also can't stop laughing at it because it reminds me of this:
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