Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[WonderWino]

LMAO HE'S GONNA SAY IT
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Couple bonus pics:
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He thinks he's the harmless old grandpa that can say whatever he wants to women now I guess lol

My god.... as usual he proves he has no understanding of food safety. Putting cheese in beef broth with raw chicken and...almonds? Thats as disgusting as it is unsanitary Imagine putting that in the oven to boil, that chicken must have been a slimy disgusting mess

and lucas coughing and sounding like he does in that video pointing at some random zoomer bae and calling out how he wants to fuck that would scare the shit out of her. Might even cause an incident

Now he is panting even when sitting down. There is no way he makes it to the end of the year.

Yeah his health has taken a serious nose dive since his last youtube video. He sounds horrible there and like he can barely breathe. I won't be surprised if he's on oxygen and in a wheelchair soon if that keeps up. and I think you're right, the end of the year would be optimistic at the rate he's going. It won't be long before his skin and eyes start to turn yellow I suspect. I wonder how he'll explain that one, or more likely how he'll explain the lack of pictures and videos showing himself so he can try to hide it from others. I'll laugh my ass off if he tries to claim its from eating too many vegetables or vitamin pills or allergies. Its likely he'll be the next lolcow that goes out to pasture

and given the weird food he's back to posting a part of me wonders why he wanted to catch that mouse and if it would find itself as a toasterbortion if he did catch it

 

[Al from Dadeville]

He's probably in the early stages of diabetic retinopathy if he's seeing stuff like floaters and such.

I think Lucas is well beyond the early stages of everything

 

[wenttobermuda]

He's probably in the early stages of diabetic retinopathy if he's seeing stuff like floaters and such.
Can't hunt the Zoomer puss-puss if you're blind, dipshit.

Bullshit. You hunt zoomer puss puss by scent.

 

[WonderWino]

Bullshit. You hunt zoomer puss puss by scent.

I can just picture it now..... half dead, bloated looking lucas waddles up to some model looking 16 year old zoomer bae at the park, dragging his dead foot, hacking and coughing like an old man in a nursing home and his eyes almost swollen shut, gives her his trademark chimp grimace smile. He sniffs the air several times and half slurs hey baby zoom i'm lucas. You're smelling very fertile this afternoon. Do you want to come get a $70 porterhouse steak with me at clinkerdaggers?

He's probably scare her so badly he'd make the news again and have another run in with the cops. Can you imagine what his mugshot would look like at this point

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

That's just you quickly dying, Lucas. Take your meds, or don't, not like it'll help you now.

This quote pretty much sums up Lucas now.

If anyone wants to see what a slow, deliberate suicide looks like just read this thread from the Mallon saga on. He literally doesn’t give a shit about himself. To be in the position he is in health-wise and not take even simple steps to improve your diet at the minimum is just sad. Not that improving your diet alone would be a cure, but it at least shows you have a modicum of self-respect or self-worth.

Then again, Lucas has always had the attitude the pills will just take care of all his health issues without any direct measures to alter or mitigate the behaviors that led to the problems in the first place.

I always knew this would be how Lucas would eventually go out though, with barely a whimper, not a bang.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

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This man put scrambled eggs on oranges. He didn't even peel the oranges what the fuck?

 

[WonderWino]

This man put scrambled eggs on oranges. He didn't even peel the oranges what the fuck?

In yet another ironic similarity between lucas and bill from king of the hill, reading that immediately reminded me of the time when dale was pointing out to hank how much of a lazy idiot bill is and said how many times a week does bill eat popcorn for dinner? he doesn't even pop it which sounds like the first course to lucas's unpeeled oranges and eggs

On that note, I wonder what lucas's final meal will be before he enters the celestial elk kingdom

 

[AnOminous]

Imagine what the indian street beggar version of lucas must be like.

The street shitter version of him is already long dead. It's taken an army of professionals to keep this worthless fuck alive as long as he's been.

 

[Spunt]

This quote pretty much sums up Lucas now.

If anyone wants to see what a slow, deliberate suicide looks like just read this thread from the Mallon saga on. He literally doesn’t give a shit about himself. To be in the position he is in health-wise and not take even simple steps to improve your diet at the minimum is just sad. Not that improving your diet alone would be a cure, but it at least shows you have a modicum of self-respect or self-worth.

Then again, Lucas has always had the attitude the pills will just take care of all his health issues without any direct measures to alter or mitigate the behaviors that led to the problems in the first place.

I always knew this would be how Lucas would eventually go out though, with barely a whimper, not a bang.

I don't know if it's deliberate self-neglect. I think it's another manifestation of his entitlement and arrogance. In every aspect of his life, he has always believed that he has the total, inalienable right to do whatever he wants whenever he wants and suffer no consequences. Other people are obligated to simply bow and scrape and fulfil his every whim, for he is King Lucas of the Long Telomeres, and all shall hail and tremble in fear of his wrath. He does it with money, with housing, with sex and relationships, with his politics - he only likes Communism because his warped understanding of it amounts to "Lucas gets free stuff". And that also extends to his diet and his health. Lucas is the Main Character of the universe, so he can eat whatever he likes and the universe (and the other people in it) will bend and twist to make it happen with no effort from him. This belief has been utterly unshakable ever since he came onto the internet's radar with the Starbucks incident, and has continued ever since despite him being walloped by the consequences of his idiotic actions over and over again.

My take on his death is that he'll maintain that mental state to the very end. He will believe that he'll be fine, his body will heal and he can carry on eating toasterbortions, and he'll believe that right up until the lights go out.

 

[AnOminous]

My take on his death is that he'll maintain that mental state to the very end. He will believe that he'll be fine, his body will heal and he can carry on eating toasterbortions, and he'll believe that right up until the lights go out.

For someone of a similar mentality, check out Jack Scalfani. To this day, after four strokes and with only one barely functioning limb, he blames everything in the world, from stevia to municipal water to energy drinks, for the fact that he's constantly stroking out because he's a fat gluttonous fuck who refuses to quit eating garbage incessantly.

Even in the hospital the last time, when he was a slurring, drooling, wall-eyed retard with obvious brain damage from his last stroke, he incessantly complained they weren't giving him enough double-sized portions of meat with every meal, while getting taken out to movies where he ate lard-ass size buckets of popcorn and fast food.

Lucas will never, ever face up to the fact that everything that is wrong with him is something he did to himself, and there would barely be a point to it at this point since he's fucked himself up so much that there's no pulling up at this point. He's going to die. There's no miracle waiting for him.

 

[Da Dude123]

What are the chances that the cow could get mooooved back to the nursing home part of Mallon Place since his health is circling the drain? Does the cow have any real handlers checking on him and seeing how bad his health is getting?

Of course, Lucas believes he is plenty good and that this is all just temporary. But the handlers can step in and put him back in the nursing home. Not that it would do much good, but I could see it happening.

Lucas has turned into a real death fat.

 

[WonderWino]

What are the chances that the cow could get mooooved back to the nursing home part of Mallon Place since his health is circling the drain? Does the cow have any real handlers checking on him and seeing how bad his health is getting?

Of course, Lucas believes he is plenty good and that this is all just temporary. But the handlers can step in and put him back in the nursing home. Not that it would do much good, but I could see it happening.

Lucas has turned into a real death fat.

Depends on how bad he gets and how quickly he deteriorates. If its a sudden rapid decline and he gets all fucked up the nursing home really isn't designed to deal with it so its much more likely he'd end up spending the remainder of his days at the hospital

Lucas stuffed into some back room stuck on a portion controlled shit tier hospital food renal diet and a catheter until his kidneys stop producing urine cause he's too obese and sick to walk to the toilet sounds about right for his last days. I suspect it'll be a male nurse who got that particular job, as lucas would either leer or make some kind of creepy comment and attempt to hit on her while shes working on the catheter if a female nurse is involved. Somehow it seems fitting that the last person to touch lucas's shriveled up microdick is another guy, a disgusted guy who gets paid to do it

Shirtless obese lucas laying in a hospital bed with a catheter in his cock showing off his hospital meals on video and going on about how they're totally gourmet and bragging the government is taking care of him seems like something he would do, if only out of sheer boredom

 

[Kromir]

It likely won't be the end of Lucas. He will come back as a ghost and teen girls will hear the faint whisper of "Bigotsssssss" when they are alone at night, Along with a terrible smell. They better burn some sage

 

[WonderWino]

It likely won't be the end of Lucas. He will come back as a ghost and teen girls will hear the faint whisper of "Bigotsssssss" when they are alone at night, Along with a terrible smell. They better burn some sage

So basically he'll become a sith force ghost then, only instead of being bound to some mystical artifact he'll be bound to the homeless shelter toaster oven he obsessed over in life

 

[BPD Gunt Rider]

Now he is panting even when sitting down. There is no way he makes it to the end of the year.

Lucas had streams a couple years ago where he was panting while laying down. His health's been terrible for some time.

Fat fucks usually live for longer than people expect, though.

 

[WonderWino]

Lucas had streams a couple years ago where he was panting while laying down. His health's been terrible for some time.

Fat fucks usually live for longer than people expect, though.

True but that was before he ended up on dialysis and started showing obvious signs of serious kidney issues. When that happens its either treated aggressively or you're pretty much fucked. He's doing just about everything possible to speedrun his way to the grave at this point. Even if he wanted to turn things around now I suspect he's too far gone physically to do much about it

That said, rumor has it the reason he went through with the LA trip to meet mia at the hotel is because he heard there was plenty of womb at the hotel california

 

[Greedmonger]

Even if he wanted to turn things around now I suspect he's too far gone physically to do much about it

That said, rumor has it the reason he went through with the LA trip to meet mia at the hotel is because he heard there was plenty of womb at the hotel california

I don’t think Lucas has a reason to walk anywhere or burn calories since Mallon Place, seems like his health really nosedived since then. In his fartbox and at the motel 6 all he did willingly was lay around and gorge on food. Bet it’s the same now.

I almost wonder if he could be healthier right now had he stuck it out in LA. Better weather, free healthcare, regular walking, and lots of healthy meals donated to the homeless (including vegan options and bottled cold brew coffees). Not to mention “take it up with Bernie Sanders!” would get unironic nods of approval from Angelinos and he’d be far from the craziest bum around.

 

[WonderWino]

I don’t think Lucas has a reason to walk anywhere or burn calories since Mallon Place, seems like his health really nosedived since then. In his fartbox and at the motel 6 all he did willingly was lay around and gorge on food. Bet it’s the same now.

I almost wonder if he could be healthier right now had he stuck it out in LA. Better weather, free healthcare, regular walking, and lots of healthy meals donated to the homeless (including vegan options and bottled cold brew coffees). Not to mention “take it up with Bernie Sanders!” would get unironic nods of approval from Angelinos and he’d be far from the craziest bum around.

He probably only does minimal walking anywhere outside mallon place to get food when his tugboat comes in or some fool gives him money. Its likely that sitting around stuffing his face as much as he can is doing far more harm than when he was forced to walk around all day as a hobo. The thing about LA is those hobos are a different kind of people entirely and far more violent and predatory, to say nothing of the gangs. Lucas is at best barely tolerated by his local spokane hobos residents and has been run out of areas of town and clearly assaulted by them several times. His antics and history would become known before long in LA and would have gotten him seriously assaulted or killed, thats not counting the fact they'd recognize him as an easy mark in 5 seconds flat and rob him blind. He couldn't even avoid that with dumbass street urchins like isik and his brother. On some level he recognized this which is why he went into panic mode when he realized he was stuck there despite trying to portray LA as such a nice place in the videos he took there. No way he'd survive very long in LA on his own

 

[Greedmonger]

He probably only does minimal walking anywhere outside mallon place to get food when his tugboat comes in or some fool gives him money. Its likely that sitting around stuffing his face as much as he can is doing far more harm than when he was forced to walk around all day as a hobo. The thing about LA is those hobos are a different kind of people entirely and far more violent and predatory, to say nothing of the gangs. Lucas is at best barely tolerated by his local spokane hobos residents and has been run out of areas of town and clearly assaulted by them several times. His antics and history would become known before long in LA and would have gotten him seriously assaulted or killed, thats not counting the fact they'd recognize him as an easy mark in 5 seconds flat and rob him blind. He couldn't even avoid that with dumbass street urchins like isik and his brother. On some level he recognized this which is why he went into panic mode when he realized he was stuck there despite trying to portray LA as such a nice place in the videos he took there. No way he'd survive very long in LA on his own

I guess I fell for the ads growing up. Don’t believe everything you see on TV.

 

[BowlOfDick]

Now he is panting even when sitting down. There is no way he makes it to the end of the year.

Nah Lucas is invincible.

I’m biding my time until he inherits the Elk Kingdom and the hilarity that ensues.