Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[WonderWino]

I can literally find equal tier sushi at Publix.

The first question is: Who gave Lucas the sushi money when he already spent his tardbux on shitty nachos?
The second question is: Lucas wearing his "nicest shirt", how many waitresses and/or other zoomer girls did the aging pedobum oogle and leer at on his lonely sushi self-date night?

No one did, the sushi picture is from awhile ago, but it was his tardbux he used for that one at the time

That said he was definitely eyefucking everything with tits that looked young. He's got to be one of those customers that waitresses see walk in and groan internally, hoping he gets out as quickly as possible. I'm surprised every restaurant in spokane doesn't have a policy of sticking him in some dark table in the corner away from everyone else. I'm also surprised any restaurant lets him in at all given the often reported onion and piss smell. Not something you want floating around the room when you're in a restaurant

 

[Da Dude123]

Lucas is moooing again! Yeah, if you buy a girl food she will have sex with you. Lucas the feminist, everybody! I doubt that bovine buffoon has a job. I hope this leads to more videos about him offering meals at Red Robin! What other men can offer that?

 

[WonderWino]

Lucas is moooing again! Yeah, if you buy a girl food she will have sex with you. Lucas the feminist, everybody! I doubt that bovine buffoon has a job. I hope this leads to more videos about him offering meals at Red Robin! What other men can offer that?

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Lucas:

Dating is prostitution. You're negotiating a price in food for her to have sex with you. On a side note I might have a job

Also lucas, 3 hours later:

Ladies, would you have dinner with me? Hypothetically we're in the same city. I just want to know

Aside from the fact he's contradicting his previous claims that he isn't looking for a zoomer bae for sex, he literally called anyone who might want to date him a literal whore not three hours before asking this. Lucas manages to prove himself so utterly stupid its insane to think he's managed to live as long as he has, even with government assistance

and of course he latches onto that stupid bear nonsense. I don't doubt zoomers would rather be alone in the woods with a bear instead of lucas. Though seeing as lucas is a legit pedobear its kind of a moot point. Though that does make lucas using that bear emote unintentionally hilarious and more than a little lacking in self awareness

Lets not forget lucas would never willingly choose the pizza in that context. Remember lucas spazzed right out at goldaor back in the day cause he got offered free kfc instead of pussy and flat out screamed at the guy over it like a psychotic. I'll just sit here and eat the chicken while you get all the pussy!!! and all that

and I don't believe for a second that lucas 'might have a job' nobody in their right mind would hire him and if by some miracle they did he would know it, there would be no 'might'

 

[SteveGoatman]

and I don't believe for a second that lucas 'might have a job' nobody in their right mind would hire him and if by some miracle they did he would know it, there would be no 'might'

I have to think the only way Lucas would, even possibly, get a job for a single day would involve someone else doing every step of the process other than literally showing up. In other words, some job program (for people who, like Lucas, are unemployable by any other means) might find something where they sit and sort screws in some warehouse or whatever. But let's be honest, no matter what, Lucas isn't going to both get, and keep, a job.

 

[WonderWino]

I have to think the only way Lucas would, even possibly, get a job for a single day would involve someone else doing every step of the process other than literally showing up. In other words, some job program (for people who, like Lucas, are unemployable by any other means) might find something where they sit and sort screws in some warehouse or whatever. But let's be honest, no matter what, Lucas isn't going to both get, and keep, a job.

On that note the idea that somebody would stick lucas in a barely lit room in the back of some shitty warehouse and tell him to count screws and that he'd still manage to fuck that up and get fired is hilarious and peak lucas. Somehow he'd manage to get himself fired even doing that. He'd lose count, get lazy about it and make up a bizarre number that doesn't make sense for the size of the box they came in, get called on it and spaz out. After all we know how lucas reacts to getting called out on a lie and criticized. He couldn't even handle carrying boxes from a truck into a storeroom at a mcdonalds and that requires less effort and brainpower than counting screws. He'd never be able to do it and would never live it down when he inevitably fucked it up and got fired. No way he wouldn't get angry and spaz out at his boss either, which would fuck any further attempts on his wranglers part for getting him a job again in the future

But the best part about all this is we all know how its going to go, despite lucas not being able to see the obvious end to this. Either its all bs and he'll never get a job, or he'll get wrangled into one and fuck it up and inevitably having it blow up in his face and fuck himself over even more than he already has. Yet lucas is blissfully unaware of this, congratulating himself at how hobo rich he's going to be and how great he's going to be at the job and can practically taste the sushi and expensive clinkerdaggers steaks. No doubt also convincing himself he'll have the attention of all the baes once he finally gets paid

The second best part is that we also all know that the only reason he's doing this at all is his own greed and gluttony. He's big mad at not being able to blow his money on expensive food like he did when he was living in the shelters and its finally getting to him enough to get off his fat ass more than he has in the last 20 years. Its not about bettering himself or being a productive member of society or even the dignity of having a job and taking care of himself. No, he firmly believes thats the governments responsibility. This is all about getting as much money as possible to stuff his face. In reality he'll be lucky to make it to his first payday without fucking it up, and then only for the sake of being on his best behavior cause he knows its the only way he gets to eat sushi. But that'll grate on him, lucas doesn't like people telling him what to do and despises the idea of having a boss do so. Even the promise of food only keeps him behaving for so long. Just like it only keeps him from being retarded with his housing for so long. When he fucks it up and ends up looking bad for fucking it up and back where he started with no money and even less chance of getting enough to do what he wants to again he's going be even more angry and frustrated. It won't do his mental health, sense of entitlement or anger any favors. Could be the start of another buildup to another spaz out that gets him in trouble. That would be the chefs kiss to the whole thing. The only way it could be improved at that point is if lucas gets fired after his first payday, flashes his hard earned cash trying to attract a zoomer bae and gets it stolen from him again

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

(Guy who literally has a restraining order against him for violent behavior toward a woman)

 

[WonderWino]

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(Guy who literally has a restraining order against him for violent behavior toward a woman)

I'm not surprised lucas lacks the self awareness to make that connection. Though even if he didn't he'd make a point of not doing so anyway and lying about it. He doesn't want anyone knowing about that, let alone using it against him or as justification not to date him

That said, I wonder why he's latched on to the whole bear thing. Seems like a weird thing for him to do, lack of self awareness aside. Funny thing is he sure is going full creepy male feminist with the way he's talking about it. Lucas is the last person who should be talking about women being mauled by men

I bet he'd stop talking about it if lucas was compared the bear himself. Specifically a pedobear. Sure does fit him like a glove. Plus its one of those comparisons he'd see coming a mile away if he wasn't stupid as rocks and lacking in self awareness

 

[Da Dude123]

Some new Lucas mooo cow posts. My favorite is the post about how he is plenty good and totally funny and not abusive. He just needs you to be good looking at do what he wants. He is gonna get a job and treat some Gen Z women to Sushi.com.

I hope this job is another scam where he is a money mule for some crypto scammers. His fat ass is dumb enough to fall for that again.

 

[WonderWino]

Some new Lucas mooo cow posts. My favorite is the post about how he is plenty good and totally funny and not abusive. He just needs you to be good looking at do what he wants. He is gonna get a job and treat some Gen Z women to Sushi.com.

I hope this job is another scam where he is a money mule for some crypto scammers. His fat ass is dumb enough to fall for that again.

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Yeah the only reason an atheist would do something good to you is because they want to make the world a better place, and not at all because they might be trying to manipulate you into doing what they want. The very thing lucas has a long history of doing

Lucas is totally generous and will buy you shit tier sushi and on the first date no less, but only if you're up to his standards, do what he wants and don't know or bring up anything about him he doesn't want you to. Plus you must be fertile, want kids immediately and be willing to get lukie boy out of the nursing home and into yours so he doesn't have to use his tugboat on the nursing home. How generous

Also i'm not trying to fuck up but heres a caveat cause even I know my history enough to know i'm going to fuck up but don't you dare 'expect perfection' (aka expect me to behave myself and not act like an abusive loon) from me or you can gtfo bigot bae. and oh boy is he ever right about one thing - they'd definitely be having conversations she doesn't want to have. and a few he won't want to have either. That whole post reads like something from the niceguys subreddit and oozes passive aggressive and manipulative psycho. Perhaps when he hits his 20th anniversary he can celebrate by having another restraining order slapped on him. By then he'll be living in the woods or another town, if not prison/eastern state given he'll never last 7 more years in mallon place with the resentment and entitlement he's building up inside. Something will give sooner or later. It always dones

Suddenly lucas's fixating on that bear stuff makes sense. He's basically yogi bear if yogi was a pedobear. He frequently lives in the woods, has a younger sidekick, sleeps until noon and steals all the zoomer baes picnic baskets whenever he has the chance, frequently getting chased out of the park by the park ranger local cops. He's also a good reason for women to carry around bear spray

Though I question the smarter than the average bear part. Bears can figure out how to open jars and shit to get at things they want. Lucas can't even figure out how to sign up for classes online with written instructions about how to do so. My money is on the bear

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

Pick the bear, Zoomer baes

 

[Twrx]

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Pick the bear, Zoomer baes

This would probably cause him to stroke out, just add the word "Creep" somewhere

 

[WonderWino]

This would probably cause him to stroke out, just add the word "Creep" somewhere

a speech bubble saying i'm not a creep! i'm not a pedo baby zoom! I don't care what you've heard! and having him holding a picnic basket with the words clinkerdaggers doordash delivery on it in one hand and a wad of cash he's showing off in the other

Maybe put a tool tshirt on him as well

 

[BPD Gunt Rider]

Lucas has to go to fake feminist simp bitch route even with this stupid bear nonsense. He's such a fat faggot.

 

[The I Scream Man]

a wad of cash he's showing off in the other

All 1s of course

 

[WonderWino]

All 1s of course

He should be so lucky. It would be a wad of 5 cent canadian tire notes at best. Assuming he didn't just use monopoly money taken from one of his schizo games

 

[Zoomies]

I have to think the only way Lucas would, even possibly, get a job for a single day would involve someone else doing every step of the process other than literally showing up. In other words, some job program (for people who, like Lucas, are unemployable by any other means) might find something where they sit and sort screws in some warehouse or whatever. But let's be honest, no matter what, Lucas isn't going to both get, and keep, a job.

There's a functioning developmently disabled man I know who tries to pay $1 for a $3 cigar on a daily basis. No concept of money,can't count and has a wrangler who lets him off the leash.

Even HE has a fucking job, for a state agency no less, through a job mentor program.

Then again he isn't a stinky pedo and he knows how to talk to people and knows social cues to a point so he's employable.

Pukas is not employable in any sense or manner.

 

[Bassomatic]

Spring is upon us and the Wern goes manic for Puss Puss. We see this every time the weather gets nice. Nothing comes of it.

As much as I'd like to see a failed job arc I think he's just too lazy to even try.

All Lucas wants is cheap food in large amounts and porn that is questionable if not out right illegal. His mental illnesses get him wound up thinking his problems are others faults (his narcissistic traits are past a person being a dicks he's disillusioned) and easy fixes.

He has no desire to work he is plenty good. He doesn't want to lose weight etc. Everything he does is for sex something just not in the cards for him.

While a coward risk of lawsuits is real and he's a danger for that. We know he's crashed a truck drunk/high so he can't even do Uber or grub hub etc he's got a DV charge that's as bad as a felony in most jobs he won't be around feeble old kids etc.

When the reality hits he might have to do something, anything. He will sneak away and cook up another loony scheme vs stocking shelves etc.

He could be boxing stuff up and keep his fart box. It would give him meaning but his ego is already so large he's above that. You read about CEOs mopping in jail because it's something that hustle is in them. Not just CEO but I picked them as a step down on the prestige rank for sure

He'll be back to just mooing and reeing online soon because he's a fat old man even pretending to job hunt probably tired him out.

 

[WonderWino]

Well....this went in a weird direction

I think we can officially scratch counselor at disabled kids camp off the list of potential job opportunities for lucas then

and holy fucking projection. If anyones going to be in a wheelchair with an amputated foot in a relationship involving lucas it would be lucas. He already has a dead beetus foot that had that giant hole in it. Its a minor miracle he still has a foot after that

and since lucas likes his poetry.....

The wern at the beach
Shirtless
Graceful as a drunken walrus
He enters the water
My name is lucas he says
As he enters a group of teens
Oblivious to their cold horrified stare
I can make the water get much warmer
He boasts
Their confused expressions blank
He closes his eyes
His face a crazed rictus grin
They scream
They scramble to flee
The bright yellow stain
Spreading through the water
Its telomeres long and rich
The log surfaces
The wern is pleased
The water vacated
The wern is angry
Bigots

 

[Bassomatic]

Lucas is the kinda dude hanging out at the liquor store offering to buy kids beer. But too creepy for them to trust.

His pretending to be charitable or helpful gets really old. It's not even a point of view or slander it's a confirmed fact he's stolen leeched and worn out his welcome everywhere with everyone.

It's not an isolated incident. He's a taker. The only "nice" things he does are to black mail people emotionally and when that fails he lashes out. Proving again charity isn't in his heart.

A lot of plaque is. One of these days we're gonna find he died chimping out in his fart box probably from jerking off to under age girls, taking a dump or after getting scammed out of his monthly 12 bucks.

Myrna will forget who Lucas is because her brains rotted and King Roy will open that special bottle of scotch knowing that abortion finally worked in the 538th trimester.

 

[WonderWino]

Lucas is the kinda dude hanging out at the liquor store offering to buy kids beer. But too creepy for them to trust.

This is even more accurate when you take into account that lucas has a history of trying to offer teen girls drugs, including pills, via his state health insurance or whatever it was. Aside from how creepy and pedo behavior that is that raises all kinds of major red flags, lucas clearly didn't realize you can't just go to a pharmacy, flash your government insurance and medicade or whatever and ask for whatever meds you want. If he tried to do that or ask his doctor for prescription narcotics he didn't need he'd end up getting himself into some pretty serious trouble when questions started getting asked about why he wanted them

But the funny thing is not even the addicts of spokane took up his offer on that one. Imagine getting turned down by meth and crackheads you're offering free drugs to for a date. Women who regularly whore themselves for said drugs. Shows how truly undesirable lucas is

His pretending to be charitable or helpful gets really old. It's not even a point of view or slander it's a confirmed fact he's stolen leeched and worn out his welcome everywhere with everyone.

It's not an isolated incident. He's a taker. The only "nice" things he does are to black mail people emotionally and when that fails he lashes out. Proving again charity isn't in his heart.

Exactly. He's literally the type of creep that puts out free candy signs and sees nothing wrong with that and when overt shit fails on him he tries underhanded shit, figuring if he can't get someone who is willing he can force someone to give him what he wants. If he finds out something about someone that could get them into trouble he no doubt responds with glee and has no problem trying to blackmail people with it. Like you said if it gets him into trouble he convinces himself that its not his actions or intent its everyone else cause the other guy was totally the one who was doing the bad thing, not lucas who was trying to use that to his advantage to give him what he wanted. Lucas is plenty good cause he was willing to report it....if he didn't get what he wanted. If anything lucas is even worse because not only was he trying to blackmail people but even if it had worked the other guy would have been providing a zoomer bae that by lucas's own admission was already being exploited by the other guy and who was not getting involved with lucas willingly. Thats pure rapist shit. No doubt lucas would deny this outright and at best try to compare it to some kind of arranged marriage situation

A lot of plaque is. One of these days we're gonna find he died chimping out in his fart box probably from jerking off to under age girls, taking a dump or after getting scammed out of his monthly 12 bucks.

Myrna will forget who Lucas is because her brains rotted and King Roy will open that special bottle of scotch knowing that abortion finally worked in the 538th trimester.

I'm not sure which would be more fitting, lucas pulling an elvis and getting found slumped over on his toilet with his phone in his hand and some creepy shit on it or lucas spazzing out publicly cause someone called him a creep or didn't give him what he wanted and ending up like this:

I can absolutely see something like that happening during one of his late night screaming into his phone sessions as well. He really goes off in those at times. Lucas being found keeled over in front of a spokane high school one morning after ranting about teen girls and bigots, with his pants full of his last shit would be par for the course. He'd have made a fool of himself one last time, likely ended up on the news and no doubt make king roy facepalm one last time before giving his body to the army for ballistics testing to pay the government back a fraction of what it spent on him over the years

Also wouldn't be surprised to find out king roy has a collection of liquor bottles with the names of people who piss him off most taped on them, with lucas having an extra large and expensive bottle of his own, to drink when they're finally out of his life, like jim lahey

All Lucas wants is cheap food in large amounts and porn that is questionable if not out right illegal. His mental illnesses get him wound up thinking his problems are others faults (his narcissistic traits are past a person being a dicks he's disillusioned) and easy fixes.

Come on now, lucas doesn't just want the porn and cheap food

......he also wants large amounts of extremely expensive food he doesn't have to pay for himself and all the bumwine and skunkweed he can get his greedy hands on