Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[wenttobermuda]

If i recall correctly, he wasn't doing anything to assist Suzanne, either.

As part of his resume of why a bae must let him raw dog her, Lucas boasts of having washed dishes, cleaned house, and done miscellaneous yard work.

It is widely believed that Lucas did all of this poorly and reluctantly, whining and pouting all the while. His ex is known to have complained of his cleanliness, and we've seen environments he cares for before.

Moreover, his ex was reduced to publicly calling him out on Facebook to get him to do the dishes. Screenshots are somewhere in this thread.

Note too that he prepared meals. We've all seen what that means.

So they lived in shit, ate shit, and Lucas was sullen about it. I bet he expected praise every time he remembered to flush the toilet.

Cute that Lucas frames weaknesses, his filth, laziness and lack of responsibility, as evidence that he'd be a good house husband/little boy/ sex monster.

 

[Fatal Walter]

I know Luke is one of the apostles but every time I see Lucas quoting it it makes me wish he wrote his own gospel. I'd give it a read. I've also been appreciating how Lucas is probably the only person in history using the words zoomer and bae together. Bae is pretty far from being gen Z slang but I think Lucas is just behind the times and was busy ranting about how much he hated slang when people were still using it non facetiously.

 

[PrincessKidana]

For the love of telomeres someone please share!

I can't figure out how to save Instagram videos. I'm social media illiterate outside of Facebook or MeWe. I only have Instagram to keep an eye on his lunacy.

 

[WonderWino]

When it comes to the "homeless problem," there's always the mention of those that "don't want help." Usually this category would cover serious drug addicts and literal pants-on-head crazy people, Lucas just seems perfectly content being a homeless failure, lack of zoomer bae notwithstanding. "The shelter (run by idiot hypocrite republican Christians) will put a roof over my head and adequate sustenance into my bottomless gut, so like... what's the problem? Fucking classist." While I guess it's apparent that Lucas does somewhat fall into the category @darkwingosonichugorl mentions, I guess the fact that he's not literally walking around barefoot with a collander on his head and a needle hanging out of his arm makes us forget that to his "credit" he is just his own brand of that crazy (his evidenced auditory hallucinations being another indicator of such).

Ah, but he'll also fork over $100 per date. Checkmate, greedmonger!

It's like Bae and the Magic Spermstalk. She can climb his tower of telomeres to get the goose that lays the golden cheesy cukes.

His oft repeated logic is totally ass-backwards nonsensical. "You say you believe in god, but you don't act like he says you should, therefore I don't believe in god."

In the past he has indicated that he basically wants to be a house husband. Considering the perpetual hair-grease stain he had on his fartbox wall, that he pissed in his sink, and that he thinks that raising a kid is only barely a step above taking care of a pet dog or cat, I have a feeling it wouldn't work out well. Not to mention the maelstrom that would likely ensue when zoomerbae gets home from a long day of work, doesn't feel like putting out, and is less than impressed with a chicken carbonara that somehow has Sprite as a key ingredient.

If you think the sprite is bad just wait until he starts making fried chicken and reeses puffs carbonara with a thick savory mountain dew baja blast sauce

 

[wenttobermuda]

If you think the sprite is bad just wait until he starts making fried chicken and reeses puffs carbonara with a thick savory mountain dew baja blast sauce

We ought to assemble a complete menu of Wern's creations, including Perrier queso sauce, popcorn pasta, microwaved cheesey cukes, Wern sauce, cheese blocks, botulism and MRSA.

 

[Fatal Walter]

A video only showing off Lucas' food would probably be fun

 

[PrincessKidana]

He is on a tear on Instagram. Younger guys, we finally have an answer regarding how you're hoarding all of the women. Apparently (according to Lucas), it is either because you have a big dick, a lot of money, or you're a "nice guy". You're also all unable to be monogamous. You have five girlfriends. STOP BEING SO GREEDY!

 

[LeeLoo]

He is on a tear on Instagram. Younger guys, we finally have an answer regarding how you're hoarding all of the women. Apparently (according to Lucas), it is either because you have a big dick, a lot of money, or you're a "nice guy". You're also all unable to be monogamous. You have five girlfriends. STOP BEING SO GREEDY!

Holy Schizophrenia Batman!!! In one of his IG videos he does that horrifying thing where he suddenly screams at the top of his lungs mid rant! I was listening at work and laughing hysterically...then laughed harder when I heard my boss laughing from the next office. I played it for my flatbill Gen Z greedy poonaner hoarding son, and he laughed hysterically too.

Imagine being such a huge joke of a fucktard that the sound of your manic rage made people laugh.

 

[wenttobermuda]

He is on a tear on Instagram. Younger guys, we finally have an answer regarding how you're hoarding all of the women. Apparently (according to Lucas), it is either because you have a big dick, a lot of money, or you're a "nice guy". You're also all unable to be monogamous. You have five girlfriends. STOP BEING SO GREEDY!

Complaining about the size of his rivals penises, and their bank accounts? Perfect.
I can't wait to check it out. May a noble Kiwi drop it soon.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Complaining about the size of his rivals penises, and their bank accounts? Perfect.
I can't wait to check it out. May a noble Kiwi drop it soon.

@klickitat is the wern thread's only king

 

[BowlOfDick]

Guys please, please don’t tease us with deets on Instagram videos unless you can deliver the goods. He blocked me on Insta randomly and I’m still salty about it.

 

[LeeLoo]

Guys please, please don’t tease us with deets on Instagram videos unless you can deliver the goods. He blocked me on Insta randomly and I’m still salty about it.

If someone can tell me how to save and upload an IG video here, I’ll do it

 

[wenttobermuda]

Please find below an excerpt from Lucas's upcoming cook book. I recommended he do it all online, but he said that as a Gen X stud, a cook book was the way to present his cuisine to the world. Enjoy.

​

Spoiler: Cheesey Cukes

IN THE KITCHEN WITH THE CUTE OLDER DADDY:
HOW TO ATTRACT AND FEED A FERTILE MATE

...​

CHAPTER 1: Why I am ready to come in you and become a father

CHAPTER 2: Appetizers

CHAPTER 3: Salads and boiled vegetables

CHAPTER 4: Wern sauces

CHAPTER 5: Entrees

CHAPTER 6: Women, like fish, are best freah

CHAPTER 7: Men, like cheese, are best aged

CHAPTER 8: Cocktails

CHAPTER 9: Dessert should hurt

....from page 13...

CHEESEY CUKES

Do you like nachos? Who doesn't? Do you like cheese? Of course you do! But maybe you're a health conscious Gen X dude trying to eat more fruits and veggies, and also get some pussy. Maybe it's been over 8 years since you got any. Pussy I mean. Maybe guys are bitches and greedy with the pussy. Maybe women are ageist.

Anyway, you probably want to eat!

The following recipe is a hip, delicious way to satisfy your craving for some cheesey goodness, and to make uncomfortable feelings go away for a little while.

It's cheesey, melty, limp and slick! Easy to chew with dentures, and packed full of calories for long winters and healthy babies. Eat it by yourself in the middle of the night or share it with a Zoomer bae! Don't forget to share. The baes. SHARE THE FUCKING BAES!

Ingredients: Several blocks of mild cheddar cheese, table salt, 1 Hot House cucumber

Directions: First shred the cheese, or slice it thin. At least two blocks.

Now gaze inward and give yourself just a moment to acknowledge the chilling darkness you find there. Yeet me down a bae.

Next, sensuously skin the cucumber with long, slow strokes. Do not compare yourself to the cucumber. See how big your fist and forearm are next to the cucumber?

Slice the cucumbers into little rounds, and top then with a pinch of salt. Place the cucumbers on a microwave safe plate and cover them completely with cheese.


Microwave on high until the cheese fully melts, at least one minute.

Enjoy! Cheesey Cukes are great served hot, and good cold, too! Try topping them with Wern Try Hard Fry Sauce or Telomayonaise if you're feeling fancy!

Lucas doesn't mention it, but cucumbers are notorious for producing flatulence. Many people find cheese to have the same effect, especially in large quantities. This is a recipe for digestive distress: loud sounds, powerful odors.

 

[Trainwreck]

If someone can tell me how to save and upload an IG video here, I’ll do it

https://kiwifarms.st/threads/archival-tools.6561/

 

[Doug_S1]

When the revolution comes, Lucas Werner will be elevated to his rightful station. Next, Lucas will establish his nubile harem and spread his midichlorians.

Neverthless, those who have doubted the noble Werner will be judged.

 

[WonderWino]

Please find below an excerpt from Lucas's upcoming cook book. I recommended he do it all online, but he said that as a Gen X stud, a cook book was the way to present his cuisine to the world. Enjoy.

​

Spoiler: Cheesey Cukes

IN THE KITCHEN WITH THE CUTE OLDER DADDY:
HOW TO ATTRACT AND FEED A FERTILE MATE

...​

CHAPTER 1: Why I am ready to come in you and become a father

CHAPTER 2: Appetizers

CHAPTER 3: Salads and boiled vegetables

CHAPTER 4: Wern sauces

CHAPTER 5: Entrees

CHAPTER 6: Women, like fish, are best freah

CHAPTER 7: Men, like cheese, are best aged

CHAPTER 8: Cocktails

CHAPTER 9: Dessert should hurt

....from page 13...

CHEESEY CUKES
View attachment 1312397
Do you like nachos? Who doesn't? Do you like cheese? Of course you do! But maybe you're a health conscious Gen X dude trying to eat more fruits and veggies, and also get some pussy. Maybe it's been over 8 years since you got any. Pussy I mean. Maybe guys are bitches and greedy with the pussy. Maybe women are ageist.

Anyway, you probably want to eat!

The following recipe is a hip, delicious way to satisfy your craving for some cheesey goodness, and to make uncomfortable feelings go away for a little while.

It's cheesey, melty, limp and slick! Easy to chew with dentures, and packed full of calories for long winters and healthy babies. Eat it by yourself in the middle of the night or share it with a Zoomer bae! Don't forget to share. The baes. SHARE THE FUCKING BAES!

Ingredients: Several blocks of mild cheddar cheese, table salt, 1 Hot House cucumber

Directions: First shred the cheese, or slice it thin. At least two blocks.

Now gaze inward and give yourself just a moment to acknowledge the chilling darkness you find there. Yeet me down a bae.

Next, sensuously skin the cucumber with long, slow strokes. Do not compare yourself to the cucumber. See how big your fist and forearm are next to the cucumber?

Slice the cucumbers into little rounds, and top then with a pinch of salt. Place the cucumbers on a microwave safe plate and cover them completely with cheese.

View attachment 1312420View attachment 1312421
Microwave on high until the cheese fully melts, at least one minute.

Enjoy! Cheesey Cukes are great served hot, and good cold, too! Try topping them with Wern Try Hard Fry Sauce or Telomayonaise if you're feeling fancy!

Lucas doesn't mention it, but cucumbers are notorious for producing flatulence. Many people find cheese to have the same effect, especially in large quantities. This is a recipe for digestive distress: loud sounds, powerful odors.

......I found this on youtube. Apparently lucas isn't the only one who does this. Apparently BBQ cheesy cukes asre a thing

Also cucumber chicken wings

Between the weird thing for cucumber this guy has his voice making him sound a little.....off this guy might have some food related cow potential

and while looking up melted cheese cucumbers I unfortunately came across this horrifying monstrosity of a channel. I think I may have just stumbled across the perfect mate for the wern

 

[Chris Titan]

If someone can tell me how to save and upload an IG video here, I’ll do it

You can download videos with Instagram media saver app and the kode app can save his IGTV videos. Which video were you trying to get?

 

[wenttobermuda]

......I found this on youtube. Apparently lucas isn't the only one who does this. Apparently BBQ cheesy cukes asre a thing

Also cucumber chicken wings

Between the weird thing for cucumber this guy has his voice making him sound a little.....off this guy might have some food related cow potential

and while looking up melted cheese cucumbers I unfortunately came across this horrifying monstrosity of a channel. I think I may have just stumbled across the perfect mate for the wern

Superb finds. You've truly enriched afternoon.

I feel it's not sporting of me to laugh at overweight people, but I can't help but laugh at HungryFatChick. Not at her neccessarily, but at how she suits Lucas (and has so many subs!). That's Lucas's soul mate. He'll never accept it, of course. There's no status or vindication to be had there...even though Suzanne was big, and he's hinted he's historically been ok with big ones....

I bet if he watched her "Taco Belly" mukbang, and saw that she has a home, he'd get a sad little boner.

 

[LeeLoo]

You can download videos with Instagram media saver app or the kode app. Which video were you trying to get?

There is a real winner where he hard core rages mid rant, screaming BITCH BOY BITCH BOY at the top of his MRSA infected lungs. I have to admit, I’m Lucas level intelligent when it comes to this downloading stuff you zoomers like. If I post an IG video link, can someone download the video?

 

[Club Sandwich]

house husband

It is widely believed that Lucas did all of this poorly and reluctantly, whining and pouting all the while.

Cute that Lucas frames weaknesses, his filth, laziness and lack of responsibility, as evidence that he'd be a good house husband/little boy/ sex monster.

house husband do many of the same things house wives do: cook, clean, make repairs, make arrangements, arrange and attend social events, raise children, et c.

Lucas does and has done none of these things. the sullen efforts (if any) of performing chores and maintenance tasks, or even tasks for basic hygiene are those of an inept and recalcitrant teenager or pre-teen. a shiftless fatbodied loser.

he has no pride in himself and that lack of pride shows in all his efforts.

Lucas doesn't mention it, but cucumbers are notorious for producing flatulence. Many people find cheese to have the same effect, especially in large quantities. This is a recipe for digestive distress: loud sounds, powerful odors.

admittedly, cucumber/onion/tomato salad with dill and cilantro as pico de gallo is delicious as a side or topping on many things, and high-fat cheeses can be melted onto carrots, broccoli and others as a snack and be perfectly fine. it's the combination of horrific presentation, poor and lazy preparation, and for sure a lack of cleanliness that is repulsive in a lot of Lucas' culinary efforts.

......I found this on youtube. Apparently lucas isn't the only one who does this. Apparently BBQ cheesy cukes asre a thing

Also cucumber chicken wings

i mean, grilling vegetable skewers of all kinds generally works out okay. i don't know about cucumbers, but seasoned and grilled zucchini/mushroom/onion/peppers/pork on skewers that's been crisped up like carnitas is pretty good. and that entire recipe is sticking things on a skewer, adding some seasoning or searing the pork to seal in the moisture a bit, and grilling and monitoring the cooking on the spit for 10 minutes. maybe brush on some garlic butter.

but we all know Lucas doesn't do effort... in anything. i can't understand how little effort he puts into the things he professes to be passionate about - the only people like this that i've met are literally stubbornly lazy pre-teens and perma-bachelor losers. nobody - much less a woman worth her salt - would want to meaningfully associate with someone like this because they tend to be leeches and grubby, drama-prone pity parties.

that lack of pride is repulsive in all ways. and knowing Lucas maybe he confuses this type of pride with hubris, which is specifically dangerously corrupt selfishness a far cry from having some esteem and showing pride in your work and the work of others.