Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[WonderWino]

So, if lucas was in a fallout game as a vault resident which horrifying vault tec experiment do you think they would put him through:

1. Make lucas the sole occupant of a vault with nothing but tiny meals composed of health food and a box of gay porn for entertainment to see how long it takes for a mental patient to go completely insane

2. Place lucas as the sole single male in a vault where all the other residents are flatbills and 40 year old greybeards with tween wives that have kids. None of which want anything to do with him and all have nightly parties where he is the only resident not invited and they all play board games, to see how long it takes for lucas to raid the armory and go postal on everyone

Bonus points for making dan campbell or cyril the overseer of said vault

3. Place lucas in a vault used for medical experiments on defectives and mental patients. In his case, have his brain extracted and put into a a glass jar, where his entire existence becomes limited to being forced to watch reruns of wheel of fortune with the occasional gay porn thrown in to infuriate him

 

[Wernology]

Are there better ways I could spend $14?

Absolutely.

Would any of them make me snicker as much as another Facebook ad targeted at people between 16-24 in Spokane, Washington who are single and interested in dating?

Round 1 was only $10 as I only ran it 5 days.

Decided to go with 7 days this time just because the picture I used is so much funnier. I cannot believe Facebook approved this within 10 minutes of me submitting it as an ad to run both on FB and on IG.

Kinda sad Lucas isn't around to see it and start screaming about me being a flatbill hater republican cockblocker.

 

[AbraCadaver]

So, if lucas was in a fallout game as a vault resident which horrifying vault tec experiment do you think they would put him through:

1. Make lucas the sole occupant of a vault with nothing but tiny meals composed of health food and a box of gay porn for entertainment to see how long it takes for a mental patient to go completely insane

2. Place lucas as the sole single male in a vault where all the other residents are flatbills and 40 year old greybeards with tween wives that have kids. None of which want anything to do with him and all have nightly parties where he is the only resident not invited and they all play board games, to see how long it takes for lucas to raid the armory and go postal on everyone

Bonus points for making dan campbell or cyril the overseer of said vault

3. Place lucas in a vault used for medical experiments on defectives and mental patients. In his case, have his brain extracted and put into a a glass jar, where his entire existence becomes limited to being forced to watch reruns of wheel of fortune with the occasional gay porn thrown in to infuriate him

Pretty sure he’s in a torturous experiment right now: take a man with a wish to procreate, then reduce his brainpower and social skills until he is just animal-stupid enough to never accomplish any of his dreams or live a life of human dignity, but just intelligent enough to be entirely aware of that fact. Then throw in terrifyingly disorienting schizo delusions every so often to keep him off-balance.

Hell is Lucas Werner. If you do bad things and don’t love God enough, you eventually reincarnate as Lucas Werner. Lucas Werner is not a single individual...he is a placeholder body for a growing number of imprisoned minds, feeling, experiencing and suffering through the life of Lucas Werner, Being John Malkovich-style.

Unable to control the body, unable to shut your eyes and look away.

 

[boner_alert]

Have another thought experiment (apologies if this is something that's already been speculated about). Say the gods Lucas doesn't believe in decides to bestow a once in a lifetime undeserved opportunity for a young girl to make his wife. He must choose between

1. Girl 1 who is 16 years old and fertile, with a physical attractiveness of about 1-4/10

2. Girl 2 who is 19 years old and deliberately had her tubes tied because she never wants to have children. She is about a 8-10/10 in attractiveness

According to Wern Science, the choice is obvious with Girl 1. But who would LUCAS choose? We know this egocentric selfish hypocritical perv will go with Girl 2. Unfortunately the condition to have one of these girls is that he must make the argument why the girl benefits from this relationship with an offensively unhealthy, unpleasant, unattractive in every conceivable way, good for nothing homeless slob more than two decades her senior

What would Lucas' "logical" "scientific" argument be for his choice?

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

Have another thought experiment (apologies if this is something that's already been speculated about). Say the gods Lucas doesn't believe in decides to bestow a once in a lifetime undeserved opportunity for a young girl to make his wife. He must choose between

1. Girl 1 who is 16 years old and fertile, with a physical attractiveness of about 1-4/10

2. Girl 2 who is 19 years old and deliberately had her tubes tied because she never wants to have children. She is about a 8-10/10 in attractiveness

According to Wern Science, the choice is obvious with Girl 1. But who would LUCAS choose? We know this egocentric selfish hypocritical perv will go with Girl 2. Unfortunately the condition to have one of these girls is that he must make the argument why the girl benefits from this relationship with an offensively unhealthy, unpleasant, unattractive in every conceivable way, good for nothing homeless slob more than two decades her senior

What would Lucas' "logical" "scientific" argument be for his choice?

Wern would take the older, more attractive woman because she has more social capital. Wern sees women as a status marker. He would want the girl that other men would want as that raises his status with other men. He would justify the “tubes tied” by saying he could eventually convince her to adopt his daughter-concubine later on.

 

[boner_alert]

Wern would take the older, more attractive woman because she has more social capital. Wern sees women as a status marker. He would want the girl that other men would want as that raises his status with other men. He would justify the “tubes tied” by saying he could eventually convince her to adopt his daughter-concubine later on.

But that argument only benefits the Wern. How would it benefit the girl? He doesn't realize how obvious it is to everyone that he just wants to be fucking an underaged girl ("as young as possible allowed by law"), evident by how baffled he is that people find him creepy.. because of his oh so clever way he hid it with his current argument about young girls being the most fertile and his true and only goal is to have strong children. Also, he is the gift that keeps on giving because his degraded old man sperm has something with telomeres or whatever the fuck, which can possibly cure her cancer, mood disorders, grant her wishes, whatever the fuck he argues on his weebly

He wants Girl 2 but how will he be able to convince her that she benefits from his sweaty MRSA infested potbelly humping her whenever he's not winded from laying down to make a 47 second video

 

[Patchwork Ragdoll]

Found this photo of lucas in the wild in some FB comments from a few years ago. Just thought it was funny and appropriate he's standing in front of the word catfish. Remember it's very important in these troubling times to take a moment for yourself to laugh at the wern and his stupidity.

 

[wenttobermuda]

You know that rattle when you shake up a can of spray paint? That's the sound of a loose woman.

I suspect Lucas would disagree. The sound of a loose woman is "I don't think of you that way" or " No." " I have a boyfriend."

But that argument only benefits the Wern. How would it benefit the girl?

The benefit to poonaner is besides the point. He's trying to turn poonamer into social capital and esteem. Lucas is not looking to confer benefits with his microdick, or perform a eugenics program. He's simply fumbling with rhetorical strategies to make mating with him less unattractive. We should mate because science; I hate evidence.

Wern would take the older, more attractive woman because she has more social capital. Wern sees women as a status markers...

Your reasoning is spot on, but not your conclusion, because you're underestimating how dense Lucss is.

He picks bae #1. In Lucas's valuation, the younger girl has more social capital because she's younger, and fertile. This'll make the flatbills jealous, he'll reason. While arguably #2 would be a higher status sex partner, and impress Lucas's rivals more, he lacks the social awareness to recognize this. He's so into teens he doesn't recognize it's no a universal enthusiasm.

Lucas would try to take both, but brtuish pedo he is, #1 would be his priority.

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

I think Lucas would choose #2 just because she's hotter. He's babbled on before about demanding a fit girl that jogs in parks. I think Lucas is one of those incels that demands Stacy while being a fat stinky blob himself. Whereas I think wanting a fertile girl is part of his telomerase act, and farfetched dreams thinking he'll be Josef Fritzl.

 

[AbraCadaver]

I believe he’d pick #1 because she’s younger and thus closer to the age of the Smart Pretty Interesting Girls he became stuck on in school and never moved past. He is mentally arrested at that age.

That and he likely believes the incel myth that if you’re terrible at sex, you should bang virgins because they won’t know the difference. Protip: they may not have had sex with others, but everyone knows what an orgasm is, and they definitely know when they’re not having one.

 

[Krathnami]

Lucas would pick neither, because
1) Neither of them fit his very strict criteria. Remember, beggars not only can be but are choosers in Lucasland.
2) He doesn't have the balls to actually go through with choosing a woman. His existence is defined by his lovequest. Take away the lovequest and he has no reason for existing.

 

[WonderWino]

Found this photo of lucas in the wild in some FB comments from a few years ago. Just thought it was funny and appropriate he's standing in front of the word catfish. Remember it's very important in these troubling times to take a moment for yourself to laugh at the wern and his stupidity.

View attachment 1481592

Damn he really does have trex arms. He legitimately reminds me of those cartoons the left makes of trump with tiny hands

and it would be perfect if at that very moment he was talking to a catfish while standing in front of the word catfish

 

[Trainwreck]

Lucas would pick neither, because
1) Neither of them fit his very strict criteria. Remember, beggars not only can be but are choosers in Lucasland.
2) He doesn't have the balls to actually go through with choosing a woman. His existence is defined by his lovequest. Take away the lovequest and he has no reason for existing.

I agree with neither. It would be her responsibility to approach him. He literally works for absolutely nothing and only accepts things handed to him.

 

[Nobleman]

Found this photo of lucas in the wild in some FB comments from a few years ago. Just thought it was funny and appropriate he's standing in front of the word catfish. Remember it's very important in these troubling times to take a moment for yourself to laugh at the wern and his stupidity.

View attachment 1481592

Just a note on this picture, he is front of a Southern BBQ resturaunt called Chic-N-Mo and it is bomb diggity. Highly recommend to those who are in Spokane and those passing through, ribs are the bests

I highly doubt with Lucas’s gluttony he would be able to fully enjoy it.

 

[AbraCadaver]

I agree with neither. It would be her responsibility to approach him. He literally works for absolutely nothing and only accepts things handed to him.

That what does my head in. His shrieking of WHERE THE WOMEN AT WHERE THE PARTY AT is nonsense. He could be at the party, surrounded by available women, and he wouldn’t speak a word to them. He’d do just what he did when he went to clubs...sit in a dark corner nursing a drink all night and eyefucking all the university girls. He claimed all the women were being guarded by flatbills and Chads, but that’s just his broken brain coming up with an excuse to mask his absolute cowardice and sloth. He was too terrified to talk to those women because he has no idea what to say or do. Instead he decided to sit in the corner and wait for women to magically come to him, the creepy unsociable loser in the corner, and throw themselves onto his dick.

Lucas doesn’t just demand a free lunch. He demands the world pre-chew his lunch and put it directly in his mouth baby bird style. If they could also activate his swallowing reflex for him too, that would be great.

Lucas thinks he shouldn’t be expected to use his arms or legs or brain, ever. He wants to be a giant, fat, diapered baby without even the responsibility of controlling his own bowels. Just soiling himself, being fed and cared for by Government Mummy and Hot Teenage Bride/Babysitter/Breadwinner/Anal Sex Slave.

I’m starting to think his desire for a daughter is not just to be an incestuous freak, but also to have a younger female who will grow up to baby and care for him when Teenage Bride is too old or if something happens to her. Lucas wants to breed his next fuckmother ahead of time as a retirement plan. Because god knows he should not be expected to lift a finger to help himself.

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

Found this photo of lucas in the wild in some FB comments from a few years ago. Just thought it was funny and appropriate he's standing in front of the word catfish. Remember it's very important in these troubling times to take a moment for yourself to laugh at the wern and his stupidity.

View attachment 1481592

It‘s weird seeing a full body shot of Wern after only seeing close cropped camera shots of his gigantic bulbous head. It is a nice reminder of what a fat, slovenly, unkempt mass of flesh he really is. What a mess.

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

That what does my head in. His shrieking of WHERE THE WOMEN AT WHERE THE PARTY AT is nonsense. He could be at the party, surrounded by available women, and he wouldn’t speak a word to them. He’d do just what he did when he went to clubs...sit in a dark corner nursing a drink all night and eyefucking all the university girls. He claimed all the women were being guarded by flatbills and Chads, but that’s just his broken brain coming up with an excuse to mask his absolute cowardice and sloth. He was too terrified to talk to those women because he has no idea what to say or do. Instead he decided to sit in the corner and wait for women to magically come to him, the creepy unsociable loser in the corner, and throw themselves onto his dick.

I don't think it's because Lucas doesn't know what to say or do, more that he thinks he knows what to say. He has shown low enough inhibition to be able to talk to people despite making an ass of himself. It's because Lucas has crippled self-esteem and knows he's a massive fuckup, which he's way too ashamed to admit to anyone, maybe even himself. And he has a micro dick.

 

[Wernology]

I got my first DM from someone who watched literally one video compilation of Lucas and decided to DM me basically saying I shouldn't judge him--and it was based on that old video of his ex-roommate picking a fight with him in a parking lot in 2016 of all things. You know the one, where Lucas shows off his screaming and boxing skills and the other guy just looks and sounds like a jackass.

The gist of it being, " Like what if his mental health issues make him act crazy towards people so they beat him up he could just need help. "

He's been directed to my channel, Lucas' two channels, and to this thread so he can hopefully learn to get out of that mindset.

Dude's not wrong about him having mental health issues but that's also, as I preach to the choir, not an excuse for any of his behavior.

 

[BowlOfDick]

I got my first DM from someone who watched literally one video compilation of Lucas and decided to DM me basically saying I shouldn't judge him--and it was based on that old video of his ex-roommate picking a fight with him in a parking lot in 2016 of all things. You know the one, where Lucas shows off his screaming and boxing skills and the other guy just looks and sounds like a jackass.

The gist of it being, " Like what if his mental health issues make him act crazy towards people so they beat him up he could just need help. "

He's been directed to my channel, Lucas' two channels, and to this thread so he can hopefully learn to get out of that mindset.

Dude's not wrong about him having mental health issues but that's also, as I preach to the choir, not an excuse for any of his behavior.

I doubt you’ll hear from them again. They’ll be proven wrong... and most people hate that!

 

[Fwiffo]

Off topic: I love scrolling this thread and seeing every avatar a new and unique unflattering picture of Lucas. It’s like a slideshow of fail