Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

I'd like to order some alarm clocks and top hats please. Cuz that fucking simp Goldaor actually does send food in exchange for questions, like this was actually agreed upon as conditions for their interview and not some token show of friendship? Then why the fuck does Goldaro go so hard sucking Lucas' limp teenie weenie so hard, I only tolerated his sycophantic methodology assuming its necessity to get Lucas to agree to interview

I tend to agree. If the questions are paid for, there should be nothing off limits.

But of course Lucas would tuck his mullet between his legs and run if this happened.

How can he act as if Goldaor is a friend, and then make him pay by the question?

I thought the notoriety Goldy was giving Lucas was the quidproquo.

 

[BowlOfDick]

I'd like to order some alarm clocks and top hats please. Cuz that fucking simp Goldaor actually does send food in exchange for questions, like this was actually agreed upon as conditions for their interview and not some token show of friendship? Then why the fuck does Goldaro go so hard sucking Lucas' limp teenie weenie so hard, I only tolerated his sycophantic methodology assuming its necessity to get Lucas to agree to interview

Like the spoonies of SOFALAW (half of whom would be cows themselves if they were a quarter as interesting as Lucas), I for one view Goldaor as a useful idiot. An interview with The Wern is a rare thing indeed and has a lot of potential.

 

[boner_alert]

Like the spoonies of SOFALAW (half of whom would be cows themselves if they were a quarter as interesting as Lucas), I for one view Goldaor as a useful idiot. An interview with The Wern is a rare thing indeed and has a lot of potential.

I suppose you're right, I can't deny they haven't been highly entertaining and I've enjoyed them. I shouldn't be acting like such an entitled fag, that's Lucas' thing after all. My b, Gold

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Lucas's recent video this morning lists another thing he's never going to do. So we can say at this point, in terms of the list of things Lucas has stated he's going to do but never will:
1. getting a job
2. becoming a bartender,
3. becoming a budtender,
4. putting a resume together for the purpose of getting a job,
5. going back to school,
6. becoming a bodybuilder,
7. moving to a country with "darker-skinned women" like Mexico, Puerto Rico, Guam, or Micronesia, which are clearly just words Lucas likes saying in his little retarded child way.... where you can tell he takes great pleasure in making certain sounds come out of his mouth and hearing himself say them.

I'm actually convinced this has a lot to do with much of his autistic shouting.

I think Lucas likes hearing himself Shout; I think he thinks he sounds tough, and because he's operating on the mental level of a child, he also likes to make new and different sounds with his mouth, trying out the equipment, you know?

Now obviously adults don't do this but Lucas isn't an adult, he's a little tiny retarded child trapped in the big doughy body of a middle-aged sex offender.

Edit: oh I forgot #8. Becoming vegetarian. How you going to be vegetarian, when all of your food comes from the homeless shelter? Or almost all of it. Do they have a vegetarian option? (Please God tell me tax dollars are not being wasted to give homeless leeches like Lucas a vegetarian option, I could almost imagine that this would be possible, but please God Tell me it's not)

 

[AnOminous]

(Please God tell me tax dollars are not being wasted to give homeless leeches like Lucas a vegetarian option, I could almost imagine that this would be possible, but please God Tell me it's not)

Why wouldn't they? They're not going to distribute cheeseburgers and Little Debbie snacks. Almost all food banks have some kind of minimum limit of vegetables/fruits/produce that they distribute because the last thing they want to do is contribute to obesity. Looks like the umbrella agency for lots of food banks in Eastern Washington is something called 2D Harvest, which has a 50% limit. So if someone goes to a food bank to get food, they can just pick fruits and vegetables and vegetarian food.

They're not going to just force cheeseburgers down your throat. Why would they? The amount of meat they get is really limited and is going to go to people who actually want it.

 

[Fatal Walter]

In a sea of awful memes, this one stands out to me. Good god.

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

In a sea of awful memes, this one stands out to me. Good god.
View attachment 1517975

Leave it to fatty to throw something about food in there. I love how he can't even manage to stay on topic in his own damn propaganda. Could you imagine attending a public speaking class with this guy?

-Introduction: "You're a greedy bigot"

-Body: "Older men and younger women produce healthier babies because of mice studies"

-Conclusion: "My family is really what got me into making boardgames. I'm related to the best scrabble player in the world"

 

[Da Dude123]

Not that I think Lucas is actually going to make a resume, but can you imagine his fat ass, walking into the weed store and handing the resume to the people working there? He would be dressed shabbily and looking like a bum.
That resume would go straight into file 13.

Of course, tubby will only accept work as a budtender or bartender. And he of course, has no work history for the past 20 years. And who would he provide for a reference? Goldoar? That one dufus who plays the saxaphone that introduced him to Corrina? His PO?

He may very well put his tardbux in jeopardy doing this shit. And if he by some miracle gets a job and he ends up losing it, he may have a tough time getting the tugboat back out of the shipyard.

 

[Fatal Walter]

He said in that last video he doesn't even use his SSI that much. I'm not sure that's true since how else does he eat out all the time in his videos but whatever. I know I said budtender would be a terrible job for Lucas but bartender is so much worse. He'd be ignoring guys to leer at young women. He'd get aggressive with guys who were talking to their own girlfriend. And he'd yell "greedmonger!" at you if you didn't tip him enough. That's just the level his hypocrisy is at.

 

[mothman96]

Leave it to fatty to throw something about food in there. I love how he can't even manage to stay on topic in his own damn propaganda. Could you imagine attending a public speaking class with this guy?

-Introduction: "You're a greedy bigot"

-Body: "Older men and younger women produce healthier babies because of mice studies"

-Conclusion: "My family is really what got me into making boardgames. I'm related to the best scrabble player in the world"

He's a predator and a glutton. The reference to food is how his animal predator brain sees women, like food/prey to devour - "Gorgeous delicious food".

 

[pr3nt177]

The idea of "tall stocky boi" Lucas "body building" is just delightful. I hope he gives it a shot and shares all of his gainz!

Spokane's finest...

Spoiler: mean, lean & very keen

 

[ThomasAudley]

Leave it to fatty to throw something about food in there. I love how he can't even manage to stay on topic in his own damn propaganda. Could you imagine attending a public speaking class with this guy?

-Introduction: "You're a greedy bigot"

-Body: "Older men and younger women produce healthier babies because of mice studies"

-Conclusion: "My family is really what got me into making boardgames. I'm related to the best scrabble player in the world"

This is comically similar to the papers he submitted when he was at Spokane Community College and took a writing course. He made some poor adjunct professor read his crazy sperm theories.

ETA: Here it is, "Ready to be a Father" https://kiwifarms.net/threads/lucas-werner.17234/page-283#post-3834238

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

He said in that last video he doesn't even use his SSI that much. I'm not sure that's true since how else does he eat out all the time in his videos but whatever.

Maybe Lucas lost some/all of his SSI. He's suddenly making videos about wanting a job, and talked about moving in that video. There could be many reasons why he finally got cut off... refusing to find housing, proof that he's abusing shelters, SNAP fraud, repeated legal trouble, refusal to seek mental help, etc...

 

[mothman96]

Maybe Lucas lost some/all of his SSI. He's suddenly making videos about wanting a job, and talked about moving in that video. There could be many reasons why he finally got cut off... refusing to find housing, proof that he's abusing shelters, SNAP fraud, repeated legal trouble, refusal to seek mental help, etc...

He still has money to buy weed and is offering a prime rib dinner for a date, so I don't think he's lost his SSI. The job thing is about wanting to raise his status to get himself a young honey.
As far as Lucas moving to a place with brown women (Puerto Rico, Mexico, Guam), he likely thinks it's going to be easy pickings for him to get himself a young woman. He doesn't take into account the brown men. I'd say it wouldn't go well for the Freak,

 

[LeeLoo]

Maybe Lucas lost some/all of his SSI. He's suddenly making videos about wanting a job, and talked about moving in that video. There could be many reasons why he finally got cut off... refusing to find housing, proof that he's abusing shelters, SNAP fraud, repeated legal trouble, refusal to seek mental help, etc...

God I hope that’s the case. It’s about damn time he faces consequences for being an absolute cancer on society.

 

[le funny sex number 69]

He still has money to buy weed and is offering a prime rib dinner for a date, so I don't think he's lost his SSI. The job thing is about wanting to raise his status to get himself a young honey.
As far as Lucas moving to a place with brown women (Puerto Rico, Mexico, Guam), he likely thinks it's going to be easy pickings for him to get himself a young woman. He doesn't take into acount the brown men. I'd say it wouldn't go well for the Freak,

I live in a “brown people country” and it’s not uncommon for white gringo losers to think women here are gonna throw themselves at them.

Narrator: they don’t.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

NEWS FLASH! ONE OF LUCAS'S ATTACKERS FOUND!


(No word on Fat Albert, yet. Perhaps The Junkyard Gang can be detained for questioning?)

("I-buh didn't-buh beat-buh no-buh pedophiles-buh, man-buh!")

 

[WonderWino]

Well I just finished writing up an analysis of lucas's 2010 reflections based on some more recent and historical observations, only to find out that when I was finished the post was almost 3x the max character limit for a post. So I copied it to a text file and attached it to the post. that will unfortunately have to do

I live in a “brown people country” and it’s not uncommon for white gringo losers to think women here are gonna throw themselves at them.

Narrator: they don’t.

...and in the event that they do they want something. likely money, which lucas doesn't have

The idea of "tall stocky boi" Lucas "body building" is just delightful. I hope he gives it a shot and shares all of his gainz!

It sounds like lucas wants to become the flatbill he despises so much

This will be lucas's new group of flatbill friends:

As for lucas's nonsensical zoomer inspired ebonics I think we should just start calling it zebonics at this point. Possibly creating a zebonics to english dictionary called hooked on zebonics

 

[wenttobermuda]

Well I just finished writing up an analysis of lucas's 2010 reflections based on some more recent and historical observations, only to find out that when I was finished the post was almost 3x the max character limit for a post. So I copied it to a text file and attached it to the post. that will unfortunately have to do



...and in the event that they do they want something. likely money, which lucas doesn't have



It sounds like lucas wants to become the flatbill he despises so much

This will be lucas's new group of flatbill friends:

As for lucas's nonsensical zoomer inspired ebonics I think we should just start calling it zebonics at this point. Possibly creating a zebonics to english dictionary called hooked on zebonics

I've not finished this piece, but am enjoying it.

It seems a line by line answer to Lucas's 2010 Personal Reflection. I applaud your concentration and cruelty.

This is precisely the kind of intensely autistic, and sadistic long form work that will advance Wernology. I hope you entertain future projects like this.

 

[Fapcop]

I don’t quite think “Horror cow” is an encompassing term for Lucas.

May I suggest an alternative?

Primal Cow

Lucas is what man is what you strip him of the veneer of civilization. And most of the prefrontal cortex of the brain.

Lucas roams the streets of Spokane like a chimp roams the jungle. Or a hyena the steppe.

Only two things ever occupy his mind: A mate to copulate with, and food to gorge himself on. If anything gets in the way, he reacts with ferocious, primal anger.

(Once he’s at a safe distance. Confronted with a more powerful male, such as a policeman or mall security guard, he shows them his belly and whimpers away, tail lowered. Like any animal, Lucas knows his place in the hierarchy.)

So yes: Primal Cow seems fitting for Lucas, seeing as he’s governed solely by his primal instincts.