Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Wernology]

The comments:

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Oh, "self love" is what we're calling 8 years of frantic, usually shelter or outdoors based, masturbation now?

Edit: In an effort to not be up until 3am when I know I have to be up at 6, and because he put out 42 minutes of bullshit that I'm going to absolutely have to edit audio levels on to avoid blowing eardrums and speakers, if he puts any other videos out tonight, I'll get them tomorrow sometime.

Also an edit:

I really wonder why Suzanne tolerated Lucas. She wasn't an awful ugly looking woman. There must be something like this that he sold on her.

Before he got hung up on the telomeres thing and fixated on fucking teenagers, everything I've been able to find just points toward a guy who was awkward and bad at doing the social interaction thing without being really fucking awkward about it, but who was otherwise mostly harmless and probably relatively okay to be around if you could get past his awkward inability to socialize like a normal person. In some of the really old FB videos from before Suzanne gave him the well deserved boot, he seemed generally happy and potentially fun to hang out with if you were another sort of odd but otherwise harmless sort of person or didn't mind awkward.

He also seemed all around just a happier guy, but that's also before he got hyperfixated on shit he probably has always known he'd never be able to obtain and went downhill fast as that reality closed in around him. Difficult to say if his mental health started to slip because of the hyperfixations on telomeres and fucking teenagers or if he picked up those hyperfixations because his mental health started to slip.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Presented without comment.

Does The Wern actually know how to play guitar?

Or is he just posing with one, because Suzanne wanted to pretend that the excuse for his horrible behavior was that he was the artistic type?

 

[Pump Meat]

Those fucking voicemails. I'm impressed with his single minded obsession and how his grand theory about the declining state of civilization that is attributed to people of the same generation having kids is the only thing he has any interest in talking about. This is such a perfect example of what narcissism actually is and we only get to behold it because Lucas' interpersonal skills are so underdeveloped that he can't even screen or otherwise hide it.

I think one of the reasons Lucas is one of my favorite cows is because what you see with him is all that there is; there is no off-screen Lucas who behaves differently than the on-screen Lucas. The man has only one modality and he can't turn it off. Talking to him in real time is exactly like listening to his videos. There is no man behind the curtain we are to pay no attention to, just wall to wall unmitigated mental illness and malignant personality trapped in an unhygienic sexual deviant who wanders the streets of Spokane living from one mukbang to the next.

 

[mothman96]

Does The Wern actually know how to play guitar?

Or is he just posing with one, because Suzanne wanted to pretend that the excuse for his horrible behavior was that he was the artistic type?

Here is your answer--he never learned.

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

Or is he just posing with one, because Suzanne wanted to pretend that the excuse for his horrible behavior was that he was the artistic type?

I really wonder why Suzanne tolerated Lucas. She wasn't an awful ugly looking woman. There must be something like this that he sold on her.

 

[QueenBurritoSupreme]

I really wonder why Suzanne tolerated Lucas. She wasn't an awful ugly looking woman. There must be something like this that he sold on her.

Suzanne seems like she is developmentally disabled. I am not saying that to be mean or anything, just imo.

That made me think of back before all of this, right after he got off of house arrest, and Lucas was posting in Atheist Mingle about this barbecue shindig he was throwing in the park (Olympia). He bought all this shit, like his whole EBT card, invited everyone with these flyers he posted all over town, and no one came. He cried. I wish I still had that video.
Oh how far we’ve come.

 

[wenttobermuda]

That made me think of back before all of this, right after he got off of house arrest, and Lucas was posting in Atheist Mingle about this barbecue shindig he was throwing in the park (Olympia). He bought all this shit, like his whole EBT card, invited everyone with these flyers he posted all over town, and no one came. He cried. I wish I still had that video.
Oh how far we’ve come.

This is a fantastic story and I mourn the video.

In my Lucas head canon, he's been throwing parties that no one comes to since he was a little kid. His mother talked about one in her blog.

I guess if nobody will invite you to their party, you throw your own, and nobody comes.

 

[kyle2252]

This is a fantastic story and I mourn the video.

In my Lucas head canon, he's been throwing parties that no one comes to since he was a little kid. His mother talked about one in her blog.

I guess if nobody will invite you to their party, you throw your own, and nobody comes.

Damn, that's a shame. I would very much like to see this video. It sounds hilarious.

I guess if nobody will invite you to their party, you throw your own, and nobody comes.

Yep lol.

 

[Wernology]

Ah, lovely, our old modem is slowly dying.

The bouncing uplink speed has gone from mostly okay to, "Remember dial-up?" levels.

Hooray for a decent cell connection I guess!

I did try to equalize and lower the volume a bit so it wasn't so ear-or-speaker shattering but still...what I consider loud and what might be loud af with earbuds in are two different things and I didn't check the audio edits with headphones.

 

[WonderWino]

What is this new starbucks retcon that she was 23 not 16?

Indeed. Despite lucas being on video stating she was 16, starbucks involving the cops because she was 16, the cops telling him she was 16 and the local news report for spokane airing a story about it that said she was 16 and even pointing out that what lucas was trying to do was illegal

Lucas thinks if enough time passes nobody will be aware of these things

Well, hard to tell. I don't hear the "T" sound. Going back to it, I hear "keefy" bae.

So do I

The Starbucks girl was around 21 at the time of the incident. Lucas thought she was 16.

She was 16, which the local news station pointed out when they reported on the incident

I listened to those voicemails on my drive home from work in a shitty old car that has an unfortunately awesome Bose system that it inexplicably came with.

If you think he's creepy on headphones or over computer speakers, it's about a million times worse on a really nice Bose surround sound system in a car.

So.... you're saying listening to it that way its like lucas is in the back seat waiting to strike. Lucas version of the high beams gang initiation story when

The bar isn't on the ground, it's straight up gone.

The bar is so far underground at this point its playing terraria

 

[Dumpsterfire Enthusiast]

It's like he hit "pause" on his telomeres/flatbill/but you're left-wing/share your gen z women rant, went into a mental hospital, weeks passed, then he hit "play" and it's the exact same bullshit played at 1.25 speed.

Well whatever meds they gave him saved me the effort of setting it to 1.25 myself. These doctors really are considerate to us kiwis

 

[Particle Bored]

The Starbucks girl was around 21 at the time of the incident. Lucas thought she was 16.

ETA:
What is he saying, a girl is soon to feel his nuts?

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Well he does say the "eagle is finna touch down on DRY land."

So she's dry, unaroused.

Sounds like rape to me.

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

Common goals doesn't mean helping some fat deranged hobo get laid cause he can't do it himself. That's not a common goal that's your goal.

ZyGOAT, greatest of all time. Where does he come up with this shit. If you're over 40 with diabetes and significant mental disorders you're not gonna be producing super babies, fat boy.

 

[mothman96]

The Freak went quite last evening and night. Wonder if he found a shelter to hole up in at night.

Of course as we all know he's looking forward to creeping on campus.

 

[denysdemontfort]

Well whatever meds they gave him saved me the effort of setting it to 1.25 myself. These doctors really are considerate to us kiwis

Yea, I listened to Goldoar's show on 1.5x and it's kind of hilarious. I'd already seen the first round of videos so I was mostly just listening while reading the thread.

One of the things that stood out to me was how often he repeats the same words in the same way. He latches on to certain phrases and says it in the exact same manner every time. We keep thinking he's trying to be a poet or rap but... it strikes me as involuntary to some extent.

edit to add:

I am not a board game person so I don't know if this actually makes any sense to anyone. Please help.

 

[Wernology]

Yea, I listened to Goldoar's show on 1.5x and it's kind of hilarious. I'd already seen the first round of videos so I was mostly just listening while reading the thread.

One of the things that stood out to me was how often he repeats the same words in the same way. He latches on to certain phrases and says it in the exact same manner every time. We keep thinking he's trying to be a poet or rap but... it strikes me as involuntary to some extent.

edit to add:

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I am not a board game person so I don't know if this actually makes any sense to anyone. Please help.

...that's not what a diphthong is.

Then again, this is the same guy who thinks the 1918 flu epidemic caused "people to have lots of kids" and that the uptick in kids needing glasses or braces is due to "birth defects" and not advancing medical technology that allows kids who need those things to be identified earlier in life instead of after they've struggled with school due to not being able to see the board or have had dental problems for years due to problems with their teeth, and who thinks mental illness is also a birth defect while neglecting to mention the fact that he's supposed to be wearing glasses and has admitted he can't see for shit without them (but probably lost the pair he had in his last apartment) and is mentally ill by his own admission, so I'm not sure why I expected he'd at least look up with a diphthong was before using the word.

We'll just add diphthong to the list of Big Boy Words Lucas picked up somewhere and started using in the hopes of sounding intelligent.

 

[Goldaor]

Another comment from THE Wern himself! This time on episode 3. I wonder how long he watched, if at all

 

[AbraCadaver]

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Common goals doesn't mean helping some fat deranged hobo get laid cause he can't do it himself. That's not a common goal that's your goal.

ZyGOAT, greatest of all time. Where does he come up with this shit. If you're over 40 with diabetes and significant mental disorders you're not gonna be producing super babies, fat boy.

Bitch you really didn’t go with #zyGoals? Smdh

 

[WonderWino]

The Freak went quite last evening and night. Wonder if he found a shelter to hole up in at night.

Of course as we all know he's looking forward to creeping on campus.

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He brings up an interesting point in that post - whether SCC will even be open in january. At the current infection rates I wouldn't bet money on it. I wouldn't be surprised if just about everything is strictly remote classes. I'm not entirely sure how lucas would be able to do that seeing as he has no PC of his own and its just as likely any place like the library that does have them either wouldn't let him install the necessary software to do the classes or won't be open at that point either

That said, the moment lucas realizes he's going to be get a covid cockblock and not be able to interact with any zoomer bae students in person he's going to ree about it for days. Even while ranting about how he thinks all these people are going to start dropping dead by the tens of thousands from covid its not occurring to him that such a situation would put a damper on his latest plan. I mean he asks the question as 'I hope it'll be open' but it doesn't sound like its really sunk into his brain that it won't likely be or that it was closed for a good portion of this year

I am not a board game person so I don't know if this actually makes any sense to anyone. Please help.

As a game developer myself.....that doesn't make any practical sense to me at all. An actual game design course would eat him alive, both in concept and work hours he'd have to put into it (really, those courses can be absolutely brutal for workload, only the dedicated or insane should even consider it). Plus those courses typically make you learn at least some degree of basic programming (the best designers tend to also be programmers, as it lends a better conceptual understanding of what is and isn't feasible for implementation of a given design), and I think we all know how lucas would respond to anything above the level of an if statement....he'd be like a guy back when I was in college that was in the game dev program and used to walk around talking about how amazing if statements were and how he could do so much more now that he knows about them, when the instructor brought up basic programming concepts....only to somehow manage to do everything completely ass backwards with keypress detection and not realize it until he presented his finished game to the rest of the class (the game devs had a studio right next to the other IT and programming wing so there was alot of intermingling and interesting and amusing things coming out of them half the time)

'....and today class we talk about recursion....' would see lucas rage quit within a day. Though I do hope he is stupid enough to try it at some point, even more that he manages to get an instructor like the programming teacher I had (who also taught the game dev students) who would absolutely grill the shit out of you on everything you wrote and made you justify why you did things a particular way and if you couldn't you'd hear about it on the next assignment when he was that much harder on you. It wasn't that far off from the kind of shit that goes on with PhD review boards at times. It made for good programming habits but someone like lucas would probably end up raging or crying by the end of the first week

...that's not what a diphthong is.

I'm glad i'm not the only one who noticed that

 

[Fatal Walter]

These voice messages are killing me. He's straight up admitting that he made a suicide threat because he's tired of being stuck in the friend zone. This would be bad enough if he was a teenager.

Edit: Oh, he's dropping the n word in his messages too. Probably the same day he was calling people faggots. What would your new friend, Joe Biden, think, Lucas?