Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[37yearolddickrightnow]

Moving to India or SE Asia with the most common street shitters may be the only way Lucas could get pussy.

I've been to Thailand. Trust me, even the Thai whores would give the Wern a wide berth. I'd give it 3 days tops before a gaggle of Thai lads beat him into a coma.

 

[teleméres69]

Calling it now, he was never actually going to go. He's too lazy and stupid to take a flight anywhere by himself. Lucas regularly demands people come to him with his entitlement, no amount of pussy will change this, Lucas fundamentally will never make any effort into real or fake relationships. The best they could have got away with is catfishing Lucas to moving to another city in Washington, and even that would probably be too much effort for Lucas

 

[Archie_Kimkicker]

Calling it now, he was never actually going to go. He's too lazy and stupid to take a flight anywhere by himself. Lucas regularly demands people come to him with his entitlement, no amount of pussy will change this, Lucas fundamentally will never make any effort into real or fake relationships. The best they could have got away with is catfishing Lucas to moving to another city in Washington, and even that would probably be too much effort for Lucas

The only reason he moved from Olympia to Spokane was the pursuit of catfish poon. This time around, he may also be motivated by warmer climates, as he has spent more time outside this year than he likely has before.

 

[WonderWino]

Let's take a deep breath and appreciate this moment.

Lucas Colby Werner is about to attempt to board a plane to California to be with Mia.

Mia is alleged to be a Native American Gen Z ovulator. Mia spent $109 on Lucas's ticket. Mia has offered him a place to stay.

The thought that Mia may be a catfish must have occurred to Lucas.

Where is Lucas going to spend the night, if not with Mia? If he gets on that plane, the answer to that question is going to be pretty interesting.

Part of the excitement of this moment comes from the context of Lucas's misadventures. I'm sure we're all familiar with the story of how Lucas came to Spokane. It's especially relevant this morning.

Spoiler: History

Once upon a time, Lucas bought a bus ticket to Couer d'Alene so that he could be with Joy Baker. You may know Joy as @QueenBurritoSupreme. Take a look at this:
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Hmmm. That was hard, wasn't it? I've always had the impression that it did not take much for Joy to entice Lucas to spend his tardbux to come to her. Changing his FB status to "in a relationship" immediately after purchasing his ticket was a nice touch. Anyway, Lucas got on the bus and disappeared from FB for a while. When he returned, it was to announce that he was homeless and had MRSA:
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You would think that Lucas would have become more careful at this point. But no. Lucas is a lolcow, and that means he doesn't learn. The catfishing continued and became surreal.
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Lucas summarizes the results of getting on the bus to Coeur d'Alene:
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Lucas has been catfished several times since, notably by the despicable Corina and aidsy Shao.

I've never seen one.

Are you concerned that his sexual deviancy hasn't been properly sourced? Accuracy is important.

The Queen's an excellent primary source for this one, and I suspect she may be sitting on a receipt or two. Lucas has discussed anal at some length in his videos, and posted about his fondness for it on FB. He's bragged about going up in Suzanne's butt. I believe there's also some interesting shit on the subject related to his FetLife profiles, if you want to go digging around there.

Not to mention all the fisting stuff.

But no, much as I wish there was a screenshot of Lucas waxing erotic about bleeding bae butts, have yet to encounter one.

I like how he claims you can't catch mrsa from him unless you touch the sore itself. If thats true how did HE catch it in the first place?

Can you imagine what will happen if the agent checking him in asks about his infant child "it's not in the cards". Reeee! Moooo!

Airport police may be called for the hobo melt down. Maybe this will be after he checks his hobo sack.

I asked a flight attendant friend of mine. She says its standard procedure to at least ask about a kid if its listed like that, even if its an obvious bullshit name like that. Industry wide regulations and all that so they pretty much have to out of technicality. So yeah, I can see someone casually asking him to confirm its a joke name and that there won't actually be a kid coming with him on the plane and lucas losing his shit on the spot thinking hes being fucked with by the person asking. Which, as we all know, is absolutely one of lucas's hot button phrases

That would be funny if he missed his connecting flight and decided to become a San Francisco bum. Another city well known for it's large hobo population.

He would become a literal street shitter like the rest of them

So, is he actually going through with the flight or what? He doesn't have a whole lot of time left before his flight at this point, so if he isn't on his way by now I doubt he is going at all

 

[denysdemontfort]

a wide birth.

Careful, a typo like that will only entice him more!

 

[Rogowski]

So, is he actually going through with the flight or what? He doesn't have a whole lot of time left before his flight at this point, so if he isn't on his way by now I doubt he is going at all

If the catfish was doing its due diligence to ensure his money wasn’t wasted he would be in contact with Lucas leading up to the flight and would’ve drilled the idea of arriving to the airport early into his thick skull.

 

[DeletedSoul]

I like how he claims you can't catch mrsa from him unless you touch the sore itself. If thats true how did HE catch it in the first place?



I asked a flight attendant friend of mine. She says its standard procedure to at least ask about a kid if its listed like that, even if its an obvious bullshit name like that. Industry wide regulations and all that so they pretty much have to out of technicality. So yeah, I can see someone casually asking him to confirm its a joke name and that there won't actually be a kid coming with him on the plane and lucas losing his shit on the spot thinking hes being fucked with by the person asking. Which, as we all know, is absolutely one of lucas's hot button phrases



He would become a literal street shitter like the rest of them

So, is he actually going through with the flight or what? He doesn't have a whole lot of time left before his flight at this point, so if he isn't on his way by now I doubt he is going at all

So the MRSA thing is actually pretty easy; it's easy to get it on your skin if you have any close contact at all with another carrier. It's just like any other form of staph. You get infected with it if you happen to have any kind of open wound or other way for it to worm inside from your skin. Like, say, a particularly nasty inflamed pore around your crotch region after you haven't showered for a while. It's even easier if you have a disease which weakens your immune system like, say, diabetes.

That's the thing; for almost anyone else, especially someone who's homeless and doesn't have the opportunity to bathe, MRSA is not a super big deal, and is really just a bit of bad luck. But for Lucas, his own narcissistic inability to honestly discuss any potential flaws, plus the fact that he got the sore on his actual dick, it became a huge deal.

 

[ThomasAudley]

I wonder if United will exercise this option in their contract of carriage:

"Rule 21 Refusal of Transport

UA shall have the right to refuse transport on a permanent or temporary basis or shall have the right to remove from the aircraft at any point, any Passenger for the following reasons:

. . .

H. Safety – Whenever refusal or removal of a Passenger may be necessary for the safety of such Passenger or other Passengers or members of the crew including, but not limited to:
. . .
16. Passengers who have or cause a malodorous condition (other than individuals qualifying as disabled);"

Second question, should Lucas get an attempted Rule 21 refusal, do you think he's gonna argue about how his severe retardation qualifies him as disabled?

 

[Wernology]

Calling it now, he was never actually going to go. He's too lazy and stupid to take a flight anywhere by himself. Lucas regularly demands people come to him with his entitlement, no amount of pussy will change this, Lucas fundamentally will never make any effort into real or fake relationships. The best they could have got away with is catfishing Lucas to moving to another city in Washington, and even that would probably be too much effort for Lucas

Nope.

He's already checked in and through security according to what I've seen.

 

[NattyDaddy]

Nope.

He's already checked in and through security according to what I've seen.

woah woah, according to what? Lets hope he posts a vid eating at the red robin before he's off to the big city!

 

[DeletedSoul]

Nope.

He's already checked in and through security according to what I've seen.

How do you know that he's through security? As far as I know you can't track status that closely unless you have some kind of in with the airline or something. I could be wrong though.

 

[Rogowski]

Nope.

He's already checked in and through security according to what I've seen.

Spill the beans Klicky, you’re obviously in touch with someone on the inside.

 

[ThomasAudley]

@klickitat is Lucas Werner. The dude is schizo after all

 

[WonderWino]

I wonder if United will exercise this option in their contract of carriage:

"Rule 21 Refusal of Transport

UA shall have the right to refuse transport on a permanent or temporary basis or shall have the right to remove from the aircraft at any point, any Passenger for the following reasons:

. . .

H. Safety – Whenever refusal or removal of a Passenger may be necessary for the safety of such Passenger or other Passengers or members of the crew including, but not limited to:
. . .
16. Passengers who have or cause a malodorous condition (other than individuals qualifying as disabled);"

Second question, should Lucas get an attempted Rule 21 refusal, do you think he's gonna argue about how his severe retardation qualifies him as disabled?

Realistically it would have to be the first one, as given that he's legally disabled and prone to trying to cause problems for people who fuck with him the airline would be foolish to mess with him on 16. All he would have to do is start screeching about hateful bigots and such in the terminal and that would give their lawyers fits. Not that he wouldn't deserve being kicked off the plane but doing so for that reason, no matter how valid is bad publicity waiting to happen if some busybody sjw at the terminal at the time happens to record the encounter and him screaming calling them bigots against him and sends it to the media. It'll be taken out of context and make the airline look pretty bad at best

How do you know that he's through security? As far as I know you can't track status that closely unless you have some kind of in with the airline or something. I could be wrong though.

You definitely can't track someones progress through security, for alot of what should be quite obvious reasons, so I don't know how klickitat is figuring that one. Its likely that somebody just did the checkin stuff remotely via the internet and having access to his info and ticket number. So far there hasn't been any indication that he is actually going through with the flight. At least nothing that has been posted here

 

[NattyDaddy]

@klickitat is Lucas Werner. The dude is schizo after all

Fuuck that's the twist we really need to cap this year off

 

[WonderWino]

Fuuck that's the twist we really need to cap this year off

That would be quite the twist. Lucas with split personalities he doesn't know exists being both the wern and his own subconscious trying to ridicule and fuck with him as klickitat. I can see it now: dr nigga and mr kickitat memes would be perfect

You just know he'd end up going full green goblin at some point

 

[ThomasAudley]

Lucas’ flight should be in the air soon and a certain Kiwi is oddly quiet

 

[teleméres69]

I could see Lucas as an obese hobgoblin. Not quite the heavy hitter as Osborn, but still a menace. Much like the fat Ned Leeds the MCU seems to be setting up, Lucas could go full goblin after his betrayal by Spider-Goldaor and try throwing Sophie off a bridge to get revenge for all the ridicule at his hands with the golden usb.

Instead of a burning sword he could use a flaming box cutter, and instead of pumpkin bombs he just throws his meeple toss pieces. All while cackling and monologuing about his extended Oz formula telomeres
"You're gonna hate me? You're gonna hate ME?! You get the pussy while I get the chicken?! *throws meeple bomb* bigits!!"

That would be quite the twist. Lucas with split personalities he doesn't know exists being both the wern and his own subconscious trying to ridicule and fuck with him as klickitat. I can see it now: dr nigga and mr kickitat memes would be perfect

You just know he'd end up going full green goblin at some point

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

@klickitat is Lucas Werner. The dude is schizo after all

It would be a genius way to get everyone to stop disliking his videos.

 

[Wernology]

woah woah, according to what? Lets hope he posts a vid eating at the red robin before he's off to the big city!

According to shit I can't screenshot and put here or he'd instantly know who my main account was and cut me off.

He's definitely on that flight though.

And I'm obviously not Lucas Werner; several people here have chatted with me on voice over Discord.

Lucas’ flight should be in the air soon and a certain Kiwi is oddly quiet

Yeah, I work until 5 CST and don't typically post to KF while I'm also driving.