Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Wernology]

I can't imagine what Payee is doing with that money. She may as well be stuffing it down a gigolo's codpiece in some seedy alley behind Clinkerdaggers at this point for all the good it's doing. Lucas should have been housed a good eight months ago.

I'd ask myself if there is even one competent person at the wheel in Washington but at this point I have run out of margarita mix.

The payee probably is doing what they're supposed to with it.

Lucas is the dumbass who got himself banned from government housing for the bullshit he tried to pull on his neighbors at the last place (leaving creepy notes about hooking him up with the young women he "knew" they were bringing over, 'bouncing' the stairs, overtly telling people he expected them to hand over a woman to him or he'd tell the management they were selling/doing drugs, this isn't speculation, this is shit he admitted happened on video, though when he tells it he says he knows they were dealing, but still straight up admits he told them if they didn't hand a woman over to him he'd go to building management) and he has a long history of evictions so even the dimmest landlord wouldn't be willing to even go month to month with him.

Never mind that he'd never be able to afford that, and anyone who googles his name isn't going to rent him a room for obvious reasons.

I wouldn't doubt that he's probably got more than enough money in the housing fund the payee has to set up and maintain, it's more that he could have enough for 2 years' worth of rent and utilities in there and he still wouldn't be able to find anyone in Spokane that'd be willing to rent to him.

From what he's said (so take it with a grain of salt) the payee has been trying to find him housing but when they find out who it's for they either ghost her or deny it because he's on a no rent list. It's only funnier because he was so sure right after he initially got evicted the last time that he'd be able to use being bipolar as an excuse as to why he shouldn't be on that no rent list for his behavior.

 

[Da Dude123]

Attached are the docs for his trespass citation. Unfortunately it is completely mundane and a pretty common thing among homeless weirdos. No video footage was provided, I'll check with records but it's very possible that because it was park rangers (rather than the city police) that they don't have bodycams.
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I like how Lucas told the Park Ranger that he wasn't sure if he was banned from that park or not. Imagine that? Being banned from spaces is such a normal event in your life that you lose track of where you aren't allowed to be at. You really aren't sure of where you can go. Unreal! This is Lucas's life and he would say this is all due to bigotry and mostly his age. Those agephobes keep banning him! Not that he was being a raging sped in these spaces. No, bigotry! But don't let this distract you from the fact that he is plenty good and is ready to be a dad!

 

[ThomasAudley]

Type of premise: park/playground

 

[Bassomatic]

Lucas managed to get 1400 dollars given to him, his payee, said fuck it.. he has near a band and a half.

Now, for someone middle class, it's paying a debt down, maybe a sweet new TV and a big family dinner at a real steak house (not clinkernigger) someone lower class, hell it's a new car or a first car, rent for 2 months.

Lucas poorer than poor, (but not truly poor because tard bux) managed to get arrested creeping in a park because he got robbed trying to show off to literal (in his words) crack heads.

Ladies of this thread, may I ask you something? I am aware girls kinda are stranged out or off put by a man having no friends/social life understandably, but what if sexy ass dude who's spitting game at you, hangs out with literal crack heads. On a scale of Gobi desert, to Niagara falls, what's your panties dampness level?

Someone call NASA we have found an absolute zero, I deem the Lucas Colby Werner, that.

 

[mothman96]

If he doesn't turn up this week, then something is going on. We have to rely on the boots on the ground to report on Lucas sightings. It would take some serious autism, but going on a recognizance mission to known locations Lucas is known to frequent could turn up results.

Lucas by definition is a vulnerable person, due to his exceptionalism and could possibly be at risk for financial exploitation. Someone swindling him out of his tardbux check with the promise of zoomer women or by jumping the cow and taking his tugboat. If that is happening, then I just wish they would leave his phone and charger so we can learn more about it.

We are the closest thing that Lucas has to anyone who cares about him and that includes his own mother. How sad...

Lucas does it to himself. He thinks dishing out money is going to make others "owe" him a Gen Z girl.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Lucas managed to get 1400 dollars given to him, his payee, said fuck it.. he has near a band and a half.

Now, for someone middle class, it's paying a debt down, maybe a sweet new TV and a big family dinner at a real steak house (not clinkernigger) someone lower class, hell it's a new car or a first car, rent for 2 months.

Lucas poorer than poor, (but not truly poor because tard bux) managed to get arrested creeping in a park because he got robbed trying to show off to literal (in his words) crack heads.

Ladies of this thread, may I ask you something? I am aware girls kinda are stranged out or off put by a man having no friends/social life understandably, but what if sexy ass dude who's spitting game at you, hangs out with literal crack heads. On a scale of Gobi desert, to Niagara falls, what's your panties dampness level?

Someone call NASA we have found an absolute zero, I deem the Lucas Colby Werner, that.

But he didn't get arrested though, right?

I mean, it says at the end of the report that he left on his own recognizance.

 

[Bassomatic]

But he didn't get arrested though, right?

I mean, it says at the end of the report that he left on his own recognizance.

Correct, he did leave with his ticket to come to court. I edged the truth a little bit, because I am not a kind man to Lucas, sometimes, here I like to poke the bear. Lucas has what 30 mins a day using the public library now? That's his entire connection to the world.

We know he stalks here like a religion, spending much more time than many of us posters do. Can you picture in 2.5% of the day you're allowed human interaction and the net, you see people claiming you are in jail, nut houses etc?

Yes Lucas wasn't arrested per say, but we aren't here to do more than shit post and laugh, and acting like Lucas got cuffed and slammed into a paddy wagon is pretty fucking funny, way funnier when Lucas you know reads this and REEEEEEES as we are "spreading vile rumors"

 

[Wernology]

Attached are the docs for his trespass citation. Unfortunately it is completely mundane and a pretty common thing among homeless weirdos. No video footage was provided, I'll check with records but it's very possible that because it was park rangers (rather than the city police) that they don't have bodycams.
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Even though this is of an incident that occurred during one of the Golden USB podcasts where Lucas got cited for trespassing after having been banned from the park, it's still a fun one to listen to.

He left his phone recording for some fuck all reason, and it's hilarious to see how meek and compliant he becomes when authority gets involved; plus him trying to play off that he didn't know he was in the park was unintentional comedy gold.

This exchange happened in August 2020, so I'd guess that the most recent encounter went in a similar fashion.

 

[Jeremiah the Bullfrog]

Type of premise: park/playground

Yeah, that's probably not the best place for a pedo like him.

 

[ClownBrew]

Actually starting to get unironically worried both for him and for the general public there. He really and truly is not safe left to his own devices on the streets. I know the jackhead deserves no asspats but this neglect of an unstable situation has gone far enough.

And the fact that he has been creeping around restaurants and parks and the public library proves that he isn't secured in a hospital and whereever he is staying is not a semi-safe public shelter.

This is not good.

I have a bad feeling he's fallen back in with those weird tweakers who aren't connected to Isaac or that nerdy fat kid they picked up last time.

 

[Apteryx Owenii]

His trespass case was continued until 5/11/21. The other three penny-ante charges from last year on the municipal docket all ended in dismissal w\out prejudice, probably as part of some short-bus program because it's too expensive to house bums in jail and they don't pay fines.

 

[teleméres69]

Lucas has admitted in the past he's considered "something of a celebrity" by SPD. Probably the latter

Yeah, one of the reasons I wanted the arrest narrative was that I was wondering if this was a case of someone calling or the police self-initiating a call. The former would indicate that he was being a disorderly moron at the moment. The latter indicates that he's enough of a chronic problem that he's a frequent flier and the police know and tell each other about him.

 

[another idiot]

Actually starting to get unironically worried both for him and for the general public there. He really and truly is not safe left to his own devices on the streets. I know the jackhead deserves no asspats but this neglect of an unstable situation has gone far enough.

And the fact that he has been creeping around restaurants and parks and the public library proves that he isn't secured in a hospital and whereever he is staying is not a semi-safe public shelter.

This is not good.

I have a bad feeling he's fallen back in with those weird tweakers who aren't connected to Isaac or that nerdy fat kid they picked up last time.

So? There's nothing any of us here can do about it and while it sucks that he's not giving us new material to laugh at, don't forget that he's a horrible person, would for sure rape a child if he knew he can get away with it, and that he caused every bit of his misery himself with his shitty decisions. He doesn't deserve anything better than sleeping in a filthy shed with a bunch of tweakers who steal all his shit.

 

[Wernology]

So? There's nothing any of us here can do about it and while it sucks that he's not giving us new material to laugh at, don't forget that he's a horrible person, would for sure rape a child if he knew he can get away with it, and that he caused every bit of his misery himself with his shitty decisions. He doesn't deserve anything better than sleeping in a filthy shed with a bunch of tweakers who steal all his shit.

Or if he could pull it off.

Other people in general don't want to get near him. Creep vibes aside, he doesn't bathe or wear deodorant. The smell alone would drive anyone he'd view as "wife material" away well before he could get close enough to grab them.

Apart from that he's not physically fast enough to catch anyone and is too stupid to lure anyone, he's proven the latter repeatedly over the years as that's all he's been trying (and failing) to do since 2012: Lure an underage girl.

Just looking at his body condition, how fast he gets winded walking, and the weird, off balance gait he has would mean the only thing he could catch would be someone unable to walk away at a brisk pace.

We've also seen how he reacts to confrontation: He either runs away, turns meek and complacent, or he barks a lot but knows better than to bite as he's well aware he'd get his ass kicked.

In theory, he's dangerous. In practice, he's generally only a danger to himself.

He's a predator for sure, but he's an inept one.

 

[Trainwreck]

After seeing Lucas many times in person, he acts like a scared cat. His eyes are always darting around like a paranoid schizophrenic afraid of people just minding their own business. One day I was leaving my office building and just as I was walking out of the door, that fat faggot was right in front of me walking past. His eyes immediately darted over to see who was walking out. And not with a normal glance like regular people, it was creepy, It was super awkward and then he just hurried up and walked as fast as his dead foot would carry him.

I think the only way that he could ever be an actual threat to a young girl, it would have to a young teenager who functioned on a 6-8 year old level. Unfortunately, we have a lot of halfway homes for girls just like this and they have a tendency to run away. Any other teenage girl MIGHT let him buy her something if she had a guy friend around, but by herself, I just can't see it. The "plaza rats" are the guys who have swooped all the "women" that Lucas is always talking about. They are basically a bunch of kids who don't have the best home lives, think they are a little wanna be gangsterish and run around the streets of downtown. Isaac and his underage brother are exactly the kind of kids who I'm talking about. They are always in groups panhandling, smoking cigarettes and being overall hoodlums. The girls would WAY rather hang out with those kids rather than an obese, balding insane person.

 

[Da Dude123]

The idea of Lucas being holed up in some opium den and having the tweakers and dope fiends stealing his handouts is comical to me. However, it is disappointing he can't share these tales with the world.

Something is up with the cow. He probably is not in a good place now. Of course, Lucas hasn't been in a good place in 20 years, except when he caught COVID and the taxpayers paid for his hotel vacation all expenses covered.

But now, with him not posting on social media something is amiss. I can't see Lucas having a period of clarity where he realizes he makes an ass of himself online. Not our lolcow, not Lucas.

I hope if someone sees him in public we can get some pics like the British paparazzi. He can start mooing and reeeing, but he is too fat and disabled to give chase if he sees his picture being snapped.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

The idea of Lucas being holed up in some opium den and having the tweakers and dope fiends stealing his handouts is comical to me. However, it is disappointing he can't share these tales with the world.

Something is up with the cow. He probably is not in a good place now. Of course, Lucas hasn't been in a good place in 20 years, except when he caught COVID and the taxpayers paid for his hotel vacation all expenses covered.

But now, with him not posting on social media something is amiss. I can't see Lucas having a period of clarity where he realizes he makes an ass of himself online. Not our lolcow, not Lucas.

I hope if someone sees him in public we can get some pics like the British paparazzi. He can start mooing and reeeing, but he is too fat and disabled to give chase if he sees his picture being snapped.

I think it's highly unlikely too, but the longer this goes on, the more we're going to have to at least consider the possibility that Lucas is doing this deliberately because he's realized that all of his content just makes him a bigger target and gets him more mockery.

Perhaps it's not even his idea; perhaps one of the social services people he interacted with has heard him complain about internet harassment often enough that they managed to get the idea into his melon-shaped head that taking a break from the internet might be productive for his life, and at least all of his trolls wouldn't be aware of what he's doing all the time.

I know, I know, I don't think it's very likely either, because you think if he could have had that sort of epiphany it would have happened by now, but it's still possible.

As everyone has repeated, something is up. Lucas is a creature of habit, eating, smoking pot, making his excessively repetitive videos; the fact that he's broken his pattern is indicative of some sort of structural change.

I'm anxiously waiting to see what that change is.

 

[Nobleman]

Lucas sighting. Just now at 2 pm PST. Two friends and I were leaving the Twiggs resturaunt after lunch and he was standing at the hostess station waiting to be seated. Greasy hair in a ponytail, actually clean black shirt and blue jeans, and a dirty "Incredibles" movie backpack.

Didn't look at us when we passed but was fixates on the waitress making a drink near the bar.

I would have got a pic but qith these friends, they wouldn't understand my fixation with Wernology so couldnt really stop and pause for a pic.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Lucas eats out more than most non-homeless people with jobs.

That's a comment on something, im not sure what.

Since food is clearly the thing that matters to him above all else, if anybody wanted him to actually seek permanent housing, or realize that he needs a job to maintain his lifestyle, they would have to take away his ability to constantly eat out at these overpriced restaurants.

But they won't, so he'll be content to be homeless, occasionally being in shelters, as long as he gets his three or four meals at restaurants a week right?

 

[Da Dude123]

Lucas sighting. Just now at 2 pm PST. Two friends and I were leaving the Twiggs resturaunt after lunch and he was standing at the hostess station waiting to be seated. Greasy hair in a ponytail, actually clean black shirt and blue jeans, and a dirty "Incredibles" movie backpack.

Didn't look at us when we passed but was fixates on the waitress making a drink near the bar.

I would have got a pic but qith these friends, they wouldn't understand my fixation with Wernology so couldnt really stop and pause for a pic.

Incredibles movie backpack? That must be the new hobo sack that he dug out of a donation bin. The guy really has no shame.