Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

Werndrawal.... I too am going through it, and because of this, I've been watching some old Wern videos, and I found myself focusing on his mention of the TV show Friends.

It's interesting; at the beginning Lucas starts off criticizing Friends, because he thinks that the show doesn't show enough literal sex, or enough physical affection, he describes it as "likey-likey", his babyfied way of indicating the superficiality of a relationship that doesn't include deep affection, which was one of his early phrases to indicate a relationship that didn't involve the man constantly having his arm cuffed around the girl's shoulders to prevent her from running away, a concept that he still mentions now.

It's so fascinating to me the way he acts as if the fictional sitcom Friends is somehow indicative, and evidence of, his theory of older man younger woman, because of the relationship between Courtney Cox and Tom Selleck.

It's like, lucas? It's not real! However well they did or didn't get along on the TV show, it's just a show.

Making the Tom Selleck character older was just a way of introducing a foil into the plot, which otherwise relied on same age relationships primarily.

It's just a device to add some variety to the relationships which make up most of the plot focus of the show, right?

And then later on of course, he says that he calls women honey and baby, because all the men on Friends call all the women these nicknames, because they're always a potential mate, which is disgusting, and I don't think was ever the intention on Friends, but that's what Lucas took away from it.

He also mentioned something about the show Friends, no, it was that 70s show, always using the word bitch, and always calling women bitches, which I don't personally remember from that show, I'm wondering if that's more phantom "Voices on the Wind", or what.

Right now, and for the recent past, "voices on the wind" are my holy Grail of Wernography.

This is the subject I most want Lucas to be quizzed about, because I'm entirely uncertain as to how he would deal with it, the only example we have being the very end of the final golden USB podcast, when he acted as if he didn't understand what goldar was talking about, even though there was a brief moment of acknowledgment.

If Cyril ever comes back, I'd be curious to see whether he has any remembrance of Lucas mentioning phantom voices, whether he referred to them as voices on the wind, or the background noise bigots, or something else entirely.

I mean, someone in Lucas's immediate circle, especially his family, must be aware of this auditory hallucination, right?

It's one of the most obvious outward signs of his insanity, beyond his ranting, which he obviously tries to use his political passion to disguise as normal, although that's fairly unsuccessful.

But "voices on the wind".

Lucas, who is such a student of society, although he's an idiot student, who spends so much time watching people, still hasn't figured out that no one else hears "Voices on the wind".

No one else hears or ever mentions background noise bigots.

How has this been possible for so long? Lucas patterns his speech after people around him so thoroughly, picking up bits of slang, explaining that his brother had to teach him how to respond in casual interactions, so much of his activity is copied and played out incorrectly, and yet the Voices on the Wind stand out.

Alone he hears and discusses this obvious red flag of insanity, despite the fact that people who interacted with him personally must have mentioned to Lucas their confusion at hearing him discuss the idea of voices coming out of the ether, right?

This is why the Voices on the Wind stand out, even amongst the library of insanity that he has spewed, as being uniquely crazy.
See here's what gets me about the Voices on the Wind: they seem rational.
Now Lucas talking openly about hearing the voices and just assuming this is something that everyone else experiences is extremely irrational and insane.

However, the times he mentions what they actually, those things are negative about Lucas. Typically insulting him and saying bigoted things to him.
My personal favorite is when he claimed in a video that part of the reason young women won't date him is that "then voices in the background will tell you not to and you listen to those voices!"

Now with most nutcases, its the voices in their head/background are telling them insane and/or dangerous things. Yet in Lucas's case, it seems the voices are the ones trying to deflate his delusions if not outright warn others about him.
 
I was thinking about one of my favorite Lucasisms, when he lists the differences between him and a young man:


"He's The soda, I'm the alcohol; he's the milk, I'm the cheese; he's the seed, I'm the plant; he's the calf, I'm....the cow."

There are so very many things that I love about this, not least of which is the pause before saying "the cow", when you can hear the gears of Lucas's brain almost temporarily grinding to a halt, as he considers whether positioning himself as the cow is really the preferable alternative in that binary set.

But beyond that:

Aging soda pop doesn't turn it into alcohol, right? So that duality goes right out the window.

There are certainly times when alcohol is nice, but there are times when a can of soda is nice.

It's like Lucas's example of cheese and milk. He used to always say "Would you want to put milk on your nachos?" Where the hell did the nachos come from? What if you're eating a bowl of rice krispies? Do you really want to put cheese on your rice krispies?

The fact that he's cherrypicked these little ridiculous metaphors out of thin air and he doesn't even realize how easily breakable the confines of his duality is, remains actually kind of shocking to me, for someone who's repeated this nonsense for 10 years.

Is a seed worse than a plant? I mean, you can plant seeds, so they have potential value, which you could argue beats the inherent value in an already grown plant.

Is a calf inferior to a cow? A lot of people prize things like veal; are we using the cow for milk? Are we trying to get beef from this theoretical, hypothetical cow? Is it a LOLcow? (It certainly is)

If I ever had Lucas alone in a room where I could torture him with the many many contradictions of his arguments, I'd be sure to ask him all this.

After asking about voices on the wind.

And after spraying him for lice.

And after shooting him with a fire hose several times for my own amusement.
 
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Oh wow I didn't know he was still active on YouTube. His show is garbage the highlights were the prank calls from the Something Awful days that got him really wound up on air. He makes a point to gate keep against the trolls and haters, it's unwatchable and unfunny without them. But yes you'd be correct he is not gorgeous, he is a pig.

He's still talking about his same trolls almost 20 years later, I was in computer class on Ebaums World back in middle school when I started following GAY and he is still going on about the trolls its unbelievable, he still keeps fixating on them and it cost him his house trying to fight them in court lol. Looks like he is doing better than our boy Wern though with a delivery job and a place to live.

This is a good summary of the G.A.Y - George Alexander Yarid saga
Ah, GAY. Long before there was a CWC, or a LCW(Lucas Colby Werner, ya'll), there was GAY. Around 2003-2005, if you had internet and any ties to Richmond, VA, you knew GAY. Then the Goons discovered him, and shared him with the rest of the country. Anyway, for years, whenever I heard a toilet flush, I thought "Lol GAY."

GAY, like Lucas, is a member of the genus lolcow, but a different species. GAY, for all his hilarious shortcomings, is a functional male adult who doesn't shit himself. As such, he isn't nearly as interesting as Lucas, though his ability to express inarticulate rage is impressive.

It's reassuring to know that, decades after first coming to the attention of those with discriminating taste in human dysfunction, GAY is still gaying, and some assholes are still paying attention. He has made changes, but not changed. He is still GAY.

Will Lucas have similar staying power?

No. Ha ha. Of course not.

He won't live another 20 years, nor capture anyone's attention that long.

ETA:
And after shooting him with a fire hose several times for my own amusement.
That'd amuse me, too. In fact, just imagining it has amused me. Thank you.
 
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He's also beyond help when it comes to him wanting to fuck underaged kids, as even when he was in therapy and on medication in his own videos on his own channel that's all he talked about: Wanting to fuck and impregnate young girls.
It's just as well he doesn't. If he were properly medicated he might be just functional enough actually to rape a child.
 
He's probably talking about Carcassonne
I read the Wikipedia article, and it sounds deliriously complex.
Carcassonne involves placing meeples on tiles you place in order to track points and gain them. you don't "empower a worker" or whatever he's talking about. Carcassonne is a simplified board game of Sid Meier's Civilization without the combat, diplomacy, or research aspects. meeples are used to claim tiles to enhance the tile's value (a field becomes a worked farm, et c). you literally place tiles in valid positions alternating between players until there are no tiles left, then tally points, with the most points winning.

i think he's referring to some board game he bought, read about, but never played with others. he did have a small quantity of them for a bit. the alternate explanation is he's using an imagined board game as an analogy that jumbles together his broken thoughts into words that might make sense: communism, worker, empower, little by little, cockblock, board game, control, player, objects, goal, woman, other players, points or rules to achieve points, tracking points, comparing points, Lucas is just as good, plenty good, et c.
 
broken thoughts

Reminds me of this:

I don't even get half of this insanity. All I can make out is "Republicans... progressives... lesbian... Republican... progressives... economic history... Republicans... lesbian... you won't talk to me so you must be lesbian."

So it really is like Lucas is delirious with an endless fever.
 
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See here's what gets me about the Voices on the Wind: they seem rational.
Now Lucas talking openly about hearing the voices and just assuming this is something that everyone else experiences is extremely irrational and insane.

However, the times he mentions what they actually, those things are negative about Lucas. Typically insulting him and saying bigoted things to him.
My personal favorite is when he claimed in a video that part of the reason young women won't date him is that "then voices in the background will tell you not to and you listen to those voices!"

Now with most nutcases, its the voices in their head/background are telling them insane and/or dangerous things. Yet in Lucas's case, it seems the voices are the ones trying to deflate his delusions if not outright warn others about him.
My understanding is that with schizophrenia, often the voices tell you the things you least want to hear or the thoughts that you're trying the hardest to suppress in your own subconscious. It's just that for Lucas these are, hilariously, often quite sensible, reasonable, and true facts. The one that comes to mind is the time he was in a store looking at candy bars, and he says some total stranger told him "You're aware you're diabetic, right?". Clearly this was an audio hallucination since there's no way for a stranger to know his medical history (unless he was taking a guess based on Lucas' weight haha), but it's a sane and responsible thing to say, something a conscientious friend might have told Lucas if he had one. So yeah, it's quite hilarious that the hallucinatory voices in Lucas' head are more reasonable than his conscious thoughts, and that he tries so hard to suppress them. Normally I wouldn't say this about a schizophrenic but maybe you should listen to the voices Lucas.
 
My understanding is that with schizophrenia, often the voices tell you the things you least want to hear or the thoughts that you're trying the hardest to suppress in your own subconscious. It's just that for Lucas these are, hilariously, often quite sensible, reasonable, and true facts. The one that comes to mind is the time he was in a store looking at candy bars, and he says some total stranger told him "You're aware you're diabetic, right?". Clearly this was an audio hallucination since there's no way for a stranger to know his medical history (unless he was taking a guess based on Lucas' weight haha), but it's a sane and responsible thing to say, something a conscientious friend might have told Lucas if he had one. So yeah, it's quite hilarious that the hallucinatory voices in Lucas' head are more reasonable than his conscious thoughts, and that he tries so hard to suppress them. Normally I wouldn't say this about a schizophrenic but maybe you should listen to the voices Lucas.


The voices of schizophrenia can be everything from negative to positive. They can be strangers. They can be dead relatives.

There is nothing typical.

They can be egosyntonic or egodystonic.

With Lucas, they seem to be related very much to his obsessions and ruminating thoughts and very negative but as he’s fairly narcissistic he also has the delusion that he’s persecuted for his brilliance and his voices either reflect that or that belief is the reflection of his persecutors delusion. Chicken/egg thing.

But to say that he’s just channeling some unconscious awareness as voices is just not common or believable to me. At least that’s what I think you’re saying.
 
But to say that he’s just channeling some unconscious awareness as voices is just not common or believable to me. At least that’s what I think you’re saying.
Nah that wasn't really what I was trying to say, I don't think there's a consistent voice of reason in his subconscious mind that leaks out or anything like that. More just that it's funny that sometimes the voices on the wind make cogent points, and that this torments Lucas. I'm probably talking out my ass with all the psychology terms though, I haven't actually studied it outside a couple undergrad classes and reading wikipedia for fun.
 
Another Monday moving swiftly along with no new fat faggot videos. I'm starting to get withdrawals from not being able to make fun of him every day.

I saw a vulture earlier guarding his roadkill by flexing his wingspan and showing off to keep passing pedestrians away from it as if anyone would actually want it. Immediately made me think of Lucas the way he places such high importance on his busted telomeres and all the other shit he tries to flex that literally nobody would ever want. Lucas adamantly defending how plenty good he is and why he's superior father material is not unlike a vulture on the side of the road, defending his rotten meal from a world who couldn't care less about it.
 
Since there are a bunch of new people as of late who like to ask, "I wonder what he's like on medication?" or, worse, suggest he'd be somehow different and more functional on meds and in therapy, here's some vintage Wern.
This is from 2018, after he'd just completed a nearly year long involuntary stay in the psych ward and was on medication AND in therapy.

Spoiler: He's no different, he's just slower in his speech and mannerisms. He still obsesses about fucking underage women and rambles mostly incoherently about things ranging from how he has four watches and doesn't know how to read an analog clock, to how he wants to get a PhD at community college (in astrobiology or quantum physics from this era), how he doesn't have a trash can for his apartment yet, etc...

Same as his more recent videos, just with less shouting,

 
Kailyn Wilcher has been AWOL for almost a week, do you guys think...nah, I doubt it.

But if it meant getting laid, do you think he would do it with her? I imagine their individual aromas would cancel the other ones' out. Lucas would be so desperate her boils wouldn't bother him, and she would just lie there and giggle-exhale for the 20 seconds it would take.
 
One thing I really enjoy about Lucas even like OPL seems to have some limits Lucas always can out fail out most comical insults or comments.

We say, gross Lucas doesn't wipe he admits it! Then we joke about poop smell.. Next week Lucas LITERALLY LOSES HIS PANTS.

Now we are at a point Lucas who had biden bux and his welfare is too fucking stupid to buy a phone. Old useless boomers can't into phone plans and get ripped off, Lucas... can't even manage to hand over the FREE money given to him, to buy something. Can you picture this? You want some gum at the supermarket, instead of just putting it in the cart and swiping it, you pick the wintergreen chew up and manage to fall over shit your pants cry and scream then run out of the store. That sounds impossible, but some how Lucas could manage this.
 
But to say that he’s just channeling some unconscious awareness as voices is just not common or believable to me. At least that’s what I think you’re saying.
That's what I was trying to say, or at least that's my theory.

I doubt all of the voices he hears are subconscious self-awareness, but I suspect he is unable to tell the two apart.
Including how he mixes up other people's self-awareness and logical thinking with the voices that he hears.
 
That's what I was trying to say, or at least that's my theory.

I doubt all of the voices he hears are subconscious self-awareness, but I suspect he is unable to tell the two apart.
Including how he mixes up other people's self-awareness and logical thinking with the voices that he hears.

With him, some of it is very likely just one of his defense mechanisms; not hearing voices but attributing what he knows to be true (that he's a smelly, unpleasant creep whose very presence makes people either nervous or want to leave) but, as he's shown in the past, he can't take ANY sort of "negativity" or criticism given to him, he's point blank said he doesn't want to hear it numerous times in the past.

But, he can't block his own self-awareness, what little of it he might have left, and just like he does when confronted with his own behavior via screenshots or videos about him--or even just his OWN videos reuploaded somewhere else--he blames someone else.

It's "random people", it's "background voices", it's the "voices on the wind", it's me taking video and audio of various videos and stitching them up into what amounts as a deep fake, it's other people lying about him or his actions it's always other people. Even when the source is Lucas, even when you show him videos he uploaded to his own channel or linking him to posts on his own Facebook page that he posted, it was never him who said or did the thing, you're only believing his haters and liars, it's always someone else's fault. Anybody else's fault, just as long as Lucas never has to admit that it's his fault.

Even when he got pushed about some of those things on the Golden USB show, when he was confronted about it directly and Sophie wouldn't let him move on from the question, he doubled down and went with what I'm paraphrasing as, "Okay fine, so you found a post on my Facebook where I admit I'm a pedophile, but I didn't post that! It was Jason Purva! I must have left my computer logged in and he posted it to be mean or make a joke, whichever option you're more likely to believe!"

I don't believe for one second that he experiences actual auditory hallucinations; based on everything I've seen and hard from and about him, it all points to those "voices" just being his way of not having to face what he knows is the truth: That he's the problem and that all of his other problems stem directly from his poor decision making. He's proven time and again that he's incapable of taking criticism and thoroughly unable to take responsibility for both his own behavior and the consequences he gets to experience as a direct result of that behavior.

Even for Lucas 'admitting' that he hears voices is still better than admitting he knows damn well he's the cause of all of his problems. If he admits it, people here (and possibly zoomer baes) will see that he's being bullied and attacked and is just great guy with some mental illness.
 
Since there are a bunch of new people as of late who like to ask, "I wonder what he's like on medication?" or, worse, suggest he'd be somehow different and more functional on meds and in therapy, here's some vintage Wern.
This is from 2018, after he'd just completed a nearly year long involuntary stay in the psych ward and was on medication AND in therapy.
Yeah medicated Lucas is just as shitty of a person as unmedicated Lucas just slightly more subdued with it. I was thinking meds would be the best bet he would have at improving somewhat but thats only if he could actually take therapy seriously and he would probably just get pissed at his therapist for not being clear enough with the information or location
 
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