Make the worst video game movie ever

Cuphead, but done in a Cal Arts style animated in flash. 90 minutes of outdated pop culture references, a quirky dance scene where one of the character twerks, "witty" social commentary directed towards the Trump administration, some demonizing of the 1930s era for its sometimes off-color humor, and the brother gets replaced with a Strong Independent Woman portrayed by Brie Larson.

Directed by the masterminds behind the Emoji Movie, just to really get the point across.
 
Cuphead, but done in a Cal Arts style animated in flash. 90 minutes of outdated pop culture references, a quirky dance scene where one of the character twerks, "witty" social commentary directed towards the Trump administration, some demonizing of the 1930s era for its sometimes off-color humor, and the brother gets replaced with a Strong Independent Woman portrayed by Brie Larson.

Directed by the masterminds behind the Emoji Movie, just to really get the point across.
Don't give them any ideas. Seriously.
 
Adding to that they’d probably cast a bunch of “diverse” actors to play the kids, Junko is Brie Larson in cosplay, and Chihiro would be a transwoman for OBVIOUS reasons.

Also Togami will be a Trump supporter who realizes that he is a gay liberal in the closet because his dad abused him and will date Toko who is a body positive transman (they put no effort into transitioning as well).

Mondo and Ishimaru are blatantly gay fruitcakes.

Makoto will be a black woman of color whose a lesbian.
 
Me and my brother came up with an idea for a Kirby movie where it's just a fat guy in a pink shirt (played by late 90s/early 2000s John Goodman) named "Joe Kirby" who likes to eat a lot getting into an eating contest with some corrupt corporate executive who has the initials DDD, who moves into the town of Green-Green, Alabama to replace all the local restaurants with his own fast food chains. He has a borderline-retarded redneck friend named "Waddle" Dee, who used to waddle when he was a kid. There's a scene in the movie where "Kirby" eats curry and starts spitting out fire, and a scene where he eats sushi and suddenly knows karate; this is the closest part in the movie to accurately portraying Kirby's powers.

I'm basing it off of all those old video game movies that very-loosely adapted the source material, like Super Mario Bros and Street Fighter, because they have a certain charm to them.

Not gonna lie, that would actually be fun to watch. There really was a campy "So Bad Its Good" charm to a lot of those 90's in-name-only video game movies.
 
The American live action adaptation of Final Fantasy 7

Cloud becomes a lesbian mulattoo and toguether with his motley crue of trans, non binary asian, mexican and black female allies of the liberation group Antifavanche take down evel president Shinra Drumpft. Also sephirot is also black and they give him a sympatethic story where is fights racism and he only does bad things brainwashed by Jenova who is a capitalist colonialist male.

Also, half the movie takes place in highshool where everyone meets, everyone has iphones, cloud is a sick skater and uses social media, its totally tubular
 
Dino Crisis but it's "anti-woke" to the point of absurdity and is also done in the style of Italian cannibal movies from the 70's and early 80's.

The dinosaurs are all cheap CGI but the gore is all done with realistic practical effects, the entire movie has this grainy 16mm film quality, Regina spends two-thirds of the film naked and she's killing dinosaurs, Antifa terrorists, and indigenous savages by the dozens, and Antifa itself is portrayed as more competent than they are in real life. The soundtrack is entirely comprised of the kind of music you'd hear in 70's pornos. Despite the fact the script is written in English, all the dialogue is dubbed over. Poorly.

Also, for some strange reason, a few characters from other Capcom properties show up out of nowhere

Then the film ends with a back to back montage of black title cards with white text saying things like "Black Lives Don't Matter", "Capitalism Will Win in The End", "Colonialism is Good", "Punk Sucks", and "Columbus Did Nothing Wrong" as well as a still image of the Confederate flag while a Synthwave version of Ode To Joy plays.

And then this song will play over the end credits...


The director and the actors will all use obvious pseudonyms lifted from old pornos or from Bart Simpson prank calls

Directed by Cletus Van Damme
Screenplay by Pound Foolish

Regina - Rebel Joy
Dylan Morton - Christopher Courage
Rick - Randy Woodcock
Gail - Danny Bush
David Fork - Miles Deep
Chun Li - Lucy Morales
Cammy - Rose Palmer
Antifa Leader - Amanda Hugginkiss
Tribal Chieftain - Hugh Jass
Ryu - Homer Sexual
Ken - Country Rhodes
Talking Utahraptor - Bick Balse
Nazi Chris Redfield - Jurgen Offen
 
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Call of Duty World at War Nazi Zombies with the try guys.

That would be awful.

Looking at my contributions to the thread, I'm wondering about something...

Most of these ideas seem to be the kind of thing that probably would happen in "Current Year" Hollywood and it's kinda depressing that Hollywood's so out of ideas that even their bad adaptations of vidya would be easy to predict.

A woke movie adaptation of Final Fantasy VII with Cloud as a blackwashed dyke? I could see that if Square Enix got too foolhardy and trusted Hollywood with their golden goose a second time.

Same goes for Cuphead as an intentionally ugly CalArts Tumblr cartoon or an Emoji Movie ripoff.

But Dino Crisis as a sleazy grindhouse cannibal film or CarnEvil as a jukebox musical splatter comedy might be a bit too over the top. It's the kind of thing that's pretty much impossible to happen and I almost want to see what it would look like if it actually did.

Uwe Boll was an awful director, but I'll admit he didn't really give a fuck and was making money even when his movies inevitably bombed and his trash didn't have the aura of pretentiousness that a lot of the woke movies do
 
That would be awful.

Looking at my contributions to the thread, I'm wondering about something...

Most of these ideas seem to be the kind of thing that probably would happen in "Current Year" Hollywood and it's kinda depressing that Hollywood's so out of ideas that even their bad adaptations of vidya would be easy to predict.

A woke movie adaptation of Final Fantasy VII with Cloud as a blackwashed dyke? I could see that if Square Enix got too foolhardy and trusted Hollywood with their golden goose a second time.

Same goes for Cuphead as an intentionally ugly CalArts Tumblr cartoon or an Emoji Movie ripoff.

But Dino Crisis as a sleazy grindhouse cannibal film or CarnEvil as a jukebox musical splatter comedy might be a bit too over the top. It's the kind of thing that's pretty much impossible to happen and I almost want to see what it would look like if it actually did.

Uwe Boll was an awful director, but I'll admit he didn't really give a fuck and was making money even when his movies inevitably bombed and his trash didn't have the aura of pretentiousness that a lot of the woke movies do
The one movie that he made about the video game POSTAL was on point and fun to watch. Probably only one of the ultra rare cases where the movie gives the same vibes as the video game.
 
Megaman X movie made by Paul W.S. Anderson, with his wife as Alia, who gets X and Zero's powers after they die 20-30 minutes in the movie.

Legend of Zelda comedy 'Isekai' in the vein of Martin Lawrence's "Black Knight" where some geeky black guy becomes a new Gerudo Link (male). Ganon is also black, but he has Twinrova and Veran as his Team Rocket esque hoes/elite minions. I feel there's potential for some "so bad its good" like the old 90s cringe.
 
A 100% faithful adaptation of Big Rigs Over the Road Racing.
 
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A video game adaptation of The Room.
It's a point-and-click adventure game that follows the plot of the movie.
Complete with bugs.
 
To capitalize on those trends, an Among Us movie that's set up like a scifi horror, but the actual movie is full of Whedonesque quips that defuse any of the tense moments. However a horror comedy Among Us film actually sounds like it could be fun if they played up the B movie schlock angle.

To make it a truly awful video game movie, have it written by Youtubers who mainly appeal to ADHD kids.
 
The American live action adaptation of Final Fantasy 7

Cloud becomes a lesbian mulattoo and toguether with his motley crue of trans, non binary asian, mexican and black female allies of the liberation group Antifavanche take down evel president Shinra Drumpft. Also sephirot is also black and they give him a sympatethic story where is fights racism and he only does bad things brainwashed by Jenova who is a capitalist colonialist male.

Also, half the movie takes place in highshool where everyone meets, everyone has iphones, cloud is a sick skater and uses social media, its totally tubular

I will watch this as long as Barret is the same size but was born with a vagina.
 
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