Burned Docs Parenting Class

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Altissimo said:
Nah...

Chris: Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be Crystal.

Matthew: A dream...as in, you were asleep and you saw something?

Chris: Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.

[...]

Matthew: Do it. And if it's not a message from god, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?

Chris: Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-

Matthew: Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?
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It's one of Christory's mysteries. I have no reason not to believe Chris's Daughter Dreams started early in his development, but Crystal-the-God-Called-Daughter is all mixed up with Crystal-the-Twin-Sister and who-knows-what-else. There's also an interesting pic form his scrapbook:

454-CWCsPossibleFuture.JPG

...except that Chris's offspring is a male child and he depicts himself working in a pokeball factory. All-in-all, without further evidence, we just don't know that much about Crystal-the-God-Called-Daughter except that Chris was (and maybe still is) obsessed with the idea. Maybe more papers from his parenting class will illuminate the mystery.
 
Altissimo said:
Chris: Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old
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My mistake, I guess I was conflating Crystal with his fucksweet quest, which didn't start til he was 21.

I wonder if Crystal as a daughter evolved from a childish wish for a baby sibling, like a lot of kids have... actually, that seems fairly likely, since Crystal is his sister in the comic.

EDIT: BillRiley beat me to it.
 
Alec Benson Leary said:
So back to Chris... I really wonder why he took this class, because he hadn't yet had his Crystal prophecy. What could he possibly care about raising kids at that point?
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But, didn't he have the Crystal prophecy as early as age 7?
 
Alec Benson Leary said:
I wonder if Crystal as a daughter evolved from a childish wish for a baby sibling, like a lot of kids have... actually, that seems fairly likely, since Crystal is his sister in the comic.
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That seems entirely possible. We know Fat Dummy was pining for a "second player" as late as "The Song of Christian"

Ricky Retardo said:
Anyway, I'm just usually lonely at home. Don't have a second player to play with. I don't even have a little brother, and I'm s—still hoping for one.
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The name 'Crystal' (or 'Crystle') crops up in the Animal Crossing Docu and the Mario Kart Race thing, but no reference is made to either the God-Called Daughter or the Female Twin. Knowing Chris, it's possible all three wishs have co-existed in his autistic little noggin since early childhood. It's really quite a tangle.
 
Alec Benson Leary said:
In my catholic school, they couldn't even keep their lies straight. One day the teacher would tell us condoms had a 25% failure rate, the next day the same teacher would say a 30% failure rate. She didn't like when students started quoting actual research that proved her wrong.
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I went to a Christian school until 8th grade. They basically didn't do any sex ed. High school our health class was basically sex ed for like half of the year. The highlight was our teacher saying that if you don't have access to dental dam you should use plastic wrap like they did in that Jamie foxx movie.
 
BillRiley said:
It's one of Christory's mysteries. I have no reason not to believe Chris's Daughter Dreams started early in his development, but Crystal-the-God-Called-Daughter is all mixed up with Crystal-the-Twin-Sister and who-knows-what-else. There's also an interesting pic form his scrapbook:

454-CWCsPossibleFuture.JPG

...except that Chris's offspring is a male child and he depicts himself working in a pokeball factory. All-in-all, without further evidence, we just don't know that much about Crystal-the-God-Called-Daughter except that Chris was (and maybe still is) obsessed with the idea. Maybe more papers from his parenting class will illuminate the mystery.
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It would also be interesting to learn precisely when he decided any hypothetical male child would be a drooling, peeing 'n' pooping imbecile. In that picture, the son is clearly meant to be an endearing reflection of his pa.
 
Ian Brandon Something said:
I also like how their carpet has raised letters spelling 'autism.' What?
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Part of me thinks Chris' habit of including the word AUTISM in so many drawings was a cynical ploy to get a good grade and/or extra ass-pats from adults. Like he thinks if he constantly reminds the teacher that he's autistic, they'll give him high marks for trying his best instead of grading him solely on the quality of his work.

I know that when I was a shitty little kid, I used to sign all my letters (I wrote lots of letters to newspapers and TV networks that pissed me off, I was a tiny little old person) with my age so whatever adult got the letter would think it was charming and precocious instead of weird unsolicited rambling. Kind of the same principle.
 
harvey dirdban said:
Part of me thinks Chris' habit of including the word AUTISM in so many drawings was a cynical ploy to get a good grade and/or extra ass-pats from adults. Like he thinks if he constantly reminds the teacher that he's autistic, they'll give him high marks for trying his best instead of grading him solely on the quality of his work.

I know that when I was a shitty little kid, I used to sign all my letters (I wrote lots of letters to newspapers and TV networks that pissed me off, I was a tiny little old person) with my age so whatever adult got the letter would think it was charming and precocious instead of weird unsolicited rambling. Kind of the same principle.
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Yeah that's the impression I get as well. Chris uses autism almost like a Masonic handshake to not so subtly remind people that he deserves special treatment.
 
Gothicserpent said:
The irony of the "Slow in de minds" remarks are killing me.

He truly hasn't changed at ALL.
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Are we talking about his behavior, mannerisms, or pants? Or D) All of the above? Because he certainly would still be wearing that ass-tastic clown shirt if it hadn't been lost in the fire.
 
mst3kluv said:
My school also had an elective childhood class where the big assignment was to take care of a robot baby over the weekend. Those babies actually came in different races.
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I might well have signed up for that class just for an opportunity to disassemble one of those robots to see what can be done with it. Of course they're probably nothing more than a combination furby and tamagotchi, if even that, so it probably would have been disappointing.
Alec Benson Leary said:
So back to Chris... I really wonder why he took this class, because he hadn't yet had his Crystal prophecy. What could he possibly care about raising kids at that point?
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Other people have mentioned the kids fantasy is older than that, but I think class scheduling probably had a big part to do with it too. I suspect this was the easiest class being offered in its particular time slot. Given a choice between something like physical education or machine shop and this parenting class, Chris wouldn't even see it as a choice.

I'm more curious just what the hell he thought he was doing taking chemistry.
 
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