perhaps the most retarded idea I've ever had (Registered Agent Edition)

[crab fucker]

It's just retarded enough to work.

 

[iloveallah]

1puglife (Canadian redneck vlogger that lives in a tractor dealership) has tried to use hobo labor on his compound several times and it always ends with the guy refusing to do any work and/or stealing shit.

Example of what will happen to the slave quarters:

 

[rel=alternate]

But what would we call it?

I suggest "The Zoo", short, to the point and catchy. Also advertiser friendly.

 

[dry roasted]

You gotta get an ally tranny janny or someone missing at least a couple limbs. It must be someone they'll look terrible harassing. Honestly even just hiring some guy who's willing to don a dress and lipstick at "the office" as part of the job description wouldn't be a bad idea

 

[Flaming_Barghast]

I'd need to discuss it with a lawyer to figure out what would be most fair and legal.

Shit, so someone who already owns a house and is offering to use it as base wouldn't count, then?
I was talkin to husband about using our place as the retrival thing.
Edit for clarification: we legit wouldn't mind, husband and I still have different last names and I'm technically disabled and can't work. I'm sure they'll harrass us regardless but it won't look good on them for doing so.

 

[Edict of Expulsion]

Btw here in BFN california there are towns small enough for mail to only be picked up at the local post office, they don't even bother to deliver it to every dirt 'farm'.

 

[TV's Adam West]

I am genuinely willing to pack up everything I have and move into a real life nightmare hellscape. It's like the drug scenes from Fear and Loathing but in real life but now with trannies.

 

[McSchlomo]

From reading over this thread what you're considering seems like enormous amounts of trouble (even if potentially funny). It seems easier to keep trying to get new normal agents, and risk going through them rather quickly, but with a chance to find someone who doesn't give a shit.

What I'm trying to say: Are you sure you have exhausted the "normal" options? From your post it seems like you have resigned yourself rather quickly to the idea of not being able to find one.

 

[Konstantin Romanov]

I apologize in advance if this comes of condescending. Have you called every registered agent and small practice law office in Wyoming or have you merely considered calling every registered agent and small practice law office, and written it off in your head as futile? This smacks of "autist comes up with elaborate plan to avoid talking to people" syndrome to me. Seriously consider whether you have actually exhausted every other option.

 

[Resting Bitch Face]

Some people are overthinking this and/or don't know how shit works in bumfuckistan.

If it's a small town, you can go talk to the cops and say, "Hey, people are trying to SWAT me, if you get a call saying there's a problem, don't kick my door down."

Get a place with a fence (or better, a wall) and get a pack of doggos with the run of the place. They don't even have to be pits, cattle dogs and border collies are nippy as fuck.

Get a place in a town pretty far off the freeway. Trannies are not going to want to go out to a trailer in Crescent Valley, Nevada to tangle with someone. They are afraid of rural people and the first time they see a Trump flag, they're going to nope the fuck out.

Sounds like fun for someone. I have obligations here in California, but if I didn't, I would be game.

This. I live on a family compound in a very rural area. They would have to get past my paranoid meth head uncle first. I think in a very rural area it could work.

 

[retard strength]

People saying "trannies won't fuck with _x_ because it would look terrible/the optics!/etc" are lucky to not know the depth of how truly terrible they are. Plus swatting can be done anonymously, long distance, no need to show up.

 

[Slap47]

Dear Leader, I don't think this is going to work.

Speaking from personal experience (powerlevelling: landlord) you really should consider the kind of demographic who live in the areas where housing is extremely cheap. There is a reason they are so cheap. You will quickly find that there are no suitable secretaries who'd be willing to live there no matter how much you pay them and the people who already live there are not suitable as secretaries. Everyone who would be willing to do it would either fold within a few weeks, do a shitty job, sabotage you, leak to the press or sling dope out of your house as a side hustle.

Also consider that those cheap houses tend to be universally in a state of disrepair to the point where they are not legally considered habitable. So there is an extra hidden host to restoring the house to where it can even be lived in that may be double, triple or even 10x what you purchased it for.

Being a landlord also means you become responsible for the houses ongoing maintenance and everything that happens there, which has ongoing costs. If your chosen secretary starts using your property as a trap house for extra cash on the side, you might get fucked over because of it.

Look into getting a small office in a business park that wont be used as a dwelling instead, its going to be more expensive initially but the ongoing costs are negligible compared to a residential property and you will have a much easier time hiring a proper, qualified secretary since they will have a decent office to themselves to work in.

As others have pointed out, the main downside to this approach is hiring a proper employee rather than a rental agreement that includes this kinda work. But honestly I think that is your ONLY option simply because the rental agreement shenanigans is only going to be taken up by the desperate and the ghetto dwellers. You don't want those types sorting your mail. Plus that may violate some labor laws.

I would be an autism secretary for minimum wage and free house/internet. Unfortunately, I do not live in freedom land.

 

[Waff]

I think cobras good enough. He may seem incapable but being a guy who sits on his ass all day serving a purpose tk some community should pusb slme sort lf meaning into his life

 

[Pee Cola]

I am considering buying a small house (under Lolcow LLC) in some shithole city in either Delaware, New Mexico, Nevada, South Dakota, or Wyoming

Why not a small town or rural location?

and putting some poor bastard that already lives in those areas in it so that the address functions as our legal operating address.

Would you consider a candidate that's willing to relocate? Bear in mind said candidate would need to be thoroughly vetted.

As for the job description...

1. Answer the phone.
2. Scan my mail.
3. Forward my mail if requested.

How hard can it be?

4. Handle being visited by trannies and antifa without doing anything stupid.

Null could do a couple of things to make this easier for his agent/tenant. A bunch of CCTV cameras and security grilles on all doors and windows for a start. If the agent/tenant must confront angry trannies or ANTIFAgs face-to-face, the only thing they should shoot with is a cameraphone, as it'd make great MATI content.

EDIT: Having read the thread a bit more, a couple of IRL slobbermutts, a decent fence and a sprinkler system/other firefighting equipment would be a good idea. With the latter, you could get away with sprinklers set up around the outside of the house. Installing an internal sprinkler system could be expensive, but probably worth looking into just in case I'm wrong about the expense.

Someone with a retail or fast food background would be ideal, as they're used to seeing that absolute worst of humanity being shitcunts right to their faces. Not necessarily recent experience either; some of that shit stays with people for a lifetime (not so much for traumatic reasons, rather because many of these interactions are too hilarious to forget).

That being said, a house in the middle of Buttfuck Nowhere, Flyover County will probably be too much effort for ANTIFAgs to visit. Being > 50 miles away from the coast is the equivalent to waving a clove of garlic in front of a vampire.

It probably won't put troons off; from what I can tell they have a network that spans the lower 48, as well as an army of Leafs they can call on as reinforcements. Hence the CCTV and security screens.

Said physical security devices would also help if Null goes with a cheap house in a shithole city. That sort of property is more likely to be targeted by niggers than trannies, with said niggers having no idea of what they're targeting other than hwite pipo.

5. Handle being swatted by trannies pretty much constantly.

Another reason to move to a smaller locale. Treat the local LEOs with respect and they'll probably be pretty chill by the 5th or 6th swatting.

--

The tricky part here is to find a candidate that will not only be able to carry out the duties in the job description, but will also need to be able to conceal their autism for long enough so they can make some connections in the local community. Especially if the new Lolcow LLC global HQ is located in a rural area.

IMHO the ideal candidate would be a middle aged male divorcee that gets along well with the regulars at the local bar and/or church, is physically fit, doesn't give a shit if he gets "cancelled" by some screeching retards on Twitter, and can work with his hands. The latter point being useful in terms of carrying out maintenance tasks around the property. I'm thinking of someone like @JosephStalin, only 20 years younger.

Another factor is that if someone from out of town, they'll need to prove to the locals that they're not some faggot from Commiefornia that's just there to shit up the place. Who knows, the agent/tenant may end up making friends that will back them up in the event of a troon invasion.

As for remuneration, I'm no expert. Board and living expenses seem to be a given, plus maybe a little extra on top to allow for those PR exercises at the local bar as per the previous paragraph.

ngl I'd send an EOI to Null if I lived in the States... it's not what the Farms can do for me, but what I can do for the Farms

 

[UERISIMILITUDO]

As appealing as this seems, I don't meet all of the qualifications because I'm new and thus can't be trusted. Being serious, it's sickening how a tranny can get institutional support to get $100,000 and flee his home country, but this forum must go to such lengths as this. Lastly, as rude as it may seem to point out, this will be entertaining.

The thought of my dogs being shot because a tranny swatted me is stomach-turning.

 

[Easy lasagna recipes]

I can't wait for the new Retard Secretary Update segment of your MATI streams.

 

[Some Badger]

Kind of goes without saying but you should be tasking someone you trust to manage your LLC rather than some random local meth head out on the prairies, but said location is pretty ideal though since for the most part if you could find a place at least several hours away from any major city. Crazy troons don't exactly function well outside the suburbs.

 

[Miscellaneous Cargo]

What a fucking brilliant idea, its so retarded you should do it.
My vote is for cobra for sure I'd watch the hell out of him answering the door to swatters or other nuisances whilst fucked up and shitting himself. Absolute kino.

 

[REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!]

You should never willfully hire an incompetent to do a mission critical job. It's a shit situation Jersh is in.

 

[George Floyd]

law in muttland is hilariously backwards, the internet has existed for decades now, requiring companies to have actual physical office is completely out of touch with the reality of business