Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

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Recently my Personal Lolcow has pointed her ears, she had one of her friends stick her under some weird-ass needle and elfed up her ears. When looking for her photos its obviousl she deleted them when people made an absolute scene about it:

This can be a cute mod on a cute person, but it's pretty drastic. It involves actually cutting out a fairly large chunk of ear and sewing up the remnants.
 
This can be a cute mod on a cute person, but it's pretty drastic. It involves actually cutting out a fairly large chunk of ear and sewing up the remnants.
I can't wait until I'm elderly and see people my age who got this done be old.
 
I don't know if this qualifies or not, but I'm going to post it anyway.

Someone I made friends with on Facebook who claimed to work for Rockstar. Even seemed to have made a completely different facebook of an actual Rockstar employee to pretend it was them and made up an entire story about Anita Sarkeesian suing Rockstar and arresting him and three others.

It's too much of a story to get in to. Shit goes deep. This individual obviously has deep issues. The profile that was made up on Facebook seemed to have been reported as fake because it's no longer around.


The time and issues people seem to have.


Okay that's my rant and it feels good to shit it all out.

Purge and relief.

Edit: I figure I should have added this when I first posted. Better late then never https://www.reddit.com/r/KotakuInAction/comments/36pjly/unconfirmeddrama_anita_sarkeesian_pressing/
 
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I can't wait until I'm elderly and see people my age who got this done be old.

Yea the body mod community it's going to be a source of Drama for years to come, I think a lot of people who get involved in the more extreme side of this (not just ink and piercings) are really going to regret some of these decisions as time goes on.
 
Yea the body mod community it's going to be a source of Drama for years to come, I think a lot of people who get involved in the more extreme side of this (not just ink and piercings) are really going to regret some of these decisions as time goes on.

Reconstructive surgeons are going to make serious bank.
 
Yea the body mod community it's going to be a source of Drama for years to come, I think a lot of people who get involved in the more extreme side of this (not just ink and piercings) are really going to regret some of these decisions as time goes on.
I'm definitely looking forward to seeing how some of the ones who do the full-on expansion-style piercings look when they age..
 
I'm picturing the idiots who cut holes in their cheeks and put plexiglass inserts in dealing with dentures.
 
Because I am bored, more about my dear little friend damien.

So last time I mentioned that Damien has a habit of going through phases. I think I can safely say that Damien has gone through every single phase imaginable, plus a few that seemed unique to him. He's been a skater, stoner, catty gay guy (this one was especially hilarious), weeb, artist, and even a euphoric athiest to name a few. But the phase that caused him to hit his biggest rise to infamy was without a doubt his furry phase. You see, even after it became apparent to everyone that he was a massive sperg people still tended to keep their distance because they were comvinced he might potentially turn out to be a school shooter. This all went right out the fucking window once Damien waddled into the classroom and told me that he had a major announcement. He genuinely seemed pretty emotional so I just sat quietly and listened to him to see what was wrong. He stood in silence for a few minutes, then he went on to say that after talking to a friend he decided that he was a furry and that he associated more with animals than people. Now me being a veteran of this shit I just nodded politely and wished him the best. Honestly didn't think things would be all that bad. For the most part he just sat around drawing fursonas of himself and everyone he knew, weird but ultimately harmless. After a while he began getting a lot more vocal about his new identity, shoehorning his furriness into conversations with everyone, even teachers and complete strangers. His favorite topic of discussion was how he wanted to buy his own fursuit and all the different specifications on the designs. This was even more odd, but again ultimately harmless. But eventually things epevated to a whole new level. You see, Damien's furry persona eventually elevated to the point where he would adopt the mannerisms of his chosen fursona, a white tiger which he always drew as looking neat and thin in contrast to his real pudgy, filthy self. He began referring to his teeth as fangs and his wildly overgrown nails as claws, he also began acting much more aggressive. He would completely fly off the handle in situations where most people would be mildly frustrated at most, and would even fucking hiss at people if he was particularly angry. Naturally this lead to more people fucking with him so they could laugh at his bullshit which in turn only made him become even more hot headed. On one particular day a guy who was pretty infamous for being a cheeky bastard had been doing his best to get him worked up, and everything he was doing was working. Eventually our little furboy got mad and he threatened to tear him to pieces, to which the kid just started laughing and mocking him even more. Suddenly Damien just fucking lost it and tried to charge at the kid while screaming at the top of his lungs. Everyone was in shock and kinda worried, I mean Damien was by no means a bruiser or anything but his size did make him seem a little threatening. So everyone just sat and watched in horror expecting this kid to get crushed, but suddenly Damien cried out in pain and collapsed on the floor. Turns out while he was screaming and flailing like a tard the kid noticed an opening and took the chance to knee him right in his crotch. Long story short, they were both suspended and yet again Damien made a namr for himself with something stupid
 
Because I am bored, more about my dear little friend damien.

So last time I mentioned that Damien has a habit of going through phases. I think I can safely say that Damien has gone through every single phase imaginable, plus a few that seemed unique to him. He's been a skater, stoner, catty gay guy (this one was especially hilarious), weeb, artist, and even a euphoric athiest to name a few. But the phase that caused him to hit his biggest rise to infamy was without a doubt his furry phase. You see, even after it became apparent to everyone that he was a massive sperg people still tended to keep their distance because they were comvinced he might potentially turn out to be a school shooter. This all went right out the fucking window once Damien waddled into the classroom and told me that he had a major announcement. He genuinely seemed pretty emotional so I just sat quietly and listened to him to see what was wrong. He stood in silence for a few minutes, then he went on to say that after talking to a friend he decided that he was a furry and that he associated more with animals than people. Now me being a veteran of this shit I just nodded politely and wished him the best. Honestly didn't think things would be all that bad. For the most part he just sat around drawing fursonas of himself and everyone he knew, weird but ultimately harmless. After a while he began getting a lot more vocal about his new identity, shoehorning his furriness into conversations with everyone, even teachers and complete strangers. His favorite topic of discussion was how he wanted to buy his own fursuit and all the different specifications on the designs. This was even more odd, but again ultimately harmless. But eventually things epevated to a whole new level. You see, Damien's furry persona eventually elevated to the point where he would adopt the mannerisms of his chosen fursona, a white tiger which he always drew as looking neat and thin in contrast to his real pudgy, filthy self. He began referring to his teeth as fangs and his wildly overgrown nails as claws, he also began acting much more aggressive. He would completely fly off the handle in situations where most people would be mildly frustrated at most, and would even fucking hiss at people if he was particularly angry. Naturally this lead to more people fucking with him so they could laugh at his bullshit which in turn only made him become even more hot headed. On one particular day a guy who was pretty infamous for being a cheeky bastard had been doing his best to get him worked up, and everything he was doing was working. Eventually our little furboy got mad and he threatened to tear him to pieces, to which the kid just started laughing and mocking him even more. Suddenly Damien just fucking lost it and tried to charge at the kid while screaming at the top of his lungs. Everyone was in shock and kinda worried, I mean Damien was by no means a bruiser or anything but his size did make him seem a little threatening. So everyone just sat and watched in horror expecting this kid to get crushed, but suddenly Damien cried out in pain and collapsed on the floor. Turns out while he was screaming and flailing like a tard the kid noticed an opening and took the chance to knee him right in his crotch. Long story short, they were both suspended and yet again Damien made a namr for himself with something stupid

That right there is classic. I'm guessing that's the end of Damien's story?
 
In my town everyone kinda went to the same schools their whole lives, so we always knew the same crowd from elementary, middle school, and into high school. I start my story with this because when I first met this lolcow I was in Elementary school. I don't know what was wrong with him, a few of my friends have aspergers, and he acted nothing like that, had none of the immediately obvious symptoms. But he was in the special classes. When I first met him he was perfectly normal kid, enjoyed cartoons, had friends, what have you. I remember her got his face slammed into the wall by some kids who were known to be dicks, so I didn't think anything of it.

I left and went to one of the other schools across town, and didn't end up seeing him again until high school, where everything changed.

His name is J, and he's your typical Sonicfag, and I had an art class with him.
Never in my life have I thought myself to be a decent artist, but for what ever reason Justin thought I was the bees fuckin' knees, and would harrass me constantly to draw him sonic art. When I said no, I'm no where near at an ability to draw existing characters (plus I don't fucking want to god damn it) he would sit and pout with his arms crossed and his lip pushed out as far as he could, making it a show.
So one day, as a joke (precursor to this is in art we had tables four students to each and my other two table mates were also uncomfortable around him for various reasons) I drew sonic sucking a dick before J got to class and left it for him to see.

Holy shit he lost his mind, screaming "WHO DID THIS???!!!" and tearing the drawing apart (it was barely bigger than a silver dollar in the corner of lined paper) and swearing his revenge on the culprit.
I was never caught.

Down the way from my class was another art class where my friend D attended. And to this day neither, D, or any of our friends understood why Justin was obsessed with D. He would rush outside to wait for D, who would run down the hall to meet me so we could fast walk away together, but J was always right on our heels, never said anything, never did anything, just fucking followed us. Anywhere that D was, you could bet J was within twenty feet of him, or at least within sight.
No really.
I took a camera to school regularly and took random pictures of our group.
In every picture, in the distance, you can see J, staring. D in the picture? Hes floating around behind him just...staring. We never noticed until I put them on facebook and it tried to tag him. We were all pretty disturbed, he was obsessed with our group (no idea why we were all fucking freaks) but never tried to interact with us. Though I venture he more went after the younger guys we hung with, who were complete dick wads, so I'm not sure why. He knew they were being terrible to him, but he just...tried to snark back?

This is all just build up to what happened a month or two before the end of the first semester.
I was in art class working on my project, a quiet day, no one is really talking or doing anything, a normal day a monster a semester of weird, uncomfortable J caused chaos when I see movement out the corner of my eye.
J was pushed back from the table, legs spread, sitting back in his chair with his hand down his pants fuCKING WAKING IT.
In the MIDDLE OF CLASS.
Capslock is the only way I can convey my confused....confusion.
I looked at my table mates and fellow J survivors and just stared at them wall eyed until they realized what was going on.

I told the teacher, she was a terrible bitch of a woman who tried to blame me and my other female desk mate, which made us laugh because I was the freak goth kid (I grew out of it thank god) and she dressed so conservative you'd mistake her for a pilgrim. Plus he was staring at drawings of sonic he had done.
She made him move seats after I complained to the Principle, and for the rest of the year, every day, for the entirety of class, stared at our table.

I graduated before D did, and J was in my class, last I heard he had told my younger (sophomore and junior friends) that he would be back because he had 'unfinished business'. We all thought he would come back to shoot the school up.

More info on him is that he smelled like strong BO and piss all the time and that his parents buy him anything he wants. Those who have gone to his house state he had every game system out (at the time) and more games than all of us combined (and we were the 'gamer kids' group).
 
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Did you get punished for waking it in class or get help or anything really ?
 
Did you get punished for waking it in class or get help or anything really ?

We were told it was our fault for him waking it in class by the art teacher, and she only moved him to a different table once I went to the Principle. Because he was an 'exceptional individual' he was not punished and was only given a 'stern talking to'.
Looking back I should of told my parents about it but I was just glad not to be sitting next to him anymore.

EDIT:
One of my favorite things he ever told me was that sonic legitimately saved his life. Like physically, not the cartoon inspired him to keep going but that sonic saved him from something, but he never went into detail (ie I never asked for detail)
 
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I'm hesitant to post about this woman, because I still have classes with her, but she's too good not to share. I'm going to call her "Kennedy". For reference, Kennedy looks like a morbidly obese version of a Labyrinth goblin.

Kennedy.png
I've got a few different stories about Kennedy. Mostly, I'll just be sharing what she told me and you can make your own judgements about the gal. Keep in mind, I still don't know her very well and she's told me these things.

In my second year, I had to sit next to this girl. Often, I'd try to make polite conversation with her. This lead me down a horrible path within the first month of the semester. Before class one morning, I get into a religious conversation with another girl in the class. Kennedy immediately butts in and says something to the effect of, "oh, I have this theory that I am God." At this point, I'm thinking this girl is a psychopath. She apparently thought she could control things with her mind and influence people. She earnestly believed that the world worked in the way that she wanted it to. I found out more about her delusions of grandeur later.

Earlier this year, she pulls me aside after our noon class and starts talking to me. From the beginning of the conversation, I make it clear that I am trying to leave because a.) I'm starving and b.) she's really weird. However, she ended up keeping me in that hallway for an hour and fifteen minutes.

Since we're creative writers, she starts talking about the sort of writing she does and asking what I do. I said something to the effect of "I don't write magic because I don't know where to draw the line. If there was a spell for something as stupid as brushing your teeth then it would be hard to create meaningful conflict." She gets this weird look on her face and assures me that there is absolutely a spell for freshening one's breath. Turns out she believes in witchcraft. Not only that, but she believes that she is a witch.

According to her, her grandmother ignored all the other women in her family and focused on her because she has "the gift". She has since "learned how to perform all kinds of spells." She said she once cursed herself to make one of her roommates leave her alone. She 300% believes that her spells work.

After that, she goes on to tell me that she is also a psychic and that her summer job is to go around with her friends and do paranormal investigations. You could pay this woman $120 to have her set up cameras around your house and pretend she's talking to the spirits. Also, she justifies taking 50% of the profit for herself because she's "the psychic" and her friends can split the rest of the pay.

During this same hallway conversation, she also starts whining about how her elementary school teachers thought she was retarded and needed to be in special ed. Her mom apparently defended her, so I can see that she doesn't have decent parents. She claims there were two incidences that lead to her teacher requesting that she be replaced:

The first incident was that she was drawing a cow in kindergarten. Since she was unable to find black and white, she made the cow magenta. She claims that the teacher yelled at her for this, but I'm fairly certain the teacher was just questioning why she chose that particular color scheme. Kennedy then tells me it was an "abstract cow" which makes me think it looked demented. If there was any real issue here, it may have been that she didn't have to fine motor skills that other children of her age did, which would warrant special education.

The second incident is in third grade. By her own admission, she didn't have any real friends so she played with her imaginary ones. In particular, there was a giant blue hamster called "Mr. Ham Ham." During one of those hearing tests, she claims that the teacher was making her upset and so Mr. Ham Ham tried to defend her honor by peeing on the teacher's leg. She apparently shouted "No, Mr. Ham Ham! Don't pee on people's legs!" several times, even when the teacher told her to stop. This apparently became a big issue and I can only assume she had a massive spergout which lead to her being questioned. After all, by third grade most kids don't have imaginary friends. At the very least, their actions shouldn't be seen as having real life consequences.

She's apparently very upset by this because her brother did better than her in school and she thinks she is smarter than him.

Being a hamplanet, it is natural that she has diabetes. She apparently has been ignoring it since high school, when she was diagnosed, and has only started treating it as of last year. She only told her parents she is a diabetic this year. She ranted to me for a long time about how difficult it is to lose weight and then called me a stick. She said she had been exercising since the year prior but I've seen absolutely no difference in her weight.

From there, she whined about this one time that her family was having a birthday party (not her birthday, probably her brother's). She really wanted to eat cake even though she clearly doesn't need it. Her extended family arrived late and so they didn't end up eating the cake until much later than anticipated. She got super pissy and started yelling at her family because fatty wanted cake NOW. She tries to justify it with her diabetes, but she really could have just had a glass of juice or something.

Before finals week the year I first met her, we started talking about the medical services in my state. She is from Connecticut, so she was whining up a storm about being unable to see her doctor and how hard it was with her medical issues. She also told me about the multiple cysts she has had in her ass crack and how they've been drained.

She tells me that they were excruciatingly painful. Her first cyst left a scar as the doctor had to make a large incision to get all of the pus and nasty infected fluid out. The next time she got one, in the same location, the doctor in my state had tried to make the cut smaller to reduce pain and scarring. Apparently, this wasn't big enough to get all of the crap out so he had to cut it wider anyway. From the way she describes it, she probably cried like a baby to the doctor and threw a hissy.

I never asked her to share stories about her pus filled ass crack bubbles, but she did it anyway. The woman has no shame. (:_(

Edit: Also, she's single and pansexual. Ladies, gentlemen, trannies. She'll take y'all on. She is an overlooked treasure that should not be ignored.
 
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I don't know if I would call this guy a lolcow, but he is definitely unusual.
I go to collage with this guy who is maybe 6'5 and a little bit lighter then say, Strikerwolf. He's always talking to someone. I don't have any idea who, as there is no one around him and he isn't wearing a bluetooth or any other kind of hands-free device. He's just having full conversations with someone who clearly isn't there.
I did have him in an art history class and he seemed a little... slow, but perfectly harmless otherwise. Actually he's quiet in class. He doesn't start talking to The People Who Aren't There until he gets out.

So just a little general info, in our tutoring center there is a very small computer lab in the back that's part of the DSPS department (where I currently work). Usually it's empty except for a few regulars, so DSPS students get to take tests in here. Well the other day he comes in with a slightly crumpled scantron to take a test and I'm trying to ignore his conversation.
He's talking to someone, lets call him Bob. At this point it is still me, him, and some other guy in the back who is not Bob in this lab. Suddenly, he gets a "phonecall" from Cheryl. (at least I think it was Cheryl) He tells Cheryl to wait, he's in the middle of something. At this point I look over and see that he is not in any way on the phone with someone and he still does not have a bluetooth device of any sort. Not only is he talking to people that are not there, he's getting calls from them on a phone that isn't there either.

Some people suffer from hearing voices in their head. this guy has a very business friendly relationship with them.
 
I'm hesitant to post about this woman, because I still have classes with her, but she's too good not to share. I'm going to call her "Kennedy". For reference, Kennedy looks like a morbidly obese version of a Labyrinth goblin.

She doesn't just sound like one of the goblins. She sounds like one of the obstacles Jennifer Connolly has to overcome. The Bog of Eternal Whining. Honestly, if you tell Kennedy off "no one can blame you..." (sorry, had to quote it, I'm a Bowie nut).
 
This one's more a Personal Horrorcow, but since that thread doesn't exist I'm dumping it here.

My girlfriend told me one of her work colleagues had a stalker. The guy met her at university and became infatuated with her. She kept telling him she wasn't interested but he wouldn't let up. She moved to Scotland at one point and he followed her there to continue his stalking. He kept a blog where he detailed the story of how they met and his feelings for her, also describing the means by which he stalked her. She called the police on him a number of times but I don't think they found anything definitive that could put him in jail.

He also wrote a book about her which he published online. In the finest tradition of Chris, he rearranged the letters of her surname so it wouldn't be exactly the same person. And just to bring in some lolcow-ishness to lighten the mood he created sockpuppets to spam the book with five-star reviews, which were immediately identified and called out.

His luck ran out when he posted an excerpt from the book on a writing website and it got a negative review from a fellow user. He tracked the user down at her workplace and smashed a bottle of wine over her head. Now he's finally behind bars and since everyone knows what he is, his book's been flooded with negative (and hilarious) reviews. Streisand Effect much?

So yeah, kind of a combination of the worst aspects of Chris and Nick Bate though (thankfully) without the scat fetish. What world we live in.

Just read in the metro paper this morning he got sentenced to 30 months and an indefinite restraining order has been placed against him.
 
[4:05:27 PM] Khalid: how are you?
[4:05:41 PM] Me: Pretty well, actually.
[4:05:42 PM] Khalid: good.
[4:05:47 PM] Me: Much better than yesterday.
[4:05:51 PM] Khalid: I'm glad.
[4:06:56 PM] Khalid: my life is like a mental institution and I'm like the doctor. my mom's mental patient #1. she's gone completely insane.
[4:07:50 PM] Khalid: she was looking for her glasses today and she couldn't find it and she started to cry and scream.
[4:08:54 PM] Khalid: I'm actually very worried about her. if I stop talking to her, she likes runs away and goes into the street.
[4:09:24 PM] Me: You're a very unreliable narrator, just so you know
[4:09:37 PM] Khalid: I have to constantly watch her. and follow her like a shadow.
[4:11:41 PM] Khalid: oh and today she called me her "property".
[4:11:49 PM] Khalid: I found that comical.
[4:12:13 PM] Khalid: right now she's talking to [his dog].
[4:13:41 PM] Khalid: I just need today to be over.
[4:14:03 PM] Khalid: anyway, I'm fine really. I'm just overwhelmed with too much hysterical women in my life.
[4:16:42 PM] Khalid: do you ever want to beat women?
[4:16:54 PM] Me: lol I dunno
[4:17:13 PM] Khalid: I just want to beat my aunts and my mom.\
[4:17:21 PM] Khalid: they're not women. they're animals.
[4:17:28 PM] Khalid: they don't have minds.
[4:20:04 PM] Khalid: let's talk about you. because that's all you know how to talk about. haha.
[4:20:13 PM] Khalid: how is your hair?
[4:20:19 PM | Edited 4:28:22 PM] Me: Lol I know how to talk about more, I just don't know how to respond to what you're saying.
[4:20:26 PM] Me: Wait, what about my hair?
[4:20:31 PM] Khalid: what color is it?
[4:20:33 PM] Me: I didn't do anything to my hair
[4:20:43 PM] Me: Umm...dark brown I guess?
[4:21:20 PM] Khalid: fascinating :P
[4:21:32 PM] Khalid: do you like the color green?
[4:21:32 PM] Me: If you say so, lol
[4:21:39 PM] Me: Umm...I suppose?
[4:21:44 PM] Khalid: green is cool.
[4:22:26 PM] Khalid: just so you know, I've completely lost my mind.
[4:22:45 PM] Me: Well, the fact that you said that proves you haven't.
[4:22:57 PM] Me: You're still self-aware to a degree.
[4:24:54 PM] Khalid: you know, I'm going through an existential crisis?
[4:25:20 PM] Me: Why's that?
[4:25:59 PM] Khalid: like everything seems to be a prophecy. everything is like all about a philosophical discovery. a spiritual awakening. everything seems like a dream.
[4:26:13 PM] Khalid: it's a huge crisis.
[4:26:31 PM] Khalid: facing my death at a young age.
[4:26:40 PM] Me: Sounds like you've just got too much time on your hands, lol
[4:27:28 PM] Khalid: I know. I do. I just sit around and think about life. and I enjoy that. and it's a form of depresssion, I think. like a smart man's depression.
[4:29:12 PM] Me: I think you need to go back to writing.
[4:34:56 PM] Khalid: she went upstairs.
[4:35:06 PM] Khalid: it's a nightmare.
[4:35:32 PM] Khalid: I hate that woman so much.
[4:35:50 PM] Khalid: I hate all three of them so much.
[4:36:17 PM] Me: So move.
[4:37:01 PM] Khalid: I will. if I can ever have peace to make enough money to save up for a place.
[4:37:13 PM] Khalid: I can't work. I can't do anything. there's so much violence and noise.
[4:37:41 PM] Khalid: I really hope they all die.
[4:37:47 PM] Me: Why not go to a Starbucks or something, then? You'll look like a douchey hipster, but at least you'll be away from them.
[4:38:38 PM] Khalid: yeah that might work. they're hysterical. they scream so loud.
[4:38:52 PM] Me: Hell, you could even go to McDonald's.
[4:38:58 PM] Me: They have free WiFi.
[4:39:05 PM] Khalid: yeah that's a good idea.
[4:39:15 PM] Khalid: or the library.
[4:39:20 PM] Me: That too.
 
Hello!
Here is a man who makes me laugh! I am very new to this forum! Please, be gentle, I just want you to chuckle with me at this silly fellow.

I'll call him Joseph. I am posting him here rather than in 'obscure lolcows' because I think he might only be funny to me because I have met him and in person he is exactly the same as his online persona. But we'll investigate this together.

Joseph likes tweeting. Offline I'm involved in psych and while at first I wanted to just laugh at Joseph being typically laddish...
LCLTg3p.png

...there is something in the tone of Joseph's tweets which, to me, marks him out somewhat differently. I'm finding it terribly difficult to embed images properly so instead I'll just link you to an imgur album I've made of some of his quickly-retrievable greatest hits. I've given this post much, much more thought than I should of done - I, and my friends, genuinely think there's something remarkable in the tone which he speaks/tweets in: like an alien pretending to be human, expressed in perfect pitch. Alien is the only word I have. It's a stilted, overly sincere style of typing that I've only ever previously seen in deliberately obvious imitation and someone I know called Marc who has BPD.
That imgur album, again, is here.

gLXmux7.png

Be well, friends.
 
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