Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

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Kay, I just got back home from Thanksgiving. Here's that Jeffrey update I promised.

So, I should probably start off by clarifying that I barely see Jeffrey at all anymore. Usually only around major holidays. Before tonight, I hadn't seen him since Easter. He looked slightly different than when I saw him last. He lost what I estimate to be about 30 pounds, first of all. He'd always been really skinny, but now he looked downright skeletal. He was also attempting to grow a beard, it looked like. However, despite the fact that he's 21 years old, almost 22, he's never really been able to grow facial hair so he just looks like a 14-year-old boy who just started going through puberty. He's also jumped on the "undercut man bun" bandwagon, and he looked absolutely ridiculous. He wore his favorite "YOU ARE IN THE PRESENCE OF GREATNESS" shirt (he wears that shirt pretty often).

His personality was the same as always. For starters, my sister brought her new boyfriend along. He's a pretty nice guy, though he's a bit pudgy. Surely enough, Jeffrey spent practically the whole dinner making jokes and comments about his weight. Note that this was his first time meeting the guy. Jeffrey's...not particularly good at first impressions. To the boyfriend's credit, he handled the situation rather well, though I could tell by the end that he was pretty annoyed, and likely wanted to punch Jeffrey's lights out. My sister warned him beforehand about Jeffrey, so he kind of knew what to expect. Jeffrey threw a mini-tantrum at his mom for trying a new sweet potato recipe. Nothing major, just "I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCKING MAKE THOSE!" in a raised voice. In recent years, he seems to be trying to police his behavior more. At least, when there are other people around, he does. I'm sure that he's still the same spoiled brat he's always been in private.

All in all, it was a pretty uneventful Thanksgiving trip, Jeffrey-wise. He was a dick, as he always is, though there weren't any sperg-outs or anything like that.
 
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And as a bonus, here's another story from the past:
Our great uncle died in 2009. He had pretty bad cancer for a while, so it wasn't really a surprise. He lived in a different state, so we didn't really see him much. Regardless, we ended up having to go to the funeral.

My family decided to carpool, so guess who I ended up having to ride with. Why, Jeffrey, of course! First and foremost, I should probably point out that he was dressed completely inappropriately for a funeral; he had on a yellow Aeropostale shirt, a white Aeropostale jacket, and a pair of khaki pants. We left pretty early in the morning to get to the funeral on time. Jeffrey spent half the trip complaining about having to get up at 5:00 for an uncle he didn't care about (to be fair, I didn't really, either; I barely knew the guy), and half of it asleep.

We stopped at a McDonald's to get breakfast along the way, and this McDonald's happened to have a Mortal Kombat arcade cabinet. Naturally, me and Jeffrey played a few rounds, but Jeffrey just wanted to stay there and keep playing. My dad (who is a pretty intimidating guy) yelled at Jeffrey to "get [his] ass in gear" and we left.

At the actual funeral, Jeffrey was very disrespectful. As my great uncle's son thanked us for coming, Jeffrey just shrugged and said "meh, not like we had a choice." He brought his PSP with him and started playing it during the service. His mom told him to put it away, and he started throwing a fit. Before he could make too much of a scene, his mother led him to another room and (I presume) they had an argument. Jeffrey was very pouty when they came back. Like, I'm not gonna lie, I didn't want to be there any more than he did, but he was being actively disrespectful. When the time actually came to bury him, Jeffrey just kind of wandered around the cemetery looking at other grave stones.

As we left, he did nothing but complain about how boring the whole thing was. My dad told him to shut up, and he did.
 
Somari1996 said:
There's this prick on deviantart named Channeleven who treats his opinions as facts and will call any Sonicfan who likes Sonic Boom a faggot who doesn't know what (he thinks) is best for the series. He's also very ignorant because he somehow thinks Sonic Boom is going to replace the main series. Being one of the few Sonic fans that's actually completely sane I keep trying to tell him that Boom isn't replacing the main series and that only an idiot would believe something as stupid as that, but he won't admit he's wrong and only calls me a fanboy who's only lying to himself.
Short version he's pretty much your typical Sonic fag.
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Is he Chris's long lost twin? Does he hate the blarms, too?
 
Alright, not exactly a personal lolcow and more a "lolcow encounter in the wild" moment for me.

So, I went to GameStop to purchase some Riot Points because I'm a League fag and I like giving my cuddly little yordle gunners badass dragons (and they're doing a special for Cyber Monday). So, I got in line and, like, behind me, I heard this one whiny little "moooooooom," so out of curiosity I kinda quickly take a glance behind me because I was mildly curious.

There was, like, this guy. Imagine your stereotypical neckbeard manchild gamer. Mid-thirties. Greasy hair. This huge beer gut. His mid-seventies mom is right beside him. I see him with a copy of Blops 3 sperging over amiibos and trying to put on this one video game belt or something. It was the most surreal thing because he was literally acting like a 6-year-old or something and I had to do the polite thing and, you know... not stare. It got really fucking awkward when the guy dropped his copy of Blops 3 and apparently he was expecting his elderly mother to pick it up or something. I picked it up and handed it back to her and she was very polite about it and that was nice, but honestly it just felt really fucking awkward. To make it even better, there was another guy behind him, unrelated guy but still pretty stereotypical neckbeard manchild except he was balding. He had a PS3 in hand and apparently he was on his phone with his mom, because apparently she wanted to know where he was or something.

I fucking bolted from that store the first chance I got. Those kind of people are just weird to be around.
 
Was like the time I couldn't sleep so I went to the 24-hour Wal-Mart to walk around. Was just walking around and decided to check out games. Had totally forgotten it was the night Fallout New Vegas released and there was a line there. It was just before midnight so I decided to hop in line with the neckbeards for the he'll of it. A few guys ahead of me was this real fruity overexcited guy.

He was twitching and rocking back and forth on his feet, mumbling stuff like "ohmygodohmygodohmygod!" and "I can't believe it's finally here!!"
I said something like "wow, somebody really likes Fallout huh?"
And he just gives me this blank look. And then he says "this is the line for the new Kings of Leon album isn't it?" I thought he was fucking with me.

"Uhh, no man, it's for Fallout", says the guy behind me. Fruity dude steps right out of the line in a huff just like that and over to the CD racks. No idea how long he'd been waiting but I saw him grab something off the rack and dash off so evidently he found what he'd been looking for.
 
TheGreatCitracett said:
Was like the time I couldn't sleep so I went to the 24-hour Wal-Mart to walk around. Was just walking around and decided to check out games. Had totally forgotten it was the night Fallout New Vegas released and there was a line there. It was just before midnight so I decided to hop in line with the neckbeards for the he'll of it. A few guys ahead of me was this real fruity overexcited guy.

He was twitching and rocking back and forth on his feet, mumbling stuff like "ohmygodohmygodohmygod!" and "I can't believe it's finally here!!"
I said something like "wow, somebody really likes Fallout huh?"
And he just gives me this blank look. And then he says "this is the line for the new Kings of Leon album isn't it?" I thought he was fucking with me.

"Uhh, no man, it's for Fallout", says the guy behind me. Fruity dude steps right out of the line in a huff just like that and over to the CD racks. No idea how long he'd been waiting but I saw him grab something off the rack and dash off so evidently he found what he'd been looking for.
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That is awesome.

EDIT:
Looked it up, it was this album

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Come_Around_Sundown
 
Adamska said:
Roight, it's my birthday, and in a reverse of what is expected, lemme tell you a pair of tales on Benito as a gift. If you don't know who Benito is, well he's an extremely fat weeb who stole food from the homeless and who possesses a microdick that my buddy Cole had to live next to all these years. He's also someone I've talked about throughout the following posts:

Part I: I Stole Food From the Homeless
Part II: It's Not Coolwhip, it's Lard
Part III: I Must Consume your Newborn Child
Part IV: You Use Soap?
Part V: Reader's Special
Part VI: Editor's Response #1
Part VII: Editor's Response #2
Part VIII: Do you Even Lift?
Part IX: Editor's Response #3
Part X: Da Bubble King: Benito in Action
Part XI: His Parents Have Given up on Him

Now then, I've gone into extreme detail on why Benito is a fatty fat fuck; he routinely eats seven meals a day (not including snacks), they are several pounds in mass, and he loves to eat lard. He has tantrumed over his mother refusing to buy him lard and has actually threatened his mom once when she forgot to buy him Swiss Cake Rolls and told him to wait until later. He is a manbaby that clocks in at 600 pounds, putting him over Yokozuna, whose whole gimmick in the WWE was that he was a fat fuck. So with this in mind, how else can I describe to you poor fucks how fat he is? Oh, I know, let me tell you about the time he ruined Thanksgiving.

Now Thanksgiving is a time of blessings and a time of stuffing yourself silly. Thanksgiving in the US is one week's worth of sitting on your ass, and one massive dinner composed of enough food to feed an starving African village. North Korea uses this magical time of year to decry our decadence as the glorious leaders of said shithole hog all the food and grow fat. So really Benito is in heaven when this magical holiday begins. So, you guys ask, how did he fuck did he mangle this day to the point where others suffered?

He ate a whole fucking turkey by himself. Yes. You heard me right: he consumed a whole fucking turkey that was meant for his entire family within the span of a half hour. Now how did this atrocity happen? Well, firstly the condom didn't hold. Secondly, his parents were busy preparing the other foods for the feast. Thirdly HE WAS HUNGRY. Basically, his parents finished cooking their twenty pound bird first, a process that took hours by the way. Then they prepared and went out to buy last remaining stuff needed for their feast, leaving the bird to cool until dinner was ready, about a half hour or something like that. Either way, Benito, the greedy sack of blubber that he is, decides that he can't wait a half hour, and proceeds to dig in.

A half hour later, his parents return, laden with the last foods needed for this feast of all feasts, and come to their fatass son who just ate a 20 pound bird by himself. Their reaction was about three parts rage and one part horror. They told off Benito for doing this shit, and refused to let him eat the ham they had ready as well (Southern Food is like Italian Food, you get a shit ton of it). He grumbled throughout the whole rest of the dinner because no ham and could only have veggies, mash, and stuffing. In an unrelated note, Benito got angry later on when Cole's family had a turkey that was 25 pounds. Yes, he was jealous that Cole's whole family had 5 pounds more turkey flesh to consume.

And our second story today is actually two sets, since they both highlight that his weight is beyond unhealthy. So Benito, eating a lot of food like he does, has digestive issues. Not much of a shocker, considering that he eats basically no fiber, and a shitton of fats. Thank all fuck I don't know what his shit comes out like (I predict yellow due to malabsorption), but I know it comes out like a hippo that can projectile mountains of it. How do I know this? Because he's destroyed multiple toilets over the years by shitting.

I'm not joking, he shits so fucking much and that shit is so bad and sticky that he has destroyed toilets due to gumming them up. Not due to breaking them with his mass; his poo gums up the pipes and it cannot be saved. It got so bad that they had to get a toilet with a specialized system that gives it a powerful flush. Otherwise, they'd be on their 12th toilet as opposed to 4th due to his shit diet. Speaking of destroy, here's one last little morsel for you guys to enjoy...

Benito's bed is reinforced with iron. He needed the metal because he shattered his original bed with his fatness. The wood support beams and bracing just instantly failed and he was stuck sleeping on the mattress on the floor until they got a custom made bed designed to support his mass. Not only that, but he demanded that the bed get lowered more. Why do you ask? Because he was getting annoyed and tired that he had to actually get up on his bed. He wants to just be able to collapse into it without swinging his legs up and over to lay down. He has gotten that lazy, and I will not be shocked if he becomes bedridden in the next couple of years.
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I like to imagine Benito looks like this guy.
mcdonalds.jpg
 
I've learned something new about Roger and that is that he like to talk about violence. He told me about how his uncle and 18-year-old brother would pick fights him and that he recently beat his uncle's face in since he tried to punch Roger in the stomach. I mentioned how he now lives with another family and he said they were making him go back. Then he again talked about how he wants to get revenge on his brother (the same one that called the police on him).
 
Adamska said:
Roight, it's my birthday, and in a reverse of what is expected, lemme tell you a pair of tales on Benito as a gift. If you don't know who Benito is, well he's an extremely fat weeb who stole food from the homeless and who possesses a microdick that my buddy Cole had to live next to all these years. He's also someone I've talked about throughout the following posts:

Part I: I Stole Food From the Homeless
Part II: It's Not Coolwhip, it's Lard
Part III: I Must Consume your Newborn Child
Part IV: You Use Soap?
Part V: Reader's Special
Part VI: Editor's Response #1
Part VII: Editor's Response #2
Part VIII: Do you Even Lift?
Part IX: Editor's Response #3
Part X: Da Bubble King: Benito in Action
Part XI: His Parents Have Given up on Him

Now then, I've gone into extreme detail on why Benito is a fatty fat fuck; he routinely eats seven meals a day (not including snacks), they are several pounds in mass, and he loves to eat lard. He has tantrumed over his mother refusing to buy him lard and has actually threatened his mom once when she forgot to buy him Swiss Cake Rolls and told him to wait until later. He is a manbaby that clocks in at 600 pounds, putting him over Yokozuna, whose whole gimmick in the WWE was that he was a fat fuck. So with this in mind, how else can I describe to you poor fucks how fat he is? Oh, I know, let me tell you about the time he ruined Thanksgiving.

Now Thanksgiving is a time of blessings and a time of stuffing yourself silly. Thanksgiving in the US is one week's worth of sitting on your ass, and one massive dinner composed of enough food to feed an starving African village. North Korea uses this magical time of year to decry our decadence as the glorious leaders of said shithole hog all the food and grow fat. So really Benito is in heaven when this magical holiday begins. So, you guys ask, how did he fuck did he mangle this day to the point where others suffered?

He ate a whole fucking turkey by himself. Yes. You heard me right: he consumed a whole fucking turkey that was meant for his entire family within the span of a half hour. Now how did this atrocity happen? Well, firstly the condom didn't hold. Secondly, his parents were busy preparing the other foods for the feast. Thirdly HE WAS HUNGRY. Basically, his parents finished cooking their twenty pound bird first, a process that took hours by the way. Then they prepared and went out to buy last remaining stuff needed for their feast, leaving the bird to cool until dinner was ready, about a half hour or something like that. Either way, Benito, the greedy sack of blubber that he is, decides that he can't wait a half hour, and proceeds to dig in.

A half hour later, his parents return, laden with the last foods needed for this feast of all feasts, and come to their fatass son who just ate a 20 pound bird by himself. Their reaction was about three parts rage and one part horror. They told off Benito for doing this shit, and refused to let him eat the ham they had ready as well (Southern Food is like Italian Food, you get a shit ton of it). He grumbled throughout the whole rest of the dinner because no ham and could only have veggies, mash, and stuffing. In an unrelated note, Benito got angry later on when Cole's family had a turkey that was 25 pounds. Yes, he was jealous that Cole's whole family had 5 pounds more turkey flesh to consume.

And our second story today is actually two sets, since they both highlight that his weight is beyond unhealthy. So Benito, eating a lot of food like he does, has digestive issues. Not much of a shocker, considering that he eats basically no fiber, and a shitton of fats. Thank all fuck I don't know what his shit comes out like (I predict yellow due to malabsorption), but I know it comes out like a hippo that can projectile mountains of it. How do I know this? Because he's destroyed multiple toilets over the years by shitting.

I'm not joking, he shits so fucking much and that shit is so bad and sticky that he has destroyed toilets due to gumming them up. Not due to breaking them with his mass; his poo gums up the pipes and it cannot be saved. It got so bad that they had to get a toilet with a specialized system that gives it a powerful flush. Otherwise, they'd be on their 12th toilet as opposed to 4th due to his shit diet. Speaking of destroy, here's one last little morsel for you guys to enjoy...

Benito's bed is reinforced with iron. He needed the metal because he shattered his original bed with his fatness. The wood support beams and bracing just instantly failed and he was stuck sleeping on the mattress on the floor until they got a custom made bed designed to support his mass. Not only that, but he demanded that the bed get lowered more. Why do you ask? Because he was getting annoyed and tired that he had to actually get up on his bed. He wants to just be able to collapse into it without swinging his legs up and over to lay down. He has gotten that lazy, and I will not be shocked if he becomes bedridden in the next couple of years.
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If he has a web presence then he needs a thread already
 
Ho Mo for Women said:
I've always pictured him looking like a fatter version of Nick Bate.
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He had a dark greasy haircut similar to Shaggy from Scooby Doo, wore glasses (non-pedo style), and had stubble due to being lazy with shaving. He also is pretty fucking wide; I don't think he quite reached "as wide as he was tall" but he was getting there. His fat used to balloon out like fuck but then it just kind of developed into a sort of melted wax sort of thing. He's still fat as all fuck though.
autisticdragonkin said:
If he has a web presence then he needs a thread already
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He always had a very small e-presence. I only managed to find a tiny amount of his stupidity since his time was more 2008 - 2010 and I was not an archiver when I dealt with him. I might be able to find one of the many forums he signed up to/created though with some luck.
 
Remember Daniel, my loveshy Facebook friend? I've been screencapping his posts as of late to share with you guys. Here's some more for you.
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And for the record, yes, Daniel is autistic.
 
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Not a long story, but there's one guy in my philosophy class that was pretty funny to watch at the beginning of the year. The professor did one of those dumb "getting to know you" activities and the first words out of his mouth were "I am a wiccan and an herbalist". He and the professor then had a cringey conversation over whether or not he actually believed his "herbalism" worked. Halfway through the year he dropped the course. Hippies usually make it through philosophy, so I'm not sure what happened but damn do I miss the dumb shit that kid would say in class.
 
JergenFish said:
Not a long story, but there's one guy in my philosophy class that was pretty funny to watch at the beginning of the year. The professor did one of those dumb "getting to know you" activities and the first words out of his mouth were "I am a wiccan and an herbalist". He and the professor then had a cringey conversation over whether or not he actually believed his "herbalism" worked. Halfway through the year he dropped the course. Hippies usually make it through philosophy, so I'm not sure what happened but damn do I miss the dumb shit that kid would say in class.
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Details?
 
I can't believe I didn't think to tell about my middle school Spanish teacher earlier. For the purposes of this regaling, we'll call her Senora Loco, for good reason. About half the total time I spent in the class was devoted to actual Spanish-language education. The rest was most likely dictated by whether or not she remembered her pills that morning.

There's only one event in her class I really remember; it's short but insane.

Senora Loco once spent an entire class period (iirc, classes were about 40-50 minutes each at this school) ranting at us. No Spanish lessons. No work time. Just rambling and ranting.

First, it was about bullying and suicide (this was back when cyberbullying-related suicides first became news), which then somehow segued into a story from her old school, wherein a student threatened that he'd either planted a bomb in the science lab or filled the room with gas fumes. That soon led to her ranting about the Miami face-eater incident for a good ten to fifteen minutes. She may have even shown us pictures of the victim. From there, she shifted again to rambling about drugs, bath salts in particular, until class ended.

At no point did she stop talking. What caused her to go off?

One kid called another kid a dork about five minutes into class.
 
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neverendingmidi said:
This isn't my personal lolcow, but I wish Kiwi Farms had been around for the heyday of Deb Frisch. She was big back in 2006-09, and continued being a harrassing lunatic up until she was jailed. She's still in jail at the moment.

A timeline of her utter lunacy

A glimpse:
14, 2009--Deborah Frisch posts a blog fantasizing about the beheading, dismemberment and castration of the children of a professor at the University of Pennsylvania, where Deborah Frisch was once a graduate student.
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If you've never heard of this crazy before, here's a nice introduction:

http://abovethelaw.com/2010/10/pro-se-litigant-of-the-day-deborah-frisch-ph-d/

She reads like a female Francis E. Dec.
 
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